I was sharing this with a friend the other day and thought it would be a good fit here.
To preface this, when I lived in Hawaii, it was rare for an Al-Anon meeting to end with the Lord's Prayer. Most often it ended with the Serenity Prayer or the Al-Anon Declaration. That's what I "grew up in" for recovery. When I moved back to the mainland, I found many of the Al-Anon meetings would close with the Lord's Prayer. This baffled me a little bit. First, for whatever reason, I always though that the Lord's Prayer was used more in AA than Al-Anon - only because when I attended open AA meetings in HI, they were commonly closed with that prayer. Second, I rankled at the prayer because I felt it was religious - something I often heard a specific religion use.
I had to sit with this for quite a while, and over time, I eventually dropped my inner battle with it. The Lord's Prayer at the end of meetings doesn't bother me any longer.
A friend who also moved from HI to the mainland texted me recently asking me how I reconciled the use of the prayer as she's been finding it bothers her.
This was my response, and I'm sharing it here because maybe it might help someone else:
I did at first struggle a bit with the Lord's Prayer at the end of meetings. I didn't like it because I felt it was a Christian prayer, therefore religious.
I started to change my stance on it in a couple ways.
First, I heard from another member in recovery that the Lord's Prayer has been around in other formulations long before Christianity adopted it.
Second, I had to adjust my attitude. Everywhere in our literature it says "God as we understand Hom". The "our Father" in the Lord's Prayer is uniquely MY Higher Power when those words pass my lips. I'm talking to my God as I understand Him and no one else's.
Finally, I think often how many times people in the past have tried to change the words in our steps and traditions - usually to remove "God" even though it's understood this is a spiritual program and that God is unique to each of us.
It took me all the way back to my old problem...
"YOU change so I can feel okay."
When I hear people wanting to erase God out of our steps it reminds me of that common problem we all have of wanting others to change. And I recognized my rankling at the Lord's Prayer was not far from me wanting the group to change so I could feel okay.
I am grateful that this program allows me to take what I like and leave the rest. When I say the Lord's Prayer now, I know it's my HP I'm talking to, because no one told me "our Father" must be Christ, or Jehovah, or Allah, or any other deity.
I hope this was helpful. I feel like I've got a pretty unique God - at least so far as I'm not religious. I believe in a power greater than myself is all, and it's just easy for me to call that power God.
Thanks for letting me share.
Lyne said
Nov 21, 2019
Aloha, I'm glad you posted your share because you are describing alanon principles at work--take what you like and leave the rest, God as each of us understands Him, Her, the ocean, or a ball of energy and light, and of course, to focus on ourselves and not others. I like what you said. Bravo! Lyne
Freetime said
Nov 21, 2019
Aloha, thank you for this topic. It's so interesting to me how different groups embody the traditions. In my area of the mainland US, I've attended a number of different Al-Anon meetings, and only one of them used the Lord's Prayer.
I too am not religious, but I decided that I was not going to let some words stand in the way of my recovery. I feel respect and gratitude for the people who started our program. I think of the language in the steps and traditional readings as like Shakespeare -- the language, to me, is outmoded, but I can still get something from it and feel the concepts it is trying to convey.
I am glad each group is autonomous and gets to decide on its readings and format. It gives us practice in making decisions and reasoning things out, not simply obeying an authority.
And thank you for the reminder of "YOU change so I can feel okay." That hasn't worked for me either.
-- Edited by Freetime on Thursday 21st of November 2019 11:41:30 AM
canadianguy said
Nov 21, 2019
Awesome post and perspective Aloha... I fully agree.
We live in interesting times, where somehow - as a species - we are so quick to be "offended" by something that is not our particular cup of tea....
For me, the Lord's Prayer never bothered me.... I'm not particularly religious, per se, but I hear the Lord's Prayer in much the same way I hear the Serenity Prayer.... and accept it as such.
Our slogan of "take what you like, and leave the rest" definitely comes to mind, as the value is in the meeting and the exchange of E,S&H at the meetings.... If one really is opposed to the ending, then perhaps they could quietly recite the Serenity Prayer while the rest of the group says the Lord's Prayer.
AA / Al-Anon does indeed have some Christian roots, but it's not like there is a rule that one must agree/abide by every word uttered in order to attend, lol.
Tom
p.s. smiling here, but the other saying that this one brings up for me - "try us for six meetings, and if you're not fully satisfied, we will gladly refund your misery" :)
I was sharing this with a friend the other day and thought it would be a good fit here.
To preface this, when I lived in Hawaii, it was rare for an Al-Anon meeting to end with the Lord's Prayer. Most often it ended with the Serenity Prayer or the Al-Anon Declaration. That's what I "grew up in" for recovery. When I moved back to the mainland, I found many of the Al-Anon meetings would close with the Lord's Prayer. This baffled me a little bit. First, for whatever reason, I always though that the Lord's Prayer was used more in AA than Al-Anon - only because when I attended open AA meetings in HI, they were commonly closed with that prayer. Second, I rankled at the prayer because I felt it was religious - something I often heard a specific religion use.
I had to sit with this for quite a while, and over time, I eventually dropped my inner battle with it. The Lord's Prayer at the end of meetings doesn't bother me any longer.
A friend who also moved from HI to the mainland texted me recently asking me how I reconciled the use of the prayer as she's been finding it bothers her.
This was my response, and I'm sharing it here because maybe it might help someone else:
I did at first struggle a bit with the Lord's Prayer at the end of meetings. I didn't like it because I felt it was a Christian prayer, therefore religious.
I started to change my stance on it in a couple ways.
First, I heard from another member in recovery that the Lord's Prayer has been around in other formulations long before Christianity adopted it.
Second, I had to adjust my attitude. Everywhere in our literature it says "God as we understand Hom". The "our Father" in the Lord's Prayer is uniquely MY Higher Power when those words pass my lips. I'm talking to my God as I understand Him and no one else's.
Finally, I think often how many times people in the past have tried to change the words in our steps and traditions - usually to remove "God" even though it's understood this is a spiritual program and that God is unique to each of us.
It took me all the way back to my old problem...
"YOU change so I can feel okay."
When I hear people wanting to erase God out of our steps it reminds me of that common problem we all have of wanting others to change. And I recognized my rankling at the Lord's Prayer was not far from me wanting the group to change so I could feel okay.
I am grateful that this program allows me to take what I like and leave the rest. When I say the Lord's Prayer now, I know it's my HP I'm talking to, because no one told me "our Father" must be Christ, or Jehovah, or Allah, or any other deity.
I hope this was helpful. I feel like I've got a pretty unique God - at least so far as I'm not religious. I believe in a power greater than myself is all, and it's just easy for me to call that power God.
Thanks for letting me share.
Aloha, thank you for this topic. It's so interesting to me how different groups embody the traditions. In my area of the mainland US, I've attended a number of different Al-Anon meetings, and only one of them used the Lord's Prayer.
I too am not religious, but I decided that I was not going to let some words stand in the way of my recovery. I feel respect and gratitude for the people who started our program. I think of the language in the steps and traditional readings as like Shakespeare -- the language, to me, is outmoded, but I can still get something from it and feel the concepts it is trying to convey.
I am glad each group is autonomous and gets to decide on its readings and format. It gives us practice in making decisions and reasoning things out, not simply obeying an authority.
And thank you for the reminder of "YOU change so I can feel okay." That hasn't worked for me either.
-- Edited by Freetime on Thursday 21st of November 2019 11:41:30 AM
Awesome post and perspective Aloha... I fully agree.
We live in interesting times, where somehow - as a species - we are so quick to be "offended" by something that is not our particular cup of tea....
For me, the Lord's Prayer never bothered me.... I'm not particularly religious, per se, but I hear the Lord's Prayer in much the same way I hear the Serenity Prayer.... and accept it as such.
Our slogan of "take what you like, and leave the rest" definitely comes to mind, as the value is in the meeting and the exchange of E,S&H at the meetings.... If one really is opposed to the ending, then perhaps they could quietly recite the Serenity Prayer while the rest of the group says the Lord's Prayer.
AA / Al-Anon does indeed have some Christian roots, but it's not like there is a rule that one must agree/abide by every word uttered in order to attend, lol.
Tom
p.s. smiling here, but the other saying that this one brings up for me - "try us for six meetings, and if you're not fully satisfied, we will gladly refund your misery" :)
Thanks for sharing
Tom