This weekend stared off on a sour note for my spouse and I. I did realize it was all due to me and my attitude. I was letting the what if's control my days and by the end of the week I was in a terrible mood even staurday morning when we have coffee together on the porch and she reads from her daily book it was not enjoyable and I set the tone for the morning. The afternoon came around I just spoke to a friend who came over and I noticed that all I did was speak about how great my AH is doing and all the positives that are happening in our relationship and its due to her finding sobriety through her group. I decided right then that I would look at her friends in the group as just co-workers not competition and they need each other to work through their issues together. I now understand that I cannot let my happiness be fulfilled solely by how and what she does. I choose to now make my own happiness regardless of her actions and focus on the positives instead of the negative. In doing this she noticed my attitude change and she liked it enough that she came onto me for the first time since she went to treatment. We every morning share her daily reading from this book she has (I'll forget the name of it). Today it referred to how her group is there for support and how much they each need each other. (what a coincidence) I now will make a conscience effort to believe this to be true. I know I need to work on my confidence again and get it back so she sees me as strong and masculine not beaten and down. This is the only way to help our relationship. So just wanted to say thanks to all of you wonderful people on here for helping me out to look at the positives and for making me look how I need to change.
I wish you all a wonderful day.
JerryF said
Aug 31, 2020
Mahalo Geoff for the share and thoughts on how you are both doing together with the program and Higher Power added into your lives. I woke this morning with thoughts about my own Higher Power and how I would participate with HP in this day. The guidance came easy and floated thru my mind as my attention was caught by the title on the page of the Forum one of the pieces of literature my wife and I read daily.
Today I put my Higher Power Firstit reads. That is enough. It tells me what I will do.
Have a good one Geoff and MIP Family. Got you all within my soul. (((((hugs)))))
Iamhere said
Aug 31, 2020
Geoff - lovely, honest share! I can so relate to what you've come to realize - the magic of Awareness! We talk often of the three A's - Awareness, Acceptance and Action....you're working it even if it feels different, strange, simple, etc. Keep doing what you're doing and more will be revealed! It was suggested to me when I first came to recovery that I spend a little time each morning in prayer/meditation. I had no idea how to do that so had to practice/learn. This was to 'set my attitude' for the day, just this one day! If I found myself 'off' during the day, I was told I can start my day over at every time....practice, practice, practice brings progress - my goal now and always...
DavidG said
Aug 31, 2020
Gr8 share, Geoff...
-my own the on self came early in the piece. At an Alanon meeting member stood up and said "it's selfish programme".
I decided there and then that what we do is not entirely selfish. It does have to involve and include other people. But, on our terms of course. To manage rather than to control things around us.
I decided not to be self centred, but centred on self. So be self aware. To like and value myself.
Not to rely on others to buck up my own self esteem. Or other things.
This weekend stared off on a sour note for my spouse and I. I did realize it was all due to me and my attitude. I was letting the what if's control my days and by the end of the week I was in a terrible mood even staurday morning when we have coffee together on the porch and she reads from her daily book it was not enjoyable and I set the tone for the morning. The afternoon came around I just spoke to a friend who came over and I noticed that all I did was speak about how great my AH is doing and all the positives that are happening in our relationship and its due to her finding sobriety through her group. I decided right then that I would look at her friends in the group as just co-workers not competition and they need each other to work through their issues together. I now understand that I cannot let my happiness be fulfilled solely by how and what she does. I choose to now make my own happiness regardless of her actions and focus on the positives instead of the negative. In doing this she noticed my attitude change and she liked it enough that she came onto me for the first time since she went to treatment. We every morning share her daily reading from this book she has (I'll forget the name of it). Today it referred to how her group is there for support and how much they each need each other. (what a coincidence) I now will make a conscience effort to believe this to be true. I know I need to work on my confidence again and get it back so she sees me as strong and masculine not beaten and down. This is the only way to help our relationship. So just wanted to say thanks to all of you wonderful people on here for helping me out to look at the positives and for making me look how I need to change.
I wish you all a wonderful day.
Mahalo Geoff for the share and thoughts on how you are both doing together with the program and Higher Power added into your lives. I woke this morning with thoughts about my own Higher Power and how I would participate with HP in this day. The guidance came easy and floated thru my mind as my attention was caught by the title on the page of the Forum one of the pieces of literature my wife and I read daily.
Today I put my Higher Power First it reads. That is enough. It tells me what I will do.
Have a good one Geoff and MIP Family. Got you all within my soul. (((((hugs)))))
-my own the on self came early in the piece. At an Alanon meeting member stood up and said "it's selfish programme".
I decided there and then that what we do is not entirely selfish. It does have to involve and include other people. But, on our terms of course. To manage rather than to control things around us.
I decided not to be self centred, but centred on self. So be self aware. To like and value myself.
Not to rely on others to buck up my own self esteem. Or other things.
This seems to have worked, so far...
...