Hi y'all...

             ...went to my closest f@f Alanon meeting last night. There was one other person there; a different person from last time. It was a great meeting; much better than a one-person meeting, which anyone can do at home.

Being November the topic was Step 11. I had already shared on Step 11- with the MIP ALANON Steps Board. But each share was very different, with different emphasis. At my f@f meeting we had ten minutes for reading and 25 minutes each for sharing.

This week I am going to our northern city, for the South Island. This was a city ravaged by earthquakes, and this year a tragic massacre. As i speak it is hard to say this- a much loved city. There is a certain amount of denial I have about the damage. A metaphor for my own life- lived alone. The city, and province closes ranks; and at the very least people can join together in their abject grief.

So Wednesday evening, and Saturday morning I should be at ACA meetings- in that city. ACA, historically grew out of an Alateen meeting, and was supported and embraced by both AA and Alanon members... ...but it is still very much on its infancy.

On Thursday and Friday I am doing a professional course on C-PTSD. I am not attending in a clinical role- even if this was possible. I am attending as a stakeholder and as a member of 12 Step groups. I have done some professional short courses online- and I sometimes get starved for face to face contact.

I have people to stay with, whom I know well- a great shift for me; who would end up doing stuff and staying in strange places alone.

Many people out there know what AA is. Alanon not so much. Someone told me it was for woman alcoholics!

So we are fairly invisible, here in the far south. And our numbers are shrinking too.  ...

I am looking ahead, too... to doing Step 12 here- on the Steps Board. And I plan to go again- to the nearest Alanon group- in the first week of December.

I can not be like the hero Atlas and try to hold up the whole wide world. I tried that and ended up burdened with pain and stored trauma. And incredibly compressed emotions.

My sponsor decided to quit Alanon for good. I see her and speak with her, every once in a while. But when she said that I accepted her decision, but decided to be a lifetime member, for myself.

Any town or city I am in, I go to a meeting, which may include an open AA meeting. It is possible that I may have something to offer back... ...looking at Step 11 I am carefully considering this. Simply by attending we are offering something for Alanon. By listening, by offering service, and by sharing. On Step 12 I shall consider how to act a lot better; how to be forthright and confident, while keeping things really simple.

I think I do claim space for myself- where I can. To share, when I need to. To give way and listen to others with an active and intelligent mind, tied to fresh and vibrant emotions, and to a spirit gained- in the rooms... ...in the face of great difficulties. Heroism, Courage, Hope.

Thanks again, for the share...

 D.