Good morning MIP. Today's reading suggests that in order to recover, heal and find real peace/serenity, we must practice total honesty. Living with alcoholics, many of us coped with an ever-shifting situation in which our sense of reality changed from moment to moment. We often adapted by taking whatever part of reality suited us and ignoring the rest. Over and over, we found ourselves devastated because reality did not go away by being ignored.
The reading suggests our lives will remain unmanageable as long as we pretend that only half of the truth is real. Sharing honestly is such an important Al-Anon tool. When we share openly and honestly, we cut through our denial and anchor ourselves in reality. Even when it's hard to face certain facts, we cease to give our denial power to devastate us when we do.
Reminder: I can't cope with something unless I acknowledge its reality. When I am willing to look at the whole picture, I take the first step toward a more manageable life.
Quote from Henry David Thoreau: "If you built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I often hear in the rooms that recovery helps us with denial, which is a key element of this disease. Many will discuss that they were in denial that the disease is a disease and instead view it as a choice, many others deny how affected we are from living with the disease and still many others deny that they played a role in the disease, dysfunction and/or chaos of the family/home.
My experience is that as I continue to practice all aspects of recovery, more is revealed. Even with previous exposure to the disease and what it brings, I denied the strength and reach of it, and kept trying to control, change, manage others. I could expand for days yet there's no need! One of the first aha moments for me was that all I could actually change or control was me. My actions, words, reactions, responses, etc. were for me, about me and I practiced doing what was best for me without malice or the like towards others.
What I know about me today through recovery is that I am a work in progress, and length of time or level of effort in recovery do not give me serenity/peace without complete honesty of my role, part, contribution. When I deny my role, defects, part, I am affecting my growth/healing. When instead I look long and hard at me and what within me causes me to react and respond to other people, places, things and this disease as I do, I can then begin to explore healthier ways. My sponsor suggests each time I look outside of me to blame or fix, I am allowing denial to take the lead. Focusing on self is the tool I need to keep growing, changing, thriving each day combined with trusting in the God of my understanding. No matter what arrives today, I have the support and tools to handle it with grace, dignity and unconditional love and acceptance.
Happy Thursday all! I am so, so grateful that God is doing the watering here today...we really need the rain! Make it a great day and be sure to find/keep your joy! (((Hugs)))
Freetime said
Jul 9, 2020
Good morning, IAH, and thank you for your share. Reality -- In the past, and sometimes the present, I have said that reality is over-rated. Denial served a purpose of protecting me from things I was not equipped to handle. But now I can think of denial as like ice cream. It tastes good in the moment, and if I keep it in moderation it can be part of a balanced diet. But if I cannot stop consuming the ice cream, I will have more problems down the road.
Facing reality, but not facing it alone, has been part of my journey for sure.
PosiesandPuppies said
Jul 9, 2020
Thank you Iamhere for your service and this post... this has really spoken to me this morning!
I will come back to this after work to think about this post some more.
I hope everyone enjoys their Thursday! &
Lyne said
Jul 9, 2020
Thanks IAH for your service and share. I can't even comprehend how steeped in denial I was so that I could not see my devastation and problems from alcoholism. I just focused on my A and of course, nothing worked, nothing changed, and I stayed in my own ill state.
With program I learned to focus on myself, take my inventory, and face my deficits. It was horrifying in the beginning, but now I welcome it. How can I possibly change if I'm not willing to see what's broken??
Another positive change is that I am able to say to my A that I am aware that drinking continues, and no fight has to occur. And most of the time it doesn't. That is not to say that I am happy about her continued drinking, but I guess it's really sinking in that I can only control myself, and that's no easy task! That's plenty of work to do right here with me! Lyne
dragonfly04 said
Jul 9, 2020
I received this book today in the mail and the reading was perfect for the day I had. I never talk about my personal life to anyone, not to my family, friends or coworkers. I guess I didn't want to explain about the A in my life. Today was rough. My A got a night job and comes home at 7 am right when the kids wake up. The kids and I spend the day in the living room so he can sleep. All week it has been one complaint after another. We were making too much noise. One of the kids went in to ask him something and he blew up at the kid then at me for letting him go in and wake him. I didn't do laundry correctly. The food didn't have enough salt and the list goes on. I have been holding in my feelings because I hate to argue but I know it's not healthy. I journaled today for the first time I just let it all out. I'm starting to see that I sometimes push things to the side and pretend things are okay. I alter my own reality because I can't handle the truth. Truth is I feel so unbalanced in my life and I feel like I'm not even sure why I'm in this relationship anymore. He said some really hurtful things to me and the kids today. I am learning that I do not have to figure everything out today and sometimes I have to take life one hour at a time. I'm so very happy I found this board and I can talk about what really happens at home.
Maresie888 said
Jul 10, 2020
I can defintely.relate to denial. That is certainly how I have dealt with covid 19
First.of all I believe I have had Covid 19 already. That did not stop me being in denial about it.
Now I am trying to do better. I tend to be a martyr.
I have been working on ways to not ket this virus consume my.life. i have other stressors. Nevertheless I find myself resentful every day.
I am working on finding a better way to live. Of course I do not consider myself to be part of the problem!!
I keep waiting.for things to change
Maresie
Good morning MIP. Today's reading suggests that in order to recover, heal and find real peace/serenity, we must practice total honesty. Living with alcoholics, many of us coped with an ever-shifting situation in which our sense of reality changed from moment to moment. We often adapted by taking whatever part of reality suited us and ignoring the rest. Over and over, we found ourselves devastated because reality did not go away by being ignored.
The reading suggests our lives will remain unmanageable as long as we pretend that only half of the truth is real. Sharing honestly is such an important Al-Anon tool. When we share openly and honestly, we cut through our denial and anchor ourselves in reality. Even when it's hard to face certain facts, we cease to give our denial power to devastate us when we do.
Reminder: I can't cope with something unless I acknowledge its reality. When I am willing to look at the whole picture, I take the first step toward a more manageable life.
Quote from Henry David Thoreau: "If you built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I often hear in the rooms that recovery helps us with denial, which is a key element of this disease. Many will discuss that they were in denial that the disease is a disease and instead view it as a choice, many others deny how affected we are from living with the disease and still many others deny that they played a role in the disease, dysfunction and/or chaos of the family/home.
My experience is that as I continue to practice all aspects of recovery, more is revealed. Even with previous exposure to the disease and what it brings, I denied the strength and reach of it, and kept trying to control, change, manage others. I could expand for days yet there's no need! One of the first aha moments for me was that all I could actually change or control was me. My actions, words, reactions, responses, etc. were for me, about me and I practiced doing what was best for me without malice or the like towards others.
What I know about me today through recovery is that I am a work in progress, and length of time or level of effort in recovery do not give me serenity/peace without complete honesty of my role, part, contribution. When I deny my role, defects, part, I am affecting my growth/healing. When instead I look long and hard at me and what within me causes me to react and respond to other people, places, things and this disease as I do, I can then begin to explore healthier ways. My sponsor suggests each time I look outside of me to blame or fix, I am allowing denial to take the lead. Focusing on self is the tool I need to keep growing, changing, thriving each day combined with trusting in the God of my understanding. No matter what arrives today, I have the support and tools to handle it with grace, dignity and unconditional love and acceptance.
Happy Thursday all! I am so, so grateful that God is doing the watering here today...we really need the rain! Make it a great day and be sure to find/keep your joy! (((Hugs)))
Facing reality, but not facing it alone, has been part of my journey for sure.
I will come back to this after work to think about this post some more.
I hope everyone enjoys their Thursday!
With program I learned to focus on myself, take my inventory, and face my deficits. It was horrifying in the beginning, but now I welcome it. How can I possibly change if I'm not willing to see what's broken??
Another positive change is that I am able to say to my A that I am aware that drinking continues, and no fight has to occur. And most of the time it doesn't. That is not to say that I am happy about her continued drinking, but I guess it's really sinking in that I can only control myself, and that's no easy task! That's plenty of work to do right here with me! Lyne