The reading for Monday, 3/30, interested me because the author contemplated focusing on themself, and then wondered if they would be seen as inconsiderate, thoughtless, and uncaring. The author was used to doing so much for everyone else, but then feeling resentful. Being selfless wasnt working. With the help of a sponsor, the author learned that paying attention to oneself, allowed them to be generous to others.
The last line of the reminder: As I become more fully myself, I am better able to treat others with love and respect.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
As my journey has continued in program, I have to admit that a number of people close to me saw positive changes in me. But not my A, and not to this day. My A thinks alanon has ruined me, and changed me in a negative way. Thank God I have broken most of my codependency, for I would be truly shattered to have heard this feedback several years ago. Now I can chuckle to myself, for I know program has improved the quality of my life, and I will keep coming back! Lyne
DavidG said
Mar 29, 2020
Lyne... I drew a line and put selfless and one end and selfish at the other. And I could actually choose where I wanted to be on that line.
I just talked with grandkids on my I-phone, and decided to turn to my Alanon family. This is where I learned to find adult to adult peer support. And to talk about stuff that matters... Thanks.
PosiesandPuppies said
Mar 30, 2020
Thank you Lyne for your service. I am so grateful for you!!
I had trouble putting myself first as well too. My sponsor helped me by telling me that when I had doubts, ask myself this: "If not me, then who? If not now, then when?"
This helped me to be more comfortable putting myself first with kindness. I soon found out when I valued and loved myself (not selfishly) then I could still give to others, just in a healthier way! This also allowed for less resentments on my part!
When my SO was active in his disease, he always thought that my participation in Al-Anon was "ruining our relationship." But reality was, all it was ruining was his status quo.
Keep on keepin' on my friend!
&
Iamhere said
Mar 30, 2020
Happy Monday MIP family! I was not at all certain how focusing on me and taking care of me would help my situation/insanity. Of course, my thinking was faulty as I felt I was not part of the problem, and felt that I was more self-less and others were selfish consuming the air around me and ... I was unknowingly in a perpetual state of looking @ everybody but me.
I too felt a 'change' in me might appear to be selfish and self-serving. Yet, I had enough pain, loss, sorrow and had to have change or I would not survive. Healthy people noticed a change in me - a calmer, more joyful, more peaceful me. Those in my life who were affected by the disease strongly disliked any change I made because I resigned from the manager, caretaker, secretary, organizer, etc. role and sought out healthy, fun, enjoyable things to do instead of parent capable adults.
Today, I know that nobody is going to love me like my HP and myself. I am responsible for my sanity, my joy, my actions, words, deeds. I prefer to go through my day prayer for others instead of judging others. As I consider each day in the evening, those days I stayed on my side of the street are the days with the least amount of discomfort, stress, anxiety. Setting healthy boundaries and sticking to them has resulted in changed behaviors and attitudes in my qualifiers as well. They no longer expect me to do anything that enables their disease and they have grown in positive ways in spite of the disease.
Love and light all - make the best of each moment, we don't get them back again!
Skorpi said
Mar 31, 2020
Thanks for this topic, Lyne!
(I know I'm late to the party!)
I just love the self-love and self-respect in this share.
I've always been aware of people's judgments of me (I'm sure the whispering, pointing and giggling in K-12 helped with this awareness!) One thing I absolutely love about AlAnon is that it helped me to shed the need for the approval of others. If they want to waste their time thinking about what I'm doing, so be it. I'm going to continue taking care of myself and respecting myself, now that I've learned the skill!
The reading for Monday, 3/30, interested me because the author contemplated focusing on themself, and then wondered if they would be seen as inconsiderate, thoughtless, and uncaring. The author was used to doing so much for everyone else, but then feeling resentful. Being selfless wasnt working. With the help of a sponsor, the author learned that paying attention to oneself, allowed them to be generous to others.
The last line of the reminder: As I become more fully myself, I am better able to treat others with love and respect.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
As my journey has continued in program, I have to admit that a number of people close to me saw positive changes in me. But not my A, and not to this day. My A thinks alanon has ruined me, and changed me in a negative way. Thank God I have broken most of my codependency, for I would be truly shattered to have heard this feedback several years ago. Now I can chuckle to myself, for I know program has improved the quality of my life, and I will keep coming back! Lyne
I just talked with grandkids on my I-phone, and decided to turn to my Alanon family. This is where I learned to find adult to adult peer support. And to talk about stuff that matters...
Thanks.
I had trouble putting myself first as well too. My sponsor helped me by telling me that when I had doubts, ask myself this: "If not me, then who? If not now, then when?"
This helped me to be more comfortable putting myself first with kindness. I soon found out when I valued and loved myself (not selfishly) then I could still give to others, just in a healthier way! This also allowed for less resentments on my part!
When my SO was active in his disease, he always thought that my participation in Al-Anon was "ruining our relationship." But reality was, all it was ruining was his status quo.
Keep on keepin' on my friend!
I too felt a 'change' in me might appear to be selfish and self-serving. Yet, I had enough pain, loss, sorrow and had to have change or I would not survive. Healthy people noticed a change in me - a calmer, more joyful, more peaceful me. Those in my life who were affected by the disease strongly disliked any change I made because I resigned from the manager, caretaker, secretary, organizer, etc. role and sought out healthy, fun, enjoyable things to do instead of parent capable adults.
Today, I know that nobody is going to love me like my HP and myself. I am responsible for my sanity, my joy, my actions, words, deeds. I prefer to go through my day prayer for others instead of judging others. As I consider each day in the evening, those days I stayed on my side of the street are the days with the least amount of discomfort, stress, anxiety. Setting healthy boundaries and sticking to them has resulted in changed behaviors and attitudes in my qualifiers as well. They no longer expect me to do anything that enables their disease and they have grown in positive ways in spite of the disease.
Love and light all - make the best of each moment, we don't get them back again!
(I know I'm late to the party!)
I just love the self-love and self-respect in this share.
I've always been aware of people's judgments of me (I'm sure the whispering, pointing and giggling in K-12 helped with this awareness!) One thing I absolutely love about AlAnon is that it helped me to shed the need for the approval of others. If they want to waste their time thinking about what I'm doing, so be it. I'm going to continue taking care of myself and respecting myself, now that I've learned the skill!