Maybe I need to get out more. Maybe I need to stay in. I had to get something in the mail today that couldn't be submitted online. I wore a mask for the first time. It's not a very good one and was very annoying. It caused me to inhale my own breath and although it was fresh leaving the house, that was absolutely gross feeling after about a half hour. I had to come f2f with someone for business. Each of us trying to keep distance, not handling things too much of the other, each of us masked. I called ahead and asked if they were prepared for social distancing. That's one idea I think I will continue to use for future encounters.
Then I wanted to go on to a store. We'd gotten a lot delivered last night but there were a lot of things from another store that does not deliver that I wanted. I was leary about going there but wore the mask and decided I would do a quick run through of aisles and get things. I know that wearing a mask doesn't mean I'm safe or others with masks are safe to be close to. When I got there, most customers were wearing masks and some of the store employees. I tried to get what I needed and not get close to others. I waited or went to another aisle to get something there with the thought of returning to any aisle where someone else was busy getting what they need. Suddenly, some guy wearing a mask who is shopping comes racing toward me at breakneck speed so I begin to back up. He says, "What's the matter?!" I said, "I'm trying to have some distance from you." I turn and leave the aisle. God I hate this. This is why we had stuff delivered. It's my own fault because I just need to accept that this is how it is. Maybe people are believing a mask means they can go about things just as they did before this virus came about. Lesson learned, don't go to stores where people aren't being led around like sheep with floor markers and only a few at a time.
Then I got to the cashier who was so nervous, clearly afraid he may get the virus. He looked like I'd asked him to empty the register. lol It's not really funny, it's sad, sad for all of us. The credit card swiper was was wrapped in plastic so no buttons could be pushed. You could either slide or push your card in. I thanked the cashier at the end of the transaction and smiled at them but I had a mask on so I guessed I smiled at myself. No big deal, I can use all the smiles I can get. lol Got home, bf went to wash hands and I broke down in the kitchen crying while he was gone. He came in and saw me and I told him how bad it felt to see another person so visibly frightened and to be frightened as we interacted with one another. We live in a hotspot. Our county has five times or more cases than all the other counties in the state.
Bf said it was good to at least get out. I disagreed. I said it was hard and nervewracking to have these experiences in stores. He said he appreciated that I was the one going into stores and offered to take turns. I told him we should be ok with stuff for a few more weeks, things are getting worse and less people were out there. I LOL and said even with that it only takes one person going around like this isn't happening. Anyway, just needed to get this out and let it go. Thanks for letting me share with you. ((hugs)) TT
DavidG said
Apr 16, 2020
Oh boy! T-T...
a good way to learn the value body language! We have a community facebook forum. People are swarming around the cycle trails on a warm afternoon- with near misses to snarl-ups. I suppose there is a light side to all this? Lovely share... ...
Iamhere said
Apr 16, 2020
(((TT))) - I hear you....I am fortunate to live in an area that closed down early and our 'curve' has stayed reasonably flat, yet my county has more than any other county in the state. I am one who really loves to fly out/about to get what I need when I need it so making a list, planning for the outings, etc. is an adjustment. I did that for a few weeks and have since just resorted to both delivery and curb-side pick up. This has made me leave behind some stores I love to shop at but the last visit I made was - like yours - stressful! I have just decided to do what I can to limit any/all contact and if that means we don't have some 'favorites' - I remind myself it's temporary and will pass.
Just FYI - you can create/print labels for USPS, UPS and FedEx online. I ship daily and would have closed my stores if this was not an option. Our Post Office always has a line and is super busy and that's not changed with the pandemic. Doing the prep. online, and prepaying online allows me to drop the boxes and go - a receipt is emailed when they scan the package. Feel free to PM me if you want/need more details.
These are trying times and I anticipate a 'new normal' even when things are settled more. Hang in there and so glad you're set now for a couple weeks! (((hugs)))
Maresie888 said
Apr 16, 2020
I know I caught the virus in January so the fear is not there for me. Nevertheless it is really toxic to be walking around believing someone could give it to you
In January no one knew what they were doilng out. Now we are all afraid
I.survived the virus. It was really nasty but most people do survive it
Remember that most people come out the other side .
One day at a time I move through this crisis. I sift through what affects me
I let go
But long term I am looking at making major changes in my life
mamalioness said
Apr 16, 2020
((((((((((((((((((((TT)))))))))))))))))))))))) Oh I hear you...I only go to basically TWO stores where the people aren't SO FAR, like what you describe....this is a learning curve...people afraid of people's germs.....and walmart is the absolute worst...rude cashiers , people bumping into me as I am trying to stay 6' apart and in back of me they are banging into me because they can't WAIT for their turn to put their stuff up on the conveyor.....I am not going there unless it is absolutely necessary.....I basically go to ALDI and Kroger..they are organized....efficient...shelves very well supplied, considering.......and yea, one day at a time, I move through this.....I get up, bathe....do SOMETHING, if not working on computer, I tidy up my room, or organize a drawer, move stuff about to just feel like I did something...resting as needed.....I am living , literally, ONE day at a time..this virus taught methat NOTHING is secure anymore....we are here today...thats all we got........TODAY so i am trying to make the today's as positive as I can
a4l said
Apr 17, 2020
It is unnerving. The visual element I think is a massive shock to the psyche. There was something about your post that reminded me of living in a predominantly Muslim area for years. I had never seen burqa. One day, a woman smiled with her eyes at my sleeping daughter and I mean full on beamed the love with her eyes. I was changed after that moment in some small way. As within, so without. I hope you find some serenity today; there are no cases where I am but we are still forced to comply outwardly with the rules even when some of them make no sense. Latex gloves on cashiers is freaking me out. All the germs ordainarily without covid 19 on those long worn never washed gloves. I have a glen 20 spray in my car and in my bathroom and my living area. Normally. I digress as usual. these are challenging times. Im glad your partner is offering to do the shopping. It is a weird experience just now.
tiredtonite said
Apr 17, 2020
Thanks so much ((((everyone))) for the support and for sharing your own feelings about it. It helps to me to release these feelings on the board rather than stuff them or have feelings come out sideways in my home.
Maresie, I'm sorry you contracted the virus and very glad you are well now.
Stay well everyone. Keep sharing. TT
JerryF said
Apr 17, 2020
I woke up this morning in a quiet powerless mood very relaxed and made my plans early morning. First gratitude as all was quiet and soft, next give my wife a shoulder massage as it felt that she has been lifting weights and then a simple breakfast with my literature next to the cup of coffee which I read slowly and thoughtfully feeling myself within my HP's love and care. Such a peaceful atmosphere. Then I meditated on some of the sayings on some of the pages in the books before sitting back and relaxing.
I am grateful I have been allowed to continue life without the feelings that I will very soon lose mine. I do have a higher Power who is everything I have been lead to believe from inside the program. Mahalo Akua, Mahalo AFG/MIP (((())))
mamalioness said
Apr 18, 2020
((((((((((((((((((((Jerry))))))))))))))))))) your post was beeeeeeeutiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mahalo Akua for sharing Jerry with us here on this board......
Jen61 said
Apr 18, 2020
We went shopping this morning. We got there just before the store opened. We had gloves and a mask on. When we get home we use the wipes to wipe everything down. I to have bought a lot of stuff online so I do not have to get out. It is very scary to me, and I am sure to everyone. Take care.
JerryF said
Apr 18, 2020
Jen it sounds like you are very settle with this condition...accepting the powerlessness of the condition...Marvelous!! And I sometimes think how come I didn't handle the disease this well? Might be because there isn't an alcoholic or addict to blame for it? I am taking care with the program and it feels good to be able to do that without resentments. (((((Hugs)))))
tiredtonite said
Apr 18, 2020
Jerry, thanks for your share. Sounds like you had a great day yesterday.
Jen, thanks for your response. It's helpful to hear how others are responding in these very unnatural situations and finding workable solutions to maintain sanity and serenity. Continuing with online shopping and delivery seems the way to go so I will be sticking with that as well.
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Saturday 18th of April 2020 07:30:02 PM
Maresie888 said
Apr 18, 2020
I was listening to a psychiatrist yesterday he said it is important to remind ourselves of our strength. The other issue is to think about #bending# with this layer and layer of stressors.
I name the stressors that I have displaced from my home, living with someone who is not that supportive (but he does helo.me with my dog) increased commute. I am working more hours right now because I am displaced. That is good to have finds but it is hard
Lean on other. It is really hard to go out people are full of fear and reactive. I changed my hours so I had less stress
I actively resisted getting enmeshed with the #friend# I am staying with. He has been working at home for over 3 months.
The site he works at has only one person in at a time. He really could go to work but he doesn't. That is his business. Not mine
I feel incredibly isolated. I am finding ways to address that.
Everyone is overwhelmed right now. That would be normal. What a test of our al anon skills to deal with this time of turmoil
The most important thing is to forgive myself. I get a sense of foreboding when my life is going to be difficult. I had a real sense about that in December. I need to find ways to honor that
We are all here for you. Lean on this group. Let out that frustration. Let out that pain.
This is the ideal container for that right here
Maresie
andromeda said
Apr 19, 2020
Lovely shares, everyone. It sounds as if we are all handling this as best as we can for our individual circumstances. To mitigate the frustrations of the week and the isolation I feel (I am an extrovert and was rarely home before this all started), my bf and I make sure we take road trips to isolated Forest Service Roads. We call these our recon missions for future camping and hiking trips. I cook our meals during the week and we enjoy our alone time and it helps to balance out my weeks for now.
I am not a person who does well working from home but I'm finding that I just need to be grateful for what program has taught me. I work out daily, I am cooking a whole lot more, and I try to be extremely patient when out and about around others reminding myself that we're all in this together even if one person isn't abiding by the constructs before them. They may be scared but facing this differently than others do. Sending you all virtual hugs!
tiredtonite said
Apr 20, 2020
Thanks for your share andromeda. We have been researching new places for outdoor activities We are able to take drives to check them out as well. Here, we are now able to do more things outdoors. Some sporting, park and recreation areas are being opened again with the understanding that people will still be mindful of social distancing. The weather has been beautiful and Spring is finally here after a surprise snowstorm on Easter Sunday. Garden centers are now considered essential businesses. Even if it's a little early here to plant, we can now begin ordering online for pick up or visiting with safety guidelines in place. I look forward to enjoying all of the beauty, colors and scents. :) TT
mamalioness said
Apr 20, 2020
I work out daily, I am cooking a whole lot more, and I try to be extremely patient when out and about around others reminding myself that we're all in this together even if one person isn't abiding by the constructs before them. They may be scared but facing this differently than others do. Sending you all virtual hugs!
hey Andomeda, lovely share.....
and we are in this together and helping, supporting each other is what I try to do...and the ones who are not taking care, I keep my distance, wear my mask, just do what I can to keep distance, I have my bottle and rag in my backpack where i can clean my hands, etc., and yea, lots of fear, I agree!!!!! HUGS to you!!! BE safe...
I make it a point to do gratitude....roommate was depressed, being in lockdown with me, someone she only has known since the First of April, yea, its hard for BOTH of us, but I told her we are blessed!!!! we have our needs met...nice comfy cute place to live, beautiful spacious back yard, nice neighbors, she and i are good people, tossed together, but we are NOT alone...I reminded her that many folks , elderly or disabled, are alone...Noone to care for them...No one to call them, and maybe not getting their needs met....I told her we have much to be grateful for...Our church pastors do Zoom meetings with us so we stay connected....She brightened up after i gave my little grateful speech.....I miss my church activities...I miss my gyms....I miss hanging out with folks/friends I made in the church, but this too shall pass.....
thank God we are in the age of the internet and we CAN stay connected via, zoom, hangouts, facetime, etc., facebook.....back in 1918 when they had the "super pandemic" lockdown meant total isolation if one was alone....
Maresie888 said
Apr 21, 2020
I was alone and real real sick in February. The #friend# who I am staying with did not even bring me a drink of water. The virus has a lot of fatigue. I would have loved a cup of orange juice anything but none cane
This is not the first time I was left to.fend for myself when I was real sick
The #friend# who I an staying with has been working from home for months. Has he done one thing to tidy up. Nope
I work real hard to detach from his destructiveness. His house is a mess. I decided when I came on board I would say nothing. Every day I say nothing about it
I would never have been able to do that before. Whatever he decides to do is his business
I am going to work real hard not to take on too much. These are very very hard times
I no longer have to save the world. Saving the world almost destroyed me countless times
Maresie
tiredtonite said
Apr 21, 2020
Thanks for sharing (((maresie))) I'm grateful for your honesty and shares. Although this isn't WSO Alanon, we are people in Alanon and the purpose of the program is to help us live more healthfully outside the rooms of the program. We had a c2c reading just a few days back about the rooms of Alanon being a safe place to share our feelings and receive unconditional love and support. We get the opportunity to practice both being vulnerable by sharing what we're truly feeling rather than hiding our feelings as well as offering support to others. You mentioned "strength." I gain strength from doing both. We have CAL, we have meetings, we other Alanon tools as you mentioned such as detachment. But this isn't coursework with a pass/fail grading system. We are real people with real fears not imagined ones and sharing them here for me anyway is a way of feeling less alone, processing and coming to terms with what is and isn't within my control to change. Only I and my hp know what is the next right action for me. Again, I'm glad you continue to share and others their day to day experiences here. The fear is real. Honest sharings about it and things others are doing daily have been helpful to me as we all go through this. My own sharings are an emotional release that help my sanity and serenity during this very unnatural time. I'm glad you're here and keep coming back to share.
Thanks for sharing ((Rose))) reminders concerning gratitude. These are extraordinary times for sure and going back to basics in relation to gratitude has been helping me too - hp, friends, home, food etc.
"thank God we are in the age of the internet and we CAN stay connected via, zoom, hangouts, facetime, etc., facebook.....back in 1918 when they had the "super pandemic" lockdown meant total isolation if one was alone...."
I can be grateful to have internet access. I can take it for granted but not everyone has it and some can't afford to have it right now. With respect to 1918, I suppose people leaned on their faith and the will to keep living and some made it. Diaries were kept, letters written, music and literature was available as well as connecting outdoors with nature. Care of crops, plants, animals and home involved physical and mental work. There were also telephones in existence. I wonder if we're really so different a hundred years later aside from having easier ways of accomplishing physical tasks. Anyway, just thoughts I had :)
((hugs))) TT
Maresie888 said
Apr 22, 2020
I think the issue with COVID 19 is whether one will get real sick or not
I have 3 comorbidities
One having asthma (pretty well controlled)
The other being overweight
And a third having high blood pressure
So when I was sick earlier this year I certainly suffered.
What made it worse was I was not at home
The other thing was having obligations to others.
I had to move out of my apartment
Then I was employed
Then I had Little to no support
So I was in.a bad way
Since then I have made changes .
I made new friends
I stopped interacting with people who drain me.
I took steps to improve my finances
I forgave myself
I started eating better
I stopped putting a lot of pressure on myself
I recognized I needed help
I set limits
I cane here
I got honest
That is a big improvement for me
Eventually I will have a test to confirm I had covid
Eventually I see a doctor next week
I set up reasonable expectations for myself
Learning about COVID is tough going but this virus has been around for a while. Most people survive. A very small fraction of oeople get real sick. There is a lot more information out there
I lived in fear most of my life. Al anon helped me through that
Maresie
Opiedoggie61 said
May 1, 2020
Hello unnerving, I am new to this stuff. Normally I would go to a meeting and learn something and come out feeling comforted. That is not going to happen for a very long time and the thought of that reality makes me so very sad. I have been crying a lot lately when I am alone and I just can't seem to shake that feeling of loneliness! My hope is that communicating with others who express themselves in writing ... well I have faith that it will help.
Your shopping experience touched me because I feel the same way whenever I go out walking alone on the trails and turning my back and stepping away from anyone that even comes remotely closer than 6 ft ! It saddens me because I am friendly and I always say hello whenever I encounter another human being and I too smile. My smile is obstructed and in hiding behind my mask. Some how I feel that my eyes are smiling and the person I am looking at (from a distance) can actually feel the smile coming out of my eyes. Silly huh? Well ... it makes me fell happy to think that thought. Maybe humans will make more eye contact and that will be our new greeting. They say the eyes are the soul of the person. I hope so.
This is weird ... I am actually feeling a lot better since communicating this way.
I live with my husband of 58 years (whose counting lol) He has been in recovery for almost 40 years (I don't count because that is his domain not mine - Al anon lessons). It's really hard to say the least to be confined to a two bedroom, two bath, apt with a terrace. Not that I am complaining, I am very grateful for what we have and feel blessed in many ways. The bigger problem is what to watch on TV lol ! Thank God he stays in the TV room which is his man cave and I stay around the rest of the apt when I am not outside walking on the trail or going into town or cooking (my hobby) just for the hell of it.
Last week we took a run to COSTCO early in the AM for Senior admittance. Everyone wore masks, gloves and honored the distancing. We stocked up so as not to make unnecessary trips to the local market where people are not as diligent about wearing a mask. Two weeks ago I walked to to the local market and there was a line of maybe 30 in front of me. I noticed an older guy not wearing a mask standing there reading the flyer so I asked him if he was the end of the line. He said I suppose so ... I pointed to my mask and he said what???? I said, we all need to wear a mask! He said no I don't it's not mandatory !!!! I wanted to go for his jugular ... I guess he read my eyes and he blurted out "WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE IN THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES WHO ARE Dead FROM MALARIA ????"
That's when I turned to the person behind me and said "This is not my day to shop" with that I left the line and walked to the bakery!! I purchased two jelly donuts for my husband and a crumb bun for myself ... I walked home with a smile on my face (that only I knew about) and a glimmer of a smile in my eyes and bounce in my walk. When I got home I made myself a cup of java and ate my delicious crumb bun. My husband asked how my walk was and I said "GREAT"
Thanks for listening ... signing off with much love and light in my heart ... be well and stay safe.
Crmans said
May 1, 2020
Opiedoggie61....your post made me smile! And, FWIW, I have worked in the dental field for years. Assisting on & off. So Ive worn a mask for many years....& yes, people see the smile in your eyes. Keep smiling. People see it & feel it. The world needs more of it
Opiedoggie61 said
May 1, 2020
Crman Hello and thank you so very much! I am going to sleep now and I hope I have an amazzzzing dream! It's pretty scary where I live as we are in the epi-center in NY
It's all good take care and be safe
JerryF said
May 1, 2020
Opiedoggie you got a twin experience here being made comfortable with your post. Your husband and I have the same amount of years of sobriety and we, you and I and my wife are also in the Al-Anon Family Groups. My wife though gets the TV and other liberties including command of the operations here she thinks. She is most ordained as I have recently moved up here (Clovis CA) from my home of Hawaii to practice fairness and such as she spent 28 years of her life living in Hawaii and needed my participation. The changes with the costumes everyone is wearing is temporary I hope and the additional hardships make having a program of surrender and acceptance valuable. I hope you keep coming back as often as you like or need...we are family. (((((hugs)))))
Bo said
May 1, 2020
Great sharing everyone. What is apparent and resonates with me is that everyone is acting, reacting, and handling their own situation the very best they can, with whatever tools, mindset, etc. that they have. What that tells me is that there is no right or wrong here. It is what it is for each and every person here based upon their own individual and personal circumstances. Thus, the event, is simply the event.
I've had similar events as some of the people here and what I've read on other threads. So, for me, my personal reaction to each and every person I've come into contact with in these individual events is as follows -- I do not judge the other person. Not at all. I don't know if they had a death in the family or with a friend. I don't know what they have or are going through. So, it is not for me to judge. I just go about my task -- and they act, react, etc., whatever way they do. I simply be "accepting" and extremely patient with the other person when I am out and come into some sort of contact with another person. Personally, I have made the decision to keep my office closed, and have everyone work remotely. I don't judge whether people think that is a good idea or not. I have not laid off, furloughed, or terminated one person. I made that decision consciously. But that was my decision. Me, my company, my clients, my vendors, and so on -- we are all where we are, and we are all in this together. We ar all struggling, some more than others, all relative. If one person is "overreacting" that's their prerogative, action, or their reaction. With our without justification, and I do NOT sit in judgement or try to rationalize or justify their prerogative, reaction or reaction.
One woman I observed "overreacted" in a specialty grocery store I was in. I watched the incident. Every person felt she overreacted. I ended up behind her on line to check out. I waited -- behind the (new) line the store put down on the floor -- and when appropriate, I asked the cashier, and the woman whether or not I could put my things on the conveyor belt. They both said yes. The woman was very sensitive based upon everyone around her. I of course remembered how she reacted to the incident earlier in another part of the store, approximately 20 minutes earlier. She proceeded to check out. I waited. When she was done checking out and putting her bags in the shoping cart, ready to walk out of the store, guess what happened? The cashier turned to her and said, "Marge, I really don't know what to say, but I heard about Ken, and I am so sorry. I was so sad to hear about him, he was such a sweet person, and I am so sorry for you and your family." The woman thanked her profusely, emotional, but very sincere. The woman then left the store.
As I was checking out, I didn't ask anything, or solicit any information. However, the cashier on her own simply told me "It's so sad. That woman lives here in town. I know her from town. Ken was her husband. They were high-school sweethearts, got married just after college, and were married for 47 years. They raised four children, and have ten grandchildren. He got sick about a month ago, and died 24 hours later. There wasn't a funeral, or a even a viewing/wake."
I can say a lot about this. But all I will say is...while I am not sure, I think God doesn't "judge" people until their last day...I am certainly not going to do so before that...or at all.
Maresie888 said
May 2, 2020
I find wearing a mask really claustrophoc
Therefore I try to go to.the store early and get out fast
Costco is a nightmare
I have also had the issue of moving through all this. Moving out temporarily moving back in
I am in the process of moving back in
I am pacing myself
Meanwhile trying to taje care of things. Today I got in a doctors visit
Of course it is not a visit just a phone call.
I will get my.medication next week
I have to wait for the medication to come through the.mail.
The roommate took it upon himself to dump on me for half an hour last week. Basically yelled at me for half an hour.
I did nothing to deserve that.
He just took his opportunity.
That dumping was a full on attack.
The second one in a minth
I still have quite a bit of stuff at his house and I will get it out in the next week
I have nothing left to say to him
Alcoholism is progressive. He may #function# but his alcoholism is getting worse, far far worse.
I have enough on my plate without that.
I have far too much on my plate actually and cannot wait to get stable. This has been a nightmare 6 months. Covid out it totally over the top.
Maresie
tiredtonite said
May 2, 2020
Thanks (((everyone)))) for your experience, wisdom and insights. I am certainly in a much better place today than I was when I created this post two weeks ago. Odie, I just want to welcome you! Thanks for your share. Keep taking care and I hope you keep coming back to share Alanon recovery here. I enjoyed reading about your uncertainty about your husband's number of sobriety years and focusing on yourself. I've lost track of partner's time in AA. We're both invested in our separate recoveries but he also took an interest in Alanon, reads my books and feels working Alanon is an an enhancement to his AA program. The programs and applying Alanon Traditions in our home keeps us growing our own recoveries and our relationship.
As far as this unique experience of the pandemic, today it's about focusing on myself. All I need to do is continue to keep safe in stores, public spaces and just basically mind my own business. Keep It Simple. It's really immaterial to me what is the motivation of some else's actions. In other words, I only need to be aware of my own words, thoughts and actions - keep working my program. If I feel someone's choice has the potential to affect me adversely, I can choose self care. I really don't need to make excuses for others in stores and public spaces and project based on MY thoughts and feelings why I think THEY may be doing what they are doing. I'm not them and I don't know so back to my side of street.
Two weeks later, I'm finding it easier to adjust myself to what is. I have a better plan in place for taking care of myself. I don't like wearing a mask but I see the value so if a store requests it, I do it. It really doesn't take anything from me to go along with this. I try to practice courtesy and patience as I move through stores and public places.
Mostly, I've come to terms with the fact that this is a very unnatural situation that's stress inducing at times. Going to the store carries with it a set of rules and protocols which didn't exist before. I can leave a store if what's going on doesn't feel right for me. I am staying aware of my feelings and honoring them. The cost of delivery is a better choice than the cost to my sanity and serenity. It's good to know myself and recognize my emotional limits on a given day. My days are better when I'm willing to meet myself where I am and accept myself in my entirety. My human doing days are long over. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Saturday 2nd of May 2020 08:55:56 AM
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Saturday 2nd of May 2020 09:25:41 AM
andromeda said
May 2, 2020
Honestly, IAH, I signed up for instacart for 10$ a month. they shop at Sprouts and all the local grocery stores for you and deliver to my door. They then discount the delivery fee to about $1.50 and I pay a tip to the driver. I am a high tipper because most of these folks are people who recently lost jobs or got furloughed.
I do not make a large salary but at least I am employed and know that my company and job are safe despite what is going on around us.
This whole thing unnerves me. The wearing of masks by everyone freaks me out, honestly. It's like something from the Twilight zone. I don't have a mask. I wear a fabric neckerchief that I use while hiking or off roading to block dust or bugs, lol. So, it now has a dual purpose.
I listen to clients all day long who throw their conspiracy theories at me. Some who tell me they think the whole world is insane and that they aren't going to abide by any of the restricitons, etc. or, some who are the complete opposite and totally living in fear holing up at home and not even seeing the light of day. Most of our clients are older than 65 and many are compromised. I don't take sides in those conversations but there are days when I want to just scream. It's so hard to be on the phone and listen to people vent. Then, throw in the economic fears and fallout and our conversations are depressing. I am in the industry of finance and my main concerns are those about the economy and the fallout in 9 months from this. The future can't be predicted but this is going to create a deep economic hole in the world's economies and it's depressing to think about it.
I try to just enjoy every day. Tomorrow we're going to the Lake and paddleboarding. Today my bf is mountain biking while I stay at my house to clean and cook and organize.
My son is having some health issues and is going in for a brain MRI and CT scan next Wed. His neurologist wasn't super concerned, I figured, since he didn't send my son for an emergency MRI but my momma bear fears are kicked into high gear these days. My son has been dealing with vertigo, headaches, memory issues, and just brain fog, etc. But, at the same time, he's been working on his coding skills daily, creating music for his spotify channel, and seems 'normal' most of the time. The symptoms seem to be worse at night so who knows? The doctor mentioned something a magnesium issue and maybe some fluid between his brain stem and inner ear? I guess we'll find out soon enough.
Have a great day everyone!
mamalioness said
May 2, 2020
tiredtonite wrote:
As far as this unique experience of the pandemic, today it's about focusing on myself. All I need to do is continue to keep safe in stores, public spaces and just basically mind my own business. Keep It Simple. It's really immaterial to me what is the motivation of some else's actions.
(((((((((((((((((TT)))))))))))))))))))) that exactly what I do.....do my best by me and stay in my lane, and yes, KISS and really??? what others think of my "distancing" is not my problem.....I minimize contact with folks, unless I really know them and am close to them, and even then, I watch for signs of maybe a cold, or malaise of some other kind....just , like David said, watching body language and using common sense which I know you got TONS of.............stay safe and stay well, my friend
Maresie888 said
May 3, 2020
I got the virus at the end of January/beginning of February.
This was before we knew what it was
One reason I share it is because I belueve this virus has been out here for a long time
I believe a large proportion of people hsve been infected. At some point a majority of people will have been infected. Sone people are lucky enough to be infected and not even get symptoms. I was not one of them
I.most certainly got pretty sick.
I am however grateful I did not get even sicker
I over extended myself when I was sick. I took some time off but it should hsve been a week off not a few days
Now I am taking time off now so I can finish this move. I have about 30/40 boxes of stuff to.move.
One day at a time
Maybe I need to get out more. Maybe I need to stay in. I had to get something in the mail today that couldn't be submitted online. I wore a mask for the first time. It's not a very good one and was very annoying. It caused me to inhale my own breath and although it was fresh leaving the house, that was absolutely gross feeling after about a half hour. I had to come f2f with someone for business. Each of us trying to keep distance, not handling things too much of the other, each of us masked. I called ahead and asked if they were prepared for social distancing. That's one idea I think I will continue to use for future encounters.
Then I wanted to go on to a store. We'd gotten a lot delivered last night but there were a lot of things from another store that does not deliver that I wanted. I was leary about going there but wore the mask and decided I would do a quick run through of aisles and get things. I know that wearing a mask doesn't mean I'm safe or others with masks are safe to be close to. When I got there, most customers were wearing masks and some of the store employees. I tried to get what I needed and not get close to others. I waited or went to another aisle to get something there with the thought of returning to any aisle where someone else was busy getting what they need. Suddenly, some guy wearing a mask who is shopping comes racing toward me at breakneck speed so I begin to back up. He says, "What's the matter?!" I said, "I'm trying to have some distance from you." I turn and leave the aisle. God I hate this. This is why we had stuff delivered. It's my own fault because I just need to accept that this is how it is. Maybe people are believing a mask means they can go about things just as they did before this virus came about. Lesson learned, don't go to stores where people aren't being led around like sheep with floor markers and only a few at a time.
Then I got to the cashier who was so nervous, clearly afraid he may get the virus. He looked like I'd asked him to empty the register. lol It's not really funny, it's sad, sad for all of us. The credit card swiper was was wrapped in plastic so no buttons could be pushed. You could either slide or push your card in. I thanked the cashier at the end of the transaction and smiled at them but I had a mask on so I guessed I smiled at myself. No big deal, I can use all the smiles I can get. lol Got home, bf went to wash hands and I broke down in the kitchen crying while he was gone. He came in and saw me and I told him how bad it felt to see another person so visibly frightened and to be frightened as we interacted with one another. We live in a hotspot. Our county has five times or more cases than all the other counties in the state.
Bf said it was good to at least get out. I disagreed. I said it was hard and nervewracking to have these experiences in stores. He said he appreciated that I was the one going into stores and offered to take turns. I told him we should be ok with stuff for a few more weeks, things are getting worse and less people were out there. I LOL and said even with that it only takes one person going around like this isn't happening. Anyway, just needed to get this out and let it go. Thanks for letting me share with you. ((hugs)) TT
Oh boy! T-T...
a good way to learn the value body language! We have a community facebook forum. People are swarming around the cycle trails on a warm afternoon- with near misses to snarl-ups. I suppose there is a light side to all this? Lovely share...
...
Just FYI - you can create/print labels for USPS, UPS and FedEx online. I ship daily and would have closed my stores if this was not an option. Our Post Office always has a line and is super busy and that's not changed with the pandemic. Doing the prep. online, and prepaying online allows me to drop the boxes and go - a receipt is emailed when they scan the package. Feel free to PM me if you want/need more details.
These are trying times and I anticipate a 'new normal' even when things are settled more. Hang in there and so glad you're set now for a couple weeks! (((hugs)))
Thanks so much ((((everyone))) for the support and for sharing your own feelings about it. It helps to me to release these feelings on the board rather than stuff them or have feelings come out sideways in my home.
Maresie, I'm sorry you contracted the virus and very glad you are well now.
Stay well everyone. Keep sharing. TT
I woke up this morning in a quiet powerless mood very relaxed and made my plans early morning. First gratitude as all was quiet and soft, next give my wife a shoulder massage as it felt that she has been lifting weights and then a simple breakfast with my literature next to the cup of coffee which I read slowly and thoughtfully feeling myself within my HP's love and care. Such a peaceful atmosphere. Then I meditated on some of the sayings on some of the pages in the books before sitting back and relaxing.
I am grateful I have been allowed to continue life without the feelings that I will very soon lose mine. I do have a higher Power who is everything I have been lead to believe from inside the program. Mahalo Akua, Mahalo AFG/MIP ((((
))))
Jen it sounds like you are very settle with this condition...accepting the powerlessness of the condition...Marvelous!! And I sometimes think how come I didn't handle the disease this well? Might be because there isn't an alcoholic or addict to blame for it? I am taking care with the program and it feels good to be able to do that without resentments. (((((Hugs)))))
Jerry, thanks for your share. Sounds like you had a great day yesterday.
Jen, thanks for your response. It's helpful to hear how others are responding in these very unnatural situations and finding workable solutions to maintain sanity and serenity. Continuing with online shopping and delivery seems the way to go so I will be sticking with that as well.
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Saturday 18th of April 2020 07:30:02 PM
I am not a person who does well working from home but I'm finding that I just need to be grateful for what program has taught me. I work out daily, I am cooking a whole lot more, and I try to be extremely patient when out and about around others reminding myself that we're all in this together even if one person isn't abiding by the constructs before them. They may be scared but facing this differently than others do. Sending you all virtual hugs!
Thanks for your share andromeda. We have been researching new places for outdoor activities We are able to take drives to check them out as well. Here, we are now able to do more things outdoors. Some sporting, park and recreation areas are being opened again with the understanding that people will still be mindful of social distancing. The weather has been beautiful and Spring is finally here after a surprise snowstorm on Easter Sunday. Garden centers are now considered essential businesses. Even if it's a little early here to plant, we can now begin ordering online for pick up or visiting with safety guidelines in place. I look forward to enjoying all of the beauty, colors and scents. :) TT
hey Andomeda, lovely share.....
and we are in this together and helping, supporting each other is what I try to do...and the ones who are not taking care, I keep my distance, wear my mask, just do what I can to keep distance, I have my bottle and rag in my backpack where i can clean my hands, etc., and yea, lots of fear, I agree!!!!! HUGS to you!!! BE safe...
I make it a point to do gratitude....roommate was depressed, being in lockdown with me, someone she only has known since the First of April, yea, its hard for BOTH of us, but I told her we are blessed!!!! we have our needs met...nice comfy cute place to live, beautiful spacious back yard, nice neighbors, she and i are good people, tossed together, but we are NOT alone...I reminded her that many folks , elderly or disabled, are alone...Noone to care for them...No one to call them, and maybe not getting their needs met....I told her we have much to be grateful for...Our church pastors do Zoom meetings with us so we stay connected....She brightened up after i gave my little grateful speech.....I miss my church activities...I miss my gyms....I miss hanging out with folks/friends I made in the church, but this too shall pass.....
thank God we are in the age of the internet and we CAN stay connected via, zoom, hangouts, facetime, etc., facebook.....back in 1918 when they had the "super pandemic" lockdown meant total isolation if one was alone....
Thanks for sharing (((maresie))) I'm grateful for your honesty and shares. Although this isn't WSO Alanon, we are people in Alanon and the purpose of the program is to help us live more healthfully outside the rooms of the program. We had a c2c reading just a few days back about the rooms of Alanon being a safe place to share our feelings and receive unconditional love and support. We get the opportunity to practice both being vulnerable by sharing what we're truly feeling rather than hiding our feelings as well as offering support to others. You mentioned "strength." I gain strength from doing both. We have CAL, we have meetings, we other Alanon tools as you mentioned such as detachment. But this isn't coursework with a pass/fail grading system. We are real people with real fears not imagined ones and sharing them here for me anyway is a way of feeling less alone, processing and coming to terms with what is and isn't within my control to change. Only I and my hp know what is the next right action for me. Again, I'm glad you continue to share and others their day to day experiences here. The fear is real. Honest sharings about it and things others are doing daily have been helpful to me as we all go through this. My own sharings are an emotional release that help my sanity and serenity during this very unnatural time. I'm glad you're here and keep coming back to share.
Thanks for sharing ((Rose))) reminders concerning gratitude. These are extraordinary times for sure and going back to basics in relation to gratitude has been helping me too - hp, friends, home, food etc.
"thank God we are in the age of the internet and we CAN stay connected via, zoom, hangouts, facetime, etc., facebook.....back in 1918 when they had the "super pandemic" lockdown meant total isolation if one was alone...."
I can be grateful to have internet access. I can take it for granted but not everyone has it and some can't afford to have it right now. With respect to 1918, I suppose people leaned on their faith and the will to keep living and some made it. Diaries were kept, letters written, music and literature was available as well as connecting outdoors with nature. Care of crops, plants, animals and home involved physical and mental work. There were also telephones in existence. I wonder if we're really so different a hundred years later aside from having easier ways of accomplishing physical tasks. Anyway, just thoughts I had :)
((hugs))) TT
Your shopping experience touched me because I feel the same way whenever I go out walking alone on the trails and turning my back and stepping away from anyone that even comes remotely closer than 6 ft ! It saddens me because I am friendly and I always say hello whenever I encounter another human being and I too smile. My smile is obstructed and in hiding behind my mask. Some how I feel that my eyes are smiling and the person I am looking at (from a distance) can actually feel the smile coming out of my eyes. Silly huh? Well ... it makes me fell happy to think that thought. Maybe humans will make more eye contact and that will be our new greeting. They say the eyes are the soul of the person. I hope so.
This is weird ... I am actually feeling a lot better since communicating this way.
I live with my husband of 58 years (whose counting lol) He has been in recovery for almost 40 years (I don't count because that is his domain not mine - Al anon lessons). It's really hard to say the least to be confined to a two bedroom, two bath, apt with a terrace. Not that I am complaining, I am very grateful for what we have and feel blessed in many ways. The bigger problem is what to watch on TV lol ! Thank God he stays in the TV room which is his man cave and I stay around the rest of the apt when I am not outside walking on the trail or going into town or cooking (my hobby) just for the hell of it.
Last week we took a run to COSTCO early in the AM for Senior admittance. Everyone wore masks, gloves and honored the distancing. We stocked up so as not to make unnecessary trips to the local market where people are not as diligent about wearing a mask. Two weeks ago I walked to to the local market and there was a line of maybe 30 in front of me. I noticed an older guy not wearing a mask standing there reading the flyer so I asked him if he was the end of the line. He said I suppose so ... I pointed to my mask and he said what???? I said, we all need to wear a mask! He said no I don't it's not mandatory !!!! I wanted to go for his jugular ... I guess he read my eyes and he blurted out "WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE IN THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES WHO ARE Dead FROM MALARIA ????"
That's when I turned to the person behind me and said "This is not my day to shop" with that I left the line and walked to the bakery!! I purchased two jelly donuts for my husband and a crumb bun for myself ... I walked home with a smile on my face (that only I knew about) and a glimmer of a smile in my eyes and bounce in my walk. When I got home I made myself a cup of java and ate my delicious crumb bun. My husband asked how my walk was and I said "GREAT"
Thanks for listening ... signing off with much love and light in my heart ... be well and stay safe.
Crman Hello and thank you so very much! I am going to sleep now and I hope I have an amazzzzing dream! It's pretty scary where I live as we are in the epi-center in NY
It's all good take care and be safe
Opiedoggie you got a twin experience here being made comfortable with your post. Your husband and I have the same amount of years of sobriety and we, you and I and my wife are also in the Al-Anon Family Groups. My wife though gets the TV and other liberties including command of the operations here she thinks. She is most ordained as I have recently moved up here (Clovis CA) from my home of Hawaii to practice fairness and such as she spent 28 years of her life living in Hawaii and needed my participation. The changes with the costumes everyone is wearing is temporary I hope and the additional hardships make having a program of surrender and acceptance valuable. I hope you keep coming back as often as you like or need...we are family. (((((hugs)))))
I've had similar events as some of the people here and what I've read on other threads. So, for me, my personal reaction to each and every person I've come into contact with in these individual events is as follows -- I do not judge the other person. Not at all. I don't know if they had a death in the family or with a friend. I don't know what they have or are going through. So, it is not for me to judge. I just go about my task -- and they act, react, etc., whatever way they do. I simply be "accepting" and extremely patient with the other person when I am out and come into some sort of contact with another person. Personally, I have made the decision to keep my office closed, and have everyone work remotely. I don't judge whether people think that is a good idea or not. I have not laid off, furloughed, or terminated one person. I made that decision consciously. But that was my decision. Me, my company, my clients, my vendors, and so on -- we are all where we are, and we are all in this together. We ar all struggling, some more than others, all relative. If one person is "overreacting" that's their prerogative, action, or their reaction. With our without justification, and I do NOT sit in judgement or try to rationalize or justify their prerogative, reaction or reaction.
One woman I observed "overreacted" in a specialty grocery store I was in. I watched the incident. Every person felt she overreacted. I ended up behind her on line to check out. I waited -- behind the (new) line the store put down on the floor -- and when appropriate, I asked the cashier, and the woman whether or not I could put my things on the conveyor belt. They both said yes. The woman was very sensitive based upon everyone around her. I of course remembered how she reacted to the incident earlier in another part of the store, approximately 20 minutes earlier. She proceeded to check out. I waited. When she was done checking out and putting her bags in the shoping cart, ready to walk out of the store, guess what happened? The cashier turned to her and said, "Marge, I really don't know what to say, but I heard about Ken, and I am so sorry. I was so sad to hear about him, he was such a sweet person, and I am so sorry for you and your family." The woman thanked her profusely, emotional, but very sincere. The woman then left the store.
As I was checking out, I didn't ask anything, or solicit any information. However, the cashier on her own simply told me "It's so sad. That woman lives here in town. I know her from town. Ken was her husband. They were high-school sweethearts, got married just after college, and were married for 47 years. They raised four children, and have ten grandchildren. He got sick about a month ago, and died 24 hours later. There wasn't a funeral, or a even a viewing/wake."
I can say a lot about this. But all I will say is...while I am not sure, I think God doesn't "judge" people until their last day...I am certainly not going to do so before that...or at all.
Thanks (((everyone)))) for your experience, wisdom and insights. I am certainly in a much better place today than I was when I created this post two weeks ago. Odie, I just want to welcome you! Thanks for your share. Keep taking care and I hope you keep coming back to share Alanon recovery here. I enjoyed reading about your uncertainty about your husband's number of sobriety years and focusing on yourself. I've lost track of partner's time in AA. We're both invested in our separate recoveries but he also took an interest in Alanon, reads my books and feels working Alanon is an an enhancement to his AA program. The programs and applying Alanon Traditions in our home keeps us growing our own recoveries and our relationship.
As far as this unique experience of the pandemic, today it's about focusing on myself. All I need to do is continue to keep safe in stores, public spaces and just basically mind my own business. Keep It Simple. It's really immaterial to me what is the motivation of some else's actions. In other words, I only need to be aware of my own words, thoughts and actions - keep working my program. If I feel someone's choice has the potential to affect me adversely, I can choose self care. I really don't need to make excuses for others in stores and public spaces and project based on MY thoughts and feelings why I think THEY may be doing what they are doing. I'm not them and I don't know so back to my side of street.
Two weeks later, I'm finding it easier to adjust myself to what is. I have a better plan in place for taking care of myself. I don't like wearing a mask but I see the value so if a store requests it, I do it. It really doesn't take anything from me to go along with this. I try to practice courtesy and patience as I move through stores and public places.
Mostly, I've come to terms with the fact that this is a very unnatural situation that's stress inducing at times. Going to the store carries with it a set of rules and protocols which didn't exist before. I can leave a store if what's going on doesn't feel right for me. I am staying aware of my feelings and honoring them. The cost of delivery is a better choice than the cost to my sanity and serenity. It's good to know myself and recognize my emotional limits on a given day. My days are better when I'm willing to meet myself where I am and accept myself in my entirety. My human doing days are long over. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Saturday 2nd of May 2020 08:55:56 AM
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Saturday 2nd of May 2020 09:25:41 AM
I do not make a large salary but at least I am employed and know that my company and job are safe despite what is going on around us.
This whole thing unnerves me. The wearing of masks by everyone freaks me out, honestly. It's like something from the Twilight zone. I don't have a mask. I wear a fabric neckerchief that I use while hiking or off roading to block dust or bugs, lol. So, it now has a dual purpose.
I listen to clients all day long who throw their conspiracy theories at me. Some who tell me they think the whole world is insane and that they aren't going to abide by any of the restricitons, etc. or, some who are the complete opposite and totally living in fear holing up at home and not even seeing the light of day. Most of our clients are older than 65 and many are compromised. I don't take sides in those conversations but there are days when I want to just scream. It's so hard to be on the phone and listen to people vent. Then, throw in the economic fears and fallout and our conversations are depressing. I am in the industry of finance and my main concerns are those about the economy and the fallout in 9 months from this. The future can't be predicted but this is going to create a deep economic hole in the world's economies and it's depressing to think about it.
I try to just enjoy every day. Tomorrow we're going to the Lake and paddleboarding. Today my bf is mountain biking while I stay at my house to clean and cook and organize.
My son is having some health issues and is going in for a brain MRI and CT scan next Wed. His neurologist wasn't super concerned, I figured, since he didn't send my son for an emergency MRI but my momma bear fears are kicked into high gear these days. My son has been dealing with vertigo, headaches, memory issues, and just brain fog, etc. But, at the same time, he's been working on his coding skills daily, creating music for his spotify channel, and seems 'normal' most of the time. The symptoms seem to be worse at night so who knows? The doctor mentioned something a magnesium issue and maybe some fluid between his brain stem and inner ear? I guess we'll find out soon enough.
Have a great day everyone!