...I don't just have to come to Alanon when my life is in a state of crisis.
I have been through the daily readers any number of times- all three of them.
And I read the readings here- regularly. I was in a fog much of my life and often the readings went in one ear and out the other. But I realise now- that a lot of the ideas stuck- on the way through.
I was petrified and scared that I would get things wrong. That I would touch on something that was not conference approved. I think this stemmed from the alcoholic home. Where right and wrong was sometimes applied randomly- on a whim. And the age old terms we use- walking on eggshells. Sometimes on broken glass.
But I still try to keep to the programme. A neighbouring meeting to me closed down. A member turned up and was ordered from the room for mentioning codependency. They didn't come back.
Okay- so after three or four weeks- this had become the sole group topic... then it was time for the group rep- or old timer, to have quiet chat with this member.
But at the same time- people pleasing and issues around codependency do exist in Alanon in my view. Expanding and sharing on this topic can be healing- without breaching the traditions- in my view.
We do have to move with the times.
After all- over the years I have been in Alanon the status of women in the world has improved measurably. And I am sure this is reflected in our programme- which was spear-headed mostlyby women.
I am strong on this point- because I was around, and involved in, what my mum went through. This experience is a part of my personality and character.
Because his group is made up of written shares we can speak longer- when we need to.
And looks at other details of the programme.
This morning I picked up references to Mary Pearl T.
I can pick up her talks, later in the day through You- Tube.
As I get older- I don't want to become an old fuddy-dud. I model on Betty, Jean, and latterly Gwen who are all old-timers in my world who have passed away this year.
Gwen was a great speaker- in person- on higher power issues. At her funeral the pastor was an Anglican woman. She said that she went to Gwen for personal support. That says a lot about the strength of Alanon.
Last Christmas I took Gwen some cherries, and we had a really good chin-wag.
This is the kind of friendship and support I have come to expect from Alanon.
And it often takes a lot of time and support- and trusting- and bonding to achieve this all round.
Thanks for the share,
DavidG.
PosiesandPuppies said
Aug 21, 2020
David, thank you for your perspective... interesting as always for me!
I agree... nothing is static. Nor should it be forced to be that way, IMHO. I like that this program has room to grow... it is the people involved who sometimes fail to see that growth/change can be good. When I encounter that mindset, I check out other meetings! I believe there is a reason that some meetings thrive while others die.
&
Maresie888 said
Aug 23, 2020
I have definitely been around those people who are rigid on the program
That is difficult to deal with. As a newcomer that was very confusing for me.
I know a lot of people who have got a lot out of al anon. I.am one of them
Life is incredibly difficult. Even with a grear deal of recovery there are certain people who when I meet them the only word to say is Ugh
I had to deal with one of them yesterday. I dealt with him 18 months ago. The only way to describe is is to say that they go out of their way to make life difficult. I have a whole tool belt now. It is still dofficult telly really hard
There is no.saying that someone in the program is going to act properly. Many oeople under the auspuces of the orogram act badly. I have known people who stole the 7th trafition money
Now I am lot better at gettung out of those situations. I know what I am dealing with. I know what my limitations are but most of all I know I can transcend them
Maresie
...I don't just have to come to Alanon when my life is in a state of crisis.
I have been through the daily readers any number of times- all three of them.
And I read the readings here- regularly. I was in a fog much of my life and often the readings went in one ear and out the other. But I realise now- that a lot of the ideas stuck- on the way through.
I was petrified and scared that I would get things wrong. That I would touch on something that was not conference approved. I think this stemmed from the alcoholic home. Where right and wrong was sometimes applied randomly- on a whim. And the age old terms we use- walking on eggshells. Sometimes on broken glass.
But I still try to keep to the programme. A neighbouring meeting to me closed down. A member turned up and was ordered from the room for mentioning codependency. They didn't come back.
Okay- so after three or four weeks- this had become the sole group topic... then it was time for the group rep- or old timer, to have quiet chat with this member.
But at the same time- people pleasing and issues around codependency do exist in Alanon in my view. Expanding and sharing on this topic can be healing- without breaching the traditions- in my view.
We do have to move with the times.
After all- over the years I have been in Alanon the status of women in the world has improved measurably. And I am sure this is reflected in our programme- which was spear-headed mostly by women.
I am strong on this point- because I was around, and involved in, what my mum went through. This experience is a part of my personality and character.
Because his group is made up of written shares we can speak longer- when we need to.
And looks at other details of the programme.
This morning I picked up references to Mary Pearl T.
I can pick up her talks, later in the day through You- Tube.
As I get older- I don't want to become an old fuddy-dud. I model on Betty, Jean, and latterly Gwen who are all old-timers in my world who have passed away this year.
Gwen was a great speaker- in person- on higher power issues. At her funeral the pastor was an Anglican woman. She said that she went to Gwen for personal support. That says a lot about the strength of Alanon.
Last Christmas I took Gwen some cherries, and we had a really good chin-wag.
This is the kind of friendship and support I have come to expect from Alanon.
And it often takes a lot of time and support- and trusting- and bonding to achieve this all round.
Thanks for the share,
DavidG.
I agree... nothing is static. Nor should it be forced to be that way, IMHO. I like that this program has room to grow... it is the people involved who sometimes fail to see that growth/change can be good. When I encounter that mindset, I check out other meetings! I believe there is a reason that some meetings thrive while others die.