Not a bad one- just half an hour slip- was enough.
I know a "cure" is not likely. But I am making progress, slowly. yesterday I decided that what was broken with me was going to be mended.
I have a good chance of achieving this as a goal.
I am grateful that I am not a drinker or doper. But I used to be a binge eater.
I am trying hard to finish my programme here- but will power is not enough! This, essentially is why we have a higher power to call upon.
My sleeping and dreaming has been good. But yesterday i swallowed the equivalencies of a couple of pot scrubs!
So I had a restless dream- trying to put out a fire with my bare hands. With only a bath towel around me.
Coming out of that I got some restored memory... which is a good sign. There is always today to recover.
Outwardly there is no clutter or rubbish in or around our home. But the den is in disarray- and the garage needs work. I am getting there slowly. I was bought up in an environment of poverty and squalour. This tends today me down a fair bit.
I do have some beautiful books- which were always my teddy bears. I amassed enough research material to write a book of my own. A bit of a leap for me- since I have written a local history and self-published poetry chapbooks.
All the research is there, It is an important piece of work. Maybe up to Phd level? But I am having trouble completing the job.
This was exactly the pattern, when I was a lad- trying together some training and education.
I am slowly turning this heap of books and papers into something new. But at the same time fending off my demons!
My life at home here is nice. me and my SO are getting on well- friendly and helpful to each other- a great asset. My SO has always been a great aunt and a wonderful grandma. But to me she always was an angry hostile belligerent banshee.
But all this has changed over the last 18 months or two years. She is our exercising every day on her bicycle- which I think helps a lot.
I go out with her most of the time.
She was always a big stickler for the rules, But she rides on footpaths and all over the place. Since lock-down, of course this did not matter so much!
Such- is the love and peace of the programme- applied to any situation.
One day at a time... . I think I have proven that my will-power to change my life is not quite enough...
Thanks for the opportunity to share.
mamalioness said
May 4, 2020
Thank you for sharing, David...I KNOW that My will power is NEVER enough....I need my HP like I need my breath
and I know that I can "re-start" my day as many times as needed while I "programme" through the bad days I am having....
Temple said
May 4, 2020
Bless you, Laddie.
A one hour relapse sounds like wonderful progress, to me.
So wonderful to hear that things are better around the home place.
Here, as well. I think it's the CBD oil.
I am grateful, in any case.
Temple
Lyne said
May 5, 2020
{{{David}}}. Progress not perfection, yes?
Im glad you are writing some. I always picture you doing a book or whatever suits you. Keep on keeping on, Lyne
DavidG said
May 5, 2020
I never got a regular education, really. Bsc... and MA... Bachelor of Seduction and Master of Addiction were my majors- I wish!
I got promotion when i worked on a railway gang. And got to ride round the tracks on a little red jigger.
As my recovery has set in my memory, and ability to think has improved measurably.
I had chronic migraine, and a chronic sense of cold. Three or four years ago I had to run to the bathroom every 20 mins!
Breathing and healing go together, in my world!
yesterday I made some inroads into the clutter into my den.
In my neck of the woods- the cursest weed is called -couch-. You could call it wire-weed. It is very darned hard to get rid of.
When I was a kid no-one mowed lawns, weeded flower beds or took garbage away. Our bathroom, as the americans call it, blew over in the wind and we had to use a shovel.
So I am still fighting shame in this area. Not my movie, not my cowboys!
Bo said
May 5, 2020
Relapse -- and "slips" -- can be a good thing, in the alanon program that is; especially in the context of our recovery. Why? Because often in alanon we are dealing with our "emotional" sobriety, or a "behavioral" sobriety so to speak, or a "thought process" sobriety (our "stinking thinking" LOL), or a "reactionary" sobriety, and so on and so on.
How many times have we heard relapse is part of recovery. Debate that all you want. To each their own. I think relapse is part of recovery inside the paradigm of "progress, not perfection" and what that means to me!
More to follow...Gotta run...A great alanon zoom meeting is coming up in Los Angeles!!!
Freetime said
May 5, 2020
Not my movie, not my cowboys!
David -- I love this! I'm always on the lookout for good slogans, and this one is added to my list. It will be great for when I just need to let something go.
DavidG said
May 5, 2020
No, thanks Bo... I understand that idea- as a knock-back is an opportunity to grow.
These days i think I know what addiction is all about. I don't talk about it, really, because there is nothing I can do to change it.
But I can change it around, where it applies directly to myself.
At one time i thought Betty was changing her avatar, more times that she was changing her socks.
And I saw her going through this, and I knew instinctively that she was going through some changes, which she did.
Like a few of us here I was her facebook friend... and I saw the outcome of this. ...
Not a bad one- just half an hour slip- was enough.
I know a "cure" is not likely. But I am making progress, slowly. yesterday I decided that what was broken with me was going to be mended.
I have a good chance of achieving this as a goal.
I am grateful that I am not a drinker or doper. But I used to be a binge eater.
I am trying hard to finish my programme here- but will power is not enough! This, essentially is why we have a higher power to call upon.
My sleeping and dreaming has been good. But yesterday i swallowed the equivalencies of a couple of pot scrubs!
So I had a restless dream- trying to put out a fire with my bare hands. With only a bath towel around me.
Coming out of that I got some restored memory... which is a good sign. There is always today to recover.
Outwardly there is no clutter or rubbish in or around our home. But the den is in disarray- and the garage needs work. I am getting there slowly. I was bought up in an environment of poverty and squalour. This tends today me down a fair bit.
I do have some beautiful books- which were always my teddy bears. I amassed enough research material to write a book of my own. A bit of a leap for me- since I have written a local history and self-published poetry chapbooks.
All the research is there, It is an important piece of work. Maybe up to Phd level? But I am having trouble completing the job.
This was exactly the pattern, when I was a lad- trying together some training and education.
I am slowly turning this heap of books and papers into something new. But at the same time fending off my demons!
My life at home here is nice. me and my SO are getting on well- friendly and helpful to each other- a great asset. My SO has always been a great aunt and a wonderful grandma. But to me she always was an angry hostile belligerent banshee.
But all this has changed over the last 18 months or two years. She is our exercising every day on her bicycle- which I think helps a lot.
I go out with her most of the time.
She was always a big stickler for the rules, But she rides on footpaths and all over the place. Since lock-down, of course this did not matter so much!
Such- is the love and peace of the programme- applied to any situation.
One day at a time... . I think I have proven that my will-power to change my life is not quite enough...
and I know that I can "re-start" my day as many times as needed while I "programme" through the bad days I am having....
A one hour relapse sounds like wonderful progress, to me.
So wonderful to hear that things are better around the home place.
Here, as well. I think it's the CBD oil.
I am grateful, in any case.
Temple
Im glad you are writing some. I always picture you doing a book or whatever suits you. Keep on keeping on, Lyne
I never got a regular education, really. Bsc... and MA... Bachelor of Seduction and Master of Addiction were my majors- I wish!
I got promotion when i worked on a railway gang. And got to ride round the tracks on a little red jigger.
As my recovery has set in my memory, and ability to think has improved measurably.
I had chronic migraine, and a chronic sense of cold. Three or four years ago I had to run to the bathroom every 20 mins!
Breathing and healing go together, in my world!
yesterday I made some inroads into the clutter into my den.
In my neck of the woods- the cursest weed is called -couch-. You could call it wire-weed. It is very darned hard to get rid of.
When I was a kid no-one mowed lawns, weeded flower beds or took garbage away. Our bathroom, as the americans call it, blew over in the wind and we had to use a shovel.
So I am still fighting shame in this area. Not my movie, not my cowboys!
How many times have we heard relapse is part of recovery. Debate that all you want. To each their own. I think relapse is part of recovery inside the paradigm of "progress, not perfection" and what that means to me!
More to follow...Gotta run...A great alanon zoom meeting is coming up in Los Angeles!!!
David -- I love this! I'm always on the lookout for good slogans, and this one is added to my list. It will be great for when I just need to let something go.
No, thanks Bo... I understand that idea- as a knock-back is an opportunity to grow.
These days i think I know what addiction is all about. I don't talk about it, really, because there is nothing I can do to change it.
But I can change it around, where it applies directly to myself.
At one time i thought Betty was changing her avatar, more times that she was changing her socks.
And I saw her going through this, and I knew instinctively that she was going through some changes, which she did.
Like a few of us here I was her facebook friend... and I saw the outcome of this.
...