Good morning on the first of May, MIP friends! Have you ever read a page in the literature that describes your life so exactly that it's almost scary? Today's page in Hope for Today tells a lot of my story. I came late to this daily reader because I thought it wouldn't relate to me... but this page surely does.
The author tried in vain to control her husband's drinking, and began to hate both her husband and alcohol. She felt worthless and deprived of companionship. She believes she was an enabler.
Al-Anon taught her that she did not have to feel ashamed, that her way of "helping" was not working, and that she could not save her husband but could save herself. She could get off the merry go round of denial before she slipped under it and was crushed. (I love the author's descriptions.)
She learned about detachment, or "letting off with love." She worked the program, used her sponsor, and now has like-minded friends. She believes that realizing mistakes and learning from them is the key to serenity.
Thought for the Day: Can I "let off" the alcoholic in love or at least let him or her fall gently?
Quote from Forum Favorites: "Get off his back. Get out of his way. Get onto yourself. Go to meetings. Give him to God."
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Today's reading takes me straight back to the day more than five years ago when I first stepped into Al-Anon -- in anger, shock, and despair. It is humbling to realize how much I have changed. I struggled to detach with love, and honestly it has taken most of the five years to feel that I've pretty much got it -- although there are moments that aren't' exactly pure love. I too learned about getting off a merry go round that was making me sick.
There is one sentence in today's reading that I have trouble with: "My husband's alcoholism enriched my life by leading me to Al-Anon." It is true for me, as it is for the author... but I wish that I didn't have to be grateful for such a painful disease. There was a lot of suffering for both of us. And yet it is true, I would not have found Al-Anon otherwise, and Al-Anon has added so much to my life. I guess it's just one of those paradoxes I don't have to understand. Meanwhile, I am grateful for my life today.
Lyne said
May 1, 2020
Thanks FT for your service and share. I relate to both, and currently my spouse is active and I am having the opportunity to practice so many of my tools. I can't say I'm grateful for my spouse's alcoholism, but I am grateful that alanon has enabled me to have sanity and serenity during times like these. My life is also so much better due to my practice of program, and my entire alanon family on the board and F2F/zoom. Grateful member, Lyne
Maresie888 said
May 2, 2020
I.certainly have not been grateful for alcoholism
I am grateful that I got to the point of being willimg to go.
I.am not grateful for my life being in chaos.
Right now I feel very alone.
This year so far:
1) I had to move out of my apartment .
2) i was sick with Covid 19 I was real ill and in bed fkr days
3) i lost ny job. I had to go get another job
4) I stayed with an active alcoholic fir 4 months. His life is deteriorating. He dumped on me twice.
5) My job is very demanding. Everyone is so stressed out with this COVID virus it is hard for oeople to work. They walk out because they are maxxed out on stress. Then they call ne in. Working a lot of hours.
Then I get exhausted
6) I have now moved back to the aoartment. My stuff is everywhere.
7) Getting anything done in these Covid times is real uohill.
Al anon helps me take it one day at a time.
This is way too much for 6 months
Staying with an alcoholic for 4 months nade it much nuch worse. I have to work real hard not to get real resentful of him becaude he certainly made ny life much much harder
Maresie
Good morning on the first of May, MIP friends! Have you ever read a page in the literature that describes your life so exactly that it's almost scary? Today's page in Hope for Today tells a lot of my story. I came late to this daily reader because I thought it wouldn't relate to me... but this page surely does.
The author tried in vain to control her husband's drinking, and began to hate both her husband and alcohol. She felt worthless and deprived of companionship. She believes she was an enabler.
Al-Anon taught her that she did not have to feel ashamed, that her way of "helping" was not working, and that she could not save her husband but could save herself. She could get off the merry go round of denial before she slipped under it and was crushed. (I love the author's descriptions.)
She learned about detachment, or "letting off with love." She worked the program, used her sponsor, and now has like-minded friends. She believes that realizing mistakes and learning from them is the key to serenity.
Thought for the Day: Can I "let off" the alcoholic in love or at least let him or her fall gently?
Quote from Forum Favorites: "Get off his back. Get out of his way. Get onto yourself. Go to meetings. Give him to God."
------------------------------------------
Today's reading takes me straight back to the day more than five years ago when I first stepped into Al-Anon -- in anger, shock, and despair. It is humbling to realize how much I have changed. I struggled to detach with love, and honestly it has taken most of the five years to feel that I've pretty much got it -- although there are moments that aren't' exactly pure love. I too learned about getting off a merry go round that was making me sick.
There is one sentence in today's reading that I have trouble with: "My husband's alcoholism enriched my life by leading me to Al-Anon." It is true for me, as it is for the author... but I wish that I didn't have to be grateful for such a painful disease. There was a lot of suffering for both of us. And yet it is true, I would not have found Al-Anon otherwise, and Al-Anon has added so much to my life. I guess it's just one of those paradoxes I don't have to understand. Meanwhile, I am grateful for my life today.