Roommate and I are just done shopping for food for the church and now we are at krogers, b/c we BOTH had a hankering for a steak...
we are in the parking lot, eating our chocolate candies, finishing them up and there is this lady that roommate knew at the Christian center and she (roommate) hollars, "hey Crystal, who are ya doing????"
the lady comes up to the car and she says to roommate that she is with hubs and she is h omeless now, living in a tent, and "can ya spare some change????"
I was skeptical, but roommie said that she was a "true person" so we dig into our pockets and we laid some money on her, not much, but enough to get something to eat
I am watching my roommate and shes looking lost in thought...I go into Kroger, she follows, we get our steaks and we leave...
We get home and she is STILL quiet, so I am going about my business and she said she wanted to say something b4 I went out to tackle the lawn
She told me that she was quiet because she was busy thanking Jesus that she still has a nice place to stay in and loving/kind/good landlord and she does NOT want to lose her home and she wants to make amends and help out with the housework and be a blessing to me, not a source of frustration....She said that she is gonna make a list of chores that she can do and DO THEM....She said that Crystal really made her think big time how lucky she is......I just listened
Then when it was my turn to talk, I told her that IF she can get a portable room AC, and (shes always been honest and sincere) IF she pays the extra electricity AND----IF she and I BOTH can STEP UP and we BOTH do our parts to take care of this little home, I will be a happy camper.....I made it really clear that up to now, I have felt not only do I have the Usual work, but MORE work because of her and "I am not willing to work MORE in my OWN home" she nodded and agreed that she had not been holding up her end of the deal.....I told her that I am willing to observe and see her efforts.....
I went out and began the yard work and i come in and shes in the kitchen, cleaning and sorting and DOING some effort to help
She brought it up again about Crystal and how SHE is so grateful for me and this nice little home and she said AGAIN, she does not want to lose her blessing......I just said "do your part---do what you can---Dont ADD to my already big enough workload--pay the rent on time---just be a GOOD tenent and all will be good" She thanked me for considering a second chance
I remember when I came to MIP in the biginning...i was a ball of anger...I was telling people on here what to do and how to do it...Oh yea, miss pushy, PITA know it all, big time and I was a nuisance and John banned me....
Betty in her Angelic love and kindness kept in touch with me, and she said she saw a ton of good in me, and that I was very worth her efforts to guide, mentor, encourage me....All she wanted out of me was EFFORT and WILLINGNESS to do better, to BE better and I did as I was told...I married the steps, I did step 4 over and over and I humbled myself in that I SAW what a pain in the rear I was and how I was pushing MY anger and MY agenda on others, and I saw, "no wonder John aced me" I deserved it...I needed that wake up call....and Betty allowed me to come back when she saw my actions matching my words and my efforts to do what was right...STAY in my own lane, and work on me...share my ESH, keeping "I" statements, share what I did and what I experienced and LET THEM make their OWN choices....Oh yea, I'll never forget...
Betty gave me a 2nd chance and even when another member and I "got into it" with another member, I took the side of the one I felt was in the right, NOT minding my own business and staying in my lane, John suspended me for a week, I think and the other gal up'ed and quit...but I was not gonna quit on me, so I saw AGAIN....my addiction to control, having to "fix" another when I had all I could do to fix me....and AGAIN, Betty let me back on, chastened, I came back and to this day, I owe her my progress and growth here because SHE gave me a chance.....What if she hadn't??? I dont' want to think where I would be w/out MIP and the love and support I have gotten over the years....
So I am not as able to work so much, not as able to meet my needs, financially in this changing, scary world, so I am gambling on the roommate because , in all honesty, we BOTH need each other and maybe HP put us in each others paths....I know I am a good influence on her re: good eating habits and getting exercise, working her OA program as I work my Alanon/ACA program....I know her rent is going to help me "relax" a bit...and she IS willing....
had she not been humble and open with me about her mistakes and had she NOT been willing to do and be better housemate, I would have chucked this and stayed with the eviction notice and then the financial fear would be on me like white on rice.....I think she is a half way decent gamble...Hell!!! she is already "half trained" by me already....If she can score on a AC unit and step up, help with the housework, I am good to go.....
That homeless lady really gave roommie a big thing to not only think about, but to be grateful that SHE has a nice place to stay and its best not to blow it because I won't try again if this fails...I'll just have to either sell out and downsize to a mobile home somwhere, or what., I don't know....
Temple said
Apr 26, 2020
Sweet, Rosie!
You are so good at everything else, I think you will be a good teacher for her.
And if she continues to be willing to learn, it can work out.
Blessings!
Do the Doggy Girls like her?
tiredtonite said
Apr 26, 2020
Hi Rose,
Reading this update brought something to mind. It was something an early sponsor said to me when I told her of a miraculous change I was seeing in a bf I had back then. She said, "TT, anybody can be good for an hour." I try to keep an open mind but I have never forgotten that when I invite someone new into my life.
Also, I use to instantly give my whole self away to any new relationship. I no longer do that. I get to know someone at a level that feels comfortable for me. I don't give everyone I meet my life story. I have a filter these days. My story is for others in my program and my closest friends. If a person new to me sees perceives that as unfriendly because they've just spilled their guts, not my problem. Today, I have coworkers, neighbors, acquaintances. Some have become true friends but only through practice of healthy boundaries, letting things happen naturally.
You'll see as you mentioned how it feels for you having this women in your house for the long haul. If your hp wants this new person in your life then they will be. ((hugs)) TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 26th of April 2020 09:17:01 PM
mamalioness said
Apr 26, 2020
(((((((((((((((((((((((((TT)))))))))))))))))))) i'm like you...I share the "heavy stuff" HERE and in the ACA site.....I don't share my deep stuff with strangers, but I can be open, kind, communicating...with roommate, we chat SOME about stuff, but we don't get into heavy stuff.....I don't want to.....I keep that for here , MIP is my true safe place......it takes me a Looooong time to trust....I'm in a hard situation , financially, since 2008, the big crash, life has been awful hardship, but I slogged through and didn't do too badly, actually not very bad at all, but as I age and things get more scarce (suitable work) it just gets harder and harder
did i really want to do the roommate thing??? NO!!! but circumstances/finances forced me into it, so I went through my church....no advertising....no word of mouth EXCEPT through my beloved pastor....this girl has a clean background to have been able to work with children at day care b4 she hurt her back last year and had to get on disability.....so I had an "inside" scoop on her safety, no drugs, no booze, no crime...very straight laced, just human like the rest of us........IF life were ideal, I would be on a little farmette out further from the city, with 2 horses, my dogs and my cat and living BY MYSELF but with friends nearby to ride or chat with.....but that is in my dreams...
People tell me I am secretive sometimes because I don't go deep with but a VERY few select and safe people...I have my church fac2fac group and it took me a while to share MY pain, but I did because these girls were so open and supportive and I needed the fac2fac environment and I connected with a couple of them.....but yea, share the heavy duty stuff IN RECOVERY setting, and no where else, but save a few close friends......so yea, I am with you on that one
as the the "anyone can be good for an hour" AGREE!!!! I told her that this is IT...fish or cut bait time....I am NOT going to be stuck with the whole workload or this won't work for me.....eviction notice is still in my file and we shall see.....I pray that it works because I NEED the rent money.....
she has attended the same church for 12 straight years and has a great rep. with all the folks who know here, so yea, this wasn't a real pig in the poke thing, she was KNOWN by people I trust.....
All I can do is SEE , day by day, watch and observe.....I am big on actions matching their words or I am outta here....
mamalioness said
Apr 26, 2020
(((((((((((((((((((Temple)))))))))))))))))))))))) haaaaay my lady!!!!!! doggie girls are starting to "accept/tolerate" her but they are MY girls...Got my kitty back h ome, he has his cat house and loves it...I felt so bad keeping him in a giant doggy crate, I took him to live with my GF last month till her landlord and my handyman could build me a "cat house" for boo boo kitty.....He can play outside, he has his scratch posts and can see everything goin on around him....the doggies , I dont' trust with him...I think the pit bull would hurt him, so I have to be careful, let them get used to each other......its gonna take time
and yes, Roommate could learn from me, I guess, but its her time to shine or walk......She knows that she has to step up, pay the rent on time, help with the cleaning, etc., or its quitting time for me.......I won't try it again....the ONLY reason why i am giving this another chance is that she seems sincere and does NOT want to lose her nice lil home, AND shes from my church and comes highly recommended, lots of folks know and respect her....she also has a clean background....(you can't work at day care if you have ANYthing on your record) and she was injured on the job at a day care center and is on disability......TIME will tell...
I need the rent $$ so badly as I am not as able to work but maybe 1, 2 days MAX and mornings only as this kind of intense concentration tires me out with the PTSD and as I age, I notice---I get mentally tired easier then I used to be...physically, I am like a tank, but mentally, I get tired....so I need the roommate OR a big inheritance which aint coming my way.....so I have to take this pretty good percentage "gamble" if she wasn't so well liked in our church and with good refs, I would NOT do a 2nd chance in my personal home, but when you are poor, social security does NOT do anything but I can EXIST.....It cannot meet my needs....I either have to work pretty regularly which as I age is becoming more difficult, OR get the roommate.....so I told my pastor I was thinking of doing the roommate thing but only through my church and someone KNOWN to our church....so pastor introduced us.....
serenity47 said
May 1, 2020
Rosie. I think Betty would be honoured to know that she had such a positive influence in your life. I can think of no better legacy that I would like to leave behind then knowing that perhaps my words of encouragement, my unconditional love and support or leading by example, positively influenced another person and changed their life.
Maresie888 said
May 4, 2020
I certainly am surrounded by homeless people in my neck.of the woods. In fact i was homeless myself for over 6 months
Ironically I.found life less stressful when I.was homeless.
Maresie
Roommate and I are just done shopping for food for the church and now we are at krogers, b/c we BOTH had a hankering for a steak...
we are in the parking lot, eating our chocolate candies, finishing them up and there is this lady that roommate knew at the Christian center and she (roommate) hollars, "hey Crystal, who are ya doing????"
the lady comes up to the car and she says to roommate that she is with hubs and she is h omeless now, living in a tent, and "can ya spare some change????"
I was skeptical, but roommie said that she was a "true person" so we dig into our pockets and we laid some money on her, not much, but enough to get something to eat
I am watching my roommate and shes looking lost in thought...I go into Kroger, she follows, we get our steaks and we leave...
We get home and she is STILL quiet, so I am going about my business and she said she wanted to say something b4 I went out to tackle the lawn
She told me that she was quiet because she was busy thanking Jesus that she still has a nice place to stay in and loving/kind/good landlord and she does NOT want to lose her home and she wants to make amends and help out with the housework and be a blessing to me, not a source of frustration....She said that she is gonna make a list of chores that she can do and DO THEM....She said that Crystal really made her think big time how lucky she is......I just listened
Then when it was my turn to talk, I told her that IF she can get a portable room AC, and (shes always been honest and sincere) IF she pays the extra electricity AND----IF she and I BOTH can STEP UP and we BOTH do our parts to take care of this little home, I will be a happy camper.....I made it really clear that up to now, I have felt not only do I have the Usual work, but MORE work because of her and "I am not willing to work MORE in my OWN home" she nodded and agreed that she had not been holding up her end of the deal.....I told her that I am willing to observe and see her efforts.....
I went out and began the yard work and i come in and shes in the kitchen, cleaning and sorting and DOING some effort to help
She brought it up again about Crystal and how SHE is so grateful for me and this nice little home and she said AGAIN, she does not want to lose her blessing......I just said "do your part---do what you can---Dont ADD to my already big enough workload--pay the rent on time---just be a GOOD tenent and all will be good" She thanked me for considering a second chance
I remember when I came to MIP in the biginning...i was a ball of anger...I was telling people on here what to do and how to do it...Oh yea, miss pushy, PITA know it all, big time and I was a nuisance and John banned me....
Betty in her Angelic love and kindness kept in touch with me, and she said she saw a ton of good in me, and that I was very worth her efforts to guide, mentor, encourage me....All she wanted out of me was EFFORT and WILLINGNESS to do better, to BE better and I did as I was told...I married the steps, I did step 4 over and over and I humbled myself in that I SAW what a pain in the rear I was and how I was pushing MY anger and MY agenda on others, and I saw, "no wonder John aced me" I deserved it...I needed that wake up call....and Betty allowed me to come back when she saw my actions matching my words and my efforts to do what was right...STAY in my own lane, and work on me...share my ESH, keeping "I" statements, share what I did and what I experienced and LET THEM make their OWN choices....Oh yea, I'll never forget...
Betty gave me a 2nd chance and even when another member and I "got into it" with another member, I took the side of the one I felt was in the right, NOT minding my own business and staying in my lane, John suspended me for a week, I think and the other gal up'ed and quit...but I was not gonna quit on me, so I saw AGAIN....my addiction to control, having to "fix" another when I had all I could do to fix me....and AGAIN, Betty let me back on, chastened, I came back and to this day, I owe her my progress and growth here because SHE gave me a chance.....What if she hadn't??? I dont' want to think where I would be w/out MIP and the love and support I have gotten over the years....
So I am not as able to work so much, not as able to meet my needs, financially in this changing, scary world, so I am gambling on the roommate because , in all honesty, we BOTH need each other and maybe HP put us in each others paths....I know I am a good influence on her re: good eating habits and getting exercise, working her OA program as I work my Alanon/ACA program....I know her rent is going to help me "relax" a bit...and she IS willing....
had she not been humble and open with me about her mistakes and had she NOT been willing to do and be better housemate, I would have chucked this and stayed with the eviction notice and then the financial fear would be on me like white on rice.....I think she is a half way decent gamble...Hell!!! she is already "half trained" by me already....If she can score on a AC unit and step up, help with the housework, I am good to go.....
That homeless lady really gave roommie a big thing to not only think about, but to be grateful that SHE has a nice place to stay and its best not to blow it because I won't try again if this fails...I'll just have to either sell out and downsize to a mobile home somwhere, or what., I don't know....
Sweet, Rosie!
You are so good at everything else, I think you will be a good teacher for her.
And if she continues to be willing to learn, it can work out.
Blessings!
Do the Doggy Girls like her?
Hi Rose,
Reading this update brought something to mind. It was something an early sponsor said to me when I told her of a miraculous change I was seeing in a bf I had back then. She said, "TT, anybody can be good for an hour." I try to keep an open mind but I have never forgotten that when I invite someone new into my life.
Also, I use to instantly give my whole self away to any new relationship. I no longer do that. I get to know someone at a level that feels comfortable for me. I don't give everyone I meet my life story. I have a filter these days. My story is for others in my program and my closest friends. If a person new to me sees perceives that as unfriendly because they've just spilled their guts, not my problem. Today, I have coworkers, neighbors, acquaintances. Some have become true friends but only through practice of healthy boundaries, letting things happen naturally.
You'll see as you mentioned how it feels for you having this women in your house for the long haul. If your hp wants this new person in your life then they will be. ((hugs)) TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 26th of April 2020 09:17:01 PM
did i really want to do the roommate thing??? NO!!! but circumstances/finances forced me into it, so I went through my church....no advertising....no word of mouth EXCEPT through my beloved pastor....this girl has a clean background to have been able to work with children at day care b4 she hurt her back last year and had to get on disability.....so I had an "inside" scoop on her safety, no drugs, no booze, no crime...very straight laced, just human like the rest of us........IF life were ideal, I would be on a little farmette out further from the city, with 2 horses, my dogs and my cat and living BY MYSELF but with friends nearby to ride or chat with.....but that is in my dreams...
People tell me I am secretive sometimes because I don't go deep with but a VERY few select and safe people...I have my church fac2fac group and it took me a while to share MY pain, but I did because these girls were so open and supportive and I needed the fac2fac environment and I connected with a couple of them.....but yea, share the heavy duty stuff IN RECOVERY setting, and no where else, but save a few close friends......so yea, I am with you on that one
as the the "anyone can be good for an hour" AGREE!!!! I told her that this is IT...fish or cut bait time....I am NOT going to be stuck with the whole workload or this won't work for me.....eviction notice is still in my file and we shall see.....I pray that it works because I NEED the rent money.....
she has attended the same church for 12 straight years and has a great rep. with all the folks who know here, so yea, this wasn't a real pig in the poke thing, she was KNOWN by people I trust.....
All I can do is SEE , day by day, watch and observe.....I am big on actions matching their words or I am outta here....
and yes, Roommate could learn from me, I guess, but its her time to shine or walk......She knows that she has to step up, pay the rent on time, help with the cleaning, etc., or its quitting time for me.......I won't try it again....the ONLY reason why i am giving this another chance is that she seems sincere and does NOT want to lose her nice lil home, AND shes from my church and comes highly recommended, lots of folks know and respect her....she also has a clean background....(you can't work at day care if you have ANYthing on your record) and she was injured on the job at a day care center and is on disability......TIME will tell...
I need the rent $$ so badly as I am not as able to work but maybe 1, 2 days MAX and mornings only as this kind of intense concentration tires me out with the PTSD and as I age, I notice---I get mentally tired easier then I used to be...physically, I am like a tank, but mentally, I get tired....so I need the roommate OR a big inheritance which aint coming my way.....so I have to take this pretty good percentage "gamble" if she wasn't so well liked in our church and with good refs, I would NOT do a 2nd chance in my personal home, but when you are poor, social security does NOT do anything but I can EXIST.....It cannot meet my needs....I either have to work pretty regularly which as I age is becoming more difficult, OR get the roommate.....so I told my pastor I was thinking of doing the roommate thing but only through my church and someone KNOWN to our church....so pastor introduced us.....