In the day our town had burgeoning Alanon and AA groups. I helped an AA member to start up a second AA group. It operated in its first years as a combined Steps Group.

The gummint were building a huge dam downtime river from here. The workers were state employees- and they had a support and assistance programme for alcoholics. So we have many members- who bought in family members. One time we had Alateen too- which I was responsible for.

In NZ att he time we had a main treatment centre- way up in the mountains where there were hot springs.

At one time about 28 to 20 members of our Alanon and AA groups went up there for the 8 week programme.

I suppose there was peer pressure. I was feeling really sick and broken inside- and I thought is would help.

Anyway- one after noon our group leader asked me what the basis of recovery was. I said that is was the 12 steps and the 12 traditions.

He then told me that the way I answered that question told him something about me. 

I was taken aside and forced to take medication. I was threatened that if I didn't I would be sent to the notorious mental Hospital 80 minutes down the road.

This was my greatest fear- of being incarcerated.

At this treatment centre, we had meetings in the local village. Not a great heap of people went- but I did.

Through this network I found out that the therapist who forced me to take meds had bi-polar and was a recovering alcoholic.

Further down the track I found out that he had been a gynaecologist- and had been disbarred because of the high profile case of experimentation on patients at the facility he was registrar of.

So- then he must have been moonlighting at a drug and alcohol therapist.

The poor guy was subsequently murdered in a position he held in an overseas country.

At the age of 17 and naive and innocent I sought help for my chronic migraine. I was placed on 10 meds per day- of three different kinds. This was 1968, mind you- and a different era from now.

But the use of these meds made my situation far worse. The good thing was that this inoculated me from using street drugs- which I had access to over the next four or five years.

I became a strong devotee of one of our premier writers, She had been a psychology student at our provincial university. In an easy she adopted to feeling suicidal. And so she ended up spending 8 years in mental hospitals.

So I was determined to get better- with out outside distractions. And I wanted to retain power and management over my own life.

My grand-dad, who was dad's step-father, was bipolar and alcoholic. I did not have this starry eyed view of health professionals. I liked to see the colour of their eyes. And I trusted the things I knew they could do well- like sewing people up.

The  referral I got to the treatment centre was from my local doctor. He was drunk when I consulted with him- and I had to dictate my letter of referral for him.

It was really sad- because he was a British doctor who also had a law degree. He was trained to deal with disciplinary things in the old country.

Such is the nature of the disease- cunning and baffling.

I was one of those bug-eyed kids- rural and naive. Believing that the world was a safe place- and that everything would be hunky dory...

...it can be- up to a point.

But when it comes to life-changing decisions- for myself- and around other people- I am very very wary...

  -thanks for the share. 

   Sunny... I am sure things have changed and improved. Resources vary a lot from country to country and place to place.  ...

  Thanks Temple... 

I am always mindful of Traditions 6 and 10... when speaking of these matters. In our families of origin we were often banned from speaking about anything at all. Muted.

So in this arena nobody really understand the boundaries. So we do remain muted.

My now view strongly is that we should use and express emotions. Inside of the rooms, and in our meetings we can practise baby steps. One time at a time- to find our feet... and begin to go from crawling to walking. 

I believe that our views and opinions are just as important as our emotions. As we do feel passionate about stuff- we do need to express these eventually.

So, maybe we can have views and opinions personally, without compromising Alanon at all. Our organisation has obvious constraints- essentially to enable us, the members to grow and to thrive.

We are stakeholders, often with professional treatment centres. With loved ones attending, and sometimes ourselves attending as well.

I felt strongly that the Steps and Traditions belong to us. The treatment centre I went to in NZ had them, as a part of their therapy. I felt that this promoted a certain way of addressing the steps and traditions. There was a flow-on from this that may have distorted the way we saw the steps, in particular. And how we worked them.

We are non- professional in approach, tradition 8. However there is always a paradox here. Some of our members are professionals! Some may well be involved in treatment as a day job! There is no contradiction here.

There may be some boundary issues along the way here. But boundaries are a part of our recovery. As we learn how to set boundaries- it does become easier and more relaxed. There is a flow. Our groups become a place where we can be relaxed. We know our role and our place.

One time I heard a family member say: they knew when release from treatment was due. That was the day the health insurance ran out. This was a cynical view- but in some cases the realistic one.

The thing is we just need to keep our side the street clear.

This is the detachment we learn from day one. It is not a removal, or separation from the issues.

My concern is about the survival of Alanon- especially in my own neck of the woods.

I seek to draw strength from this group. To be an active member of this group.

To draw strength from the diverse experience I experience here. Experience hope and strength.

   Ramble over... thanks.