We weren't dirt poor. The generation before me had gone barefoot to school, summer and boots in winter. I wrote a local history and one lady told me that their feet got hard and calloused in the summer.

I do have a shoe story, which I won't tell now. But we were poor by the standards of our time. And out parents went out and played golf. And mum had horses and ponies. A sort of paradox.

At the back of our house we had an old water talk- turned sideways- and the carrier would back up to it and empty 12 bags of coal into the top. One ton.

I recall him telling mum one day- that is the bill wasn't paid there would be no more coal. That made we realise that our family economy was hand to mouth.

I woke up last night- Christmas and New year is almost upon us. And i thought OMG, our MIP groups have not paid the servers- that keep the groups going! But I went to the business board and checked- and the annual giving come around in April. No hurry, no worry!

I think the difference for me, today, is that I check things out. I don't agonise about stuff that I have no control over. I check things out, and clear the air.

  Thanks... 

Hi David,

Thanks for sharing a bit of your early years. Yes, we can always check things out today. For me it's mostly about checking in with myself. When old memories or triggers surface, I can remind myself that "feelings aren't facts" if I am feeling old feelings of "not enough." I can trust myself practice self care as an adult and truly know to my core than I am worth taking care of. My higher power is just a prayer away should I forget that.

I can trust that my family of choice - Alanon is a safe and consistently reliable one. I trust that with others in Alanon we'll do our part to keep the lights on until the newcomer comes home. Our in person and online recovery families will keep working toward our common goal of helping families and friends of alcoholics and keeping our groups unified. 

As children others were responsible for our care and did the best with what they had including emotionally. With relation to that, we can be bitter or we can be better. My own recovery has been helped by your sharing. I enjoy your insights and willingness to not be bitter but be better, to keep growing in recovery. Learning from the past, we're not destined to repeat it. I think the best thing about rising from the ashes so to speak is to be unafraid of conscious living in the present, unafraid of intrusive thoughts concerning the past. There's no longer a need to be hypervigilant about our surroundings. Working Alanon daily brings serenity which is a strong foundation for reasonably content life today.

Glad you're here and keep coming back.  ((hugs)))  TT

 Thanks for your share, here, T-T. I really liked the phrase you said about newcomers. And it is a joy to realise that members can do this together!

     It has been a journey into adulthood; adult behaviour, without, hopefully-  losing a sense of fun and joy. A sense of purpose too... and knowing when, and how, to tackle real issues and concerns.  ...