HELP! My family is on the last straw with my brother and Covid-19 is causing even more tension!
waiting4morning said
Apr 10, 2020
Hi my brother is 21 years old is schizophrenic and is a drug addict (mostly weed but other drugs as well).
He currently lives with my 80 year old grandparents and over the years they've all grown to hate each other. My brother is completely disrespectful, he doesn't do anything around the house refuses to work or even wash himself at times. I'm sure a lot of his behavior is due to his mental illness but he he refuses to take medication and at times won't even go to therapy. The entire family is at a breaking point we don't know what to do. On one hand we do not want him to be homeless but on the other there is no where for him to go, he's lucid enough that we cannot mandate he go to any treatment program and he refuses to take his illness seriously.
My grandparents are old and cannot take care of him anymore, especially as his behavior is nasty and mean and at times even violent. None of our extended family have the space or the means to have him move in and we just don't know what to do. Now that this corona stuff is going on tensions are even worse as he is not taking social distancing seriously and is leaving in and out the house, refuses to wash his hands or do anything to prevent putting my grandparents at risk.
Can anyone suggest any programs or housing in nyc that would help him. Literally any information is helpful we are all miserable we do not know how to help him or what to do to make sure he's safe and healthy.
DavidG said
Apr 10, 2020
Hi y'all, from here in NZ... obviously you and your brother have two parents- somewhere, or another. What role do they play in this situation?
Aloha said
Apr 10, 2020
Welcome waiting. I'm sorry to hear about the issues going on within your family.
Considering the severity of the risk he is putting your grandparents in, it may be worthwhile to contact a hotline that deals with domestic abuse, etc. Or the local authorities. Don't get your hopes up that they will force a solution, but they may be able to provide you with some guidance given the current conditions going on in the country.
The current situation affecting everyone right now is certainly exacerbating underlying existing issues where addiction and abuse is involved. Addicts/alcoholics abuse substances in order to cope with their feelings and the fear being spread around currently gives them all the more reason to fall deeper into their disease.
In the meantime, I encourage you to call your local Al-Anon hotline and see if there are any phone, web, zoom, etc. meetings that you can attend. You and your family are deeply affected by your brother's addiction and you may find the meetings helpful for you.
Sending positive thoughts your way. I hope a reasonable solution will present itself insofar as keeping your grandparents safe.
Iamhere said
Apr 10, 2020
Welcome to MIP Waiting - glad you found us and glad that you shared. I'm not in NY, so have no insight into what resources might exist. I do 100% agree with the suggestion to contact any (hotline suggested), senior services, etc. to see what they might suggest/offer. From my own experience in trying to be of service to loved ones who have addiction and mental health issues (dual-diagnosis), it's extremely challenging, frustrating and well above my skill-sets...I also believe personally that it's difficult for the specialists to treat any MH issues when the patient/person is self-medicating.
When faced with similar circumstances, the best suggestion I got was to seek out and attend Al-Anon as Aloha suggests. It was in Al-Anon that I learned I was powerless and dealing with 'things' that were out of my control. And, because of the virus, local meetings are most likely not an option so any meetings will help you get started!
Keep coming back - you are not alone!
sunmustshine said
Apr 11, 2020
Hi Waiting,
I agree the fear and anxiety Corona Virus has brought to all of us makes the problems dealt with on a regular basis that much more of a challenge to say the least. You sound like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. You also sound like you are a strong person to have reached out for your family looking for a solution. I can hear how terrifying it feels being out of control with the risk to Corona Virus you and your family are exposed to every time your brother comes and goes with out practicing safe behavior. I can only imagine what this is like on top of the fear and anxiety you have felt on a usual basis due to his untreated mental illness and substance abuse. What other support do you have to get through all of this? You deserve to feel safe and secure. One of the hardest things I have learned is, I cannot control the actions or choices of another human being or those who cooperate with them. I can take care of myself so I can stay healthy and sane. That being said, violence and abuse are never acceptable no matter what the cause. Anyone in jeopardy of harm has the right to call for help to protect him or herself, whether its to a hotline or the authorities. Be gentle with yourself during these difficult times. Keep coming back. It really helps.
mamalioness said
Apr 12, 2020
Hi waiting, Sorry this is going on...I agree with the others...i would call a domestic violence hotline and see if something can be done...seems he is commiting elder abuse and that is taken very seriously, at least in my state it is.....what he is doing is never acceptable and you are powerless, thats why I think reaching out to a domestic violence/abuse hotline would be the best thing , or the police....dunno about NY, but in TX they protect the elders......in the meantime, keep coming back h ere....this is a good place for support and encouragment
Hi my brother is 21 years old is schizophrenic and is a drug addict (mostly weed but other drugs as well).
He currently lives with my 80 year old grandparents and over the years they've all grown to hate each other. My brother is completely disrespectful, he doesn't do anything around the house refuses to work or even wash himself at times. I'm sure a lot of his behavior is due to his mental illness but he he refuses to take medication and at times won't even go to therapy. The entire family is at a breaking point we don't know what to do. On one hand we do not want him to be homeless but on the other there is no where for him to go, he's lucid enough that we cannot mandate he go to any treatment program and he refuses to take his illness seriously.
My grandparents are old and cannot take care of him anymore, especially as his behavior is nasty and mean and at times even violent. None of our extended family have the space or the means to have him move in and we just don't know what to do. Now that this corona stuff is going on tensions are even worse as he is not taking social distancing seriously and is leaving in and out the house, refuses to wash his hands or do anything to prevent putting my grandparents at risk.
Can anyone suggest any programs or housing in nyc that would help him. Literally any information is helpful we are all miserable we do not know how to help him or what to do to make sure he's safe and healthy.
Hi y'all, from here in NZ... obviously you and your brother have two parents- somewhere, or another. What role do they play in this situation?
Considering the severity of the risk he is putting your grandparents in, it may be worthwhile to contact a hotline that deals with domestic abuse, etc. Or the local authorities. Don't get your hopes up that they will force a solution, but they may be able to provide you with some guidance given the current conditions going on in the country.
The current situation affecting everyone right now is certainly exacerbating underlying existing issues where addiction and abuse is involved. Addicts/alcoholics abuse substances in order to cope with their feelings and the fear being spread around currently gives them all the more reason to fall deeper into their disease.
In the meantime, I encourage you to call your local Al-Anon hotline and see if there are any phone, web, zoom, etc. meetings that you can attend. You and your family are deeply affected by your brother's addiction and you may find the meetings helpful for you.
Sending positive thoughts your way. I hope a reasonable solution will present itself insofar as keeping your grandparents safe.
When faced with similar circumstances, the best suggestion I got was to seek out and attend Al-Anon as Aloha suggests. It was in Al-Anon that I learned I was powerless and dealing with 'things' that were out of my control. And, because of the virus, local meetings are most likely not an option so any meetings will help you get started!
Keep coming back - you are not alone!