Would I walk into someone's home- without knocking? Without an invitation?
Here, in this group I do do a certain amount of personal messaging.
It is a really good practise in boundaries. We too have white board messaging as well- which anyone can see.
In another group there was a discussion about length of shares at meetings.
i needed four or five years- where I had a three or four minute sharing time- to focus my thoughts and feelings.
Then I had a need to speak for hours- if possible, especially with someone who was doing similar. And we all have big girl pants and can create opportunities for this to happen.
My dream was to be able to demonstrate what serenity in Alanon was all about. It is a ~work in progress~.
Contact outside meetings varies enormously. A case by case basis. One day at a time.
SerenityRUS said
Aug 5, 2020
I'm not sure what you are asking David??
I use private messaging a lot on this forum. Sometimes I just need to work through something and I don't personally feel safe sharing on the board.
That's just me kind of thing. I find it can be a very positive thing to have a more personal conversation.
Hugs :)
My fav part of Saturday open AA meeting was the after meeting. We got breakfast and just talked. It was a great deal of fun.
mamalioness said
Aug 5, 2020
I go along with Serenity, I use the PM feature , also, when I want to get a pvt, take from someone I trust and Im not that comfortable sharing on the board where perhaps folks who don't really "care for me" might see it and so I, too, use it...
DavidG said
Aug 5, 2020
Serene, yes... and Mama, Hi...
The topic came up over a conscience issue, 10 or 14 days ago...
Really good to know, since I raised the issue, how y'all feel about personal messaging. ...
SerenityRUS said
Aug 6, 2020
The one thing I don't like that there is a feature on other boards however I do get why it's not used here, is the ability to block someone from contacting via PM. Usually I just ignore those messages, it's form of voyeurism to have to put everything on the boards. Not everyone is honest with who they are really, the internet provides a place of safety that others can do more harm than good kind of thing. I have seen here, I feel I'm more aware given some of my personal experiences. My mother on the internet scares me. Oof .. no filter, no street smarts much of the time.
On facebook as an example it was a weird situation .. LOL .. I tend to look out for those who are older than I am by nature because there are just to many different types of predators on the internet. Well, I checked in on a semi retired former co-worker cause I saw something wonky with a friend thing pop up. The who you might know feature which I'm grateful for btw it's really been a god send on many levels. I immediately messaged her and asked soooo .. that guy .. what's that about .. and as we spoke I made the statement .. let me just say what the conversation sounded like and you tell me if that's the case .. LOL. Sure enough the guy was a scammer. I think it is important to be smart about who you are engaging with someone could be very toxic and you know, as I say at least .. anyone can "look" "sound" sane for short periods of time. They are not ok. I have many internet friends who I have formed wonderful bonds with over the years and have known since my youngest was 2. LOL. So there's that too.
Everyone has the right and ability to say .. no .. not for me, in regards to personal messages, unfortunately folks who have been hurt and are vulnerable are more likely to be taken advantage of in a form that you have to trust the other side is showing you who they are, causes who you think you are talking to is not necessarily who you are talking to. It is a world of lonely, hurt people and the internet is a reflection of how much so sometimes.
Totally my perception of the situation no right or wrong just what's right for you. There is that personal responsibility of .. what kind of risk are you willing to take and is the other person receptive to it.
Hugs S :)
PosiesandPuppies said
Aug 6, 2020
I use the PM feature, but not excessively so. I also occasionally use the Whiteboard feature... knowing that what I type can be seen by anyone here.
So I happen to like both features. Sometimes I look at the PM feature as kind of like "the meeting after the meeting" kind of thing. But not always... many times I use it to check up on people who I may not have seen posting in awhile... that doesn't always need to take up space on the forum IMHO.
2cents
DavidG said
Aug 6, 2020
... there are 12 or 15 people here whom I know fairly well. Some of us have had aha moments together. ...
I figure- that now Betty has passed that we have closed ranks and are working together as a team.
The number of visitors dropped suddenly earlier this year. But we are still getting new members and enquires coming in regularly. And the amount of traffic in our group is growing steadily.
As a kiwi, I was not sports minded, really. But the idea was to pass the ball and to work together towards a goal.
One thing about myself. I come from a rural community- where there is heaps of familiarity, and hardly any secrets. So I have had to trim my sails a lot, outside of the valley.
But once inside of the circle, people are very loyal. And trustworthy.
There is a lot of transparency in my world. ...
We deal with really tough issues here. Daily sometimes. And we accept people in who are very vulnerable.
The love and peace of the programme is truly awesome. ...
Would I walk into someone's home- without knocking? Without an invitation?
Here, in this group I do do a certain amount of personal messaging.
It is a really good practise in boundaries. We too have white board messaging as well- which anyone can see.
In another group there was a discussion about length of shares at meetings.
i needed four or five years- where I had a three or four minute sharing time- to focus my thoughts and feelings.
Then I had a need to speak for hours- if possible, especially with someone who was doing similar. And we all have big girl pants and can create opportunities for this to happen.
My dream was to be able to demonstrate what serenity in Alanon was all about. It is a ~work in progress~.
Contact outside meetings varies enormously. A case by case basis. One day at a time.
I use private messaging a lot on this forum. Sometimes I just need to work through something and I don't personally feel safe sharing on the board.
That's just me kind of thing. I find it can be a very positive thing to have a more personal conversation.
Hugs :)
My fav part of Saturday open AA meeting was the after meeting. We got breakfast and just talked. It was a great deal of fun.
The topic came up over a conscience issue, 10 or 14 days ago...
Really good to know, since I raised the issue, how y'all feel about personal messaging.
...
On facebook as an example it was a weird situation .. LOL .. I tend to look out for those who are older than I am by nature because there are just to many different types of predators on the internet. Well, I checked in on a semi retired former co-worker cause I saw something wonky with a friend thing pop up. The who you might know feature which I'm grateful for btw it's really been a god send on many levels. I immediately messaged her and asked soooo .. that guy .. what's that about .. and as we spoke I made the statement .. let me just say what the conversation sounded like and you tell me if that's the case .. LOL. Sure enough the guy was a scammer. I think it is important to be smart about who you are engaging with someone could be very toxic and you know, as I say at least .. anyone can "look" "sound" sane for short periods of time. They are not ok. I have many internet friends who I have formed wonderful bonds with over the years and have known since my youngest was 2. LOL. So there's that too.
Everyone has the right and ability to say .. no .. not for me, in regards to personal messages, unfortunately folks who have been hurt and are vulnerable are more likely to be taken advantage of in a form that you have to trust the other side is showing you who they are, causes who you think you are talking to is not necessarily who you are talking to. It is a world of lonely, hurt people and the internet is a reflection of how much so sometimes.
Totally my perception of the situation no right or wrong just what's right for you. There is that personal responsibility of .. what kind of risk are you willing to take and is the other person receptive to it.
Hugs S :)
So I happen to like both features. Sometimes I look at the PM feature as kind of like "the meeting after the meeting" kind of thing. But not always... many times I use it to check up on people who I may not have seen posting in awhile... that doesn't always need to take up space on the forum IMHO.
2cents
I figure- that now Betty has passed that we have closed ranks and are working together as a team.
The number of visitors dropped suddenly earlier this year. But we are still getting new members and enquires coming in regularly. And the amount of traffic in our group is growing steadily.
As a kiwi, I was not sports minded, really. But the idea was to pass the ball and to work together towards a goal.
One thing about myself. I come from a rural community- where there is heaps of familiarity, and hardly any secrets. So I have had to trim my sails a lot, outside of the valley.
But once inside of the circle, people are very loyal. And trustworthy.
There is a lot of transparency in my world.
...
We deal with really tough issues here. Daily sometimes. And we accept people in who are very vulnerable.
The love and peace of the programme is truly awesome.
...