Many of us feared going to our first Al-Anon meeting because of worries that our boss, neighbors, or the alcoholic would find out. Today's author had this fear, and when they arrived at their first meeting, they saw one of their neighbors -- and panicked. They wanted to run away, but then they noticed signs and banners in the room about confidentiality and anonymity. They decided to stay.
The neighbor never broke that confidentiality, and the author came to trust that it was safe to get help in Al-Anon. The choice to reveal their Al-Anon membership was up to them. They are confident and grateful that their anonymity will always be protected.
Today's Reminder: Unless I protect the anonymity of all members, Al-Anon will not be a safe place for any of us.
Quote from Al-Anon Spoken Here: "Our free expression -- so important to our recovery -- rests on our sense of security knowing that what we share at our meetings will be held in strict confidence."
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I love the tradition of anonymity, and I have been careful where I reveal my Al-Anon membership, mainly to protect the anonymity of my late alcoholic husband, so anyone who did not know he was an alcoholic will not hear it from me, or will not start wondering who in my life is an alcoholic. And also because it does make me feel more comfortable sharing my innermost feelings.
Now that I've been attending meetings on Zoom, I am thinking about anonymity in this new world. We all have to choose for ourselves how much to reveal. Do we share video? Will our full name be shown on the screen? If our meeting link is published, will people from all over the world show up at our meeting? It's quite intimate attending a Zoom video meeting from my own living room, and seeing everyone else's -- or whatever they choose to allow in their camera's view. I've seen a few dogs, and other family members walking around in the background. Here I go, thinking those other members should really be more careful about what they show... but, let it begin with me! I can always turn off my video. That is within my control.
And, I think people will get better at using these new tools as we go. We will find how to keep the tradition of anonymity in new ways, and learn how to be safe online, with some trial and error.
MIP friends, what do you think about anonymity?
DavidG said
Apr 3, 2020
Thanks Freetime: ...
Town of 900 people- anonymity was impossible. One or two people thought I was at the AA meeting- which bothered me none. After my AF died a brother told mum I was going- because I thought she was an alcoholic!
It is a learning curve- having said that I try 100% to protect the anonymity of others. Most members here I do not know where they live at all. No curiosity there. 2 or three disclosed privately- and I keep that under my hat. That is fine- a bond of trust.
We are anonymous- but not invisible. I heard that said. Inside our ethics and guidelines I like to see Alanon acknowledged and appreciated, as a movement.
PosiesandPuppies said
Apr 3, 2020
Thank you Freetime for the daily and your service!
You are right... as we all navigate different ways to do the "norm," we will get better at it!
There was one thing my Recovering loved one did that always bothered me... he would share stuff about people within the walls of his rehab with me. I didn't point out that he wasn't keeping to anonymity (working on my side of the street thing), and I did try to not take interest in what he was saying, so that I didn't feed his desire to share those things.
I always thought it was a breach of trust (even though not mine), and it just added fuel to the fact that I no longer trusted him.
The end of a long-a$$ week. I am going to partially disconnect this weekend and try to refuel for the next week. I will actively look for Joy in my world. Peace and health my friends!
Iamhere said
Apr 3, 2020
Good morning MIP and happy Friday! Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thanks to all above me for your shares and your ESH. I am generally a very private person and have a healthy fear of online trolls, scams, security breaches, etc. We've opted away from Zoom for now due to the extensive security issues/risks. I am 100% OK with this, and only joined local meetings that were password protected/private.
I came to recovery at a time where we really, really embraced attraction rather than promotion. I was also 'taught' that it's personal if you do/do not EVER disclose to others that you are in recovery. Lastly, I was taught to strongly consider my motives when deciding to disclose my recovery as it's really, really easy to slip back into an EGO trip. These are many reasons why it's suggested we share ESH vs. instruction/rules and why it's important that all members are considered equals no matter length in program/recovery.
I embrace, value and respect the concept of anonymity. I guard mine and that of my loved ones. I do not discuss 'them' or what they are/are not doing in meetings or much here. Sharing about 'them' and what they're doing, for me, in unhealthy for my recovery. Throwing blame/shame towards any person is unhealthy - which is why accepting the disease concept has been so very helpful for me.
Life brings me continuous, cringe-worthy moments where I really just have to pause and pray before I proceed. More often than not, I can get to a place where what others are doing/saying is not about me and I can return to my place of joy/peace. Practice, practice, practice is what it's all about for me...
I have to laugh - the very first thing I do when I get a new computer system is put a sticker/tape over the camera. I have no interest in accidentally being on camera at any time. I am retired, and rarely, if ever at home, am camera ready! I am the same when I get a new mobile device and make sure my phone settings for camera/video are the highest security available. That's how private I am and choose to be.
PnP - thank you for your service on the front lines of this battle. Please pass along the same to all you know and work with each day! I must say that I've been overwhelmed with extreme gratitude for all who are in Health Care and continue to show up, work tirelessly and without complaint day after day after day....I am truly humbled by the dedication to serving others.
Love and Light MIP family - make it a great day and by all means - find and keep your joy!
JerryF said
Apr 3, 2020
Rules!! I love em cause I see them as control tool even more when I first decided for real to get to know Al-Anon. Imposing and enforcing rules especially my own was part of my personality disorder being ODD...OPPOSITIONAL/DEFIANT!!! yeah that was Jerry F...Stay out of his way!!! I could on purpose be a professional jerk and it got me into a lot of trouble with others including judges and courts and police. How was I to know? I had no alternatives other than ME/I... It took me a long time to temper out and to "think before I acted"...my sponsorship loved that condition as they watched me drop my pit/bull attitudes and characters. I could be just never was.
I was born into the disease of addictions and very schooled in the loner/self centered personalities and character and then I came to understand what loneliness and emptiness was and developed my hearing focused on the ESH and steps, traditions and concepts of our program and the consequences my life earning by being humble an teachable.
During the learning stages I graduated college on the subjects of Alcoholism and drug addictions and how those affected many many others including myself. Al-Anon experience widened the awarenesses and experiences and my teaching and counseling profession grew and became noted and still the subjects of AA, Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and others became on arrows directing to where and rarely what or how I knew. I kept the old diversions with the exceptions of face to face personal sharing with those who already knew and where members.
I am fine following the rules of the program today because there is safety in anonymity especially for the new comer who often walks on egg shells regarding this disease.
Mahalo for this so very important share. ((((hugs))))
Many of us feared going to our first Al-Anon meeting because of worries that our boss, neighbors, or the alcoholic would find out. Today's author had this fear, and when they arrived at their first meeting, they saw one of their neighbors -- and panicked. They wanted to run away, but then they noticed signs and banners in the room about confidentiality and anonymity. They decided to stay.
The neighbor never broke that confidentiality, and the author came to trust that it was safe to get help in Al-Anon. The choice to reveal their Al-Anon membership was up to them. They are confident and grateful that their anonymity will always be protected.
Today's Reminder: Unless I protect the anonymity of all members, Al-Anon will not be a safe place for any of us.
Quote from Al-Anon Spoken Here: "Our free expression -- so important to our recovery -- rests on our sense of security knowing that what we share at our meetings will be held in strict confidence."
-------------------------------------------
I love the tradition of anonymity, and I have been careful where I reveal my Al-Anon membership, mainly to protect the anonymity of my late alcoholic husband, so anyone who did not know he was an alcoholic will not hear it from me, or will not start wondering who in my life is an alcoholic. And also because it does make me feel more comfortable sharing my innermost feelings.
Now that I've been attending meetings on Zoom, I am thinking about anonymity in this new world. We all have to choose for ourselves how much to reveal. Do we share video? Will our full name be shown on the screen? If our meeting link is published, will people from all over the world show up at our meeting? It's quite intimate attending a Zoom video meeting from my own living room, and seeing everyone else's -- or whatever they choose to allow in their camera's view. I've seen a few dogs, and other family members walking around in the background. Here I go, thinking those other members should really be more careful about what they show... but, let it begin with me! I can always turn off my video. That is within my control.
And, I think people will get better at using these new tools as we go. We will find how to keep the tradition of anonymity in new ways, and learn how to be safe online, with some trial and error.
MIP friends, what do you think about anonymity?
Thanks Freetime:
...
Town of 900 people- anonymity was impossible. One or two people thought I was at the AA meeting- which bothered me none. After my AF died a brother told mum I was going- because I thought she was an alcoholic!
It is a learning curve- having said that I try 100% to protect the anonymity of others. Most members here I do not know where they live at all. No curiosity there. 2 or three disclosed privately- and I keep that under my hat. That is fine- a bond of trust.
We are anonymous- but not invisible. I heard that said. Inside our ethics and guidelines I like to see Alanon acknowledged and appreciated, as a movement.
You are right... as we all navigate different ways to do the "norm," we will get better at it!
There was one thing my Recovering loved one did that always bothered me... he would share stuff about people within the walls of his rehab with me. I didn't point out that he wasn't keeping to anonymity (working on my side of the street thing), and I did try to not take interest in what he was saying, so that I didn't feed his desire to share those things.
I always thought it was a breach of trust (even though not mine), and it just added fuel to the fact that I no longer trusted him.
The end of a long-a$$ week. I am going to partially disconnect this weekend and try to refuel for the next week. I will actively look for Joy in my world. Peace and health my friends!
I came to recovery at a time where we really, really embraced attraction rather than promotion. I was also 'taught' that it's personal if you do/do not EVER disclose to others that you are in recovery. Lastly, I was taught to strongly consider my motives when deciding to disclose my recovery as it's really, really easy to slip back into an EGO trip. These are many reasons why it's suggested we share ESH vs. instruction/rules and why it's important that all members are considered equals no matter length in program/recovery.
I embrace, value and respect the concept of anonymity. I guard mine and that of my loved ones. I do not discuss 'them' or what they are/are not doing in meetings or much here. Sharing about 'them' and what they're doing, for me, in unhealthy for my recovery. Throwing blame/shame towards any person is unhealthy - which is why accepting the disease concept has been so very helpful for me.
Life brings me continuous, cringe-worthy moments where I really just have to pause and pray before I proceed. More often than not, I can get to a place where what others are doing/saying is not about me and I can return to my place of joy/peace. Practice, practice, practice is what it's all about for me...
I have to laugh - the very first thing I do when I get a new computer system is put a sticker/tape over the camera. I have no interest in accidentally being on camera at any time. I am retired, and rarely, if ever at home, am camera ready! I am the same when I get a new mobile device and make sure my phone settings for camera/video are the highest security available. That's how private I am and choose to be.
PnP - thank you for your service on the front lines of this battle. Please pass along the same to all you know and work with each day! I must say that I've been overwhelmed with extreme gratitude for all who are in Health Care and continue to show up, work tirelessly and without complaint day after day after day....I am truly humbled by the dedication to serving others.
Love and Light MIP family - make it a great day and by all means - find and keep your joy!
Rules!! I love em cause I see them as control tool even more when I first decided for real to get to know Al-Anon. Imposing and enforcing rules especially my own was part of my personality disorder being ODD...OPPOSITIONAL/DEFIANT!!! yeah that was Jerry F...Stay out of his way!!! I could on purpose be a professional jerk and it got me into a lot of trouble with others including judges and courts and police. How was I to know? I had no alternatives other than ME/I... It took me a long time to temper out and to "think before I acted"...my sponsorship loved that condition as they watched me drop my pit/bull attitudes and characters. I could be just never was.
I was born into the disease of addictions and very schooled in the loner/self centered personalities and character and then I came to understand what loneliness and emptiness was and developed my hearing focused on the ESH and steps, traditions and concepts of our program and the consequences my life earning by being humble an teachable.
During the learning stages I graduated college on the subjects of Alcoholism and drug addictions and how those affected many many others including myself. Al-Anon experience widened the awarenesses and experiences and my teaching and counseling profession grew and became noted and still the subjects of AA, Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and others became on arrows directing to where and rarely what or how I knew. I kept the old diversions with the exceptions of face to face personal sharing with those who already knew and where members.
I am fine following the rules of the program today because there is safety in anonymity especially for the new comer who often walks on egg shells regarding this disease.
Mahalo for this so very important share. ((((hugs))))