In today's reading, the author reflects on how they were puzzled when, after college, they moved out on their own and realized that they had many deep seeded resentments due to their tendency to put other's needs first. The author didn't understand this resentment, because they thought they were being caring and helpful. They had developed the habit of taking care of others before taking care of themselves as a child growing up with an alcoholic father.
When the author walked into an Al-Anon meeting, they realized that they needed to make changes in their life or they were going to live the rest of their life lonely and miserable.
Character defects that were once survival skills are showing up in the author's life, and they are becoming aware of how these defects hurt them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. With the help of a sponsor, the author is taking a look at these character defects, working on steps 6 and 7, and shares their experiences at meetings. Although the author used to rely on others to boost their self-esteem, now, they are finding that HP does that instead.
Today's Reminder: I may not be able to live with his choices, but I will always have to live with my own.
Today's Quote/saying: You may not understand someone, but you don't have to understand them to love them. You don't have to agree with them to accept them. That's why it's called unconditional love.
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Today's reading really speaks to me, especially right now. My old "friend" resentment is with me often. I find myself at the beginning of most days in a discussion with myself about resentment. I've decided to live with an alcoholic spouse with mental health issues that are at time debilitating. And, since I've made that decision, I do most of the work around the house. The cleaning, the yard care, the gardening, the laundry, the car maintenance, the repairs, the animal care, etc.
When we aren't living under quarantine, I have some time I take for myself, going to meetings, volunteering, connecting with friends, etc. I can tell myself that my spouse contributes to the household tasks on those days because I am not home, therefore, she's got to step up and take some things on. Well, since we are both at home all the time, I can't tell myself this story - I see what she is not doing, and sometimes I get overwhelmed by everything that needs doing, and then her inability to step up and help out bothers me. When I let that build up, resentment comes to visit.
At these times, I remind myself that I'm the one who decided to stay in my marriage, and I would have all these tasks to do whether she was here or not. I remind myself to keep my focus on myself and what I am doing, and leave her to her HP. I can ask for help, when her mental health is good enough, but most times, asking for help leads to more resentment, because she'll agree to do something, but won't do it.
And since I have learned to look at what is going on and accept it, I take a walk with my dogs or do some yoga, setting down my old friend resentment, and refusing to pick it back up after my yoga session. This does take constant work and vigilance, but I'm only hurting myself when I carry the resentment through the day with me.
I hope you are staying well!
PosiesandPuppies said
Apr 8, 2020
Thank you Skorpi for your service. It is always welcomed, but now invaluable IMHO!
I found I was living with too much resentment in my marriage. It took a lot of figuring out what I truly wanted and then accepting "What Was" VS What I Wanted for me to move forward.
Today, when a resentment rears its ugly head regarding being divorced, I remind myself that I CHOSE this. Not only that, but I need to remind myself WHY is chose my path. That reality check seems to nip the resentment in the bud! Again, it all circles back around to ACCEPTANCE.
Praying for health and peace for all my MIP family!
Hello MIP!
In today's reading, the author reflects on how they were puzzled when, after college, they moved out on their own and realized that they had many deep seeded resentments due to their tendency to put other's needs first. The author didn't understand this resentment, because they thought they were being caring and helpful. They had developed the habit of taking care of others before taking care of themselves as a child growing up with an alcoholic father.
When the author walked into an Al-Anon meeting, they realized that they needed to make changes in their life or they were going to live the rest of their life lonely and miserable.
Character defects that were once survival skills are showing up in the author's life, and they are becoming aware of how these defects hurt them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. With the help of a sponsor, the author is taking a look at these character defects, working on steps 6 and 7, and shares their experiences at meetings. Although the author used to rely on others to boost their self-esteem, now, they are finding that HP does that instead.
Today's Reminder: I may not be able to live with his choices, but I will always have to live with my own.
Today's Quote/saying: You may not understand someone, but you don't have to understand them to love them. You don't have to agree with them to accept them. That's why it's called unconditional love.
-------------------------
Today's reading really speaks to me, especially right now. My old "friend" resentment is with me often. I find myself at the beginning of most days in a discussion with myself about resentment. I've decided to live with an alcoholic spouse with mental health issues that are at time debilitating. And, since I've made that decision, I do most of the work around the house. The cleaning, the yard care, the gardening, the laundry, the car maintenance, the repairs, the animal care, etc.
When we aren't living under quarantine, I have some time I take for myself, going to meetings, volunteering, connecting with friends, etc. I can tell myself that my spouse contributes to the household tasks on those days because I am not home, therefore, she's got to step up and take some things on. Well, since we are both at home all the time, I can't tell myself this story - I see what she is not doing, and sometimes I get overwhelmed by everything that needs doing, and then her inability to step up and help out bothers me. When I let that build up, resentment comes to visit.
At these times, I remind myself that I'm the one who decided to stay in my marriage, and I would have all these tasks to do whether she was here or not. I remind myself to keep my focus on myself and what I am doing, and leave her to her HP. I can ask for help, when her mental health is good enough, but most times, asking for help leads to more resentment, because she'll agree to do something, but won't do it.
And since I have learned to look at what is going on and accept it, I take a walk with my dogs or do some yoga, setting down my old friend resentment, and refusing to pick it back up after my yoga session. This does take constant work and vigilance, but I'm only hurting myself when I carry the resentment through the day with me.
I hope you are staying well!
I found I was living with too much resentment in my marriage. It took a lot of figuring out what I truly wanted and then accepting "What Was" VS What I Wanted for me to move forward.
Today, when a resentment rears its ugly head regarding being divorced, I remind myself that I CHOSE this. Not only that, but I need to remind myself WHY is chose my path. That reality check seems to nip the resentment in the bud! Again, it all circles back around to ACCEPTANCE.
Praying for health and peace for all my MIP family!