Today's page in Courage to Change discusses making decisions that affect others as a group. Do I worry that everyone will be happy with the decision? Do I think that there is one right way to do things, and that it is my responsbility to find it?
Tradition One, "Our common welfare should come first" is a guide for Al-Anon groups and also helpful in other situations. If a decision is designed to benefit the greatest number of people, we can support it, but do not have to ignore our own feelings and needs. We can express our needs, and recognize that others have needs too. Ultimately we all benefit from unity in the group.
Today's reminder: Do I try to force my will on others in group situations, or am I learning to respect their rights as well as my own? I can feel secure in my opinions if I keep the group's best interest at heart.
I don't think I have an issue with trying to force my viewpoint on a group. Where I have difficulty is in speaking up for my own viewpoint if I feel that the other members of the group will disagree. I also find it hard when members of a group are arguing with one another; it makes me want to flee. This is a growth opportunity for me.
In Al-Anon groups, I feel quite safe expressing my viewpoint because we have traditions to guide us, and most people in the group have at least some recovery. Other organizations aren't always so healthy, and that's where I can run into problems. But --- I am improving. Through working the steps I discovered a defect of lacking respect for myself. By humbly asking for that defect to be removed, I can gain more courage to express myself, knowing that I do not depend on others' approval.
Lyne said
Apr 17, 2020
Thanks FT for your service and ESH. In a zoom meeting this past week we discussed Tradition 4 which this reading reminded me of.
I'm also reminded of Betty who taught me to stop trying to force solutions. That was a big job for her! I was determined to fix my A and tried for years, to no avai of course. I like what FT said at the end of her share. I also have learned not to depend on others' approval. That was a huge job for me as well. Lyne
DavidG said
Apr 17, 2020
Thanks, Freetime, and Lyne... ...
When I came into the MIP groups, I cottoned on to the saying "Participation is the key to harmony". [Alanon Concept 4.]
For me, this was a good meditation. Initially I felt that i had to spread peace and goodwill all around. But over time, a state
of internal, personal harmony arose as a deal. Then I would not have to rely on outside events to feel safe and secure.
...
Iamhere said
Apr 17, 2020
Thanks Freetime for your service and the daily! Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. It's been my experience that when everyone is allowed to participate freely, authentically and without judgement, a group functions very well. I've seen groups that have fallen apart when one/two try to control others, the meetings, the content, etc. and it's hard to watch. I have no issue expressing my own needs, which are extremely simple these days. I also have no issue adapting to change when the group conscience suggests it. 'Forced solutions' drive people away, and I practice detaching from crazy/controlling people.
I was amazed to find as much politics in volunteering in Boy Scouting as there was when I was an executive for a Telecom Company! I was grateful for my extensive business experience, but still - crazy/controlling people tend to drive out others in all walks of life. As long as I felt I added value, and enjoyed my role, I continued. When that changed, I moved on.
I have no problem with healthy discussions/debates with facts and a little passion mixed in. I am leery of hidden agendas, and sneak attacks that have no relative value to the group, org., issue, etc. Recovery has taught me to just be authentic as possible, and always choose happiness over being right. It's served me well in family, groups, volunteering, etc. Life is too short to get caught up in the drama/chaos of anybody else. I too learned in recovery that when I say what I mean and don't say it mean (or sarcastic or dramatic), I am actually heard more often than not. I also learned in recovery that building self esteem happens by practicing esteemable acts. Not always easy, but always rewarding.
Today's page in Courage to Change discusses making decisions that affect others as a group. Do I worry that everyone will be happy with the decision? Do I think that there is one right way to do things, and that it is my responsbility to find it?
Tradition One, "Our common welfare should come first" is a guide for Al-Anon groups and also helpful in other situations. If a decision is designed to benefit the greatest number of people, we can support it, but do not have to ignore our own feelings and needs. We can express our needs, and recognize that others have needs too. Ultimately we all benefit from unity in the group.
Today's reminder: Do I try to force my will on others in group situations, or am I learning to respect their rights as well as my own? I can feel secure in my opinions if I keep the group's best interest at heart.
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I don't think I have an issue with trying to force my viewpoint on a group. Where I have difficulty is in speaking up for my own viewpoint if I feel that the other members of the group will disagree. I also find it hard when members of a group are arguing with one another; it makes me want to flee. This is a growth opportunity for me.
In Al-Anon groups, I feel quite safe expressing my viewpoint because we have traditions to guide us, and most people in the group have at least some recovery. Other organizations aren't always so healthy, and that's where I can run into problems. But --- I am improving. Through working the steps I discovered a defect of lacking respect for myself. By humbly asking for that defect to be removed, I can gain more courage to express myself, knowing that I do not depend on others' approval.
I'm also reminded of Betty who taught me to stop trying to force solutions. That was a big job for her! I was determined to fix my A and tried for years, to no avai of course. I like what FT said at the end of her share. I also have learned not to depend on others' approval. That was a huge job for me as well. Lyne
When I came into the MIP groups, I cottoned on to the saying "Participation is the key to harmony". [Alanon Concept 4.]
For me, this was a good meditation. Initially I felt that i had to spread peace and goodwill all around. But over time, a state
of internal, personal harmony arose as a deal. Then I would not have to rely on outside events to feel safe and secure.
I was amazed to find as much politics in volunteering in Boy Scouting as there was when I was an executive for a Telecom Company! I was grateful for my extensive business experience, but still - crazy/controlling people tend to drive out others in all walks of life. As long as I felt I added value, and enjoyed my role, I continued. When that changed, I moved on.
I have no problem with healthy discussions/debates with facts and a little passion mixed in. I am leery of hidden agendas, and sneak attacks that have no relative value to the group, org., issue, etc. Recovery has taught me to just be authentic as possible, and always choose happiness over being right. It's served me well in family, groups, volunteering, etc. Life is too short to get caught up in the drama/chaos of anybody else. I too learned in recovery that when I say what I mean and don't say it mean (or sarcastic or dramatic), I am actually heard more often than not. I also learned in recovery that building self esteem happens by practicing esteemable acts. Not always easy, but always rewarding.
Enjoy the weekend MIP family - (((Hugs)))