In another programme we are told- "we guess at what normal is."
Living with an addict- a drinkers does scramble up anybodies' boundaries.
Broadly I felt that the steps gave me norms to live by- and the traditions gave me boundaries.
Just reflecting on this stuff. Planning to demonstrate this a bit more next year. Doing Tradition 5 a bit more next year.
Planning to chair a F2F Alanon meeting this evening. I am actually feeling nervous... maybe a good way to start...???
I will always need support- of some kind... and need to grasp service principals. More about letting go and letting younger members come through...
...but knowing when to step in, pitch in...
...thoughts...? Encouragement...???
Freetime said
Dec 22, 2019
David, you will be great at chairing the meeting! Nervous is OK.
These days my thoughts about service are that it is good for me to "do something" but not to "do everything." I can be an example of service, but not take opportunities away from other people, who also need to do service for their own recovery.
Iamhere said
Dec 22, 2019
(((David))) - I lead meetings quite often and what has worked for me is to take my HP along, open up the meeting, and then encourage participation. If that is lacking, literature is always a great go-to....I'm not sure if your meeting is open, structured, topic, literature, etc. If it's not defined, as the chair, you can certainly take along literature that you're comfy with, select a topic and pass the book around for others to refer, reflect, read from or share ESH from the heart....what I've come to find out is if I am doing more talking than others, I might be trying to control or force solutions. Silent pauses is OK (learned that in recovery) as they allow others to step up and participate! You'll do marvelous - just do you, as you are!
Temple said
Dec 22, 2019
David, you got this.
They are so lucky to have you there in the flesh.
Can't wait to read how it went.
Blessings!
Temple
DavidG said
Dec 22, 2019
Thanks, Freetime, Iam and Temple...
...I need to express gratitude, and not just give it lip service.
Ah guess ah knows what lip service is. To practise gratitude i had to fake it till I made it! I had to take those baby steps...
This year in September, our neighbouring town held it's annual Blossom Festival. Our most senior old-timer, in Alanon,
was the senior blossom Queen. I am sure she was able to dine out on that one- a tribute from the town- and the rural
community she most richly deserved. But how does a humble member match that one?
Most of us- all of us- will respond to even the most smallest acknowledgement. After blossom time we have had cold and
wet weather. In contrast to our neighbour, Australia, our weather has been very unseasonal. And the fruit season has been
two or three weeks late!
But I did manage to buy a pound of cherries- [which we call 500 grams!]. Just those early soft cherries- just a bit of a novelty.
Being a male they languished in a plastic bag this afternoon. Not quite enough I thought. So I rummaged through our christmas paper
and found a nice presentation bag. They say often that pals cannot multitask. By this I means the gals and pals who bring themselves
along to an Alanon meeting.
Our OT [old timer] does not often get along to a meeting- but one never knows this evening. She may even to decide to come along-
in my truck???
But I will present her with a first-in-the-season bag of cherries... ...that is if I manage to get down the gorge to the next town okay. ...
My mum was a dear survivor- and she taught me not to count my chickens until they hatched!
One day at a time- in other words... ...
...and if our old timer has family around- I might just knock on her door- and pass over the gift, ...
and maybe invited in to meet one of her sons... briefly...
...you see I used to rehearse my meetings- who was going to be there- what I was going to say- and what they were going to say...
...and it never really worked out the way I planned it! Not ever!
Fact is- unlike city folk- I cannot find things, and people- going into a fairly small town.
I can recall the area and the mailbox- but will most often get flummoxed and lost.
And I remember the street name and house number from 30 years ago- but not the current one!
So- do I need to make my GPS? Maybe not...
Our OT lives three blocks away from daughter and family- as I look it up on google maps.
My sense of direction is hopeless, actually- and if nothing else getting lost will trigger me before the meeting.
So I have sketch map now- no longer my old "hit and miss" attempt to find people.
Thanks Alanon... ...
DavidG said
Dec 23, 2019
Intimacy is a key word for me- In=time-acy. Good timing. In Alanon we talk a fair bit about emotional intimacy. I saw that as exactly the same- as the emotional sobriety talked about in The Big Book of AA.
Common goals. Truth is- that I had already shared here before getting along to my F2F meeting.
I left home early- which I found was a good move. I spent one half hour taking with our Old Timer. We talked 19 to the dozen. Never missed a beat. Covered heaps of ground. This OT likes talking about higher power stuff- as I do. Much longer shares than a group could afford.
I had to rush off to open the meeting- and no-one came! In this neck of the woods- we often have toped up to a one person meeting. Someone will go along- in case a newcomer, or a visitor shows up.
Got home about 8. and got a phone call. A good little step 10. I could have texted home from the meeting- but he lives in the hills- a 40 minute drive.
Faith in human nature, restored... ...
hotrod said
Dec 23, 2019
HI David i AM SORRY THAT NO ONE WAS AVAILABLE FOR THE MEETING.
TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, I BELIEVE THE Steps WORKED, FOR ME by RESTORING MY Faith in a Power greater than myself. as i uncovered my negative attitudes,. i found that i always prayed for my will to be done and never accepted the negative happenings of my life. The steps taught me how to look at life and learn
Maresie888 said
Dec 24, 2019
I grew up in a very enmeshed family. Boundaries were blurred and reversed. My elder sister was given extraordinary power and prestige. One of the gifts if the program is that I am no longer living in thrall of my sister. My younget sister us obsessed with her .
Detachment has some great benefits.
When I was introduced to the concept of detachment I found it very frustrating
Now the more I can detach the calmer my life is
My family life no longer holds me spellbound in shame and hurt but it had been decades of gruelling work to get there
Bo said
Dec 25, 2019
How do the steps work? I think as far as an explanation as to how the steps and alanon works -- as a program -- is sometimes considered a mystery. Is it re-learning, re-programming, or something of the like? Whatever it is...as we all know it to be...it works!!!
That said, how do the steps work as a practical application -- that, in my experience, is what recovery is all about...and to each their own. Everyone's recovery can be, can look, and could be different.
Some people incorporate the 12 steps into their lives daily. For others it becomes innate. Some concentrate and focus on certain steps. Some do....whatever it is. Different for each and every person perhaps.
I've heard different portrayals about the steps -- the first four steps were about getting your life back, the next four steps were about maintaining your life, and the last four steps were about living your life.
I've heard the first four steps are about restoring your life, the next four steps are about repairing your life, and the last four steps are about how to live your life.
I've found many of these portrayals very insightful, interesting, and representative of one's recovery.
For me, I've found the steps work because of what they became in my life and how they work in my life.
The steps, for me, have become a curriculum for living. It's how I live my life. They have become innate. They are practiced in all my affairs. They are a track for me to live, a path for me to live. They guide me, they help me, they, live within me, and I live within them.
DavidG said
Dec 25, 2019
Thanks Bo... I needed boundaries- and felt that the steps said "please" steps 1 thru 3; "sorry" steps 4 thru 10; and "thanks" steps 11 and 12.
but they also say what you say! ...
Bo said
Dec 25, 2019
That's great David!!! I never heard that before!!! Amazing! What a great portrayal!!! Thank you David.
In another programme we are told- "we guess at what normal is."
Living with an addict- a drinkers does scramble up anybodies' boundaries.
Broadly I felt that the steps gave me norms to live by- and the traditions gave me boundaries.
Just reflecting on this stuff. Planning to demonstrate this a bit more next year. Doing Tradition 5 a bit more next year.
Planning to chair a F2F Alanon meeting this evening. I am actually feeling nervous... maybe a good way to start...???
I will always need support- of some kind... and need to grasp service principals. More about letting go and letting younger members come through...
...but knowing when to step in, pitch in...
...thoughts...? Encouragement...???
These days my thoughts about service are that it is good for me to "do something" but not to "do everything." I can be an example of service, but not take opportunities away from other people, who also need to do service for their own recovery.
They are so lucky to have you there in the flesh.
Can't wait to read how it went.
Blessings!
Temple
...I need to express gratitude, and not just give it lip service.
Ah guess ah knows what lip service is. To practise gratitude i had to fake it till I made it! I had to take those baby steps...
This year in September, our neighbouring town held it's annual Blossom Festival. Our most senior old-timer, in Alanon,
was the senior blossom Queen. I am sure she was able to dine out on that one- a tribute from the town- and the rural
community she most richly deserved. But how does a humble member match that one?
Most of us- all of us- will respond to even the most smallest acknowledgement. After blossom time we have had cold and
wet weather. In contrast to our neighbour, Australia, our weather has been very unseasonal. And the fruit season has been
two or three weeks late!
But I did manage to buy a pound of cherries- [which we call 500 grams!]. Just those early soft cherries- just a bit of a novelty.
Being a male they languished in a plastic bag this afternoon. Not quite enough I thought. So I rummaged through our christmas paper
and found a nice presentation bag. They say often that pals cannot multitask. By this I means the gals and pals who bring themselves
along to an Alanon meeting.
Our OT [old timer] does not often get along to a meeting- but one never knows this evening. She may even to decide to come along-
in my truck???
But I will present her with a first-in-the-season bag of cherries... ...that is if I manage to get down the gorge to the next town okay.
...
My mum was a dear survivor- and she taught me not to count my chickens until they hatched!
One day at a time- in other words...
...
...and if our old timer has family around- I might just knock on her door- and pass over the gift,
...
and maybe invited in to meet one of her sons... briefly...
...you see I used to rehearse my meetings- who was going to be there- what I was going to say- and what they were going to say...
...and it never really worked out the way I planned it! Not ever!
Fact is- unlike city folk- I cannot find things, and people- going into a fairly small town.
I can recall the area and the mailbox- but will most often get flummoxed and lost.
And I remember the street name and house number from 30 years ago- but not the current one!
So- do I need to make my GPS? Maybe not...
Our OT lives three blocks away from daughter and family- as I look it up on google maps.
My sense of direction is hopeless, actually- and if nothing else getting lost will trigger me before the meeting.
So I have sketch map now- no longer my old "hit and miss" attempt to find people.
Thanks Alanon...
...
Intimacy is a key word for me- In=time-acy. Good timing. In Alanon we talk a fair bit about emotional intimacy. I saw that as exactly the same- as the emotional sobriety talked about in The Big Book of AA.
Common goals. Truth is- that I had already shared here before getting along to my F2F meeting.
I left home early- which I found was a good move. I spent one half hour taking with our Old Timer. We talked 19 to the dozen. Never missed a beat. Covered heaps of ground. This OT likes talking about higher power stuff- as I do. Much longer shares than a group could afford.
I had to rush off to open the meeting- and no-one came! In this neck of the woods- we often have toped up to a one person meeting. Someone will go along- in case a newcomer, or a visitor shows up.
Got home about 8. and got a phone call. A good little step 10. I could have texted home from the meeting- but he lives in the hills- a 40 minute drive.
Faith in human nature, restored...
...
TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, I BELIEVE THE Steps WORKED, FOR ME by RESTORING MY Faith in a Power greater than myself. as i uncovered my negative attitudes,. i found that i always prayed for my will to be done and never accepted the negative happenings of my life. The steps taught me how to look at life and learn
That said, how do the steps work as a practical application -- that, in my experience, is what recovery is all about...and to each their own. Everyone's recovery can be, can look, and could be different.
Some people incorporate the 12 steps into their lives daily. For others it becomes innate. Some concentrate and focus on certain steps. Some do....whatever it is. Different for each and every person perhaps.
I've heard different portrayals about the steps -- the first four steps were about getting your life back, the next four steps were about maintaining your life, and the last four steps were about living your life.
I've heard the first four steps are about restoring your life, the next four steps are about repairing your life, and the last four steps are about how to live your life.
I've found many of these portrayals very insightful, interesting, and representative of one's recovery.
For me, I've found the steps work because of what they became in my life and how they work in my life.
The steps, for me, have become a curriculum for living. It's how I live my life. They have become innate. They are practiced in all my affairs. They are a track for me to live, a path for me to live. They guide me, they help me, they, live within me, and I live within them.
but they also say what you say!
...