From Melodie Beattie's Language of letting go___PERFECTIONISM
mamalioness said
Apr 14, 2020
YYou are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Melodie talks about perfectionism: Recovery from codependency is an individual process that means making mistakes is NECESSARY....also so is struggling through problems adn facing tough issues...
She says expecting ourselves to be perfect slows this process..we feel guilty and anxious..Expecting others to be perfect is just as destructive..It makes others feel ashamed and may interfere with their growth...People are human and vulnerable and we CAN accept and cherish that idea...
Expecting others to be perfect makes us go down the Coda rabbit hole of moral superiority..Expecting ourselves to be perfect makes us feel rigid and inferior..and with program, we CAN let go of both of these ideas...
We don't need to go to the other extreme, tolerating anything people toss our way..We can still expect appropriate and responsible behavior from ourselves and others...and most of us can afford to loosen up a bit..When we stop expecting others to be perfect, we find that they are doing much better than we thought..When we stop expecting ourselves to be perfect, we find out the beauty we have in ourselves
Today, I will practice tolerance, acceptance, and love of others as they are, and myself as I am. I will strive for that balance between expecting too much and expecting too little from others and myself.
Today, I am becoming more aware that my mind, body and spirit need exercise and nourishment..Through prayer and meditation, exercise and reading, I can develope a personal program for physical, mental and spiritual growth....
When I first came to Alanon, broken, defeated, full of anger, demanding that I be perfect so I don't "prove him right" when he said i was a failure, an idiot, useless...I let ONE very toxic person's opinion of me define me...After loads of years in program and connection with my HP of my understanding, I don't have to be perfect, I CANNOT EVER be perfect and guess what!!! I am OK with just being "OK" and "Good"..
I notice that when I do a project, no matter what it is, as long as I gave it my best for that day, I am OK with me and the project..I put so much unnecessary and painful pressure on myself, trying to be perfect to prove the offender wrong..I don't anymore have to prove myself to anyone...I am FINE, warts and all...yea, there are things i would like to diminish (Addiction to control, fear of the future, mostly) but I am progressing..i am getting better..I am moving forward, even in these "hard to overcome" areas...
Progress is good enough for me..AND, I notice that I am more kind and patient and forgiving of others and their "humanness"..I can forgive mine and others mistakes..
what a HUGE load off of me: Accepting that I'll never , ever be perfect and neither will my fellow travelers in this world....I know at first, I was quicker to forgive an other then I was to forgive me, now its more balanced..yea, I demand my best efforts and I think that is OK as long as I don't obsess about it, but if I make a mistake, now, I can own it, learn from it, fix it and forget it.....
YYou are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Melodie talks about perfectionism: Recovery from codependency is an individual process that means making mistakes is NECESSARY....also so is struggling through problems adn facing tough issues...
She says expecting ourselves to be perfect slows this process..we feel guilty and anxious..Expecting others to be perfect is just as destructive..It makes others feel ashamed and may interfere with their growth...People are human and vulnerable and we CAN accept and cherish that idea...
Expecting others to be perfect makes us go down the Coda rabbit hole of moral superiority..Expecting ourselves to be perfect makes us feel rigid and inferior..and with program, we CAN let go of both of these ideas...
We don't need to go to the other extreme, tolerating anything people toss our way..We can still expect appropriate and responsible behavior from ourselves and others...and most of us can afford to loosen up a bit..When we stop expecting others to be perfect, we find that they are doing much better than we thought..When we stop expecting ourselves to be perfect, we find out the beauty we have in ourselves
Today, I will practice tolerance, acceptance, and love of others as they are, and myself as I am. I will strive for that balance between expecting too much and expecting too little from others and myself.
Today, I am becoming more aware that my mind, body and spirit need exercise and nourishment..Through prayer and meditation, exercise and reading, I can develope a personal program for physical, mental and spiritual growth....
***************************************************
When I first came to Alanon, broken, defeated, full of anger, demanding that I be perfect so I don't "prove him right" when he said i was a failure, an idiot, useless...I let ONE very toxic person's opinion of me define me...After loads of years in program and connection with my HP of my understanding, I don't have to be perfect, I CANNOT EVER be perfect and guess what!!! I am OK with just being "OK" and "Good"..
I notice that when I do a project, no matter what it is, as long as I gave it my best for that day, I am OK with me and the project..I put so much unnecessary and painful pressure on myself, trying to be perfect to prove the offender wrong..I don't anymore have to prove myself to anyone...I am FINE, warts and all...yea, there are things i would like to diminish (Addiction to control, fear of the future, mostly) but I am progressing..i am getting better..I am moving forward, even in these "hard to overcome" areas...
Progress is good enough for me..AND, I notice that I am more kind and patient and forgiving of others and their "humanness"..I can forgive mine and others mistakes..
what a HUGE load off of me: Accepting that I'll never , ever be perfect and neither will my fellow travelers in this world....I know at first, I was quicker to forgive an other then I was to forgive me, now its more balanced..yea, I demand my best efforts and I think that is OK as long as I don't obsess about it, but if I make a mistake, now, I can own it, learn from it, fix it and forget it.....