The author for Monday, 5/11, suggests making the relationship with ourself the best it can be. You spend more time with yourself than anyone else, you can value your own company, and be a worthwhile companion! The writer says people affected by alcoholism believe only someone else can fulfill them, and it is often the alcoholic they choose. Slowly we learn not expect others to meet all of our needs. We can enjoy our own friendship especially knowing we have the support and comfort of a Higher Power.
Reminder: Today I will spend some time exploring the most intimate human relationship I will ever havemy relationship with myself.
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It took me years of pain and misery, trying to get bread at the hardware store, but I think I finally get this. It took several years of program, but I am able to be by myself and be content. I no longer desperately need someone else to fill an empty place inside me. I have myself, my fellowship, HP, and my dogs! I actually love time by myself.
PosiesandPuppies said
May 11, 2020
"You complete me."
That one line from a movie both was moving and a terrible way to "grow up" learning about what love is. I was socially raised on so many relationship/marriage tropes! Now I understand that healthy love for self must come before you can truly love others.
Today I will befriend myself by telling me to give myself a break... why not? I let everyone else off the hook, why not me?
&
tiredtonite said
May 11, 2020
Thanks (((Lyne))) for today's reading and your personal share. This was a very early lesson for me in Alanon. "Keep the focus on yourself." What got me here was my over involvement in the lives of other people with little focus on building a life of my own. I desperately sought acceptance from others who I placed on pedestals based on my own projections of who I wanted to believe they were. Wow, can I tag along? Will you let me hang out with you? Of course this was all self imposed. Had I been self actualized, I would have been curious about my own attributes but sadly I didn't know I had any when I got here. Thankfully, my higher power put lessons of self exploration on my path by way of working the steps with a loving Alanon sponsor. The heavy weight of codependence began to lift and I stopped seeking out unhealthy people for unhealthy reasons based on unhealthy boundaries in order not to be alone with myself. Being alone with me isn't scary to me any longer. In fact, I like me very much and enjoy my time with my hp and my own interests. From that point, I've invited others into my life and accepted invitations to be a part of the lives of others based on how I want to spend my time. Life is short so as a recovering person I want to have experiences and people who add value to my life not detract from. I'm just that selfish. Program people are high on my connectiveness list. It doesn't matter where each of us is in our step work, Alanon is circular for me in that I never stop learning from you no matter how many times I go through the steps, how many posts here or meetings there. And my belief is that my higher power brings others into my at their will, as well as brings me into others lives for growth and lessons. I absolutely enjoy others and seek out new friendships, enjoy my long time friendships but I no longer cling to others as identifiers of who I am. My thinking and interests change I hope in positive ways. That attracts new people and situations. I've been disappointed at times when people have seemingly rejected me. When I like someone it can sting, feel personal. But I have done the same concerning others. My hp or their wanted us somewhere else. Sometimes it's a forever change, sometimes we reconnect but acceptance of what is can be a beautiful thing. It invites all sorts of possibilities to know ME more and draw closer to my higher power. When I keep this thinking in front of me, it helps me cope with disappointment of not being liked, not wanted and frees of the associated guilt that may arise from not liking or wanting some people in my life. Hp guides all my relationships, their beginnings and end. The slogan Let It Begin With Me can really keep me busy TT
DavidG said
May 11, 2020
Thanks Lyne... and Hi, P. and T.
This idea is the central plank in ACA recovery... and it is great to see it in Courage to Change.
Years ago I heard this in an Alanon meeting: "This is a selfish programme!"
The way it was said this sounded like narcissism to me. I still believe this.
I decided there and then to believe:- lets not be self centred, but centred on self!
This, to me, anyway seems to tally with this reading. We cannot be available to others, unless we are available to our self! ...
Hope this makes some sort of sense?
PosiesandPuppies said
May 12, 2020
David -
"Let's not be self-centered, but centered on self."
YES! Make perfect sense!
Iamhere said
May 12, 2020
I'm late but still - Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for the ESH and shares. I got a chuckle out of this simply because I just went cross country by myself and spent 22 hours alone in my car (gas/restroom outings only) and then did it to get back home yesterday (23 hours - dust storm, thunderstorms, fog, and persistent rain slowed the return).
I had plenty of time to share with myself, and hang with myself and I've determined that I'm pretty good company! Thank goodness I like me today or those road trips would have been horrible! While I share this with some level of jest, it does ring true. I'm not even certain I would have been able to show up for my parents and be of service to them and my family had this pandemic and their illnesses happened before recovery. I was so wrapped up in obsessing about the disease and the diseased, I'm quite certain that fear of the unknown would have grounded me at home.
I'm grateful that recovery suggested I focus on me and focus on changing me. Who I've become and continue to become is far more pleasant and selfless than the me of before! (((Hugs)))
The author for Monday, 5/11, suggests making the relationship with ourself the best it can be. You spend more time with yourself than anyone else, you can value your own company, and be a worthwhile companion! The writer says people affected by alcoholism believe only someone else can fulfill them, and it is often the alcoholic they choose. Slowly we learn not expect others to meet all of our needs. We can enjoy our own friendship especially knowing we have the support and comfort of a Higher Power.
Reminder: Today I will spend some time exploring the most intimate human relationship I will ever havemy relationship with myself.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
It took me years of pain and misery, trying to get bread at the hardware store, but I think I finally get this. It took several years of program, but I am able to be by myself and be content. I no longer desperately need someone else to fill an empty place inside me. I have myself, my fellowship, HP, and my dogs! I actually love time by myself.
That one line from a movie both was moving and a terrible way to "grow up" learning about what love is. I was socially raised on so many relationship/marriage tropes! Now I understand that healthy love for self must come before you can truly love others.
Today I will befriend myself by telling me to give myself a break... why not? I let everyone else off the hook, why not me?
This idea is the central plank in ACA recovery... and it is great to see it in Courage to Change.
Years ago I heard this in an Alanon meeting: "This is a selfish programme!"
The way it was said this sounded like narcissism to me. I still believe this.
I decided there and then to believe:- lets not be self centred, but centred on self!
This, to me, anyway seems to tally with this reading. We cannot be available to others, unless we are available to our self!
...
Hope this makes some sort of sense?
"Let's not be self-centered, but centered on self."
YES! Make perfect sense!
I had plenty of time to share with myself, and hang with myself and I've determined that I'm pretty good company! Thank goodness I like me today or those road trips would have been horrible! While I share this with some level of jest, it does ring true. I'm not even certain I would have been able to show up for my parents and be of service to them and my family had this pandemic and their illnesses happened before recovery. I was so wrapped up in obsessing about the disease and the diseased, I'm quite certain that fear of the unknown would have grounded me at home.
I'm grateful that recovery suggested I focus on me and focus on changing me. Who I've become and continue to become is far more pleasant and selfless than the me of before! (((Hugs)))