Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. I believe that communication will be one of those things I am working on for as long as I am here on this earth. I do know that things do go better for me if I pause and pray before I proceed.

I spent an hour + on the phone tonight with one of my brothers. Long story short, our oldest brother has decided that I am the worst person to be in charge of our parents' care, health, estate, etc. He's campaigning to the other 2 about 'this' which makes no sense to me as my parents have a living trust and will, written since 2002, which spells out EVERYTHING. They (parents) are intelligent, capable, planning folks, so there is really nothing to dispute or discuss.

Needless to say, I am being fed what's being said and have chosen to say/do nothing right now. If my parents are healthy, happy and recovering, I am happy with my actions and really don't need to get wrapped up in a cycle of insanity that certainly should have been discussed years ago, if at all. My parents were open with all their plans and have been all of our adult lives. So, I'm in a huge pause, seeking to understand, and determining if I need to take any action.

Don't get me wrong - there's a part of me that wants to have a dialogue and resolve all this AND defend myself. Yet, there is a small voice within (HP) who suggests I have nothing to defend and there's nothing to discuss. Only by the grace of God and a committed program of recovery have I been able to just let this all go and not engage.

What I am learning in the side conversations though is that our oldest brother didn't just bully me - he also bullied another brother. We aren't certain about the 3rd as he's a neutral party in our family and does not discuss the past, or most anything else. He is Switzerland and does it well! My closest brother, at 61 years of age is just now starting to process our childhood, the painful parts, etc. and working with a therapist to peel back the layers of the onion as to why he is as he is, why he feels as he feels, etc. He and I communicate the best with each other because we are willing to be honest and open and accept we are not now and never were perfect.

We did discuss how poorly our family communicates and concluded we were only able to work on ourselves. It's a gift to be able to say what I mean, mean what I say and to not say it mean! I learned that in recovery and if I have doubts as to my emotional state, I do have a lovely pause button I can use until I am ready/able to share adequately.

Love and light to all - enjoy your Monday!!

Thank you Lyne for your service, and for both wonderful shares.

I never really looked at blaming others as giving my power away... I think b/c I was always so stuck in the Martyr bit. Once I stepped away from the "poor me's" it was easier to see that I was focusing on blaming others, but I never really looked at it as giving my power away.

And you know what 'they' say... if we are GIVING our power away, then we have the CHOICE to take it back!

As Lyne so wisely put forth... AWARENESS, ACCEPTANCE, ACTION!

Happy Monday all!

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I think.for me with a lot of people it is time to.communicate less. I say very very little to.some people. I.go out of my way to avoid them. I cannot say I.did that before. So for me on so many levels less is more I have to reel the issue back on me, my goals, my needs and my focus. The reason that I am in al anon is because I focus so much on others. If I do not communicate there is not so much energy going out I found myself in a state of total exhaustion this year. In fact at one point I could not get out of bed at all. I now have really clear goals. My goals were all tied uo in other people's goa llk s before. Now they are just mine Maresie

(((((I,am here)))) It is extremely nasty when a campaign of bullying arises. My elder sister was a bulky. I have younger sister who never did stand up to her Processing our sibling relationshios is very hard work. I was decades on mine. In fact I did not soeak to my family if origin for over 10.years I am glad your Mother and Father have ket their needs and wishes be laid out so closely. My own family of origin remained chaotic till they died. They died as they lived in the exact same tumultuous way I have tound less is more in terms of soeaking to bullies. I currently have ine overbearing suoervisor. Before program I would ge triggered all day by her imperiousness. Now I let it go right by me. Ii am also, of course, finding an exit from thst relationshio I have found moving out of survival mode means lots of exirs. I grow frustrated sometimes that the exits are not movjng faster. On another level it is a huge relief to be giving uo on certain relationshiis however I do them. The new oaradigm being to slio off quietly rather than have the show down at the OK corral Maresie

I still have to deal with my ex roommate on.a limited basis. I was and can still.be enmeshed in that experience. I can even find it #normal#. I can then go into victim mode and get into.when can I get this person out of.my life. The truth is that there has never been time in my life when I did not have to deal with difficult people. Not ever I can certainly deal with people from victim perspective. That cost je dearly. I am willing ti do sonething different niw. Willingnes is everything.