If there's anything I've learned on this recovery journey, it's that an offer of es&h can differ from situation to situation, person to person. I can't assume to know another's feelings and there will be times when I don't think I have anything to offer to someone else. Times when I believe whatever I offer through the lens of my own life experience and understanding will be sorely lacking, inadequate. I can admit that. Saying, "I don't know what to say," can be a truly honest response. Also, I care, how can I help, what do you need, I'm sorry, I'm here for you are words for consideration. The slogan Listen and Learn comes to mind. Thanks for letting me share with you. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 31st of May 2020 11:01:19 AM
PosiesandPuppies said
May 31, 2020
TT - And that is why I keep coming back here, I think. Each day, no matter who it is that is sharing, no matter what they are sharing about, I seem to find wisdom.
Sometimes EVERYTHING relates to me. Sometimes it is just a little golden nugget I find in the share.
No matter.
I keep coming back b/c everyone's shares seem to bring value to my life.
Thank you for yours! &
Iamhere said
May 31, 2020
(((TT))) - I hear you, I truly hear you! This has been a tough week for our country and then compounded in my mind because of a suicide on Memorial Day of a dear friend of my parents. All the folks where they live are older and retired so they've all adopted me kind of! Needless to say, it just made me so, so sad that one who fought for our freedom felt that suicide was a better solution than getting help at the VA. My mind keeps suggesting, he was 91 - he lived a great, long life and was healthy until he wasn't. My heart feels for all he left behind and yes - I have no words beyond, I'm thinking about you and am hear if you need anything.
I do know today that I can always pray for those in need. While I 'heard' that growing up, it didn't feel as genuine as it does now. It's easy to ask the God of my understanding to lead others where they should go and to help them heal. (((Hugs)))
tiredtonite said
May 31, 2020
Thanks ((Pnp))) for your share. I love our board and yes I agree there's lots of wisdom here. In my life I am considering a friend who may be struggling with a recent event right now. I wanted them to know I care about them and hoped they were ok. I was afraid that my concern would be misinterpreted but I kept it simple and sent a short text with my thoughts. I'm really not sure how it was interpreted. I received a simple polite text thanking me. I believe there's a line between what I can and can't understand of what they are feeling. I know the line. Our lives are not parallel. I make no assumptions they are but I do care. They are safe. I got an answer by sending that text. How it was understood is out of my hands and in HP's. My intention was well meaning, caring. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 31st of May 2020 03:48:57 PM
DavidG said
May 31, 2020
Thanks T.
Think. [An approved slogan] and Breathe, are important to me.
Listen and learn too.
I was a "fly on the wall" in the alcoholic situation- and that framed my perception of the world.
And so today- being listened to- is equally as important. To know that what I said was actually heard. And acknowledged.
I find that healing. ...
tiredtonite said
May 31, 2020
Thanks for sharing (((Iamhere))) You do hear me. I'm sorry for your parents loss. I began to cry when I read about their friend. I'm very raw right now but that's ok. I'm far from alone. I can come here, share and offer my troubles to my higher power. You did put a smile on my face when you said your parents friends kinda adopted you. I know what you mean. No matter how old you get, you're always going to be the kid :)
Thank you (((David))) for your share. Lots of wisdom in it. Children should be seen and not heard was what I remember. Often it was Children should not be seen or heard. So much healing has come from this program. I'm grateful for the unconditional love and support of others in the program and their sharings help me feel less alone. Glad you're here and keep coming back.
TT
Iamhere said
Jun 2, 2020
(((TT))) - I can only speak for myself, but I do need to remind myself to be gentle....I've lost my cousin and Betty to cancer. I've lost my best friend, Layla to age/kidney disease (my sweet dog). Everyone has been affected by a pandemic and a deadly virus. We're all being asked to act different, do different, live different than we've ever had to and it's just a lot!!!
I will admit the state of our country combined with all of 'this' has got me way more emotional than ever. I cried the first 4-5 nights @ my parents house - first because of the labored breathing I was hearing from the other room and then because of the horrid coughing and lastly, because I heard nothing. I've cried here at home lately over the suicide, the news, and many other things. I am so not normally this emotional but I do know it brings a calm afterwards and figure it must be what I'm supposed to be doing - because it just keeps happening.
So, I have reluctantly and begrudgingly added crying to my self-care, for today (now). I'm not necessarily sad - just think I'm making up for all the times I was strong for others, stoic on the surface and uncertain/unknowing below. Irregardless, I still wake up each morning and do what I've been taught to do - find my joy and try to keep it all day, one day at a time. (((Hugs)))
JerryF said
Jun 2, 2020
My awesome sponsor DonT brought up a question for me to consider and teach me humility and honesty especially when my ego was getting ahead of me. He expected me to consider the question and then honestly answer it.
Could you be wrong? My first inward response was that "I don't dare answer no" question and answer processed. For me there is only one real honest response that makes me better as I go on. Yes...most often I might not want to answer that question for how it might affect the other person.
Offering my ESH as taught by the program and those who have offered me what they could and the steps and traditions do much more than I ever have. (((hugs)))
mamalioness said
Jun 2, 2020
Hey TT-isnt it great that we are not compelled to read others minds? LOL I cant assume to know others feelings either-and I have often felt like I had nothing to offer-sometimes I just offer, if face to face, a smile or if I know them really well and we are close, a hug, and admitting that I dont know what to say often is enough for them. Just My listening to them and validating them is often times enough, what a beautiful share
Thank you for your beautiful share. I so relate to it. Hugs
Maresie888 said
Jun 3, 2020
Suicide is a pretty abrupt shock.
A friend of mine killed himself almost 3 years ago. I was deeply shoched. My therapist was no helo.
In fact he compounded the issue by insisting that I needed to know the details. Oddly enough I eventually met someine whi knew the details. Did it helo? Not a bit
Go gentle with yourself. I want to go.to a grief group eventually
I have had it uo to here with all the issues we are dealing with. Now there is a curfew as well. The curfew is just fur another day. After that I hooe there will not he another one.
This year so far has been very difficult for ne. Very very difficult. I think it is fine to have a difficult time. I think it also fine to allow yourself soace to deal with grief
When my friend died I did not have the space to deal with it. Now I.have mire time and energy.
Maresie
If there's anything I've learned on this recovery journey, it's that an offer of es&h can differ from situation to situation, person to person. I can't assume to know another's feelings and there will be times when I don't think I have anything to offer to someone else. Times when I believe whatever I offer through the lens of my own life experience and understanding will be sorely lacking, inadequate. I can admit that. Saying, "I don't know what to say," can be a truly honest response. Also, I care, how can I help, what do you need, I'm sorry, I'm here for you are words for consideration. The slogan Listen and Learn comes to mind. Thanks for letting me share with you. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 31st of May 2020 11:01:19 AM
Sometimes EVERYTHING relates to me. Sometimes it is just a little golden nugget I find in the share.
No matter.
I keep coming back b/c everyone's shares seem to bring value to my life.
Thank you for yours!
I do know today that I can always pray for those in need. While I 'heard' that growing up, it didn't feel as genuine as it does now. It's easy to ask the God of my understanding to lead others where they should go and to help them heal. (((Hugs)))
Thanks ((Pnp))) for your share. I love our board and yes I agree there's lots of wisdom here. In my life I am considering a friend who may be struggling with a recent event right now. I wanted them to know I care about them and hoped they were ok. I was afraid that my concern would be misinterpreted but I kept it simple and sent a short text with my thoughts. I'm really not sure how it was interpreted. I received a simple polite text thanking me. I believe there's a line between what I can and can't understand of what they are feeling. I know the line. Our lives are not parallel. I make no assumptions they are but I do care. They are safe. I got an answer by sending that text. How it was understood is out of my hands and in HP's. My intention was well meaning, caring. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 31st of May 2020 03:48:57 PM
Think. [An approved slogan] and Breathe, are important to me.
Listen and learn too.
I was a "fly on the wall" in the alcoholic situation- and that framed my perception of the world.
And so today- being listened to- is equally as important. To know that what I said was actually heard. And acknowledged.
I find that healing.
...
Thanks for sharing (((Iamhere))) You do hear me. I'm sorry for your parents loss. I began to cry when I read about their friend. I'm very raw right now but that's ok. I'm far from alone. I can come here, share and offer my troubles to my higher power. You did put a smile on my face when you said your parents friends kinda adopted you. I know what you mean. No matter how old you get, you're always going to be the kid :)
Thank you (((David))) for your share. Lots of wisdom in it. Children should be seen and not heard was what I remember. Often it was Children should not be seen or heard. So much healing has come from this program. I'm grateful for the unconditional love and support of others in the program and their sharings help me feel less alone. Glad you're here and keep coming back.
TT
I will admit the state of our country combined with all of 'this' has got me way more emotional than ever. I cried the first 4-5 nights @ my parents house - first because of the labored breathing I was hearing from the other room and then because of the horrid coughing and lastly, because I heard nothing. I've cried here at home lately over the suicide, the news, and many other things. I am so not normally this emotional but I do know it brings a calm afterwards and figure it must be what I'm supposed to be doing - because it just keeps happening.
So, I have reluctantly and begrudgingly added crying to my self-care, for today (now). I'm not necessarily sad - just think I'm making up for all the times I was strong for others, stoic on the surface and uncertain/unknowing below. Irregardless, I still wake up each morning and do what I've been taught to do - find my joy and try to keep it all day, one day at a time. (((Hugs)))
My awesome sponsor DonT brought up a question for me to consider and teach me humility and honesty especially when my ego was getting ahead of me. He expected me to consider the question and then honestly answer it.
Could you be wrong? My first inward response was that "I don't dare answer no" question and answer processed. For me there is only one real honest response that makes me better as I go on. Yes...most often I might not want to answer that question for how it might affect the other person.
Offering my ESH as taught by the program and those who have offered me what they could and the steps and traditions do much more than I ever have. (((hugs)))
Thank you for your beautiful share. I so relate to it. Hugs