I hear people talking about stormy seas- and I use these images too. My life fell apart when i was in school. My history teacher had an MA. He told me I was capable of being a University Lecturer. So i high have been smarter than him. Or, more likely had more opportunity than he had. This gentleman was also the school councillor. Careers advice mostly. If he had known something about my personal history- he might have taken me aside- and began to talk with me.
It still angers me some- that no-one seemed to really care. But fact is many people did. Aunts, grandma, neighbours. I lived in a poor, but close-knit, rural community- and there was heaps of love. It was just that I was already out of reach by age eight or nine. ...
So I am on this tightrope... and when I arrived here I realised that the tightrope was only two inches off of the ground. Good thinking. But then I realised that there was a rope around my neck as well!
I think my HP speaks to me in this way. I realised that my breathing was high out of whack. As well as feeling chronic pain my body still feels chronic cold. It is the old story I have heard from others- get into a boiling hot bath to try and get rid of it- and then when I get out. I just want to get back in again!
I need another share or two to talk about the partnership between the individual and caring professionals. I still think about my history teacher in this light. Also my pop- who was dad's step-father, and a practising alcoholic. I lost two uncles to suicide at age 21. I joined the episcopalian church in that decade. My vicar was an alcoholic and he killed himself. But I pushed on... as always... regardless...
...I have heard horror stories more in AA than in Alanon. But they exist in many people's lives. I have always felt honoured to hear honest sharing. It makes me less afraid and alone. ...
I am reviewing my journey right now... and working to try next step- and how to take it.
In the drinking era I always seem to get everything wrong. Was told this. That i was wrong. I did wrong things, sometimes- but I should not have bin the wrong person in the wrong place...
I should have been me- right through.
But I have more confidence now. I gained a good grounding in the Traditions, as well as The Steps... so I know more what is possible in the programme. And one or two things that might put limits on growth- the same thing that happened in my family.
Being nice and friendly about things... weeeell... I was a really goody-two-shoes when I was a kid, people will tell you that. But other things surfaced going through my teens- that it seemed I had no control over...
... next month I plan to so a Step 11, being November. And a Step 12 as a Christmas present.
I suffered a bit overnight- but the suffering is much more bearable... I understand it better- and I understand the world a whole lot better.
I used a rope yesterday- to pull out tree stumps in my front yard.
I go this underway without getting into an unhealthy domestic with my SO.
Sometimes I actually beat myself up emotionally- when things are going well... this is a symptom of the underlying illness.
So the solution- is to reach out and share... and to move along- poco a poco, paso a paso, dia por dia... little by little, step by step, day by day.
As Shakespeare said- that is the programme 'in a nutshell'...
...thanks so much for being here... ...
-D.
PosiesandPuppies said
Oct 29, 2019
THanks for sharing, David.
I love how you write!
&
DavidG said
Oct 29, 2019
Thanks P. ...
After talking about the vicar who killed himself- his son called round yesterday. He was in town for a school reunion. A Red Letter Day.
So we spent the afternoon together, both talking 19 to the dozen. It was a great catch-up. Healing. .
Being ready and waiting for such conversations is a gift of Alanon... ...
DavidG said
Oct 29, 2019
I need to act- get out there and do stuff- and I am well on the way.
I have a rope in the shed. Last week I took down the swing out the back- for little kids. The youngest grandkid is now seven and the tree hut in the along tree is about had it.
And I plan to make a more swingier swing- with a single length of rope. We had lots and lots of laughter and giggles out there... and for all the 6 grandkids grand-dad's swing was a feature of their visit.
Maresie888 said
Oct 29, 2019
I had a friend commit suicide out of the blue 3 years ago. He was a rock for me during hard times. Suicide is a real tough one. I did not reach out to any of the people around him at the time. I did not want to get into blaming them for not being responsive to my friends needs
So I have not had that conversation but at some point I am going to go to a therapy group about it.
My therapist said I needed to unearth the reasons why. I dont know that b.c. is necessary any more. I do feel immensely sad that my friend chose to kill himself. He was certainly depressed. I was very tied up with survival issues at the time he died.
My childhood was one full of trauma.
I did not get an intervention from.anyone
There were certainly people around who cared about me on the periphery. They were helpful. But the reality was my parents were not capable of being parents.
The road to recovery through trauma is hard At every significant point in my life the trauma resurfaces. These days I have resources but even those resources seem stretched
For me there was no happy ending my parents did not acknowledge the abuse. Indeed my family while they cannot deny it do not want to address it. I can live with that.
Al.anon.has been a very big part of my recovery. In al anon I have learned some of the skills I missed out on as a child. Self preservation being one of them.
I now expect the trauma will resurface on a regular basis. Reworking it is part of my life a very big part of my life.
Maresie
Hi y'all,
I hear people talking about stormy seas- and I use these images too. My life fell apart when i was in school. My history teacher had an MA. He told me I was capable of being a University Lecturer. So i high have been smarter than him. Or, more likely had more opportunity than he had. This gentleman was also the school councillor. Careers advice mostly. If he had known something about my personal history- he might have taken me aside- and began to talk with me.
It still angers me some- that no-one seemed to really care. But fact is many people did. Aunts, grandma, neighbours. I lived in a poor, but close-knit, rural community- and there was heaps of love. It was just that I was already out of reach by age eight or nine.
...
So I am on this tightrope... and when I arrived here I realised that the tightrope was only two inches off of the ground. Good thinking. But then I realised that there was a rope around my neck as well!
I think my HP speaks to me in this way. I realised that my breathing was high out of whack. As well as feeling chronic pain my body still feels chronic cold. It is the old story I have heard from others- get into a boiling hot bath to try and get rid of it- and then when I get out. I just want to get back in again!
I need another share or two to talk about the partnership between the individual and caring professionals. I still think about my history teacher in this light. Also my pop- who was dad's step-father, and a practising alcoholic. I lost two uncles to suicide at age 21. I joined the episcopalian church in that decade. My vicar was an alcoholic and he killed himself. But I pushed on... as always... regardless...
...I have heard horror stories more in AA than in Alanon. But they exist in many people's lives. I have always felt honoured to hear honest sharing. It makes me less afraid and alone.
...
I am reviewing my journey right now... and working to try next step- and how to take it.
In the drinking era I always seem to get everything wrong. Was told this. That i was wrong. I did wrong things, sometimes- but I should not have bin the wrong person in the wrong place...
I should have been me- right through.
But I have more confidence now. I gained a good grounding in the Traditions, as well as The Steps... so I know more what is possible in the programme. And one or two things that might put limits on growth- the same thing that happened in my family.
Being nice and friendly about things... weeeell... I was a really goody-two-shoes when I was a kid, people will tell you that. But other things surfaced going through my teens- that it seemed I had no control over...
... next month I plan to so a Step 11, being November. And a Step 12 as a Christmas present.
I suffered a bit overnight- but the suffering is much more bearable... I understand it better- and I understand the world a whole lot better.
I used a rope yesterday- to pull out tree stumps in my front yard.
I go this underway without getting into an unhealthy domestic with my SO.
Sometimes I actually beat myself up emotionally- when things are going well... this is a symptom of the underlying illness.
So the solution- is to reach out and share... and to move along- poco a poco, paso a paso, dia por dia... little by little, step by step, day by day.
As Shakespeare said- that is the programme 'in a nutshell'...
...thanks so much for being here...
...
-D.
I love how you write!
After talking about the vicar who killed himself- his son called round yesterday. He was in town for a school reunion. A Red Letter Day.
So we spent the afternoon together, both talking 19 to the dozen. It was a great catch-up. Healing.
.
Being ready and waiting for such conversations is a gift of Alanon...
...
I need to act- get out there and do stuff- and I am well on the way.
I have a rope in the shed. Last week I took down the swing out the back- for little kids. The youngest grandkid is now seven and the tree hut in the along tree is about had it.
And I plan to make a more swingier swing- with a single length of rope. We had lots and lots of laughter and giggles out there... and for all the 6 grandkids grand-dad's swing was a feature of their visit.