This reading discusses one of my favorite/fraught topics -- holidays! The author had a difficult childhood where holidays were sad, and as an adult still found them hard. With Al-Anon, the author learned how to reclaim the holidays and created their own enjoyable fun traditions, now spending time with program friends and being able to cope much better when choosing to spend some holiday time with family.
Quote from The Forum: "I knew deep down inside that God had not created me to feel sad, but I needed to learn how to get out from under that feeling."
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I was fortunate to have a good childhood where holidays were fun. As I grew up and married into an alcoholic family, this changed. I had no knowledge or tools about the disease and its effects on families, so I was frustrated, scared, worried, stressed... and eventually things reached a crisis point where I vowed I was not doing holidays ever again. And for a few years, I didn't, or I participated at the bare minimum. My dream was to spend the season on a deserted island where no one had even heard of these holidays we celebrate every fall and winter. Isolation sounded like bliss. Until I got stronger with my Al-Anon tools and allowed time for self-care, avoiding holiday customs and gatherings was the best I could do.
Now, I've done a lot of healing, and life has changed -- as it does whether I want it to or not -- and today, I am so amazingly blessed that I can hardly believe it. Like the author, I make a point to be with Al-Anon people around the holidays, and am so grateful. And I can spend simple time with family -- some members are gone, and new members have come in -- and I think this year is going to be great, but if anything not-great happens, I have tools and people I can call to help me deal with that. Whatever these "special" days bring, I am not alone, I have choices, and I can make it special for me and for anyone else who wants to be joyful and serene along with me.
Lyne said
Nov 23, 2019
Thanks FT for your service and your share. Like yourself, childhood holidays were usually fun. And holidays were good up until the last few years. My A disturbed my son and dtr-in-law to the point that they have not spoken to her for nearly 3 years. At first I tried to force solutions, but as I continued in program I learned that the way I was treated and hurt, so were the kids. I no longer resent them for cutting my A out. So each holiday now is celebrated twice by me, one with the A and one without. I no longer try to get them back together. It's not perfect but I have resolved it for now as the situation is. I have learned to accept things and move on. Yeah alanon. Lyne
PosiesandPuppies said
Nov 23, 2019
I am coming to this a day late, but I know that's "OK."
Holidays were always fun growing up. We would travel to northern Cali to visit relatives... they had lots of kids that my brother and I could play with! We all got along, and I have very good memories of this. Early in my marriage, holidays were stressful but enjoyable. We usually traveled short distances to be with both sides of family.
Once addiction entered the picture (unbeknownst to me at the time), holidays were incredibly stressful for me... but I never knew why. Then my spouse lost a sister on Christmas Day and the whole holiday changed on that side of the family (understandably). I eventually could begin to recognize how my spouse would spiral out of control, emotionally - usually beginning around Thanksgiving and continuing through the New Year's holiday. I spent the whole time putting out fires, mitigating disasters, taking care of others emotional needs, and otherwise trying to hold up the facade of a wonderful, happy family. Don't get me wrong...here were moments of love & beauty... just the other stuff overshadowed them. To this day I am unsure how well I kept up the facade. In the last year of living with my spouse, not well at all, as I was detaching, detaching, detaching! However, I always tried to make this time special with my kid. I hope that he has good memories, and not ones damaged from living with an addicted/alcoholic father. I may never know.
This is the third holiday season after leaving my spouse. The divorce has been final for a little over a year. The first season, I was just a deer in the headlights trying to survive. Last year was a fun, happy year - I was enjoying my new life! This year I am fraught with boughts of sadness. I tear up over a song, I can't stand the holiday commercials (well, that's nothing new! LOL!) I am sure it has to do with the latest text exchange with my Ex. I am working through that with my sponsor... I may post here later as I get some clarity on it. We'll see. Anyway, I just wanted to share that I was grateful for this Daily, and the reason I needed to read it!
Have a wonderful weekend MIP Fam!
Iamhere said
Nov 24, 2019
I'm also a 'day late' and agree - that's OK! We had a meeting yesterday about holidays, perfection, stress, acceptance...it was exactly what I needed to remind me that each day I am still here is another day I am blessed. I heard early on that holidays are no different than any other day - if we do what's suggested, focus on progress and not perfection, allow things to unfold without forcing solutions, then all will be well and as it's supposed to be! This has worked really, really well for me and I am so grateful that today, I can decide what I am willing to do and what I am not willing to do...
I decided many years ago, as a result of recovery to focus on the good in my life - past and present. I spent so many years focusing on what was broken, or not good that turning it upside down brings much more peace/serenity. My childhood was far, far, far from perfect. It, nor any other past event does not define me today. I have been able to let it all go and focus mostly on the here/now. When I am affected by feelings about the past, I find myself using our program tools to help me accept, deal and heal.
May we all, one day at a time, find and keep our joy and serenity. (((Hugs)))
This reading discusses one of my favorite/fraught topics -- holidays! The author had a difficult childhood where holidays were sad, and as an adult still found them hard. With Al-Anon, the author learned how to reclaim the holidays and created their own enjoyable fun traditions, now spending time with program friends and being able to cope much better when choosing to spend some holiday time with family.
Quote from The Forum: "I knew deep down inside that God had not created me to feel sad, but I needed to learn how to get out from under that feeling."
----------------------
I was fortunate to have a good childhood where holidays were fun. As I grew up and married into an alcoholic family, this changed. I had no knowledge or tools about the disease and its effects on families, so I was frustrated, scared, worried, stressed... and eventually things reached a crisis point where I vowed I was not doing holidays ever again. And for a few years, I didn't, or I participated at the bare minimum. My dream was to spend the season on a deserted island where no one had even heard of these holidays we celebrate every fall and winter. Isolation sounded like bliss. Until I got stronger with my Al-Anon tools and allowed time for self-care, avoiding holiday customs and gatherings was the best I could do.
Now, I've done a lot of healing, and life has changed -- as it does whether I want it to or not -- and today, I am so amazingly blessed that I can hardly believe it. Like the author, I make a point to be with Al-Anon people around the holidays, and am so grateful. And I can spend simple time with family -- some members are gone, and new members have come in -- and I think this year is going to be great, but if anything not-great happens, I have tools and people I can call to help me deal with that. Whatever these "special" days bring, I am not alone, I have choices, and I can make it special for me and for anyone else who wants to be joyful and serene along with me.
I am coming to this a day late, but I know that's "OK."
Holidays were always fun growing up. We would travel to northern Cali to visit relatives... they had lots of kids that my brother and I could play with! We all got along, and I have very good memories of this.
Early in my marriage, holidays were stressful but enjoyable. We usually traveled short distances to be with both sides of family.
Once addiction entered the picture (unbeknownst to me at the time), holidays were incredibly stressful for me... but I never knew why. Then my spouse lost a sister on Christmas Day and the whole holiday changed on that side of the family (understandably). I eventually could begin to recognize how my spouse would spiral out of control, emotionally - usually beginning around Thanksgiving and continuing through the New Year's holiday. I spent the whole time putting out fires, mitigating disasters, taking care of others emotional needs, and otherwise trying to hold up the facade of a wonderful, happy family. Don't get me wrong...here were moments of love & beauty... just the other stuff overshadowed them. To this day I am unsure how well I kept up the facade. In the last year of living with my spouse, not well at all, as I was detaching, detaching, detaching! However, I always tried to make this time special with my kid. I hope that he has good memories, and not ones damaged from living with an addicted/alcoholic father. I may never know.
This is the third holiday season after leaving my spouse. The divorce has been final for a little over a year. The first season, I was just a deer in the headlights trying to survive. Last year was a fun, happy year - I was enjoying my new life! This year I am fraught with boughts of sadness. I tear up over a song, I can't stand the holiday commercials (well, that's nothing new! LOL!) I am sure it has to do with the latest text exchange with my Ex. I am working through that with my sponsor... I may post here later as I get some clarity on it. We'll see. Anyway, I just wanted to share that I was grateful for this Daily, and the reason I needed to read it!
Have a wonderful weekend MIP Fam!
I decided many years ago, as a result of recovery to focus on the good in my life - past and present. I spent so many years focusing on what was broken, or not good that turning it upside down brings much more peace/serenity. My childhood was far, far, far from perfect. It, nor any other past event does not define me today. I have been able to let it all go and focus mostly on the here/now. When I am affected by feelings about the past, I find myself using our program tools to help me accept, deal and heal.
May we all, one day at a time, find and keep our joy and serenity. (((Hugs)))