Darling dog died on Monday, Q violently drunk on Tuesday. Need to create a web of support. I don't know where to start.
seekingdesphelp said
May 27, 2020
Hello,
I am new to Alanon.
My dog died in my arms on Monday. He was my best buddy. I can't believe he is gone.
Tuesday, my Q became violently drunk last night. With the help of my sponsor, I am now at my parents apartment and am ok. They are not living here due to COVID... so I'm all by myself. Which is hard in itself.
One of my parents was in this program for a long time and recommends I make sure I have a "web of support".
I don't know where to start.
I'm so exhausted emotionally and physically from nursing my dog until his death for weeks.
Also, I have serious social anxiety. I am new to Zoom, and am even so nervous if I mess up on the correct tech in Al Anon Zoom meetings, that I become embarrassed and leave the meeting.
I even become uncomfortable texting my sponsor. Or even my parents about my safety. I don't want to feel like a burden.
My sponsor says, "one day at a time" should be a good start for me. But today just feels overwhelming.
JerryF said
May 27, 2020
Hi seeking and welcome to the board or for you the start. We all start some where and then continue on as best we can. I didn't know where to start when I first arrived as messed up as can be and then I fought it for a long time not wanting direction or help because I was stuck in my head full of bad and wrong direction. I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know what alcoholism was all about even that I was not aware that I was born in the disease.
What worked for me coming to understand just a little bit of our first of twelve steps, "Admitted I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable" and then when I could kinda,sorta get that little bit the 2nd step gave me a direction to real help, "Came to believe that a power greater than myself could lead me to SANITY." I didn't want to listen to another church program but no one had yet mentioned God and so I listened about this "Power Greater" and still do and had to understand that it needed to be greater than Jerry F which made all the sense in the world because I was the one in a mess even worse than my alcoholic/addict wife.
So that is how and where I started and my life has become awesome.
Sorry about your pup...we have lost two while being in the program; crying is normal. Praying for you and your alcoholic. Alcoholism is a disease not a crime.
Keep reaching out for support...that is what Al-Anon is famous and all about for.
((((hugs))))
Maresie888 said
May 27, 2020
I am so very sorry to hear about the death of your dog. I lost two dogs while I was in the program. I was devastated.
I am glad you are keeping safe..
Welcome to this wonderful group
Maresie
Iamhere said
May 27, 2020
Welcome to MIP Seeking - so glad you found us and so glad that you joined right in. I am so, so sorry about the loss of your dog! I lost my best friend, Layla, on 3/14 and I still look around for her - for breakfast, for our walks, for her treats, our naps, etc. We rescued her when she was 1-2 and had her for about 13 years - the best dog I ever had! I still grieve but do know that she's no longer suffering and I try really hard to remember all that we shared. She had a great life compared to her start and she gave me more than I ever expected - I'm grateful we were family and I'll find her on the other side!
I also had no idea what to do when I stumbled into Al-Anon but I did know that I was an anxious, angry, worry-about-everything crazy woman. I did not know how to relax, nor focus on me and One Day at a Time sounded so foreign as I'd always been a big planning type of anal retentive person! My sponsor suggested small steps, small changes to what I do each day and practicing changing my thoughts when I began to obsess - over other people, events, the past, etc. She made it perfectly clear the changes I was after could be related to Al-Anon recovery or could be related to a healthier me. So - when I didn't know what to do with myself, I would take a walk, dig in my garden, read literature, come here and read/share, try to pray, meditate, go to the gym, grocery store, etc. I have never been 'good at sitting still' - I'm a doer!
Each day when I spoke to her, my mind raced and I was 'always in an urgent state - so I talked really fast and truly struggled to focus on what was coming out of my mouth and what was really true vs. projection. She would remind me to just breathe over and over again. I absolutely struggled to keep the focus on me as well as staying present in this day.
So, feel what you feel but don't dwell on it nor allow it to define you! You certainly have a right to be sad about the loss of your dog and sad/mad/disappointed in your Q. I will say at this point that if you are in an unsafe situation, I'm certain your sponsor has already talked with you about protecting yourself by any means necessary - leaving for a time, calling the Police, etc. Please keep yourself safe - serenity and sanity will never come visit you in a violent situation!
I came to MIP daily for a long while and still do most days. I attended meetings here when I could not get out to meetings because of kid/job/anxiety/other. So many folks believe there are daily meetings in every city and we can just 'go' - not always possible, but I did find and attend as many as I could. With the pandemic, there are Zoom meetings online - it's an easy tool to use and you have the choice to allow/disallow video and audio. My share is if you have social anxiety, you can just listen! This is true even in Face to Face meetings - you are not required to speak/share; you can but it's not required.
If you look to the top left here, you'll see the meeting schedule and link. I am not certain if they still happen or how often but it's a resource just to have (part of your network you want to build). If you go to the mail Al-Anon site, you'll see many options for phone in meetings, Zoom meetings, and other information. I have no interest/need in attending meetings beyond my area, so don't venture out but others do - so do what works for you. If you have a list of phone numbers, it is helpful to reach out and call someone else - just to check in and begin to build relationships. While our stories may all be different, it helped me greatly to look/listen for the similarities instead of the differences.
I hope this helps a bit - please know you are not alone and there is always hope and help in recovery! Keep coming back!
sunmustshine said
May 28, 2020
((((Seeking)))) so glad you are here. You are not alone. Come here whenever you need support along with everything else you have lined up. I do. It works. Im glad you are safe. Youve been so strong to get away from the chaos and protect yourself from violence. Im so sorry about your dear dog. What a sad time. Ive been through it. I adopted right after mine passed last June at the insistence of my daughter. Grieving still took time and I miss my dog to this day but there was something really comforting in the circle of life. Take good care of yourself and be gentle with yourself at this time given how much you have been through.
PosiesandPuppies said
May 28, 2020
(((((Seeking)))) Welcome. Although I hate this disease and all the collateral damage that comes with it, I am blessed to meet my fellow Al-Anoners! My condolences upon the loss of your furry best friend... I can identify, as I lost my "fur-baby" last year. She helped me through many rough years, and is what gave me strength through the ending of my long marriage. Allow yourself to grieve... as long as you need.
What I found helpful was taking the One Day At A Time slogan and breaking it down into one hour at a time. Sometimes, i had to remind myself. "One moment at a time, PNP!" On those crazy days, I concentrated on what was 'The Next Right Thing.' Not in a broad sense, but in day to day things. Laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning. Those kinds of things. It helped if I made a short list... I got a lot of satisfaction out of crossing off one of the "To Do's" on my list! It helped keep me focused on anything but what a sh*tshow my life had become!
Wishing you peace, today! &
mamalioness said
May 28, 2020
(((((((((((((((((((((Seeking))))))))))))))))))))))))) as a pet lover, (lost a beloved dog 2017 and this past October---still grieving over them) I relate to your pain....I am so sorry....My pets are my children......love them more then I do myself, so I hear you.......so so sorry...not much to say but I just wanted to step in with a comfort ((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))) and say, glad you are here
Hello,
I am new to Alanon.
My dog died in my arms on Monday. He was my best buddy. I can't believe he is gone.
Tuesday, my Q became violently drunk last night. With the help of my sponsor, I am now at my parents apartment and am ok. They are not living here due to COVID... so I'm all by myself. Which is hard in itself.
One of my parents was in this program for a long time and recommends I make sure I have a "web of support".
I don't know where to start.
I'm so exhausted emotionally and physically from nursing my dog until his death for weeks.
Also, I have serious social anxiety. I am new to Zoom, and am even so nervous if I mess up on the correct tech in Al Anon Zoom meetings, that I become embarrassed and leave the meeting.
I even become uncomfortable texting my sponsor. Or even my parents about my safety. I don't want to feel like a burden.
My sponsor says, "one day at a time" should be a good start for me. But today just feels overwhelming.
Hi seeking and welcome to the board or for you the start. We all start some where and then continue on as best we can. I didn't know where to start when I first arrived as messed up as can be and then I fought it for a long time not wanting direction or help because I was stuck in my head full of bad and wrong direction. I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know what alcoholism was all about even that I was not aware that I was born in the disease.
What worked for me coming to understand just a little bit of our first of twelve steps, "Admitted I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable" and then when I could kinda,sorta get that little bit the 2nd step gave me a direction to real help, "Came to believe that a power greater than myself could lead me to SANITY." I didn't want to listen to another church program but no one had yet mentioned God and so I listened about this "Power Greater" and still do and had to understand that it needed to be greater than Jerry F which made all the sense in the world because I was the one in a mess even worse than my alcoholic/addict wife.
So that is how and where I started and my life has become awesome.
Sorry about your pup...we have lost two while being in the program; crying is normal. Praying for you and your alcoholic. Alcoholism is a disease not a crime.
Keep reaching out for support...that is what Al-Anon is famous and all about for.
((((hugs))))
I also had no idea what to do when I stumbled into Al-Anon but I did know that I was an anxious, angry, worry-about-everything crazy woman. I did not know how to relax, nor focus on me and One Day at a Time sounded so foreign as I'd always been a big planning type of anal retentive person! My sponsor suggested small steps, small changes to what I do each day and practicing changing my thoughts when I began to obsess - over other people, events, the past, etc. She made it perfectly clear the changes I was after could be related to Al-Anon recovery or could be related to a healthier me. So - when I didn't know what to do with myself, I would take a walk, dig in my garden, read literature, come here and read/share, try to pray, meditate, go to the gym, grocery store, etc. I have never been 'good at sitting still' - I'm a doer!
Each day when I spoke to her, my mind raced and I was 'always in an urgent state - so I talked really fast and truly struggled to focus on what was coming out of my mouth and what was really true vs. projection. She would remind me to just breathe over and over again. I absolutely struggled to keep the focus on me as well as staying present in this day.
So, feel what you feel but don't dwell on it nor allow it to define you! You certainly have a right to be sad about the loss of your dog and sad/mad/disappointed in your Q. I will say at this point that if you are in an unsafe situation, I'm certain your sponsor has already talked with you about protecting yourself by any means necessary - leaving for a time, calling the Police, etc. Please keep yourself safe - serenity and sanity will never come visit you in a violent situation!
I came to MIP daily for a long while and still do most days. I attended meetings here when I could not get out to meetings because of kid/job/anxiety/other. So many folks believe there are daily meetings in every city and we can just 'go' - not always possible, but I did find and attend as many as I could. With the pandemic, there are Zoom meetings online - it's an easy tool to use and you have the choice to allow/disallow video and audio. My share is if you have social anxiety, you can just listen! This is true even in Face to Face meetings - you are not required to speak/share; you can but it's not required.
If you look to the top left here, you'll see the meeting schedule and link. I am not certain if they still happen or how often but it's a resource just to have (part of your network you want to build). If you go to the mail Al-Anon site, you'll see many options for phone in meetings, Zoom meetings, and other information. I have no interest/need in attending meetings beyond my area, so don't venture out but others do - so do what works for you. If you have a list of phone numbers, it is helpful to reach out and call someone else - just to check in and begin to build relationships. While our stories may all be different, it helped me greatly to look/listen for the similarities instead of the differences.
I hope this helps a bit - please know you are not alone and there is always hope and help in recovery! Keep coming back!
(((((Seeking))))
& 
Welcome. Although I hate this disease and all the collateral damage that comes with it, I am blessed to meet my fellow Al-Anoners!
My condolences upon the loss of your furry best friend... I can identify, as I lost my "fur-baby" last year. She helped me through many rough years, and is what gave me strength through the ending of my long marriage. Allow yourself to grieve... as long as you need.
What I found helpful was taking the One Day At A Time slogan and breaking it down into one hour at a time. Sometimes, i had to remind myself. "One moment at a time, PNP!" On those crazy days, I concentrated on what was 'The Next Right Thing.' Not in a broad sense, but in day to day things. Laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning. Those kinds of things. It helped if I made a short list... I got a lot of satisfaction out of crossing off one of the "To Do's" on my list! It helped keep me focused on anything but what a sh*tshow my life had become!
Wishing you peace, today!