In today's reading, the author quotes the Al-Anon suggested closing (a closing that my home group does not use): "though you may not like all of us, you'll love us in a very special way - the same way we already love you."
The author reflects that every Al-Anon meeting is an opportunity to practice placing principles over personalities. Instead of getting lost in likes and dislikes, we can instead focus on why we come to meetings, and recall that we all need each other to recover.
The author concludes by saying that while we don't have to like everyone, we can look deeper to find the spirit we all share in common. Instead of focusing on what separates us, we can focus on what we have in common. And, in this way, we can know that we have placed principles above personalities.
Today's Reminder: I will keep am open mind toward each person I encounter today. If I am ready to learn, anyone can be my teacher.
Today's Quote: "The open door to helpful answers is communication based on love. Such communication depends on awareness of and respect for each other's well-being and willingness to accept in another what may not measure up to our own standards and expectations." The dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage
--------------------------
It was nice to read the recommended closing this morning. As I shared above, my current home group does not use it. I'm not quite sure why - that decision was made before my arrival. I appreciated the reminder of not getting lost in likes and dislikes, something that can be challenging for me in our social-media filled society. I'm so grateful to have the program to fall back to, and the chance to re-discover things I haven't thought about recently.
I hope you make today a great day!
Lyne said
Jul 22, 2020
Thanks Skorpi for your service. I appreciate that reading and my sponsor often mentioned principles above personalities. As I try to keep an open mind in my meetings, zoom and F2F, and even here on the board, I do believe that every person can offer me something about my healing. I can listen and learn, and there is no reason to judge others. We are all in the same boat!
PosiesandPuppies said
Jul 22, 2020
Thank you Skorpi for your service. I especially feel that this reading is a good share for today.
I have experienced in the rooms (but also here) that I did not "like" everyone. And despite what the meeting was closed with, I could tell that not everyone led with love. That is just human nature. It was up to me to decide if the climate of that meeting was right for ME. I have left a couple different meetings... b/c I did not think they were the right "fit," or I couldn't get past the strong personalities present.
That being said, I am more cognizant now of how I am perceiving someone. I am more apt to ask myself, "Why is this person (or situation) pushing your buttons? This is great, b/c it helps me to work through my issues, instead of sweeping them under the rug and pretending all is well - my past "go-to." Or "ducking and running" - another thing I did if I could. I thank Al-Anon, and the patient veterans of the program for helping me!!!
I think you have hit the nail on the head when it comes to practicing "principles over personalities" and social media. SM is all about "Liking" something/someone. As a society, it has become detrimental, IMHO. Nobody is going to like you 100% of the time... you cannot please everyone all the time. We each need to understand this and find a way to utilize QTIP (Quit Taking It Personally). I found that VERY hard when I first started my Al-Anon journey, since I get my feelings hurt pretty easily. It took me awhile to understand that I took EVERYTHING personally. LOL!
Today's Reminder: I will keep am open mind toward each person I encounter today. If I am ready to learn, anyone can be my teacher.
A great way to start my day. Thank you, Skorpi!
&
Freetime said
Jul 22, 2020
Good morning, Skorpi, and thank you for this share. I remember hearing that reading about "you'll love us in a very special way"-- it's used in the meetings I regularly attend -- and thinking it was kind of silly and shallow. Like all the slogans -- I thought they were silly and shallow. With experience, I have found them to be true and useful.
I pride myself on being non-judgmental --- but I can be quite judgmental at times. I remember one very active member in our local meetings, who I thought was kind of "bossy" and cross-talking. But she did have a lot of experience, and I recently had occasion to ask her for help with an issue I was struggling with. Lo and behold, her help was much more valuable than I ever expected. She spent a lot of time on the phone with me and gave me valuable advice which actually helped me solve my problem. She still has her same personality, but my thinking about her has changed. I could almost say I love her in a very special way!
There was another member that I judged as being not very intelligent and having religious view that didn't match mine. Not my kind of people. Come to discover, she has an inquiring mind about the program, a deep gratitude, is loving and caring to other members, and recently provided an insight about humility that has become an important in my understanding of the program. This person I thought was not smart has taught me something.
Oh, and our dual members! The thought of being in a room with alcoholics was anxiety-provoking for me. I still haven't made it to an open AA meeting, though I have listened to AA speakers at Al-Anon events. But when I listen to some of our double winners in meetings and here, I recognize what we have in common, and what each of them as an individual has to offer me in terms of recovery. Heck, I can even love an alcoholic in a very special way!
MIP friends, have a great day, and I hope everyone you meet is lovable, including yourself!
Iamhere said
Jul 22, 2020
Happy Hump Day MIP Family! Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. I have learned thru my experience that my motives really, really matter for all areas of my life. I go to meetings to get ESH and 'be renewed' when life and insanity tries to pull me from the center. I do not go for friendship nor companionship nor to be liked. I attend for me and my recovery. So long as I practice keeping an open mind, I am always changed when I leave.
The fellowship for me is just a bonus. If it works out, that's awesome. If it doesn't, that's awesome too. I found out early on that without intent, there can be some politics in recovery no different than real life. While my recovery suggests I always need to put principles above personalities, my recovery also suggests that if I am not getting what I need from a meeting, a friend, a boss, a subordinate, etc. I need to examine what I can change. I have stepped away from unhealthy groups were a few dominated, personalities mattered more than principles and/or I felt unheard and/or unsafe.
I prefer the suggested opening and closing....both put me into a frame of mind to love everyone even if I don't like them or agree as well as to listen for the message, as I believe the God of my understanding speaks through others.
The sun is out and things are drying up after 2 days of good, solid rain. I started my day with golf and also will play this evening. Make it a great day all - find and keep your joy!
Maresie888 said
Jul 22, 2020
I has friends who were in al anon when I was active in other programs
I absolutely could not see what they liked about the prigram. One friend actually moved in with her sponsor. She was a remarkbly adept person at getting help
I have been on a long journey with al anon for a good chunk of time. During a long relationship I had with my #qualifier# al anon kept me from drowning
There are many al anon groups on the internet. This one has been particularly helpful to.me. I believe having a board where you can come and read threads is incredibly helpful. On this board one can actually see people restore themselves to sanity and track the journey they took.
Of course seeing myself mirrored in other people is not always pleasant. Then there is the tealization that sometimes one gets stuck.
My journey has been largely navigated by pain and discomfort. I have to say it is also routinely navigated through uoheaval. This particular year has been very difficult
I am grareful this board continues to thrive and be available.
Maresie
DavidG said
Jul 22, 2020
Thanks Skorpi, and y'all...
...perhaps that ending is summed up in a saying my mum used to use:
"Don't judge a book by it's cover." We all come from different walks of life, and different ends of town.
But in Alanon we all have a common purpose, and similar experiences.
I am thinking of my first Alanon group- which was large, and active. Many of the members were family
of construction workers who were also recovering alcoholics.
I apply the same principle here and find that a bond steadily grows around the group, as time goes on.
Hello MIP!
In today's reading, the author quotes the Al-Anon suggested closing (a closing that my home group does not use): "though you may not like all of us, you'll love us in a very special way - the same way we already love you."
The author reflects that every Al-Anon meeting is an opportunity to practice placing principles over personalities. Instead of getting lost in likes and dislikes, we can instead focus on why we come to meetings, and recall that we all need each other to recover.
The author concludes by saying that while we don't have to like everyone, we can look deeper to find the spirit we all share in common. Instead of focusing on what separates us, we can focus on what we have in common. And, in this way, we can know that we have placed principles above personalities.
Today's Reminder: I will keep am open mind toward each person I encounter today. If I am ready to learn, anyone can be my teacher.
Today's Quote: "The open door to helpful answers is communication based on love. Such communication depends on awareness of and respect for each other's well-being and willingness to accept in another what may not measure up to our own standards and expectations." The dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage
--------------------------
It was nice to read the recommended closing this morning. As I shared above, my current home group does not use it. I'm not quite sure why - that decision was made before my arrival. I appreciated the reminder of not getting lost in likes and dislikes, something that can be challenging for me in our social-media filled society. I'm so grateful to have the program to fall back to, and the chance to re-discover things I haven't thought about recently.
I hope you make today a great day!
Thank you Skorpi for your service. I especially feel that this reading is a good share for today.
I have experienced in the rooms (but also here) that I did not "like" everyone. And despite what the meeting was closed with, I could tell that not everyone led with love. That is just human nature. It was up to me to decide if the climate of that meeting was right for ME. I have left a couple different meetings... b/c I did not think they were the right "fit," or I couldn't get past the strong personalities present.
That being said, I am more cognizant now of how I am perceiving someone. I am more apt to ask myself, "Why is this person (or situation) pushing your buttons? This is great, b/c it helps me to work through my issues, instead of sweeping them under the rug and pretending all is well - my past "go-to." Or "ducking and running" - another thing I did if I could. I thank Al-Anon, and the patient veterans of the program for helping me!!!
I think you have hit the nail on the head when it comes to practicing "principles over personalities" and social media. SM is all about "Liking" something/someone. As a society, it has become detrimental, IMHO. Nobody is going to like you 100% of the time... you cannot please everyone all the time. We each need to understand this and find a way to utilize QTIP (Quit Taking It Personally). I found that VERY hard when I first started my Al-Anon journey, since I get my feelings hurt pretty easily. It took me awhile to understand that I took EVERYTHING personally. LOL!
Today's Reminder: I will keep am open mind toward each person I encounter today. If I am ready to learn, anyone can be my teacher.
A great way to start my day. Thank you, Skorpi!
I pride myself on being non-judgmental --- but I can be quite judgmental at times. I remember one very active member in our local meetings, who I thought was kind of "bossy" and cross-talking. But she did have a lot of experience, and I recently had occasion to ask her for help with an issue I was struggling with. Lo and behold, her help was much more valuable than I ever expected. She spent a lot of time on the phone with me and gave me valuable advice which actually helped me solve my problem. She still has her same personality, but my thinking about her has changed. I could almost say I love her in a very special way!
There was another member that I judged as being not very intelligent and having religious view that didn't match mine. Not my kind of people. Come to discover, she has an inquiring mind about the program, a deep gratitude, is loving and caring to other members, and recently provided an insight about humility that has become an important in my understanding of the program. This person I thought was not smart has taught me something.
Oh, and our dual members! The thought of being in a room with alcoholics was anxiety-provoking for me. I still haven't made it to an open AA meeting, though I have listened to AA speakers at Al-Anon events. But when I listen to some of our double winners in meetings and here, I recognize what we have in common, and what each of them as an individual has to offer me in terms of recovery. Heck, I can even love an alcoholic in a very special way!
MIP friends, have a great day, and I hope everyone you meet is lovable, including yourself!
The fellowship for me is just a bonus. If it works out, that's awesome. If it doesn't, that's awesome too. I found out early on that without intent, there can be some politics in recovery no different than real life. While my recovery suggests I always need to put principles above personalities, my recovery also suggests that if I am not getting what I need from a meeting, a friend, a boss, a subordinate, etc. I need to examine what I can change. I have stepped away from unhealthy groups were a few dominated, personalities mattered more than principles and/or I felt unheard and/or unsafe.
I prefer the suggested opening and closing....both put me into a frame of mind to love everyone even if I don't like them or agree as well as to listen for the message, as I believe the God of my understanding speaks through others.
The sun is out and things are drying up after 2 days of good, solid rain. I started my day with golf and also will play this evening. Make it a great day all - find and keep your joy!
...perhaps that ending is summed up in a saying my mum used to use:
"Don't judge a book by it's cover." We all come from different walks of life, and different ends of town.
But in Alanon we all have a common purpose, and similar experiences.
I am thinking of my first Alanon group- which was large, and active. Many of the members were family
of construction workers who were also recovering alcoholics.
I apply the same principle here and find that a bond steadily grows around the group, as time goes on.
Thanks.