Good morning MIP.  Sorry for the later than usual post - I slept in and am so grateful for the extra rest.  Today's reading is all about staying on our side of the street and minding our own business.  The writer shares how the compulsion to focus on others was 'strong' upon arrival to Al-Anon.

The same writer felt they had a clear idea of how everyone should behave in every situation and felt very self-righteous when the didn't.  The realization or awareness that attention focused elsewhere causes us to neglect self drove her/him to make changes!

When we are caught up in what others should or should not be doing, we have lost our humility, and ceased focusing on self.  Recovery and change comes when we stay focused on self vs. others and nine out of ten times, when we are focused on others, it's to avoid looking at our own lives.

Reminder:  I grow in my ability to relate to others when I allow them to be exactly as they are.  The greatest gift I can give to myself is my own attention.

Quote from Benjamin Franklin:  "Clean your finger before you point at my spots."

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I too arrived at recovery obsessed outside of me.  My obsessions weren't just limited to the A(s) in my family but most other people, places and things too.  I could even rage at traffic, grocery store lines, etc.  I suspect the phrases, "They should....", "If only he would....", "They ought to...." and the like dominated my mind, thoughts and mouth.  I am grateful for a sponsor who caught me every time I started a conversation or rant with He, She, They.....to pause and reconsider it with an I statement.

I also really, really, really 'liked' trying to control everything and everyone around me - I prefer rules, order and structure.  For me to stay on my side of the street and allow others to be who they needed to be was a cosmic shift in thinking and accepting.  When I also learned to unconditionally love them in spite of what they were/were not doing and also to unconditionally accept them, there were moments it felt very, very foreign.  Until it didn't.

What I love about growth, change and evolution is how many things work, until they don't anymore.  Before recovery, I could silence a room with my 'thoughts', 'knowledge', 'experience', monologues, rants, tears, rage, etc.  That worked until it didn't.  Then in recovery, I learned to listen more, pray more, keep my lips closed, and vent/share with others in recovery.  That too worked until it didn't. Today, I practice being authentic, saying what I mean, meaning what I say without being mean and speaking my truth in a loving, compassionate way.  It works most of the time, especially when I am able to detach from how others act/react/respond.

And yes, at the end of the day, for me and my recovery, the gift of humility is necessary.  I define it simply as being open and teachable and the opposite of EGO.  It's so much easier to stay in my own lane when I consider every encounter as an opportunity to learn (instead of control, teach, coach) and grow.  I can freely admit that many of my lessons and tools come from learning what I don't want to be/do/sound like - all of which would not be part of my tool set without humility.

Social isolation continues here.  It's been a great time for me to reach out to family and friends and just check in.  I have had more contact with many in the last 10+ days than before.  I am grateful that recovery has allowed me to be less rigid and more 'go with the flow'...I truly have all that I need, just for today.  

Love and light MIP family - find and keep your joy, just for today!  (((Hugs)))

Thank you Iamhere for your service and the daily!
I always love the daily, but today I got more out of reading your share! Thank you for the honest words.

I particularly loved this: "It's so much easier to stay in my own lane when I consider every encounter as an opportunity to learn (instead of control, teach, coach) and grow." Emphasis added by me.

I am trying to live each day like the above quote. Thank you for the reminder! 

Love to all MIP peeps! Stay safe.

&

Thank you IAH and all who shared. Relating to others, vs. relating to myself -- such an interesting concept in this time of social distancing. In the quiet , I find myself thinking of ways to reach out, just for some contact. Not to "help" or control anyone, but just to feel good.

I am spending more time with myself, and I am grateful to the 12 Steps, as that is where I learned to like and respect myself. So now I am spending a lot of time with someone I actually like 

  Thanks, IAm... ...

My first meeting one member stood up and poked her forefinger in the air, and said- "where there is one finger pointing, there are three posting back at me!"

Never forgot that- and along the way learned more and more subtle ways of :live and let live:. Minding my own business. In the beginning boundaries weren't mentioned- only because the word hadn't yet joined the lexicon of recovery words.

So learning has been continuous...

Went to a funeral, this afternoon. Of a 96 year old. Possibly the least assembly I will be in for three or four months. I recall this man, and his late wife preparing for bed. Me, and their son slept on the other side of the wall. I recall the murmur of voices as they chatted over there day before getting getting off to sleep.

I always wanted a mum and dad like that! 

One time i always felt alone in a crowd. Isolated, even desperate. Not so much now. At the luncheon after the burial I was able to say to the son- "not the first time I have shared at your table".

People of few words, sometimes, these country people. But really nice to show my gratitude.

  Thanks y'all for being here... ... ...