In 2008 I was in this program holding on by bare knuckles. I.left the qualifier, was deeply in debt, barely enoloyed and marginally housed. Nevertheless, largeky because of the chaos he created, I left When I.leff the qualifier back then with ni job.and no money the economy took a real downturn. I.barely got by. No chance of paying down the debt. I lived bare knickle The qualifier managed to persuade me despite his chaos I owed him something. Somehow I managed to tie uo all tge loose ends with him. Basicalky that amounted to Absolving him of all responsibility. I took on all our animals. That was a huge responsibility given my limited means. Meantime the qualifier went to new depths in his acting out. Eventually I stopped all contact with him. He had absolutely no persoective or concern for my well being. He also had no.concern for our smimals. Fast forward to now. This year has been one of uninterrupted chaos. Most of that I have no.control over. I have rolled with each wave of chaos and upheaval. I had to move out of my apartment. I was not given a date to move back. Meantime I got covid 19 (before we all knew what it was) I was out of my aoartment abd has none of the comforts of home i barely recovered I was living in a very bad sitiation. I had very few choices exceot to keep moving forward. Lately one of my jobs has been up in the air. They cut the hours. They stared that we all might be laid off. I moved over to working more hours ar the other job. I took.a leap of faith In the next week I move to getting most of my hours from that jone ob. I do not need to be dealing with all the uncertainity anymore. Walkimg on eggshells is no longer my norm. In 2008 I was drowning. I had little oersoective. I had no boundaries and I quickly took on other people"s problems while the qualifier cared nothing about my situation, i cared deeply that he was swallowed uo in his addiction. His heakth deteriorated considerably. He went to new deoths of acting out. These days I have very little tine or energy fir those who do not have any conxern about me. I am able to distance from them and detach. Most of all I am able to let go. This new economy looks like it will be (temporariky.we hooe) harder and more catastrophic than 2008 This time I do not feel i am hanging on by my finger nails. I do not have any magic solution. I just know that each day I have to meet the challenges ahead of me. I do not have much time to.indulge in #poor me's# I drowned in #poor me's # every day in 2008. I know I would not be in the place of feeling like I had any control whatsoever wuthout this program. I am also going to theraoy abd that helos a lot. Nevertheless despite the bad news I no longer feel consumed with dread and fear. Progress not oerfection Maresie

I have doscovered like I.did in 2008 I have a bad attitude about these issues I.want yo.hold onto that bad attitude For sone reason it comforts ne to be in thix #its not fair# tantrum Very sobering

I.want to.move rrom sirvivor to thrvor Asap Maresie