I can remember how hard life was before al-anon, arriving with such hopelessness, dark thoughts and feelings. On my own, I did not know how to crawl out.
After attending F2F meetings, I felt real glimmers of hope. Like yesterday, I recall the suggestion of journaling. I began writing about dreams for myself, something new for me. Previously I just went along with fate.... a fatalist I was, just floating along however life was pulling me along.
Over time, I filled a notebook with my delicious dreams and would then read those wonderful words back to myself. it became the most magical "book" I ever read, left me with joy... even though nothing outside of me had changed.
after a few years, changes did take place. I persistently worked at inventory to free myself of the past. My second sponsor sometimes gave me "homework" and once she asked me, "what would it look like if all of that (history) didn't happen? What if you actually did have a supportive mother, a supportive husband? What would THAT look like today? That's your homework... write about that."
so I did.
Today I realize the benefits of all those writing exercises, the withdrawing of fear and restless thoughts... the turn turn turning to peaceful thoughts instead, to thoughts that align with HP's wish for me (my Higher Power is my greatest well-wisher.)
Today I understand what they meant when they said, " What you focus on gets bigger"
and realize how my own willingness was probably my first real savior (cooperation with HP.)
Just feeling grateful today. thanks for letting me share.
PosiesandPuppies said
Mar 7, 2020
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, 2HP.
I am really identifying with, "...how my own willingness was probably my first real savior (cooperation with HP).
Thank you
Iamhere said
Mar 7, 2020
2HP - great share and thank you for your ESH. I am one who processes 'more better' in black/white - visual person. We often discuss around here - Write About It, Talk About It and Pray About It...the first one of these 3 really helps me sort out facts from fiction -- both of which have space in my head.
As with most things, I can't fully explain or understand why writing is so healing and helpful for me - I tend to give credit to my HP for the clarity of pen/paper. I've always enjoyed writing - journal, letters, cards, etc. - so it's been a part of me longer than recovery. I can say that my attitude and outlook on life, love, days, etc. have changed drastically since my journey began and I am grateful!
Happy Saturday all - make it a great day!
KT2015 said
Mar 9, 2020
2HP I always love your shares. It is very true that whatever you focus on gets bigger. That was the most accurate thing I have ever heard in my program and I try to impart that on the new people that I talk to as well. When I first started I would complain about the alcoholic and my sponsor would say "The alcoholic is going to drink what are you going to do?" and I hated it but it pushed me to focus on me. Then I started to hear that phrase about getting bigger and I had to decide what I wanted to get bigger. It was really hard to shift gears like that. I do love the idea of journaling about your dreams. I have not done that yet. What Al Anon has done is given me my own life back. It's helped me focus on gratitude instead of pain. It's allowed me to experience joy even when things aren't perfect in my life. I feel like I have permission to enjoy my life even if people aren't doing the things I think they should lol. I know that sounds silly but I really needed that. When my life is over I don't want all my memories to be ones of what other people did to me or what my life was in relation to someone else. I want my own life, my own stories and wonderful ones at that. Thank you for the reminder.
DavidG said
Mar 9, 2020
Yes, yes... I looked for willingness in the steps- and found it is step 3, as ~will~. I thought that letting go would be a sissy thing to do. And I found it hard to let go- of course. But what we focus on grows bigger. And when we focus on gratitude our world grows and expands. For me- that was slow at first. But my true self began to show up, more and more. Nice to hear your words, 2HP... ...
I can remember how hard life was before al-anon, arriving with such hopelessness, dark thoughts and feelings. On my own, I did not know how to crawl out.
After attending F2F meetings, I felt real glimmers of hope. Like yesterday, I recall the suggestion of journaling. I began writing about dreams for myself, something new for me. Previously I just went along with fate.... a fatalist I was, just floating along however life was pulling me along.
Over time, I filled a notebook with my delicious dreams and would then read those wonderful words back to myself. it became the most magical "book" I ever read, left me with joy... even though nothing outside of me had changed.
after a few years, changes did take place. I persistently worked at inventory to free myself of the past. My second sponsor sometimes gave me "homework" and once she asked me, "what would it look like if all of that (history) didn't happen? What if you actually did have a supportive mother, a supportive husband? What would THAT look like today? That's your homework... write about that."
so I did.
Today I realize the benefits of all those writing exercises, the withdrawing of fear and restless thoughts... the turn turn turning to peaceful thoughts instead, to thoughts that align with HP's wish for me (my Higher Power is my greatest well-wisher.)
Today I understand what they meant when they said, " What you focus on gets bigger"
and realize how my own willingness was probably my first real savior (cooperation with HP.)
Just feeling grateful today. thanks for letting me share.
I am really identifying with, "...how my own willingness was probably my first real savior (cooperation with HP).
Thank you
As with most things, I can't fully explain or understand why writing is so healing and helpful for me - I tend to give credit to my HP for the clarity of pen/paper. I've always enjoyed writing - journal, letters, cards, etc. - so it's been a part of me longer than recovery. I can say that my attitude and outlook on life, love, days, etc. have changed drastically since my journey began and I am grateful!
Happy Saturday all - make it a great day!