Me and treatment, as a family member. [Trigger- reference to suicide.]
DavidG said
Dec 17, 2019
Hi Y'all...
some things I go over, again and again... I have noticed lately that the list of these things is getting shorter and shorter.
In theory I favour therapy in tandem with time in our 12 Step groups. 100%
I always say too- that we are works in progress, and sometimes our groups, also are works in progress. After all, they are made up entirely of members of you and I. ...
...and the clinical professional arena too, in my experience.
My father's step-father was a doctor- and an alcoholic. For this reason, I suppose i amore suspicious than most about professionals. Because I saw this situation from the inside.
I went to a treatment centre in my own country in 1985 and 1987. This facility no longer exists. I got my referral from my family Dr. Besides having a medical qualification, he was also a qualified attorney- trained in Great Britain- to be part of the judicial review of the medical profession.
I am not sure how he came to be practising in may sleepy river town, as it was then. I was his first patient and he was drunk. I had to actually dictate my later of referral to him. I still recall the form- with it's cross-out and splotches.
Part of our town was being flooded. In fact the doctor's surgery I attended is now under water. The incoming construction crews- who built a huge dam-
bought with this a fair few AA members. We started an Alanon group and we, also gained a whole swag of family members.
At one time- I think there were 18 or 20 of us who went along to this treatment centre- away up in the mountains near some hot springs.
Of course almost all of us were successful- because we were all actually going to meetings- before we went.
I always wanted answers. One of the main things I got out of my time there- was that I got to spend time with my schoolmate "Ian". we got to hang out together. He took all his medications, but didn't ever get to a meeting, that I know of.
In the end he could not get enough meds. I got around to see him a week before he died. My SO is a mental health professional and i took a phone call from Neil's mother- by mistake. That is how I got to know that he was gravely ill.
So I snuck around there and spent an hour or two with him. Ian's brother was a local professional and he sent him off to a private psych hospital. A week after he got out Ian hung himself in his mother's garage. The ultimate act of cowardice- to leave himself up there for his mum to find him.
When I was in the treatment centre we had a group on gender equality. I questioned the group leader- about his actual role.
Then I thought "here we go"... and my personal group leader- at the next group started to home in on me. Both these gentlemen were trained doctors, and also recovering alcoholics.
So- very quickly I was threatened to take some powerful medication- or be sent to the city south of there as a patient in a mental hospital. One deepest and moist scariest fear was being locked up in a mental hospital.
I stayed the course- and on the bus-ride home threw the medication out of the window.
I am still around- but Dr. One lost his job- for going back drinking. And Dr. Two was murdered oversea on some sort of assignment.
The wife of Dr. One was a pioneer started adult child meetings at the facility. She would have had to leave too when hubby lost his job.
I was in Alanon meetings with the wife of Dr. Two. {I won't comment any more than that.}
When I returned home from the facility I had the added stigma of having been there. It affected me with my family horribly, including my immediate family.
It is just in the last month that i have been able to get things sorted out, really.
I believe that in Alanon we, as groups, often work in tandem with caring professionals.
Our groups can offer long term care and support for family members... sometimes life-time support.
Even as a kid I was optimistic. Maybe too optimistic sometimes.
A lot of us here, have to shoulder heaps of adversity. But we manage to let go of this burden- when we are ready and able... ...
Thanks for the chance to share...
DavidG.
Temple said
Dec 17, 2019
David,
Seems to me, if you got through all that, and are working through the residual feelings, you can handle anything.
Bless you, Laddie--
Temple
l
DavidG said
Dec 17, 2019
Thanks, ma'am; Temple...
I would not have shared this at a regular F 2 F meeting, without knowing everyone there...
A big thing for me this year- is about being heard, and being believed... and i am getting gtjis sense, more and more. it is very healing- thanks... ...
Bo said
Dec 17, 2019
David, yes, I very much agree. Without question, very often, the work we do in alanon is in tandem and in conjunction with the work we do with professionals.
In addition, and perhaps more important, in alanon, we receive care, support, guidance, help -- and yes, long-term, if we keep doing the work -- for our lifetime.
I have always said, alanon, for me, is a curriculum for living. It is a path, a track, for me to follow...in how I live my life.
Practice these principles...in all our affairs...
DavidG said
Dec 17, 2019
Thanks Bo... I have been going to my nearest F2F... and they asked me to chair next Monday.
I need to stay in the moment... and can manage to do this most of the time. ...
Aloha said
Dec 18, 2019
I think it would be narrow-minded of me to assume that a 12-step group is the ONLY answer out there to all of my issues.
That said, I love Al-Anon and all that it has done for me. But to be honest, I feel it only works when I'm willing to lean on a Higher Power. But that's the gift this program has given me is a closer, more intimate relationship to a power greater than myself.
I do still feel professionals have their place. I dislike it when I find myself in a meeting and we're discussing Tradition 8 and people start speaking negatively about professionals. It's really hard because actually some of the groups I attend actually have professionals in there who are there to help themselves as Al-Anon members, too.
I met with a counselor weekly for a few months when I was early in my program, and while I feel like she didn't have much to add over the top of what Al-Anon was providing me, she DID give me some added validation that I just needed at that time.
This is why I'm glad Al-Anon is not an exclusive membership. We're not told who we can or cannot talk to, what we can or cannot believe, etc. in our personal lives. For example I read a lot of books on philosophy and spirituality and I'm grateful that this program allows me the flexibility to do so as I feel it just enriches my experience as a whole.
I do feel the 12 steps offer a core foundation to working through life's problems. They're a very simplified path I can follow if I'm willing. But believe it or not, there are people out there who somehow intrinsically already know the things that I had to attend Al-Anon to finally understand. They didn't need a 12-step program, and yet somehow they "get it".
DavidG said
Dec 18, 2019
Aloha... great input- wise and balanced. No Thanksgiving here, of course. We have shuffled furniture around in here- have a tree with some pressies- and are having a pre-get-to-gether planned tonight for one daughters family and kids- who will be with the other grandparents on Christmas day. Somehow we have managed to avoid the blight of family discord over this season.
I am feeling really nervous! I watched a clip in you-tube about anxiety, and realised how essential it was, and is- at healthy levels. Anger, fear and grief- ditto. Next Monday I am chairing our neighbouring meeting. Next year plan to do much more on Tradition 5. But the difference these days is that i am working closely with other people. Connection and bonding. I feel it better to have a base in this active group, which is 25 minutes away- by a pleasant lakeside drive.
I feel that the best effective groups have 8 or 10 members. I have seen groups get to this size and fall away in numbers. My hunch is that a group could hold two meetings a week, maybe each, with a slightly different emphasis- to build up membership. But more importantly- to offer experience strength and hope.
I am in awe and respect- at the larger group IAm describes in her community- and how they manage members coming in at different levels. And every day virtually, in this group I am learning new things- about myself... at dealing with the disease... ...and working towards building healthy and effective groups.
Thanks.
Maresie888 said
Dec 25, 2019
I have at times been very suicidal in my life. I certainly know the lead up to what tips.some people over the edge.
Two years ago one of.my friends committed suicide. He drove his truck on the railroad track. He locked the doors.and waited for the train to come. My friend most definitely had issues with depression outwardly he was very successful. He also painted a pictures perfect image of his life that was not realistic. I bought his picture perfect life for years and never questioned it. .
I can most definitely understand people being angry at those who commit suicide. I know I shared a lot of my struggle with my friend
He certainly could have talked to me without judgment. He was not without resources. He had just inherited a lot of money. Therapy was an option for.him
I dont know why my friend committed suicide
I know he didnt lack.courage
When I came in these rooms I was totally demoralised and ashamed of my relationship with an alcoholic. We were in the middle of a terrible recession. Finding work was really difficult. I would find work.and the now ex.a.woukd set up a cbain of catastrophe's that completely drained our.reaourcea.
I found this group and found tremendous solace here
Yet there were many days particularly over the holiday where Inwss suicidal. I could not fathom how I would find my way out
Recently one.of my neighbors committed suicide. There was a chain of events that occurred that put him over the edge. He left a.note about that chain of circumstances. I think about that note a lot
I know I lucked out by finding this group. Not everyone is so lucky. Eventually after stumbling around I found solace in the tools.
I know other people are not so lucky.
Maresie
DavidG said
Dec 25, 2019
Nice to see your post here, Maresie. Apart from the gloss and glitter of this time- I have been thinking a lot about what actually goes on in this world.
Listen and be listened to- has been a theme for me recently. These two days it has taken me past the gloss and glitter- to a place of true hope in the world... tough, I know- but real... ...
Hi Y'all...
some things I go over, again and again... I have noticed lately that the list of these things is getting shorter and shorter.
In theory I favour therapy in tandem with time in our 12 Step groups. 100%
I always say too- that we are works in progress, and sometimes our groups, also are works in progress. After all, they are made up entirely of members of you and I.
...
...and the clinical professional arena too, in my experience.
My father's step-father was a doctor- and an alcoholic. For this reason, I suppose i amore suspicious than most about professionals. Because I saw this situation from the inside.
I went to a treatment centre in my own country in 1985 and 1987. This facility no longer exists. I got my referral from my family Dr. Besides having a medical qualification, he was also a qualified attorney- trained in Great Britain- to be part of the judicial review of the medical profession.
I am not sure how he came to be practising in may sleepy river town, as it was then. I was his first patient and he was drunk. I had to actually dictate my later of referral to him. I still recall the form- with it's cross-out and splotches.
Part of our town was being flooded. In fact the doctor's surgery I attended is now under water. The incoming construction crews- who built a huge dam-
bought with this a fair few AA members. We started an Alanon group and we, also gained a whole swag of family members.
At one time- I think there were 18 or 20 of us who went along to this treatment centre- away up in the mountains near some hot springs.
Of course almost all of us were successful- because we were all actually going to meetings- before we went.
I always wanted answers. One of the main things I got out of my time there- was that I got to spend time with my schoolmate "Ian". we got to hang out together. He took all his medications, but didn't ever get to a meeting, that I know of.
In the end he could not get enough meds. I got around to see him a week before he died. My SO is a mental health professional and i took a phone call from Neil's mother- by mistake. That is how I got to know that he was gravely ill.
So I snuck around there and spent an hour or two with him. Ian's brother was a local professional and he sent him off to a private psych hospital. A week after he got out Ian hung himself in his mother's garage. The ultimate act of cowardice- to leave himself up there for his mum to find him.
When I was in the treatment centre we had a group on gender equality. I questioned the group leader- about his actual role.
Then I thought "here we go"... and my personal group leader- at the next group started to home in on me. Both these gentlemen were trained doctors, and also recovering alcoholics.
So- very quickly I was threatened to take some powerful medication- or be sent to the city south of there as a patient in a mental hospital. One deepest and moist scariest fear was being locked up in a mental hospital.
I stayed the course- and on the bus-ride home threw the medication out of the window.
I am still around- but Dr. One lost his job- for going back drinking. And Dr. Two was murdered oversea on some sort of assignment.
The wife of Dr. One was a pioneer started adult child meetings at the facility. She would have had to leave too when hubby lost his job.
I was in Alanon meetings with the wife of Dr. Two. {I won't comment any more than that.}
When I returned home from the facility I had the added stigma of having been there. It affected me with my family horribly, including my immediate family.
It is just in the last month that i have been able to get things sorted out, really.
I believe that in Alanon we, as groups, often work in tandem with caring professionals.
Our groups can offer long term care and support for family members... sometimes life-time support.
Even as a kid I was optimistic. Maybe too optimistic sometimes.
A lot of us here, have to shoulder heaps of adversity. But we manage to let go of this burden- when we are ready and able...
...
Thanks for the chance to share...
DavidG.
Seems to me, if you got through all that, and are working through the residual feelings, you can handle anything.
Bless you, Laddie--
Temple
l
I would not have shared this at a regular F 2 F meeting, without knowing everyone there...
A big thing for me this year- is about being heard, and being believed... and i am getting gtjis sense, more and more. it is very healing- thanks...
...
In addition, and perhaps more important, in alanon, we receive care, support, guidance, help -- and yes, long-term, if we keep doing the work -- for our lifetime.
I have always said, alanon, for me, is a curriculum for living. It is a path, a track, for me to follow...in how I live my life.
Practice these principles...in all our affairs...
I need to stay in the moment... and can manage to do this most of the time.
...
That said, I love Al-Anon and all that it has done for me. But to be honest, I feel it only works when I'm willing to lean on a Higher Power. But that's the gift this program has given me is a closer, more intimate relationship to a power greater than myself.
I do still feel professionals have their place. I dislike it when I find myself in a meeting and we're discussing Tradition 8 and people start speaking negatively about professionals. It's really hard because actually some of the groups I attend actually have professionals in there who are there to help themselves as Al-Anon members, too.
I met with a counselor weekly for a few months when I was early in my program, and while I feel like she didn't have much to add over the top of what Al-Anon was providing me, she DID give me some added validation that I just needed at that time.
This is why I'm glad Al-Anon is not an exclusive membership. We're not told who we can or cannot talk to, what we can or cannot believe, etc. in our personal lives. For example I read a lot of books on philosophy and spirituality and I'm grateful that this program allows me the flexibility to do so as I feel it just enriches my experience as a whole.
I do feel the 12 steps offer a core foundation to working through life's problems. They're a very simplified path I can follow if I'm willing. But believe it or not, there are people out there who somehow intrinsically already know the things that I had to attend Al-Anon to finally understand. They didn't need a 12-step program, and yet somehow they "get it".
I am feeling really nervous! I watched a clip in you-tube about anxiety, and realised how essential it was, and is- at healthy levels. Anger, fear and grief- ditto. Next Monday I am chairing our neighbouring meeting. Next year plan to do much more on Tradition 5. But the difference these days is that i am working closely with other people. Connection and bonding. I feel it better to have a base in this active group, which is 25 minutes away- by a pleasant lakeside drive.
I feel that the best effective groups have 8 or 10 members. I have seen groups get to this size and fall away in numbers. My hunch is that a group could hold two meetings a week, maybe each, with a slightly different emphasis- to build up membership. But more importantly- to offer experience strength and hope.
I am in awe and respect- at the larger group IAm describes in her community- and how they manage members coming in at different levels. And every day virtually, in this group I am learning new things- about myself... at dealing with the disease... ...and working towards building healthy and effective groups.
Nice to see your post here, Maresie. Apart from the gloss and glitter of this time- I have been thinking a lot about what actually goes on in this world.
Listen and be listened to- has been a theme for me recently. These two days it has taken me past the gloss and glitter- to a place of true hope in the world... tough, I know- but real...
...