Ugh! i know there is a solution here. It feels like our money is just slipping through our hands. We had no retirement savings- so 16 years ago we set up a small business. This has gone well- gives us plenty of activity. It is old stuff for me- to ever having enough as a kid. This struck me most with our coal deliveries. It was delivered one ton at a time. The driver told mum that if parent wasn't made for the ;last load there would been more coal. We were living from hand to mouth. Mum had a family benefit- a government payment, and made a pittance selling cream from our one or two cows. She also did field work from time to time.
It was gutwrenching to see our mum having to take responsibility for everything. This was an era where the man was supposed to be the head of the household! Our dad just didn't and couldn't cope. He dinged the car right down one side one night in town- and they stayed there until the car finally died. When I learned to drive i had to be careful to park it on the other side of the street- so the dings were out of sight. The story of my life.
I know our finances are in good shape- but i still worry... ...
Aloha said
Jan 22, 2020
I've had a long, hard road where it comes to financial fears. My grandfather grew up during the Great Depression and he passed down his financial fears to my father who then passed them on to me. I think the worst I got of it was having my father hover over me and insinuate that he thought I was irresponsible with money. All my spending was always subject to criticism and I constantly felt guilty if I ever bought something fun for myself. I got to watch his "not enough" fears through many other behaviors, too - but it most especially arose if there were layoffs going on at his work, etc. He'd get really sick in his fears.
Now, you'd think from this I would have then learned and adopted thrifty/frugal behaviors myself. Instead I rebelled and I instead spent freely. I resented the attention to my spending and then sort of hid it like an addict would hide their addiction because I was made to feel ashamed of my purchases. I wouldn't say I was addicted to shopping. But I hated being "should-ed" all over where my money was concerned.
This eventually lead to credit card debt, that, at first, was manageable. Then entered my marriage to an active alcoholic, whose own compulsions coupled with my free spending AND enabling lead me into enormous debt. I mean I was paying electric bills on our credit card (and Hawaii electric bills are NOT cheap.)
I feel like I still have only just recently started to ease up on my fears around finances. I think what was most important in here, as with all things recovery, is that I needed to have a Higher Power I knew I could trust. That no matter what, I would be okay. And that meant I'd be okay financially. I've come to understand more and more that God is my source. Not my employer. Not generous friends and family members. Not people who buy my art. Not my investments. They are all just channels God uses to give to me.
When it comes to my money now, I have to Let Go and Let God. Remembering that all I have on this planet came through God in the first place. From my car to my bed sheets to the meals on my table. God provided all of this through his myriad channels, and historically, I've always been taken care of.
Knowing this, I'm now finding myself not striving or feeling anxious about how I'm going to get "more". More, more, more. I'm trusting that I'm being taken care of, and thus I now turn around each day and offer everything to God. Not just my family, friends, and loved ones. I turn my money and my possessions over, too. I don't need to cling to gain or fear loss because God's got this all handled... IF I let him.
The interesting thing I've found in all of this is that because of this shift in my attitude, I also don't feel the need to spend money left and right. What I have is enough. And as a result, I find I'm saving more money and able to pay more towards my debt. All because I stopped feeling like I needed to be in control.
So, that's my take on financial worries. At least for today. And just a reminder that I choose to call my Higher Power God (so easy to type... three letters. One syllable. Easy peasy.)
All my fears are always opportunities to let God get bigger in my world.
Thanks for letting me share.
Debb said
Jan 22, 2020
I think that we all do David! I do One Day at a Time and Let Go and Let God!!
JerryF said
Jan 22, 2020
Rich and Poor are universal concerns even when it isn't a problem. Like Aloha I turned it over to my Higher Power, stopped fearing, became responsible and practice economy with my wife. I also listened to HP's guidance and too action when I got it in His will. A year ago while working at my hobby I hear my HP say "It is time to give up your house" and while smiling at the suggestion I turned around and a woman standing 10 feet away in my drive said, "I want to buy your house".
What was our decision...HP, Me and the Lady? "Yes come over when my wife is home and we will work it out". We worked it out and we are now practicing program in the central valley area of California where my wife is from and where I use to live for 22 years and where I can be fair, honest and just because my wife left her home to be with me in Hawaii for 26 years.
HP guides us when we do it all together for the right reasons and we easily attain sanity, peace of mind and all the other blessings of the program.
((((hugs))))
hotrod said
Jan 23, 2020
I keep showing up, and trusting hP it oerks
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 23rd of January 2020 07:21:09 AM
tiredtonite said
Jan 23, 2020
Hi David,
I can worry needlessly too. Sometimes my feeling are triggered by one or any combination of HALT - hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Other times a flashback can pop into my head seemingly from nowhere or a weird dream during sleeping hours. Where the dreams are concerned, I feel they're an indication of something unresolved and it often isn't difficult for me to pinpoint what that is. Often their root is some sort of fear either real or imagined that I have not handed over to my higher power. Flashbacks and intrusive thoughts in waking hours can baffle me at times but my feeling today is more of a "huh, where the heck did that thought come from," and a quick dismissal of it. It doesn't need to disrupt my serenity. Particularly thoughts related to times pre-recovery in the Alanon program. I may shutter at that moment but thankfully I can remind myself of my life as it presently is and my ability to make choices and decisions that honor my life today. No longer under the control of alcoholism but guided by my hp's will. I trust that guidance and sigh with gratitude for what I have today. Thanks for your share. I'm glad we have this board to process these unruly thoughts and momentary feelings that often accompany them. TT
Ugh! i know there is a solution here. It feels like our money is just slipping through our hands. We had no retirement savings- so 16 years ago we set up a small business. This has gone well- gives us plenty of activity. It is old stuff for me- to ever having enough as a kid. This struck me most with our coal deliveries. It was delivered one ton at a time. The driver told mum that if parent wasn't made for the ;last load there would been more coal. We were living from hand to mouth. Mum had a family benefit- a government payment, and made a pittance selling cream from our one or two cows. She also did field work from time to time.
It was gutwrenching to see our mum having to take responsibility for everything. This was an era where the man was supposed to be the head of the household! Our dad just didn't and couldn't cope. He dinged the car right down one side one night in town- and they stayed there until the car finally died. When I learned to drive i had to be careful to park it on the other side of the street- so the dings were out of sight. The story of my life.
I know our finances are in good shape- but i still worry...
...
Now, you'd think from this I would have then learned and adopted thrifty/frugal behaviors myself. Instead I rebelled and I instead spent freely. I resented the attention to my spending and then sort of hid it like an addict would hide their addiction because I was made to feel ashamed of my purchases. I wouldn't say I was addicted to shopping. But I hated being "should-ed" all over where my money was concerned.
This eventually lead to credit card debt, that, at first, was manageable. Then entered my marriage to an active alcoholic, whose own compulsions coupled with my free spending AND enabling lead me into enormous debt. I mean I was paying electric bills on our credit card (and Hawaii electric bills are NOT cheap.)
I feel like I still have only just recently started to ease up on my fears around finances. I think what was most important in here, as with all things recovery, is that I needed to have a Higher Power I knew I could trust. That no matter what, I would be okay. And that meant I'd be okay financially. I've come to understand more and more that God is my source. Not my employer. Not generous friends and family members. Not people who buy my art. Not my investments. They are all just channels God uses to give to me.
When it comes to my money now, I have to Let Go and Let God. Remembering that all I have on this planet came through God in the first place. From my car to my bed sheets to the meals on my table. God provided all of this through his myriad channels, and historically, I've always been taken care of.
Knowing this, I'm now finding myself not striving or feeling anxious about how I'm going to get "more". More, more, more. I'm trusting that I'm being taken care of, and thus I now turn around each day and offer everything to God. Not just my family, friends, and loved ones. I turn my money and my possessions over, too. I don't need to cling to gain or fear loss because God's got this all handled... IF I let him.
The interesting thing I've found in all of this is that because of this shift in my attitude, I also don't feel the need to spend money left and right. What I have is enough. And as a result, I find I'm saving more money and able to pay more towards my debt. All because I stopped feeling like I needed to be in control.
So, that's my take on financial worries. At least for today. And just a reminder that I choose to call my Higher Power God (so easy to type... three letters. One syllable. Easy peasy.)
All my fears are always opportunities to let God get bigger in my world.
Thanks for letting me share.
Rich and Poor are universal concerns even when it isn't a problem. Like Aloha I turned it over to my Higher Power, stopped fearing, became responsible and practice economy with my wife. I also listened to HP's guidance and too action when I got it in His will. A year ago while working at my hobby I hear my HP say "It is time to give up your house" and while smiling at the suggestion I turned around and a woman standing 10 feet away in my drive said, "I want to buy your house".
What was our decision...HP, Me and the Lady? "Yes come over when my wife is home and we will work it out". We worked it out and we are now practicing program in the central valley area of California where my wife is from and where I use to live for 22 years and where I can be fair, honest and just because my wife left her home to be with me in Hawaii for 26 years.
HP guides us when we do it all together for the right reasons and we easily attain sanity, peace of mind and all the other blessings of the program.
((((hugs))))
I keep showing up, and trusting hP it oerks
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 23rd of January 2020 07:21:09 AM