Today's reading discusses being a victim vs. a volunteer. A very useful lesson learned by most in Al-Anon is that if we don't want to be a doormat, we have to get up off the floor. While we have no control over what others say, do or think, we are responsible or our own choices.
The writer suggests that in review, they chose to sit and take unacceptable behavior, even returning for more before recovery. The writer suggests they were a willing participant in a dance that requires 2 partners and felt like a victim yet now realizes instead, they were a volunteer.
As a result of recovery, the writer realizes they are not helpless. They have choices and can make changes.
Reminder: It can be very empowering to take responsibility for my own choices. I will act in my own best interest today.
Quote from Living With Sobriety: "I would do well to accept the challenge to look to my own recovery before I spent any more of my precious life wishing the alcoholic would change..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guilty as charged. I certainly came to Al-Anon believing I was 'well' and all others were flawed. In time, with effort and practice, I've come to accept we are all flawed and how I respond to other people, places and things is 100% my choice. I can decide to keep my serenity and joy, or give it to another. I can decide to take crazy talk personal, or see it as it is - a reflection on the source instead of me. I can today keep my peace and joy no matter what another is/is not doing...I believe that my ability to live life on life's terms is a direct result of trusting in a power greater than I, and just doing the next right thing.
My life and days go much better when I remember to keep the focus on me and let others be. I am really grateful to Al-Anon for the personal empowerment I've gained, just by doing what others suggested. Before recovery, it seems as if my attitudes, actions and reactions were hostage to those around me and their actions/words/moods. Today, I am more healthy and just choose, one day at a time, to be of service as I can and let others be who they want/need to be.
Happy Thursday MIP family...I am grateful to be on the backside of Christmas. I've got guests and may have more as the funeral approaches. My best tool as we all grieve in my trust in the God of my understanding to lead me where I need to go. It's been a rough week yet I choose to hold onto hope instead of fear. (((Hugs)))
Lyne said
Dec 26, 2019
Thanks IAH for your service. I love this reading because it is my story. It took me a lifetime to get up off the floor. I didnt know any other way, but now alanon has taught me. I resigned from the doormat club! I bought my own place and live half time away from my A. Its a long story but its working for me. Grateful member, Lyne
PosiesandPuppies said
Dec 26, 2019
Thank you Iamhere for your service. I too, am so glad to be on the backside of Christmas!
This reading is important to me, b/c I didn't become truly accepting or any semblance of "happy" until I realized that I was still playing the "victim" role. Once I reframed the "speak" in my head - I CHOSE not to get back on the not-so-merry-go-round - instead of "I failed at my marriage" or "I am a terrible person b/c I could not accept my Ex for what he offered," that is when I accepted that I CHOSE to save ME! And that is OK!!
Sending you strength Iamhere as you move through the rest of the week and deal w/ the funeral and family.
&
DavidG said
Dec 26, 2019
Lovely share, IAm... ...
I was in victim mode for a long time... ... but what I did not notice was that this was gradually changing.
My SO is an OA, rather than an AA... but has all the same attributes- and a similar family culture to mine. I won a whole lot of respect
over the last few months. I moved away from cliches and empty slogans into my own daily experience. By taking on unconditional love
for myself, I am able to offer it more. and live in the moment...
...and being in this group is a great mover... great to see people close ranks and to grieve together... ...and to celebrate at other times... ...
Today's reading discusses being a victim vs. a volunteer. A very useful lesson learned by most in Al-Anon is that if we don't want to be a doormat, we have to get up off the floor. While we have no control over what others say, do or think, we are responsible or our own choices.
The writer suggests that in review, they chose to sit and take unacceptable behavior, even returning for more before recovery. The writer suggests they were a willing participant in a dance that requires 2 partners and felt like a victim yet now realizes instead, they were a volunteer.
As a result of recovery, the writer realizes they are not helpless. They have choices and can make changes.
Reminder: It can be very empowering to take responsibility for my own choices. I will act in my own best interest today.
Quote from Living With Sobriety: "I would do well to accept the challenge to look to my own recovery before I spent any more of my precious life wishing the alcoholic would change..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guilty as charged. I certainly came to Al-Anon believing I was 'well' and all others were flawed. In time, with effort and practice, I've come to accept we are all flawed and how I respond to other people, places and things is 100% my choice. I can decide to keep my serenity and joy, or give it to another. I can decide to take crazy talk personal, or see it as it is - a reflection on the source instead of me. I can today keep my peace and joy no matter what another is/is not doing...I believe that my ability to live life on life's terms is a direct result of trusting in a power greater than I, and just doing the next right thing.
My life and days go much better when I remember to keep the focus on me and let others be. I am really grateful to Al-Anon for the personal empowerment I've gained, just by doing what others suggested. Before recovery, it seems as if my attitudes, actions and reactions were hostage to those around me and their actions/words/moods. Today, I am more healthy and just choose, one day at a time, to be of service as I can and let others be who they want/need to be.
Happy Thursday MIP family...I am grateful to be on the backside of Christmas. I've got guests and may have more as the funeral approaches. My best tool as we all grieve in my trust in the God of my understanding to lead me where I need to go. It's been a rough week yet I choose to hold onto hope instead of fear. (((Hugs)))
Thank you Iamhere for your service. I too, am so glad to be on the backside of Christmas!
& 
This reading is important to me, b/c I didn't become truly accepting or any semblance of "happy" until I realized that I was still playing the "victim" role. Once I reframed the "speak" in my head - I CHOSE not to get back on the not-so-merry-go-round - instead of "I failed at my marriage" or "I am a terrible person b/c I could not accept my Ex for what he offered," that is when I accepted that I CHOSE to save ME! And that is OK!!
Sending you strength Iamhere as you move through the rest of the week and deal w/ the funeral and family.
Lovely share, IAm...
...
I was in victim mode for a long time... ... but what I did not notice was that this was gradually changing.
My SO is an OA, rather than an AA... but has all the same attributes- and a similar family culture to mine. I won a whole lot of respect
over the last few months. I moved away from cliches and empty slogans into my own daily experience. By taking on unconditional love
for myself, I am able to offer it more. and live in the moment...
...and being in this group is a great mover... great to see people close ranks and to grieve together... ...and to celebrate at other times...
...