Hello again and I'm glad to be checking in with some positive changes but confusing choices are involved. I'm asking for ESH here because I fear that time won't permit me a lot of self examination on this. It's lengthy and I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
After 9 years, I've made the terrible decision of leaving my A. I finally really got to understand that I can't be holding myself responsible for his drunkenness and other comorbidities, I can love him but staying in this case is hurting me and I can't live this way any more for my physical as well as emotional health I must leave to take care of myself.
The decision is either moving in with a dear friend, or on my own and either of 2 cities. If I moved either close to or moved in with the friend, the job situation is much more limited. I am torn because of the close relationship with her, but at the same time I'm concerned with getting over-involved with her life. I would have stability with her and love her dearly but worry about the pandemic and also developing a possible codependency on both sides.
In the larger city I don't know anybody but feel my chances for quick employment would be much better and I could more easily pursue remote work from home employment and I'm hoping to work with a domestic violence agency to see what educational resources I could have for further learning.
It is probably evident that I would rather move directly to the larger city than "home" with my friends and old digs. I'd lived there several years before moving a decade ago. The circumstances now would be different than when I'd first moved there involuntarily, it would be my own choice. It might be better than before, but I also don't want to fall back into my old negative ways and that's what worries me. In the city however, if I fail I'll definitely be in my own.
Thank you for reading this and hope all are well and safe tonight.
-- Edited by Paloma Negra on Wednesday 12th of August 2020 09:22:05 PM
2HP said
Aug 12, 2020
My sponsor told me NOT to move back home after my divorce, and live with my other sister (also divorced.) I had my doubts but my sister convinced me this would give us both companionship, we'd save money, and it would give me some time to decide what direction I would go post divorce.
It lasted 4 months. we didnt see or speak to one another for 2 years and to this day, still not comfortable. I wish I had trusted my gut feeling and found my own place from the start.
When in doubt don't.
moving forward? my ESH is to ask yourself will this space bring me more peace? or more stress?
Go where the love is ((hugs))
JerryF said
Aug 12, 2020
Aloha Paloma and welcome back into the board. I remember going thru what you are going thru now with much the same doubts and fears and concerns and curiosity. I remember reaching the point where after much collaboration with my Higher Sponsor and my sponsor and my home group of Al-Anon meetings I made the decision I needed to make anyway and then did so with faith and a 50 gallon aquarium and two fishes I got close to and focused on my everyday life and needs. I worked on progress and not perfection and did well until I felt the need to insure my relationship with my alcoholic/addict wife again and then it all went to hell in a handbasket until I stopped and returned to my plan of self focus and relationship with HP, Sponsor, Recovery Group, meetings, literature and daily practice. Miracles happen in Al-Anon. I know cause that is what it returned to...miracles. Keep coming back and work it because it works when we do. ((((hugs))))
Maresie888 said
Aug 15, 2020
I recently had the opprtunity to stay.with a former roommate for 4 months.
I have to say it was a very difficult stiuation.
It was supposed to be 6 weeks that turned into 4 months
Making a tramsition is always very diffcult.
I have known this former roommate for over 20 years.
Being on this board helped me through that experience
There is no.doubt you are ina very difficult place. When I first came to this board I eventually left my qualifier. That decision was very difficult.
There is no right or wrong decision. There is no key to.making it through this less diffiult. There is no good time to move.
I have been back in my apartment a few months. I am still in transition
Reach out get support do not do this is isolation.
Maresie
PosiesandPuppies said
Aug 15, 2020
Welcome back, Paloma!
My ESH is that I am usually disappointed with my choices when I don't listen to my inner voice. I can tell which way you want to go, by the tone of your post... just have confidence in yourself! You got this! Truly, the hardest part is behind you (and may surface every now and then), but you have the driver's wheel to your life now!
SHE BELIEVED SHE COULD... AND SHE DID!
&
Iamhere said
Aug 15, 2020
Good to see you Paloma....sounds as if you're working through things - and doing a fine job. I am sorry for the pain it brings - I believe that more has been revealed to you and that will continue. That has been my experience - when I trust the program, the process and the God of my understanding, mountains look climbable. Keep doing what you're doing and know we're here as best we can be!
Hello again and I'm glad to be checking in with some positive changes but confusing choices are involved. I'm asking for ESH here because I fear that time won't permit me a lot of self examination on this. It's lengthy and I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
After 9 years, I've made the terrible decision of leaving my A. I finally really got to understand that I can't be holding myself responsible for his drunkenness and other comorbidities, I can love him but staying in this case is hurting me and I can't live this way any more for my physical as well as emotional health I must leave to take care of myself.
The decision is either moving in with a dear friend, or on my own and either of 2 cities. If I moved either close to or moved in with the friend, the job situation is much more limited. I am torn because of the close relationship with her, but at the same time I'm concerned with getting over-involved with her life. I would have stability with her and love her dearly but worry about the pandemic and also developing a possible codependency on both sides.
In the larger city I don't know anybody but feel my chances for quick employment would be much better and I could more easily pursue remote work from home employment and I'm hoping to work with a domestic violence agency to see what educational resources I could have for further learning.
It is probably evident that I would rather move directly to the larger city than "home" with my friends and old digs. I'd lived there several years before moving a decade ago. The circumstances now would be different than when I'd first moved there involuntarily, it would be my own choice. It might be better than before, but I also don't want to fall back into my old negative ways and that's what worries me. In the city however, if I fail I'll definitely be in my own.
Thank you for reading this and hope all are well and safe tonight.
-- Edited by Paloma Negra on Wednesday 12th of August 2020 09:22:05 PM
It lasted 4 months. we didnt see or speak to one another for 2 years and to this day, still not comfortable. I wish I had trusted my gut feeling and found my own place from the start.
When in doubt don't.
moving forward? my ESH is to ask yourself will this space bring me more peace? or more stress?
Go where the love is ((hugs))
Aloha Paloma and welcome back into the board. I remember going thru what you are going thru now with much the same doubts and fears and concerns and curiosity. I remember reaching the point where after much collaboration with my Higher Sponsor and my sponsor and my home group of Al-Anon meetings I made the decision I needed to make anyway and then did so with faith and a 50 gallon aquarium and two fishes I got close to and focused on my everyday life and needs. I worked on progress and not perfection and did well until I felt the need to insure my relationship with my alcoholic/addict wife again and then it all went to hell in a handbasket until I stopped and returned to my plan of self focus and relationship with HP, Sponsor, Recovery Group, meetings, literature and daily practice. Miracles happen in Al-Anon. I know cause that is what it returned to...miracles. Keep coming back and work it because it works when we do. ((((hugs))))
Welcome back, Paloma!
& 
My ESH is that I am usually disappointed with my choices when I don't listen to my inner voice. I can tell which way you want to go, by the tone of your post... just have confidence in yourself! You got this!
Truly, the hardest part is behind you (and may surface every now and then), but you have the driver's wheel to your life now!
SHE BELIEVED SHE COULD... AND SHE DID!