"Feeling our feelings is one important part of the recovery process. Learning how to balance feelings with appropriate action is another."
Today's reading talks about dealing with feelings. The author goes on to explain that many of us deal with our anger in inappropriate ways. We DENY it, STUFF it, or let it out in a fit of FURY, directing those feelings outward. The author states that "avoidance of any conflict" was their "go-to," and that lead to being a member of the doormat club. Al-Anon encourages us to acknowledge our feelings and to be responsible for how we express them. Anger is not truly the problem... the problem lies in how we direct our anger inappropriately. The author gave examples of how they deal with their anger, and especially focusing on dealing with it in the moment... not letting it fester into resentment. Some examples given were: beating their bed with their pillow until the anger has released, cleaning something really tough to clean, going for a walk in nature and screaming it all out!
Quote: "When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred." - Thomas Jefferson
I will raise my hand here as one who wanted to avoid conflict, yet held onto so many resentments b/c of my anger. I was a doormat, a martyr, a victim. Although I had 11 years of marriage counseling with my spouse, and I learned better ways to communicate my feelings, the collateral damage of living with someone addicted always led me back to those behaviors. It wasn't until I got serious about changing me and understanding what I wanted in my life did I stop using those out-dated ways to show emotions. I am no longer the doormat. However, many times I am reminded that I am not perfect... there is no perfect way to work this program. Always a work in progress. My goal is to keep progressing forward!
It is supposed to be triple digits here, w/ beaches closed. I am feeling some sadness (had a great co-worker quit yesterday), as well as some fears/despondency regarding the virus spreading. It is a good day to stay in w/the air conditioner and binge-watch movies, I think.
I value this space more than ever! Thank you MIP Family! Good vibes for continued health coming your way!
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Iamhere said
Jul 11, 2020
Thank you PnP for your service and the daily! I am so grateful that Al-Anon showed me what to do with my emotions, anger just being 'one'. I was a bit of a passive/aggressive person for a long while and we know what happens - we hold it in, hold it in and then explode, typically about some small thing and at an innocent person...
It's a blessing to be able to identify a feeling, sit with it, determine best next steps and move forward in a healthy way. I did not learn about emotions growing up - for a variety of reasons. I also like that Al-Anon taught me that whatever I am feeling - sad, mad, disappointed, elated, uncertain, fearful, etc. - it's real for me even if another finds it uncomfortable. I have learned that it's safer and more productive to talk it out with my sponsor before an attempted discussion with my A(s) - just because it helps me sort out what's real/facts and what's my mind magnifying 'other'.
I do know that I rarely get angry today. If I sit with my feelings, and process, I am usually scared or disappointed or hurt and lean towards anger as it was my all-time go-to. I was never a doormat - I was a fight everything and everyone and did a bunch of payback through put-downs, sarcasm and sharp, sharp words. I was hell-bent on being right, and today, prefer to be happy and pick battles wisely.
Happy Saturday to one and all! I've been at the gold course all day and am 'done' until tomorrow! We are close to 100 degrees so I am drained! We have storms rolling in shortly - so grateful as we truly need the moisture. Love and light to all!
Lyne said
Jul 12, 2020
Thank you PnP for your service and for both above shares. I had an interesting (and relevant) situation with my son on Friday, and yesterday found myself pausing and thinking about what road to take. I could let go and let God and just move on myself. But I also felt a little hurt and a little disrespected and both of those are not OK. I decided to address it in a brief text, in a very diplomatic way, no blaming or shaming, just a casual mention of what happened and how it affected me. He responded with a phone call, an apology, and a very wonderful talk about our relationship.
This was made possible by program and my ability to feel my feelings, pausing and thinking, and my choice not to be a victim. How I addressed our issue was also positive because my sponsor taught me the saying about mean what you say but dont say it mean. It truly works when I work it, and the ESH from this board is also a blessing.
Today's Reminder:
"Feeling our feelings is one important part of the recovery process. Learning how to balance feelings with appropriate action is another."
Today's reading talks about dealing with feelings. The author goes on to explain that many of us deal with our anger in inappropriate ways. We DENY it, STUFF it, or let it out in a fit of FURY, directing those feelings outward. The author states that "avoidance of any conflict" was their "go-to," and that lead to being a member of the doormat club. Al-Anon encourages us to acknowledge our feelings and to be responsible for how we express them. Anger is not truly the problem... the problem lies in how we direct our anger inappropriately. The author gave examples of how they deal with their anger, and especially focusing on dealing with it in the moment... not letting it fester into resentment. Some examples given were: beating their bed with their pillow until the anger has released, cleaning something really tough to clean, going for a walk in nature and screaming it all out!
Quote: "When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred." - Thomas Jefferson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I will raise my hand here as one who wanted to avoid conflict, yet held onto so many resentments b/c of my anger. I was a doormat, a martyr, a victim. Although I had 11 years of marriage counseling with my spouse, and I learned better ways to communicate my feelings, the collateral damage of living with someone addicted always led me back to those behaviors. It wasn't until I got serious about changing me and understanding what I wanted in my life did I stop using those out-dated ways to show emotions. I am no longer the doormat. However, many times I am reminded that I am not perfect... there is no perfect way to work this program. Always a work in progress. My goal is to keep progressing forward!
It is supposed to be triple digits here, w/ beaches closed.
I am feeling some sadness (had a great co-worker quit yesterday), as well as some fears/despondency regarding the virus spreading. It is a good day to stay in w/the air conditioner and binge-watch movies, I think. 
I value this space more than ever! Thank you MIP Family! Good vibes for continued health coming your way!
It's a blessing to be able to identify a feeling, sit with it, determine best next steps and move forward in a healthy way. I did not learn about emotions growing up - for a variety of reasons. I also like that Al-Anon taught me that whatever I am feeling - sad, mad, disappointed, elated, uncertain, fearful, etc. - it's real for me even if another finds it uncomfortable. I have learned that it's safer and more productive to talk it out with my sponsor before an attempted discussion with my A(s) - just because it helps me sort out what's real/facts and what's my mind magnifying 'other'.
I do know that I rarely get angry today. If I sit with my feelings, and process, I am usually scared or disappointed or hurt and lean towards anger as it was my all-time go-to. I was never a doormat - I was a fight everything and everyone and did a bunch of payback through put-downs, sarcasm and sharp, sharp words. I was hell-bent on being right, and today, prefer to be happy and pick battles wisely.
Happy Saturday to one and all! I've been at the gold course all day and am 'done' until tomorrow! We are close to 100 degrees so I am drained! We have storms rolling in shortly - so grateful as we truly need the moisture. Love and light to all!
This was made possible by program and my ability to feel my feelings, pausing and thinking, and my choice not to be a victim. How I addressed our issue was also positive because my sponsor taught me the saying about mean what you say but dont say it mean. It truly works when I work it, and the ESH from this board is also a blessing.