My homegroup received some sad news last week about one of our members. They'd been absent from the meeting a few weeks. Another member updated us that our meeting member has been diagnosed with lung cancer. Of all of our members, I would say this meeting member is likely the strongest in service to our group and beyond. They love doing service and we have absolutely benefited. They are a hard act to follow because their love of the program has inspired them to often do a deeper dive concerning topics, meeting formats and newcomer orientation. Because of their enthusiasm and thoroughness and a lack of interest on the part of others to step up, they have held higher level service positions in the program for quite some time.
The news of their illness came as a shock and the change seemed to happen so quickly. From the sound of things, I doubt they are coming back to us. And as you know, when these things happen the disease of alcoholism doesn't exactly take a rest or other problems in one's life for that matter and this is true for her.
The group has a lot of strong recovery but honestly she's been an inspiration and a person one can turn to in a meeting for an immediate answer about happenings at wso or the district. We're not sponsor and sponsee but we have bonded. Neither of us are from this state and have found comfort in one another as transplants to the area.
I sent her a few texts since hearing the news to let her know I care and that we love and miss her. Cancer is such an insidious disease. One moment the person looks entirely well and then we hear this seemingly entirely well person is on oxygen and weak as a lamb. I've worked through the anger. I was angry with her. I remembered I'd gotten a lift from her once and her vehicle was like a walk in ash tray. I was surprised at the time and as she smoked I said I hoped she didn't mind my need to open my window. It was cold out that day. When I heard this news I progressed from feeling casual about her habit to judging her harshly. In my mind, I felt so hurt about the news I judged her program, judged her as an addict. I was standing my kitchen and my fists were clenched as I had these thoughts and I just had a meltdown. I cried and cried. It was the kind of tears and wailing of toddler whose joy upon the discovery of something new and living accidently holds it too tight and extinguishes it's life and beauty. Then I realized I wasn't really angry with her for being simply human trying to get through the misery of living with the effects of this disease. I told myself God was responsible. I then blamed God and began to cherrypick who God might have gone after instead of my meeting friend. Nobody I know personally but that was pretty awful. Then I realized how skewed that kind of thinking is and prayed for her and her family and our group especially her sponsees.
I asked her in text to let me know what she needs and our group as well. She said she would. I hope her sponsor will have more to share from her this week. The Serenity Prayer is helping sort of. I can be a better meeting member, more present, more aware of the newcomer and others in our meeting as we settle into acceptance of this and try not to lose hope. I do have power over those things.
Thanks for letting me share with you. My heart feels a little less heavy. ((hugs))) TT
DavidG said
Dec 22, 2019
((((((((((((((((( Member )))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((( Group )))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((T-T ))))))))))))))))))))))
Powerful share T-T. And yes we close ranks and support each other. ...
Iamhere said
Dec 22, 2019
(((TT))) - I am so sorry to hear your news about your friend....I can so relate to much of what you wrote as this is what's happened with my cousin. She was literally living her life, unaware of the cancer in her body, working daily, etc. until she wasn't. Her cancer also began in her lungs, and had already spread to brain and liver. From discovery/diagnosis to her passing was literally 30 days - 11/22 was when she found out.
As I sit her and process her passing, I really believe I'm still processing the diagnosis. It's been 30 days of shock, worry, service, hugs, tears, etc. I will send prayers for comfort for you, your friend and your group. I have decided that I really, really do hate cancer, as much if not more than this disease. I've got 3 other friends battling it right now and the battle is not for the weak. We (the support group) call them warriors, and I really believe that in my soul!
Take good care of you and do what you're doing - keep offering to be of service, it helped me as much as those in need, just as our program suggests. (((Hugs)))
tiredtonite said
Dec 22, 2019
Thank you David for those big hugs of encouragement. Greatly needed at this time.
Iam thank you for sharing your personal experience with this dreadful illness. I am so sorry you lost your young cousin and others close to you are struggling with cancer. Will keep the prayers coming.
(((hugs)) for both you and David. TT
hotrod said
Dec 23, 2019
((TT)) prayers for your friend
Sad news this Holiday season the person is fortunate o be a member of such a suportive group
PosiesandPuppies said
Dec 23, 2019
(((((((TT)))))))
Sending you support. I can recognize myself in your post. I keep returning to your tagline - "Faith unsticks fear."
&
SerenityRUS said
Dec 23, 2019
TT,
I am sending a PM.
Many hugs and paryers,
S
Temple said
Dec 23, 2019
I am so sorry to hear about your friend.
Thank you for your very frank and honest post. I am always blessed to hear how others process.
Prayers for you and your friend.
Temple
tiredtonite said
Dec 24, 2019
Thank you everyone for the prayers. This will be short because we've come down with the flu at my house, limited holiday activities, holed up in the house, no energy, no company, no twinkling lights, no nothin. But of course given what this post is about, I consider myself lucky and blessed. ((hugs)) TT
JerryF said
Dec 24, 2019
TT I love attitudes of gratitudes. They are powerful for "changing the things I can" I am on the coast (west) now and use attitudes and attitude changes to get by daily. This is not my home however with a change in attitude I can make it mine. I have been to my first meeting with my wife and it is Al-Anon completely...so I am abandoning myself to God as I understand God and choosing the good that is always available. Mahalo MIP. ((((((Hugs)))))).
Maresie888 said
Dec 24, 2019
I have lost numerous people to tobacco addiction. I.find it numbing
I also had adult onset asthma which was made much worse by living around an addict
I share your grief
My homegroup received some sad news last week about one of our members. They'd been absent from the meeting a few weeks. Another member updated us that our meeting member has been diagnosed with lung cancer. Of all of our members, I would say this meeting member is likely the strongest in service to our group and beyond. They love doing service and we have absolutely benefited. They are a hard act to follow because their love of the program has inspired them to often do a deeper dive concerning topics, meeting formats and newcomer orientation. Because of their enthusiasm and thoroughness and a lack of interest on the part of others to step up, they have held higher level service positions in the program for quite some time.
The news of their illness came as a shock and the change seemed to happen so quickly. From the sound of things, I doubt they are coming back to us. And as you know, when these things happen the disease of alcoholism doesn't exactly take a rest or other problems in one's life for that matter and this is true for her.
The group has a lot of strong recovery but honestly she's been an inspiration and a person one can turn to in a meeting for an immediate answer about happenings at wso or the district. We're not sponsor and sponsee but we have bonded. Neither of us are from this state and have found comfort in one another as transplants to the area.
I sent her a few texts since hearing the news to let her know I care and that we love and miss her. Cancer is such an insidious disease. One moment the person looks entirely well and then we hear this seemingly entirely well person is on oxygen and weak as a lamb. I've worked through the anger. I was angry with her. I remembered I'd gotten a lift from her once and her vehicle was like a walk in ash tray. I was surprised at the time and as she smoked I said I hoped she didn't mind my need to open my window. It was cold out that day. When I heard this news I progressed from feeling casual about her habit to judging her harshly. In my mind, I felt so hurt about the news I judged her program, judged her as an addict. I was standing my kitchen and my fists were clenched as I had these thoughts and I just had a meltdown. I cried and cried. It was the kind of tears and wailing of toddler whose joy upon the discovery of something new and living accidently holds it too tight and extinguishes it's life and beauty. Then I realized I wasn't really angry with her for being simply human trying to get through the misery of living with the effects of this disease. I told myself God was responsible. I then blamed God and began to cherrypick who God might have gone after instead of my meeting friend. Nobody I know personally but that was pretty awful. Then I realized how skewed that kind of thinking is and prayed for her and her family and our group especially her sponsees.
I asked her in text to let me know what she needs and our group as well. She said she would. I hope her sponsor will have more to share from her this week. The Serenity Prayer is helping sort of. I can be a better meeting member, more present, more aware of the newcomer and others in our meeting as we settle into acceptance of this and try not to lose hope. I do have power over those things.
Thanks for letting me share with you. My heart feels a little less heavy. ((hugs))) TT
((((((((((((((((( Member )))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((( Group )))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((T-T ))))))))))))))))))))))
Powerful share T-T. And yes we close ranks and support each other.
...
As I sit her and process her passing, I really believe I'm still processing the diagnosis. It's been 30 days of shock, worry, service, hugs, tears, etc. I will send prayers for comfort for you, your friend and your group. I have decided that I really, really do hate cancer, as much if not more than this disease. I've got 3 other friends battling it right now and the battle is not for the weak. We (the support group) call them warriors, and I really believe that in my soul!
Take good care of you and do what you're doing - keep offering to be of service, it helped me as much as those in need, just as our program suggests. (((Hugs)))
Sad news this Holiday season the person is fortunate o be a member of such a suportive group
Sending you support. I can recognize myself in your post. I keep returning to your tagline - "Faith unsticks fear."
I am sending a PM.
Many hugs and paryers,
S
Thank you for your very frank and honest post. I am always blessed to hear how others process.
Prayers for you and your friend.
Temple
TT I love attitudes of gratitudes. They are powerful for "changing the things I can" I am on the coast (west) now and use attitudes and attitude changes to get by daily. This is not my home however with a change in attitude I can make it mine. I have been to my first meeting with my wife and it is Al-Anon completely...so I am abandoning myself to God as I understand God and choosing the good that is always available. Mahalo MIP. ((((((Hugs)))))).
