As you all know I have displaced from my apartment for months. I went to stay with a friend who I know has real.substance abuse issues. It seemed win win
Then the Covid Virus hit. Basically ge has been at home working from home for months.
His job is now in a precarious position because after all at some point you have to go in.
Meantime I lost my jobs and went and got another one. I kept saving
Then the Corona virus halted my return to the building.
Yesterday he lashed out at me verbally
Realy he just wants me to have access to as little as possible in the house.
So I.am caught between a rock and a hard place.
None of this is forever
Yet once again a selfish self absorbed alcoholic inflicts pain in my life
I will not be here for ever but it is painful none the less
I told him to stop yelling at me and he got even more verbally abusive
That is his bv signature. Especially when he is under stress
I have to make other choices for myself.
I can do better than this
This hurts a whole 6 months of this rennovation hold up.then a massive kufe changing crisis
I have a program these days but I still get mad.
The time up button will be coming up.soon
Then you won't see me for dust
Alcoholics are incredibly selfish
Maresie
JerryF said
Apr 16, 2020
((((Maresie)))) This is where I step up in the humility practice of the program; those being teachable times. Letting Go, Surrender, Serenity Prayer and more...over and over until my gut comes to rest. Remember Gratitude for what your friend has permitted and remember how to say it. God Bless and Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
mamalioness said
Apr 16, 2020
((((((((((((Maresie)))))))))))))))) I hear ya.......being holed up with someone NICE is hard enough but a toxic individual has to be sooo hard.........I would , like Jerry said, just keep letting go letting go...detach detach detach....do stuff to take care of you, pray and pray some more.....this TOO shall pass.......
tiredtonite said
Apr 16, 2020
I understand your frustration (((Maresie))) You have your own things you're dealing with and just because you're in recovery and have tools doesn't mean it doesn't feel ugly to have him taking his troubles out on you. Yelling can be intimidating and controlling. You sound like you know what you're dealing with and are zipping the lip and counting the days until you can get out of there. I'm thinking right now of that statement on our Just for Today bookmark that says we can keep something up for 24 hours knowing that we don't have to keep it up for a lifetime. You know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You have an apartment of your own to go to soon. If you can find compassion in your heart for him it may help you get through what time you have left there. The behavior he exhibited is unacceptable but that aside, I believe he does have some unselfishness if he's opened his home to you until you're settled again. Hang in there. the Serenity Prayer is a good tool maybe for this situation. TT
Bo said
Apr 16, 2020
Maresie888 wrote:
As you all know I have displaced from my apartment for months. I went to stay with a friend who I know has real.substance abuse issues. It seemed win win Then the Covid Virus hit. Basically ge has been at home working from home for months. His job is now in a precarious position because after all at some point you have to go in. Meantime I lost my jobs and went and got another one. I kept saving Then the Corona virus halted my return to the building. Yesterday he lashed out at me verbally Realy he just wants me to have access to as little as possible in the house. So I.am caught between a rock and a hard place. None of this is forever Yet once again a selfish self absorbed alcoholic inflicts pain in my life I will not be here for ever but it is painful none the less I told him to stop yelling at me and he got even more verbally abusive That is his bv signature. Especially when he is under stress I have to make other choices for myself. I can do better than this This hurts a whole 6 months of this rennovation hold up.then a massive kufe changing crisis I have a program these days but I still get mad. The time up button will be coming up.soon Then you won't see me for dust Alcoholics are incredibly selfish Maresie
In my experience, and recovery, one of the major components of the program that many people neglect, gloss over, etc. -- is looking at their part, their role, their contribution. And, for me, that's the first step in looking at myself. For me, it's accountability. Sometimes to do that, openly and honestly, one may also need objectivity...and I needed that!!! LOL.
So...another thing I learned in the program and as part of my recovery...Plan B...in my experience, there are always options. Sometimes, we just don't want to look at them. Sometimes we are in denial. Sometimes, who knows, LOL. When you are "in it" sometimes it's hard to see things in a healthy, objective, and sound way. You seem to know so much about this person...who he is, how he gets, why he gets, which may or may not be accurate, but really doesn't matter...he's an addict, not healthy, etc. So, you moved in to stay with him? Now you are "in it" and you are experiencing the consequences of your own decision and actions. I am not sure where this could be win-win, but so be it. I know I used to "jump into the fire" and would do so for a variety of reasons. Doesn't matter why. What mattered to me was that I did it and it was not healthy for me!
He is behaving the way he's supposed to. He's not doing this to you...he's just doing what he's doing. Dogs bark, infants cry, and alcoholics do what they do. Even if we understand that...and accept that...that is not enough. That doesn't "solve the problem" or "allow us to be healthy". I found myself in similar situations, many times. Before recovery, it was relationships, personal, business, didn't matter. Mostly personal relationships, and mostly the core problem was -- the other person wasn't healthy, neither was I, and how I handled it!!! I can't control or change the first thing...but I can control and change the second and third!!! And I did!!! And so can you!
When presented with this...I applied my program! I worked my program in and around this one specific issue...and guess what? It worked! LOL. Like it always has, like it always does! Talk to your sponsor, spike up your meetings, and lean into your program! It works if you work it...so work it...you're worth it!
a4l said
Apr 17, 2020
Oh maresie. What a lot to deal with at any time but especially now. I hear you. Sending prayers your way, take as good care as you can.
Maresie888 said
Apr 17, 2020
My contribution to it was that I was real sick (with the Corona virus) at the time I moved. I was told it would be six weeks. Now it is over 14 weeks
There are clear indications the apartment is coming back in a few weeks
No one is permitted to move right now
Thank you for your support
One day at a time
Bo said
Apr 17, 2020
Sometimes, we have no part, contribution, etc. A relationship with an addict/alcoholic is sometimes a "no win" situation. Also, in working the steps, in my experience, I learned, for me -- this has nothing to do with blame. We do the best we can, with the knowledge, tools, and resources, we had at the time. We go gentle on ourselves. For me, it's about accountability. That allows me to have real, hard-core, absolutely and total acceptance. I have that -- everything else is fine, falls into place. I have no anger, resentment, etc. I have no blame, guilt, etc. All is fine in the mental world, LOL.
Your health -- and well-being -- is tantamount to self-care, best interests, and so on. That's critical. Most important, I am glad you are healthy now!!! All the best!
PosiesandPuppies said
Apr 17, 2020
(((((Maresie)))))
Sending you support. Dealing with your "right now" sounds like you will be using all your tools!! I am glad you are on the mend.
:peaceL
Iamhere said
Apr 17, 2020
(((Maresie))) - I too am sending you tons of positive energy and support! The good news - it's soon going to be good - back to your space, your way, etc.
Beckon2 said
Apr 17, 2020
(((marese))) I'm going through this
With my live in boyfriend. He's is fine,then if Angry OMG. Terrifying. Oh then he's always leaveing me.(big trigger) he just
Went off again.I day at a time,try to make
The meetings..I'm so tired,and sad.
This guy doesn't drink. So thinking
Dry drunks.ugh. I can have a temper too.
I pray alot. Say serenity prayer over,and over. Lord's prayer over,and over.
Hugs and prayers to you. Silgirl
mamalioness said
Apr 17, 2020
((((((((((((((((((((((Maresie)))))))))))))))))))))) Sending you some love and support and THIS too shall PASS and be behind you...I know, its hard waiting, but it will work out....Meantime?? Just keep hanging out here, getting our support and encouragement and keep the focus on you..........
Fedora said
Apr 20, 2020
((((Maresie)))) Just a word of "I hear you, I feel you". I am praying for fortitude for you in these difficult days. I hope hope hope that you can get out of that living situation soon (come on virus, GO AWAY) and find a quiet place for yourself.
Maresie888 said
Apr 20, 2020
My apartment will be available in another week. There will be an overlap between apartments. I.will finally get to rest
This year has been very very difficult
A real challenge
I know I will be a lot better in my own environment
It is going to be hard to get it together but af least I can be comfortable
I am giving myself a month
Maresie
Freetime said
Apr 20, 2020
Maresie, sending positive thoughts that you will soon be in your apartment and life will be looking better.
Iamhere said
Apr 20, 2020
Love, love, love your news Maresie! The light at the end of your tunnel is shining brightly...positive thoughts, prayers and energy continue from my world to yours!
Maresie888 said
Apr 23, 2020
I still have to move all the stuff which is daunting. Nevertheless things are looking up.for me
Barely
The stress of the moving, beibg sick, living with an alcoholic are off the charts
Completeky off the charts
I have to cinstantly acknowledge I am exhausted
Totalky comoletely exhausted
Maresir
((((Maresie)))) This is where I step up in the humility practice of the program; those being teachable times. Letting Go, Surrender, Serenity Prayer and more...over and over until my gut comes to rest. Remember Gratitude for what your friend has permitted and remember how to say it. God Bless and Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
I understand your frustration (((Maresie))) You have your own things you're dealing with and just because you're in recovery and have tools doesn't mean it doesn't feel ugly to have him taking his troubles out on you. Yelling can be intimidating and controlling. You sound like you know what you're dealing with and are zipping the lip and counting the days until you can get out of there. I'm thinking right now of that statement on our Just for Today bookmark that says we can keep something up for 24 hours knowing that we don't have to keep it up for a lifetime. You know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You have an apartment of your own to go to soon. If you can find compassion in your heart for him it may help you get through what time you have left there. The behavior he exhibited is unacceptable but that aside, I believe he does have some unselfishness if he's opened his home to you until you're settled again. Hang in there. the Serenity Prayer is a good tool maybe for this situation. TT
In my experience, and recovery, one of the major components of the program that many people neglect, gloss over, etc. -- is looking at their part, their role, their contribution. And, for me, that's the first step in looking at myself. For me, it's accountability. Sometimes to do that, openly and honestly, one may also need objectivity...and I needed that!!! LOL.
So...another thing I learned in the program and as part of my recovery...Plan B...in my experience, there are always options. Sometimes, we just don't want to look at them. Sometimes we are in denial. Sometimes, who knows, LOL. When you are "in it" sometimes it's hard to see things in a healthy, objective, and sound way. You seem to know so much about this person...who he is, how he gets, why he gets, which may or may not be accurate, but really doesn't matter...he's an addict, not healthy, etc. So, you moved in to stay with him? Now you are "in it" and you are experiencing the consequences of your own decision and actions. I am not sure where this could be win-win, but so be it. I know I used to "jump into the fire" and would do so for a variety of reasons. Doesn't matter why. What mattered to me was that I did it and it was not healthy for me!
He is behaving the way he's supposed to. He's not doing this to you...he's just doing what he's doing. Dogs bark, infants cry, and alcoholics do what they do. Even if we understand that...and accept that...that is not enough. That doesn't "solve the problem" or "allow us to be healthy". I found myself in similar situations, many times. Before recovery, it was relationships, personal, business, didn't matter. Mostly personal relationships, and mostly the core problem was -- the other person wasn't healthy, neither was I, and how I handled it!!! I can't control or change the first thing...but I can control and change the second and third!!! And I did!!! And so can you!
When presented with this...I applied my program! I worked my program in and around this one specific issue...and guess what? It worked! LOL. Like it always has, like it always does! Talk to your sponsor, spike up your meetings, and lean into your program! It works if you work it...so work it...you're worth it!
Your health -- and well-being -- is tantamount to self-care, best interests, and so on. That's critical. Most important, I am glad you are healthy now!!! All the best!
Sending you support. Dealing with your "right now" sounds like you will be using all your tools!! I am glad you are on the mend.
:peaceL