I used to hear: "I am my own worst enemy!" That is about self-sabotage. And I have seen it in other often- where it is much easier to detect. But in myself- pernicious!

I have seen myself in East Texas- admittedly in a stressful situation- trying to put diesel in a petrol rental car. Admittedly the colour codes were exactly the opposite to NZ. But I was alone and vulnerable- and without wheels to get from a to b, in a foreign country I would have been very vulnerable.

This was the story of my life- two left feet and three right arms... to so it seemed. But something has changed in recent months. To my thinking and ability to think. Moving into semi-retirement has been a big move and a bold move. Just having to get out there and work has always been very stressful. Since the age of 12 my first part time job... and I always worked long hours at very low rates.

I had to pull a small tree out in my yard. So I towed it out with the truck. The truck is fairly new and i did not know how to engage low four wheel drive. I have done this many times with older trucks- at work... but it is the very simple things that always baffle me.

One of my dyslexias is that I cannot tell left from right. I can sit down carefully and work it out- but on the hoof it is impossible.

So I was actually locked into 4wd and had to find the manual. Usually at this point I would have the screaming Mee-mees. By that I mean acute anxiety. I mean white hot fever. I have seen alcoholics get to this point- many many times- sometimes over very different things.

I had a hunt round for the  manual and found it under the seat with the jack. Put there for a purpose when we bought the truck. Put there especially for this purpose.

Oh boy... even six months ago I would go through hell- through losing my cash card or buy cell-phone. Just putting either item up on a shelf somewhere- would lead to extreme anxiety if I couldn't find it.

This used to be not an existence- it was a living nightmare.

I know that something major has shifted in my world- in recent times. I am not in a big hurry to find out what it is. I know that HP will reveal- and is revealing as I adjust to living an emotionally sober life. A serene life- in other words. A normal life.

I chances of relapse are slowly receding... ah kin actually see a way ahead...

...and it was all so deceptively simple. So basic... 

...the paralysis of analysis is a potential killer. It kills all hope... ...and that is the key to life itself...!!!

aint that the truth!

Phew...  ...

   This format here- using digital media- is vastly different from a F@F meeting- in a sense. Some limitations- but it does offer scope for sharing.

       But, in my view, there is no reason why it cannot operate like any regular meeting. In many senses is already does- and bring out the best Alanon in everybody...  ...

   May I call you P.?  Thanks P+P...

  I am needing the support of this group more at the moment...  ...but it was always my primary support when I came to Miracles in Progress.

Little things put me off the track. The number of guests here dropped off sharply a month or so ago. So maybe more seekers are going along to

the In The Rooms online groups? But all the regular members are still here.   

Being a rural person I try hard not to bowl people over with howdy-

gidday sort of palaver. I believe that boundaries are different for different cultures. But Alanon is a melting pot anyway- and these differences are minor

where recovery is concerned... ...well, I reckon, anyways...  ...

  Your shares are a blessing too, Temple!    I do not know exactly how this contraption works- but i can change the font and other things up in the left hand corner of this frame. I wonder if anyone can see 10 or 12 pt, because I have trouble doing so...  ...