Hi y'all  ...

My ultimate gurus are Lois and Bill. They have pop star and film star status for me. I have their photo on the wall.

But for a long time I wanted to be a guru and leader too!  Not surprising since I used Bill's saying a lot. One that appears in the AA Big Book. "Half measures avail us nothing."

I often thank of the thousands of fans in the arena watching "the game". Rooting for their favourite team.

I think that this can apply to Alanon recovery too.

My secret dream was to appear on Oprah.

I have been researching who does get to do this. The main criterion is to have a New York Times best seller.

I have studied and followed the more recent allumnis... Echhart Tolle's, and Brene Brown.

I am going to a therapist- a physiotherapist who follows the American model. She has come up with a guru called David Galbraith who has written a book called "Unleashing Greatness."

Hardly a really unique topic, or theme. Currently he is a NZ farmer.

I actually belong to an apostolic church. The church tolerates me, since, in theology I am a fairly liberal, rather than literal thinker. But I really do love the worship style and community model.

And I like it that our little church is part of a hub which includes other local churches.

i used to distrust the American Way, American dream model. I have been to the USA and actually explored this idea.

It is a part of the reason I am in this group. I went out of my way to actually meet John F. and Betty K.

This helps me to express and to practise a unified plan towards a bunch of 12 step groups working together- online.

At home here I have been having a visitor- a newer Alanon member. She is very regular and will say if she can't come. We just sit in the den and share 19 to the dozen. It is what I miss most at meetings- ESH. And we both get to have 30 minutes sharing time each. It is fantastic and enlightening... it really is. 

I think this second scenario is the real dream- and how the dream has turned out.

At one time I saw Oprah, as the archbishop of America, and Brene as a bishop... shining light leaders.

Oprah is slightly too "new-agey" for me. But Brene is not... leading the way between a better world.

And beginning with a better, more liveable life. ...

Being a Sunday here- early spring... this was a step 11 share... a part of growth... a part of linking with the world- which ah loves here... sweet... ...

Second share.... ...can I 'hoof it' with the best of us here? Be a part of the gang, the team, the crew...???

I think this is more than likely. The pay-off for me- is to know this- that I am not going to have any more emotional crises in my life. No more crash-bangs.

Some stuff might happen- within the family... ...an accident, or a mishap. But the odds are not very high. Serenity prayer lurks behind this one.

Hey! The sun just came up, over the mountain. 

Yard work- reflections... there was always a conflict for me- labouring, or reading and study. I was never really a blue collar worker- I was a black singlet worker- often dusty smelly jobs.

I was just so passive. As a kid I had heaps of gut pain- and ear ache. from my early teens- I had migraine- just like every weekend having someone hit me over the head with an axe.

This no longer afflicts me like it used to. I fancy, sometimes that ah kin get down to the causes and origins of this pain- and see it resolved. Maybe so, or maybe not...

But it was the acute pain that drove me to seek solutions. As they might say- "A blessing in disguise."

    TRADITION ONE... I sent that this group/forum goes to edge of what a lot of Alanon groups might do.

        At the very least there are no time constraints here.

        I feel that members deal up the very best of what an Alanon group might do- as well.

        A lot of our FOO's will not have talked about very much stuff- if anything of note, at all. To avoid the inevitable conflict.

        And I sense in Alanon everywhere everyone does tread very carefully.

        So taking a group topic, or an issue, to a conscience meeting might be avoided by not doing it.

I sense sometimes that people in this group build the group conscience by trying different things out.

Just sometimes testing the boundaries.

I don't do this on purpose- but seem to try and work out what is safe.

And this is a real strength here.

I know for sure that there is a big difference between a conscience meeting and a straight out business meeting.

But in the USA groups- little or no distinction is made.

Who gets to decide- and what.

So I think it is wise to tread very warily in this arena. One day at a time.

Doing multiple shares- like right now- might not find full approval... ...but it does work for me.

Only three or four members may read this... ...but it does help me- by thinking aloud- journalling-

to build a framework for myself.

  Thanks.