I was reading on line and I just had a thought cross my mind and wanted some feedback. When it comes to dating, I noticed I pick men who are loners, no friends, no close friendships. They are often alone and disconnected from family. It could be because they destroyed those relationships but I seem to be attracted to them. Its like " I can save you, and be your one and only friend" Yes I know my picker is broken but thinking back, all my relationships, consisted of men who who have no friends they spend time with. No sponsors, nothing. I become their company. I find this draining and I get clingy myself. Its like I am the only one in their lives that make it worth while, their only best friend. I am finding it limiting. I never noticed before as I was constantly in crisis after crisis. Yes, I pick the needy and broken ones.
Thanks for letting me share!
Iamhere said
Dec 27, 2019
Hey Joker - great to see you! I too had a broken picker and what I learned through tons of self inventorying is until I learned to love myself, I attracted unhealthy people. When I got better/healthy, so did my picker. Since I've been married for 28 years, I am speaking of friends, family, etc. What I discovered for me was my picker was broken beyond dating/intimacy - I tended to attract unhealthy friends/co-workers/etc...
Happy New Year!
Freetime said
Dec 27, 2019
Joker, thank you for sharing. In working Step 4, I had the opportunity to think about my own patterns. Gaining self-insight has been so helpful. It takes a weight off my shoulders because now I can see what I was doing wrong, and thinking wrong. It shows me what I need to change so I can do better.
hotrod said
Dec 27, 2019
GREAT AWARENESS AND ACCEPTANCE. i WOULD ask hp for guidance and listen carefully
JerryF said
Dec 27, 2019
Great post Joker; one that brings back memories of inventories and change; what it was like then and how it is now. One of the suggestions for change my sponsor take and taught me was, "Now do the opposite". Keep coming back (((hugs))).
PosiesandPuppies said
Dec 28, 2019
Thank you for posting your thoughts, Joker. It shows great self-awareness!
Wishing you all the best for you in 2020!
&
SerenityRUS said
Dec 28, 2019
Hi Joker I sent a PM happy holidays :)
Maresie888 said
Dec 28, 2019
How phenomenal you can see the attraction
Recently I was around someone who gave me a sib story about problems he had had. When I.noticed ny.attraction I could stop and say #heyz# and not act on it
Awareness is a big first. I lost a valuable friendship over ky.constant attraction. My friend told me she could not hear it anymore
These days I am not in crisis all the time but I do get swamped. Januaru is a tough month for me. It will be hard going but that is different from a crisis
Maresie
Aloha said
Dec 30, 2019
Oh yes - I always had that insane delusion that I'll be the special someone in someone's life who shows them they can be loved when no one else loves them. I also had the insane delusion that bad boys would be good just for me because I was just that special.
I agree with IAH - my relationships started getting better when I started loving and respecting myself. It's still a work in progress, for sure. But now if I find myself in the company of red-flaggers I tend to try to part ways with them quickly now instead of holding on and hoping that maybe, just maybe, they'll change for me.
I was reading on line and I just had a thought cross my mind and wanted some feedback. When it comes to dating, I noticed I pick men who are loners, no friends, no close friendships. They are often alone and disconnected from family. It could be because they destroyed those relationships but I seem to be attracted to them. Its like " I can save you, and be your one and only friend" Yes I know my picker is broken but thinking back, all my relationships, consisted of men who who have no friends they spend time with. No sponsors, nothing. I become their company. I find this draining and I get clingy myself. Its like I am the only one in their lives that make it worth while, their only best friend. I am finding it limiting. I never noticed before as I was constantly in crisis after crisis. Yes, I pick the needy and broken ones.
Thanks for letting me share!
Happy New Year!
GREAT AWARENESS AND ACCEPTANCE. i WOULD ask hp for guidance and listen carefully
Great post Joker; one that brings back memories of inventories and change; what it was like then and how it is now. One of the suggestions for change my sponsor take and taught me was, "Now do the opposite". Keep coming back (((hugs))).
Wishing you all the best for you in 2020!
I agree with IAH - my relationships started getting better when I started loving and respecting myself. It's still a work in progress, for sure. But now if I find myself in the company of red-flaggers I tend to try to part ways with them quickly now instead of holding on and hoping that maybe, just maybe, they'll change for me.