The reading talks about how having a problem is not the end of the world. It does not have to be negative or horrible. It doesn't mean a person is deficient. Everyone has problems from time to time that they must work through. In recovery we learn how to move away from our "regular" response of reacting to a problem, to a healthier response. We learn to focus on solving our problems. First, we make sure the problem is our problem. If it isn't, our problem is establishing (or maintaining) boundaries.Then we seek the best solution... the "next right step." This may be setting goals, reaching out to help groups, gathering more information, or letting go.
"Having problems does not mean our Higher Power is picking on us. Some problems are part of life; others are ours to solve, and we'll grow in necessary ways in the process."
Quote from the Language of Letting Go:
"God, help me face and solve my problems today. Help me do my part and let the rest go. I can learn to be a problem-solver."
I identified with the reading b/c BR, I thought God (or whomever I thought my HP was) was out to punish me. Why? I don't really know. I was just stuck in the "Why Me's" I guess. Catastrophizing. I took it personally, b/c I thought if I was doing all the good stuff and problems are still there and feel insurmountable, I must be a "bad person." Otherwise, I wouldn't have so much strife. I now know that type of thinking is warped thinking.
Now I know in my heart that I am worth something more. I am just like everyone else when I have problems... it is not because I am deficient or a "bad person." I am learning which are my problems to solve, and which I can safely say, "PNP, Let it Go." This feels healthy.
Wishing all of you peace this weekend!
&
Maresie888 said
Feb 22, 2020
I can most definitely get into the why ne stuff
I am working to get to the place where I can let go of feeling victimized .
I have another month and a half to go before I can return to my home. There are a lot of extra expenses because I am out of my home
Then when I move back I have extra expenses
That is a hard pill to swallow
Of course when I was with the now ex A the expenses were overwhelming. He was always in trouble. When we had to.move out of our home it was devastating
I helped him until I had nothing left to give
I am in a cery different space these days. My primary focus is myself
I have a big picture and a this week picture
Short term it is hard road to when I move back to my apartment
Long term there are many many good things to come in May which is just arouh the corner
Loving through the molasses to May is the hard part
I have also had to make a huge effort to rest up. I got to the point of total exhaustion. I have to constantly monitor those states of exhaustion
It is an uphill road for ne in March but January was a total disaster because I was so sick
By May I will be out of this real hard place where I landed. I knew moving out of my apartment was going to be hard. I had no idea the kind of problems I would encounter. It was like being swallowed up by s tornado. One problem became another and then my health just tanked
Iamhere said
Feb 22, 2020
Thanks for your service and the daily PnP! Thanks to both of you for your shares and ESH. I had this (crazy) idea that bad things 'only' happened to me. I had such tunnel-vision about life and life events that I really didn't consider what others might be going through (ego). I really felt and thought that I had the worst life possible!
Recovery gently taught me that everyone has issues, problems, bad things, etc. and it seems different for me because I tend to over-think, obsess, and get stuck in analysis. I no longer believe or think my problems are worse than others and quite honestly, have it pretty darn good! What's changed? My attitude, my outlook and a huge collection of tools freely given in exploring and committing to recovery in Al-Anon.
I spent time/energy/years trying to change my life and the outcomes for the better without adequate training/tooling. I solved problems, but usually with emotional energy vs. facts. There was also a huge ego element + my will which did not often lead to lasting solutions. It's very different today because I do take more time, consider the facts and try to move forward with the best solution based on what I know. I am willing to make mistakes and regroup when necessary as I accept progress vs. perfection. I do put my own needs first, but also consider how my choices will affect others. I no longer want 'my way' but instead want the 'best way'.
I also had this silly idea that I had to solve problems 'fast'. Not the case any more. Taking the time to reason things out, pray about it, write about it, etc. helps me keep my serenity even when 'life' unfolds vastly different than I thought it might. I am much, much better today at going with the flow and not forcing solutions.
Happy Saturday all! I ventured out and tried a new meeting today so I could golf with my AH. We then went to our new Country Club and played 18. We're having lovely weather for February and are returning tomorrow. I'll have to recruit a fellow member to lead the meeting or at least close if we run over tomorrow so I can get to the course on time. After tomorrow, winter returns for us for a few days and then - we shall see what happens. It's so nice to go outside and play - I do believe my HP wants me happy, joyous and free! Nature really, really helps me feel free!
Love and light all! Find and keep your joy - however that happens for you!
PosiesandPuppies said
Feb 23, 2020
Maresie - I am glad you have your focus on the good things ahead... I hope the "in-between time" is not too hard to bear! Keep listening to your body and keep caring for your health.
Iamhere - I also used to think that "everything" bad happened to me. Now I have more empathy for others' strife - I think b/c it is less focus on Ego in my case. I also personally love that I don't feel like I have to solve problems "right away!" I can sit back and allow a solution to come TO me. Imagine that! LOL! I hope you enjoyed your Golf Day at "The Club"
Iamhere said
Feb 23, 2020
We had a lovely time! It was nicer today than yesterday - go figure - the weather folks suggested today would not be 'pleasant'...
Learning how to be more flexible and more spontaneous has helped me 'chill' quite a bit in recovery. I do still have a moment of 'anxiety' - a flash at times, and I have to do what we've been taught - breathe and pause! One thing that really, really helped me gain empathy and accept we're all imperfect people is spending a year on 'Seek to Understand'. Big or little, any encounter I had that I was just not 'feeling it', I forced myself to try and plant in their shoes. It was a game changer - from a delivery person, a repair person, a store clerk, my parents, husband, kids, etc. Trying to appreciate where another is coming from helped me greatly realize we all have our trials in this life and getting to the other side with some semblance of grace and dignity is usually the end goal, no matter the who!
Maresie888 said
Feb 23, 2020
Problem solving is really difficult for me. I have moved many many times in my life. One year I moved six times. This last move where I had to move out of my apartment temporarily was a.disaster for.me on many levels. There were lots of issues over work, procrastination, bad health. I had an serious illness in the middle of it.
Basically it came down to a real lack of self care.
So now I am trying to problem solve when I move back that I will not be in over drive again.
This week end I did not have to work si much m
Next week I do not have to do that either
So I keep looking at ways I can regroup
I also have long term goals I wants to attend to
No more overload.for me
mamalioness said
Mar 6, 2020
(((((((((((((((((((PNP)))))))))))))))))))))) Loved your description of the "why me's" and the "catastrophizing" omg...that was and still is at times, ME....I do NOT deal with adversity very well...I guess I am just burned out/ pained out...like an older racehorse, who saw too many turns at the track..I am ready to go out to pasture and just graze and romp with my friends...dunno what HP has for me, but I know he has SOMETHING and it has to be GOOD because, like at church, at our fac2fac meets, I KNOW I give hope and love and validation to the others there...we have girls who come in from rehab places who are trying to sober up and lead a better, sober life and so they come to our meetings and there is this one, I took under my wing, like Betty did to me...I just love this girl...she always has a BIG hug for me and tells me she loves me and craves to hear MY wisdom...go figure!!! I had nothing in my cup when I first arrived at alanon....it was "poor me" and "life is screwing me over" or worse..."GOD is messing me over" i was the victim....it was all about me....now, after working the program and sharing and caring with others, i feel genuine compassion for another and I CAN get out of myself and reach out and love another...and boooy does it feel good......
I'll never, perhaps, cope well with adversity, and unwanted events, because of the fear I have for it....the addiction /need to be in control, because my life was so out of control ,growing up, like I was at the mercy of a Charles Manson, but now hes dead...paying the price for his wicked deeds, but I still have that old "fight or flight" mode and its like my adrenaline gas pedal gets stuck and i make the problem waaay more then it really is...."catastrophizing" that is one I got to ad to my dictionary of defects I have........LOVE your shares...
PosiesandPuppies said
Mar 6, 2020
Rose, love to hear that you are "paying it forward!"
DavidG said
Mar 6, 2020
Thanks P, and y'all...
I solve my localised, personal problems a lot better. And, with the tools find solutions a whole lot easier.
The world has a big issue, and the moment- with the virus. {I apply the Serenity Prayer}. But I focus on the personal and local response to the "me too" movement. Our leader is the mother of a young child. She spoke up in the United Nations two years ago- and coined the phrase "we too". So we are all in this together... and we seek and find solutions, by working together. And talking. And acting on what we believe.
I see a better world than the one i grew up in. Much better. But there are issues and concerns, even so. The reason why these are so evident is that people are trying to address them.
I do not have to carry the world's issues on my sleeve, or on my shoulder... ...I am just one citizen of the world, and just one member of Alanon. I can choose to make my own personal space, a haven of hope. ...
Good morning, MIP Family!
Today's topic is about Problem Solving:
The reading talks about how having a problem is not the end of the world. It does not have to be negative or horrible. It doesn't mean a person is deficient. Everyone has problems from time to time that they must work through. In recovery we learn how to move away from our "regular" response of reacting to a problem, to a healthier response. We learn to focus on solving our problems. First, we make sure the problem is our problem. If it isn't, our problem is establishing (or maintaining) boundaries.Then we seek the best solution... the "next right step." This may be setting goals, reaching out to help groups, gathering more information, or letting go.
"Having problems does not mean our Higher Power is picking on us. Some problems are part of life; others are ours to solve, and we'll grow in necessary ways in the process."
Quote from the Language of Letting Go:
"God, help me face and solve my problems today. Help me do my part and let the rest go. I can learn to be a problem-solver."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I identified with the reading b/c BR, I thought God (or whomever I thought my HP was) was out to punish me. Why? I don't really know. I was just stuck in the "Why Me's" I guess. Catastrophizing. I took it personally, b/c I thought if I was doing all the good stuff and problems are still there and feel insurmountable, I must be a "bad person." Otherwise, I wouldn't have so much strife. I now know that type of thinking is warped thinking.
Now I know in my heart that I am worth something more. I am just like everyone else when I have problems... it is not because I am deficient or a "bad person." I am learning which are my problems to solve, and which I can safely say, "PNP, Let it Go." This feels healthy.
Wishing all of you peace this weekend!
Recovery gently taught me that everyone has issues, problems, bad things, etc. and it seems different for me because I tend to over-think, obsess, and get stuck in analysis. I no longer believe or think my problems are worse than others and quite honestly, have it pretty darn good! What's changed? My attitude, my outlook and a huge collection of tools freely given in exploring and committing to recovery in Al-Anon.
I spent time/energy/years trying to change my life and the outcomes for the better without adequate training/tooling. I solved problems, but usually with emotional energy vs. facts. There was also a huge ego element + my will which did not often lead to lasting solutions. It's very different today because I do take more time, consider the facts and try to move forward with the best solution based on what I know. I am willing to make mistakes and regroup when necessary as I accept progress vs. perfection. I do put my own needs first, but also consider how my choices will affect others. I no longer want 'my way' but instead want the 'best way'.
I also had this silly idea that I had to solve problems 'fast'. Not the case any more. Taking the time to reason things out, pray about it, write about it, etc. helps me keep my serenity even when 'life' unfolds vastly different than I thought it might. I am much, much better today at going with the flow and not forcing solutions.
Happy Saturday all! I ventured out and tried a new meeting today so I could golf with my AH. We then went to our new Country Club and played 18. We're having lovely weather for February and are returning tomorrow. I'll have to recruit a fellow member to lead the meeting or at least close if we run over tomorrow so I can get to the course on time. After tomorrow, winter returns for us for a few days and then - we shall see what happens. It's so nice to go outside and play - I do believe my HP wants me happy, joyous and free! Nature really, really helps me feel free!
Love and light all! Find and keep your joy - however that happens for you!
Maresie - I am glad you have your focus on the good things ahead... I hope the "in-between time" is not too hard to bear! Keep listening to your body and keep caring for your health.
Iamhere - I also used to think that "everything" bad happened to me. Now I have more empathy for others' strife - I think b/c it is less focus on Ego in my case. I also personally love that I don't feel like I have to solve problems "right away!" I can sit back and allow a solution to come TO me. Imagine that! LOL!
I hope you enjoyed your Golf Day at "The Club"
Learning how to be more flexible and more spontaneous has helped me 'chill' quite a bit in recovery. I do still have a moment of 'anxiety' - a flash at times, and I have to do what we've been taught - breathe and pause! One thing that really, really helped me gain empathy and accept we're all imperfect people is spending a year on 'Seek to Understand'. Big or little, any encounter I had that I was just not 'feeling it', I forced myself to try and plant in their shoes. It was a game changer - from a delivery person, a repair person, a store clerk, my parents, husband, kids, etc. Trying to appreciate where another is coming from helped me greatly realize we all have our trials in this life and getting to the other side with some semblance of grace and dignity is usually the end goal, no matter the who!
I'll never, perhaps, cope well with adversity, and unwanted events, because of the fear I have for it....the addiction /need to be in control, because my life was so out of control ,growing up, like I was at the mercy of a Charles Manson, but now hes dead...paying the price for his wicked deeds, but I still have that old "fight or flight" mode and its like my adrenaline gas pedal gets stuck and i make the problem waaay more then it really is...."catastrophizing" that is one I got to ad to my dictionary of defects I have........LOVE your shares...
I solve my localised, personal problems a lot better. And, with the tools find solutions a whole lot easier.
The world has a big issue, and the moment- with the virus. {I apply the Serenity Prayer}. But I focus on the personal and local response to the "me too" movement. Our leader is the mother of a young child. She spoke up in the United Nations two years ago- and coined the phrase "we too". So we are all in this together... and we seek and find solutions, by working together. And talking. And acting on what we believe.
I see a better world than the one i grew up in. Much better. But there are issues and concerns, even so. The reason why these are so evident is that people are trying to address them.
I do not have to carry the world's issues on my sleeve, or on my shoulder... ...I am just one citizen of the world, and just one member of Alanon. I can choose to make my own personal space, a haven of hope.
...