C2C 7/21/20 Why We Must Avoid Interfering, Even When Difficult
Enigmatic said
Jul 21, 2020
A main concept of AlAnon is that our focus need be on our own thoughts, perceptions, and actions rather than those of the alcoholic or others. To the extent that we ignore this concept we experience loss of serenity.
One excuse we may use to justify interference in the affairs of the alcoholic and others is that we 'must' lest perceived terrible outcome __X__ will occur, or they are not taking steps we feel 'should' or 'must' be taken.
When we interfere, however, we fail to acknowledge our powerlessness, follow the guidance of our higher power in our own lives, and keep lessons and events from unfolding as their higher power deems necessary.
When we fail to let go and let god, we interrupt the flow of recovery for ourselves and for them. We are mistakenly thinking we know what is best; we don't.
Quote: 'I will remind myself...that I am powerless over anyone else, that I can live no life but my own. Changing myself for the better is the only way I can find peace and serenity.' - The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage
-------------------------------------------------- One of the most difficult things to do is let situations run their course when a loved one is involved. Particularly early on in my recovery but still today, I am not always successful in my first attempt to let others try.
Today's page is a needed reminder of the importance of doing just that. I need to get and stay out of the way so a higher power can work things out for us both. I must focus my efforts on making the changes in my mind and self as directed by my higher power.
So grateful for the reminders and wisdom of the program
Lyne said
Jul 21, 2020
Thanks Enigmatic for your service. Yes indeed, this reading is a great reminder on using good program tools. And I follow them as much as humanly possible. I do have a new variation on the theme thoughI no longer try to control or force solutions on my A. Its not my place to know whats best for someone else. But what I am doing is saying what I mean, meaning what I say, and not saying it meanly. So like on Sunday when we had a talk about why our marriage is stuck, I did say that she is an untreated alcoholic who continues to drink on and off, and so I maintain detachment with love. She hates hearing that. I hate her addiction. So I dont know what others might think, but I wont pretend that things are going to get better under the circumstances we have. I give a little dose of reality in a nice way. My denial has been broken and for me thats a good thing.
PosiesandPuppies said
Jul 21, 2020
Thank you Enigmatic for your service and the Daily. Thank you Lyne, for your ESH. I tend to now do the same thing... I no longer feed MY compulsion to sweep things under the rug, just to maintain some semblance of peace/calm. It is hard, but I try to leave the emotionality out of it, and stick to facts. Stating what I mean, meaning what I say, and not saying it meanly.
I use the Al-Anon tool mentioned above in Enig's share all the time with my young adult son. Sometimes, it is so, so hard to stay disengaged... especially when you "have been there, done that," and know a better way. But I am getting better at realizing this is HIS life to experience and learn from. I also benefit from this as well.
Example: Last night after dinner I said I was going to take a shower. For some reason, he got all huffy and said, "Great! I didn't go out tonight b/c I was going to take a shower, and now you are. and now I can't go out!" (make sure to read it in the most petulant voice ever! LOL!)
Usually, I would feel bad and acquiesce... but then hold resentments. Now I do things differently. I told him, "Whoa there! It is true I usually give you the shower time, but tonight I NEED one. I am sure you've already taken one today. Besides, if you really wanted to go out, nothing would've stopped you, so don't push that off on me!" I then went about my nightly routine. I didn't get an "I'm sorry," and I bet I won't (he's probably forgotten about it). What is key, is that I won't be holding onto this instance and ruminate and create resentments.
I hope everyone enjoy's their Tuesday!
&
Iamhere said
Jul 21, 2020
Happy Tuesday MIP family! Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thanks to all above me for the shares and ESH. There are still times where I just want to jump in and 'fix it' - whatever it is. I still struggle with patience while waiting for things to unfold. I am so glad our progress tells us we are successful with progress and that perfection is over-rated!
For me, all things including my days/serenity, are much better when I remember to just Pause. I've got a lifetime long habit of solving problems, leading others, fixing broken processes, quality control, etc. and it does NOT serve me well with this disease. That sacred, simple step of just pausing to pray before I proceed can make or break what comes next.
Thanks to this program, I've been graciously gifted serenity....would love it to be always and forever, not yet my experience. Yet, I have had it often enough to know that I am willing to go to any length to keep it. I try really, really hard to no longer give my power away to other people, places and things. I am a huge supporter of saying what I mean, meaning what I say and not saying it mean. I have healthy boundaries and have no issue advocating for self/others when necessary.
Rain interfered with golf again today! I'm adulting again today! We shall see what tomorrow brings. I will readily admit that our veggies, lawn and gardens all prefer God's rain water to our faucet water. Love and light to all - make it a great day!
Maresie888 said
Jul 21, 2020
I have a friend who is homeless. I have steered him a couple of opportunities (one that does not come by ofren) He is not picking up the opportunity
So now I have to distance myself. I can not bring up the subject anymore. There are limits in my life these days. There is no show down at the okay corral anymore either.
Mareie
A main concept of AlAnon is that our focus need be on our own thoughts, perceptions, and actions rather than those of the alcoholic or others. To the extent that we ignore this concept we experience loss of serenity.
One excuse we may use to justify interference in the affairs of the alcoholic and others is that we 'must' lest perceived terrible outcome __X__ will occur, or they are not taking steps we feel 'should' or 'must' be taken.
When we interfere, however, we fail to acknowledge our powerlessness, follow the guidance of our higher power in our own lives, and keep lessons and events from unfolding as their higher power deems necessary.
When we fail to let go and let god, we interrupt the flow of recovery for ourselves and for them. We are mistakenly thinking we know what is best; we don't.
Quote: 'I will remind myself...that I am powerless over anyone else, that I can live no life but my own. Changing myself for the better is the only way I can find peace and serenity.' - The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage
--------------------------------------------------
One of the most difficult things to do is let situations run their course when a loved one is involved. Particularly early on in my recovery but still today, I am not always successful in my first attempt to let others try.
Today's page is a needed reminder of the importance of doing just that. I need to get and stay out of the way so a higher power can work things out for us both. I must focus my efforts on making the changes in my mind and self as directed by my higher power.
So grateful for the reminders and wisdom of the program
Thank you Enigmatic for your service and the Daily. Thank you Lyne, for your ESH. I tend to now do the same thing... I no longer feed MY compulsion to sweep things under the rug, just to maintain some semblance of peace/calm. It is hard, but I try to leave the emotionality out of it, and stick to facts. Stating what I mean, meaning what I say, and not saying it meanly.
I use the Al-Anon tool mentioned above in Enig's share all the time with my young adult son. Sometimes, it is so, so hard to stay disengaged... especially when you "have been there, done that," and know a better way. But I am getting better at realizing this is HIS life to experience and learn from. I also benefit from this as well.
Example: Last night after dinner I said I was going to take a shower. For some reason, he got all huffy and said, "Great! I didn't go out tonight b/c I was going to take a shower, and now you are. and now I can't go out!" (make sure to read it in the most petulant voice ever! LOL!)
Usually, I would feel bad and acquiesce... but then hold resentments. Now I do things differently. I told him, "Whoa there! It is true I usually give you the shower time, but tonight I NEED one. I am sure you've already taken one today. Besides, if you really wanted to go out, nothing would've stopped you, so don't push that off on me!" I then went about my nightly routine. I didn't get an "I'm sorry," and I bet I won't (he's probably forgotten about it). What is key, is that I won't be holding onto this instance and ruminate and create resentments.
I hope everyone enjoy's their Tuesday!
For me, all things including my days/serenity, are much better when I remember to just Pause. I've got a lifetime long habit of solving problems, leading others, fixing broken processes, quality control, etc. and it does NOT serve me well with this disease. That sacred, simple step of just pausing to pray before I proceed can make or break what comes next.
Thanks to this program, I've been graciously gifted serenity....would love it to be always and forever, not yet my experience. Yet, I have had it often enough to know that I am willing to go to any length to keep it. I try really, really hard to no longer give my power away to other people, places and things. I am a huge supporter of saying what I mean, meaning what I say and not saying it mean. I have healthy boundaries and have no issue advocating for self/others when necessary.
Rain interfered with golf again today! I'm adulting again today! We shall see what tomorrow brings. I will readily admit that our veggies, lawn and gardens all prefer God's rain water to our faucet water. Love and light to all - make it a great day!