I no longer live the life of a victim- at least I don't think so. My first ten years of Alanon were unstructured sharing. It felt like everyone sponsored everyone else, within the group. And I was around when sponsorship came into vogue- and i got a sponsor. What happened that there was a group conscience meeting- which I did not attend- and sponsor was chosen fo me.
It was a good choice.
I am now an old timer, really. I know now that responding to a younger member- is about instinct, more or less. And it is not a "one size fits all" response.
I ha ve this image of an older woman- at bigger-sized meeting. And the woman is American. She is saying- get off your pity pot. Walk away from the "poor me's". The pity party is over! I strongly suspect that this image comes from a reading in Courage To Change.
I was angry with this image for a long time. I was not ready to change. I was hurting.
For a long time I said, and believed that anger and fear were two sides of the same coin. Because that was my life. Locked up between the "what-ifs" and the "if-only's".
Swirling around this share is the thought- in the back of my head- about Tradition 5. Giving it back- the pebble in the pond- the responses I make, inside of the group. The way I direct my thoughts- and the directions that my life points to.
I think that there is a time to identify. And that that time will differ for each person. A time to identify and to bond.
So I do the same thing I did- right from the beginning. I share honestly- as best I can... and start to ask questions- in an atmosphere- where my thoughts and feelings are honoured.
Any feed-back most welcome... ...
Thanks...
Bo said
Oct 18, 2019
Don't overthink it David. It's not about what you owe, how good you did, what you didn't do, and so on.
Most people who attend alanon meetings, are simply "in alanon" so to speak. Others, are truly in recovery.
The pity-party, the pity-pot, and all that "stuff" -- you know when that happens. When you are a hamster on the hamster wheel. When you are cutting bait, not actually fishing. When you are talking about it, not doing it. Should I go on? LOL. Being in action is being empowered. Being in action is being in-power. David, in my experience, the dynamic here, in this forum, in comparison to the dynamic of a face to face (conference approved) alanon meeting, is very, very different. However, in both, there are similarities. Alanon, as a program, works if you work it. If you don't, it doesn't. But people can be in denial, convince themselves it's working, and so on. Is that a case of getting out of it what you put into it? Perhaps.
So, for me, it can be a lot of things -- complacency, laziness, procrastinating, passivity, denial, fear, and who knows how many other things.
One thing I have always said...from day one in alanon...is that alanon can offer you two things you cannot get or give to yourself...objectivity and accountability. You just have to want them, and ask for them.
Shake things up. Do something uncomfortable. Make yourself vulnerable. Challenge yourself. A face to face meeting is the safe place, the right place, to do that. All the best.
PosiesandPuppies said
Oct 18, 2019
I actually love this share, David. I can identify with not being ready to "get off the pity pot."
I actually was made to feel bad at one meeting (I don't go to that one anymore) about how I was "wallowing in my anger." Of course, I was angry at that and stopped meetings for a bit.
But, as I evolved and changed, working the program etc, I did end up seeing some truth in what that person was saying. I just wasn't ready to hear that at that time, and in such blatant language!
I have come to learn in my short time, that this whole thing of getting healthy from life with an addict is a process. And while there are many, many similarities, everyone processes differently. To recognize that and be able to share that with a newbie in the program is wonderful! Like you said... "A time to identify."
Thank you for sharing your thoughts...they always get me to thinking!
&
Temple said
Oct 18, 2019
Thank you, David,
I love this board. I think it is dynamic, not moribund at all.
People come here for all sorts of reasons, in all kinds of shape, needing different kinds of help or feedback or reassurance. Or just a safe place to vent. Not everybody has Gold-Standard f2f meetings available, or even good enough ones.
It is never possible to be inside another's head, nor to have had the exact life experiences. Nor to have the same emotional and intellectual makeup, nor to learn in the exact same way.
I am very grateful for the kindness and non-judgmental responses I have received, most often from the Saints who have been at it a long, long time.
And I work on forgiving myself when I have been impatient with another. I think each of us is trying to do the best we can with what we have at the moment. When we know better, we have the option to do better. In my case, knowing better does not immediately guarantee action. But it does give me something to think about. And when I feel understood and supported by others, it is enabling. Some people respond to a kick in the pants, I suppose. I don't think that is the case with the majority of Al-Anons. And I may be projecting. I could be wrong. This has been a safe place for me to be wrong until I could be more right.
Blessings,
Temple
DavidG said
Oct 18, 2019
Thanks Bo, P&P and Temple...
..there are two meetings within an hour of here. In one the old timer is available- and has left the group to take on a life of it's own. Maybe a good move. The other one is nearer- and struggling with numbers... it is a good group. I mostly go along three or four weeks at a time... it has it's own service workers... who are now younger than me.
I know that there is a disclaimer at the head of this message board. Has to be there.
Me? I stick as close to Alanon policy and principles- as much as i know and am able. I always had no aspirations here; just to be an active member...
...I am glad that I asked the question. I have now been in Alanon more than half of my life. I lot of stuff I have learned- and has happened that has supplanted the first half of my life- given me a new lease on life.
As I share these days I am aware of stuff- inwardly- that needs addressing; that needs correction. The image, as I speak now, is steering through open waters on open sea...
...images I used to have here- is being in a small boat with oars- trying to get out beyond the surf to calmer water.
So this is what my higher power is saying now- which does sound promising...
... thanks ...
WendyP said
Oct 18, 2019
Hi David, read your Sharing, I want to say, I don't get online with this programme a lot,, but when I do, I always look for your sharings. I thoroughly enjoy them, you speak from the Heart,Honesty, straight talk. I need someone in my life like you, cut to the chase. Please don't change, believe in yourself. I believe that this is an Individual Programme, for Individual People. Everyone of us are at a different level, different place in our Journey. You are exactly where you are meant to be. This programme, is to teach us to find out who we are, and who we want to be, and be proud of who we discover.
You are doing great, you are allowed to sit on your Pity Pot, until God says it's getting too hot for you. Only then will you Move.What is the difference between Pity and Grief?
Keep up the Good Work.
Love, WendyP.
DavidG said
Oct 19, 2019
Thanks Wendy... ...I am being more vulnerable here... and teachable... maybe even reachable... ...
sensing that this is a safe place to be me... ...
Iamhere said
Oct 19, 2019
(((David))) - great share and love, love, love that we all come here to progress and not perfect this crazy thing called life. I am grateful that there are many meeting options here in my area....as stated above, some are healthier than others and I go where I feel I can get/give. I am grateful that my recovery is my journey, my choice, and I get to progress as I am ready, willing, able. There is no graduation and no completion - it's a life-long effort or commitment - whatever word moves me, just for today.
I went to a meeting this morning and one of the members was very angry about the theft of her mobile phone at work by a co-worker. As the meeting progressed and we all shared our experience with anger in recovery, she became very aware that she was as hurt and fearful as she was angry. It was a great meeting and because of how the event and the particulars unfolded, she really, really needed ESH from others. I am grateful this group is very committed to the sharing of ESH and not advice, shoulds, woulds, etc.
I had an uncomfortable confrontation from a member that I have distanced from. This person has been around recovery for a long while, yet still chooses to look beyond themselves for cause and the perpetual blame/shame (of others) became very uncomfortable for me. I have learned in recovery to stick with the winners and align myself as often as possible with others who seek growth, change, learning. She publicly confronted me, and I opted to use a hug and no words as my response. That's the miracle of recovery as my first instinct was very, very different than my chosen response.
I shy away from crazy-controlling, long-term members who tell others what to do, believe they have all the answers and clearly 'are not woke'. For me, recovery is way more than attending F2F meetings. I get to pick the tools I can use, just or today, to manage my own life/circumstances/recovery and just keep moving forward. I do know that the more work I do in recovery, more is revealed.
How truly awesome is it that the member I mentioned above came to a meeting with a burning desire to discuss a personal matter and her feelings? How truly awesome is it that each who felt compelled to share could give some ESH to help her know she was not alone and that this would pass? Where else can we go/get this/that? I am less concerned about the format of the sharing/caring and much more concerned about the health of the group/shares. I have a profoundly deep appreciation for MIP, John and the members here who show up, share honestly at all hours of the night/day. We have the benefit of a world-wide fellowship/kinship that is magical and miraculous for my recovery/me.
I have always loved the concept that when anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help.............................. I didn't finish because it varies slightly for AA vs. Al-Anon. It was originally written in 1965, and suggests to me that I can be a part of service in any setting, at any time, for any reason when asked.
Love and light MIP family!
Maresie888 said
Oct 22, 2019
Action is of course the answer. When I was stuck living with an out of control addict action was the answer
But sometimes I was clinically depressed
In fact depression is often an up hill battle
These days when I encounter issues I can break them down. When I landed in al anon after resisting it for years I felt like I was drowning
Indeed I was drowning
Now I take steps to distance myself from other people's chaos. Before there was no division between their chaos and mine it was all commingled. So since there was no.boundary I had no idea what was mine
I am so grateful to be a member of al anon. Nowadays I am even grateful for the challenges. I left one job because they were being tardy with payments, fell back on a 2nd job the the suoervisir there had issues. I am fully certain she is an alcoholic. I now have to deal with that. None of that these days is insurmountable
I have everyday challenges but they are all workable. I just have to focus on me and my next step. The next right thing to do.
Feeling sorry for myself was of course my fall back position most of my life. When my sponsor suggested I find things to be grateful for I was really astonished Me?
Grateful? Impossible
I know the strengths and skills I have learned in al.anon are the bedrock for my recovery. Life is up and down but it is not the rollercoaster it once was. And today I work on making my life easier rather than more involved in suffering
Maresie
DavidG said
Oct 22, 2019
Thanks so much Iam and Maresie...
I am thinking a lot about Tradition 5... and what I can do to give back. The oldest old timer in our communities took part in a Blossom Festival a few weeks ago and was made the Blossom Queen. Which shows the esteem she is held in, by her whole community. Taking my love and insight back into my own family is a good start... ...and moving outwards from there... ...
WendyP said
Oct 23, 2019
Hi DavidG, you talk of being Vulnerable,well, I can certainly relate to how you feel. As I know of how much I have changed, sometimes I feel like the "King that has no Clothes". I 'use' to have such a strong will, just doing, not feeling, now however, it has changed so much, and it is My HP and the Programme that I can owe it to. When I can feel, and see of how much I have changed I feel that I am a woose now, just being blown around in the wind. I have to work hard to keep myself centered. I am much more softer, and not assertive. It still stick up for myself, but do it and live my life so different,than before. It scares me sometimes as to how much I have changed. I feel exposed.
When I get out of my comfort zone, I get really nervous, as I can feel, inside the difference in me. It's if sometimes, that a new Person lives inside of me. I have to Trust My God a lot more, but I can remember someone saying to me ages ago, when I was coming off Prescribed Medication, owning my own emotions for the first time for many years, 'Who do you want to be'? That helped me so much.
Many Thanks for your Sharing, was Good.
Love WendyP.
DavidG said
Oct 23, 2019
Wendy.... here in Alanon we share ESH... which was all do... and most often we give opinions and not advice. Members sometimes ask for advice- which is okay around here.
on medical matters I assume a very low profile- especially where professional advice is concerned- for obvious reasons. My disclaimer really.
I had this deep gut wrenching sense of dread. And I had a death-wish. Suicidal thoughts, in other words. I was overworked and very run down- from trying far too hard. I had symptoms of sleep apnea- was going up and down to the city- to get help- undertake tests etc.
This seemed to go nowhere... so I started deliberate breathing- believing that I might be panic breathing- from years and years of trauma. I would always try and do my step 11 and would always fall asleep... instead of actually relaxing. Once I started on my breathing I began to cough up lots and lots of gunk... and this happened for 6 or 8 weeks. When I was in an enclosed space I would always have a dry cough. Also when there were people in the room- who I did not sit well with.
Being in the Alanon rooms for years gave a great bench-mark. That I could actually trust- and feel relaxed in the company of other people!
With the apnea- I would find myself at work beginning to dream- and i would find myself on the ground- on all fours- woken up. Worse than that I fell asleep at the wheel of the car twice- while driving of course- and that horrified me.
Today I believe the apnea to be "in remission" and I am very cautious. I take frequent stops and stretches when driving- every 60 or 90 minutes.
But my death wish has gone... and now I believe that is was derived from the fact that I was actually beginning to drown- in my own body fluids... and my body was sending me warning alerts.
You will see me here- doing regular sharing... and keeping my spirit up. Doing regular training for the mind...
...this is my journey... and I don't expect it to be identical- for anyone else. I find too, that most of the people in recovery are very intelligent- and often extremely sensitive. So that the things that affect our lives- really do seem like a real full-on effect.
And inside of this- with us untangling our own higher power views- I feel there is always a solution... which has bought us so far.
I have gotten to meet many wonderful people- inside of meetings entirely... which is a really regular and safe way to do so... which gives us a great sense of safety... and companionship- and what the American people call "company".
To die for! ...
...
JerryF said
Oct 23, 2019
Aloha DavidG and thanks for the post and subject which fits me well as recently I have been finding myself inventorying as I look at what I have been thinking and feeling. It appears to me thru inventorying that when I use to and some times still due "pity pot" I am leaving myself open to practicing being a victim which is a poor condition in recovery. I exist in weakness and if I become comfortably use to that I am a goner until I wake up and change it. I become habit to it and that is a relapse toward pre-newbie status. Thank God and the fellowship I remember the early lessons on how to get out of down and change the things I can. Mahalo (((hugs)))
Maresie888 said
Oct 24, 2019
David
Thank you so much.for sharing. One dear friend of mine committed suicide over 3 years ago.
I was struggling when he died but I dont give it any credit that I could have saved him. His life looked phenomenal from the outside. There were clues.
In the past I did for others what they needed to do for themselves
I must definitely was suicidal for quite a long time in my life. I was not investing in my life. I surrounded myself with people who felt the same way about their life
My boundaries are on a different level thede days. Now they are focused on me and working on my issues rather than everyone else's issues
I was incredibly #other# orientated
I think the way to help others is by inspiration. Those who live a good life are an inspiration for me
I am inspired by them to.do better. I know it takes focus, work, self reflection
I have been given so much by this group not because they held me through hard times. I think it bks every day I see people doing the best they can. That makes me believe I can do that too. Helping others can be by vicarious means
Maresie
DavidG said
Oct 24, 2019
Thanks Jerry... ... I most times don't know aha I am going to share about... it is a part of the journey... I am appreciating the input here... a rain check for me...
...and Maresie... I set out to practise self-care... and whoopee... ended up doing this a lot better. Having better boundaries around who I am... what I stand for- and my own needs- how to begin to meet them... .... Some members here look like they are doing about four meetings a week... which is really good.
Summing up- thinking about pain- and anger and fear... which includes grieving- over all sorts of stuff... has to have an impact, sometimes. Time to act; to respond. Starting to experience gratitude- genuine gratitude... thanks... ...
DavidG said
Oct 24, 2019
Hmmm... there is no meeting in the world [until now...] where a person can go out and walk the dogs- and reflect... my steps 10 and 11... I don't reveal everything that is going around in my head. It might surprise some, but not others. Having been in the rooms for so long nothing would surprise me. Just about all I hear- in the rooms- I regard as a privilege.
Having wondered what normal was- in the drinking years- I was hungry for guidelines and boundaries. But inside of this- learning how other people were- how other people thought. Hopes and dreams. Solutions, sometimes... insights and even breakthroughs...
Hi y'all...
I no longer live the life of a victim- at least I don't think so. My first ten years of Alanon were unstructured sharing. It felt like everyone sponsored everyone else, within the group. And I was around when sponsorship came into vogue- and i got a sponsor. What happened that there was a group conscience meeting- which I did not attend- and sponsor was chosen fo me.
It was a good choice.
I am now an old timer, really. I know now that responding to a younger member- is about instinct, more or less. And it is not a "one size fits all" response.
I ha ve this image of an older woman- at bigger-sized meeting. And the woman is American. She is saying- get off your pity pot. Walk away from the "poor me's". The pity party is over! I strongly suspect that this image comes from a reading in Courage To Change.
I was angry with this image for a long time. I was not ready to change. I was hurting.
For a long time I said, and believed that anger and fear were two sides of the same coin. Because that was my life. Locked up between the "what-ifs" and the "if-only's".
Swirling around this share is the thought- in the back of my head- about Tradition 5. Giving it back- the pebble in the pond- the responses I make, inside of the group. The way I direct my thoughts- and the directions that my life points to.
I think that there is a time to identify. And that that time will differ for each person. A time to identify and to bond.
So I do the same thing I did- right from the beginning. I share honestly- as best I can... and start to ask questions- in an atmosphere- where my thoughts and feelings are honoured.
Any feed-back most welcome...
...
Most people who attend alanon meetings, are simply "in alanon" so to speak. Others, are truly in recovery.
The pity-party, the pity-pot, and all that "stuff" -- you know when that happens. When you are a hamster on the hamster wheel. When you are cutting bait, not actually fishing. When you are talking about it, not doing it. Should I go on? LOL. Being in action is being empowered. Being in action is being in-power. David, in my experience, the dynamic here, in this forum, in comparison to the dynamic of a face to face (conference approved) alanon meeting, is very, very different. However, in both, there are similarities. Alanon, as a program, works if you work it. If you don't, it doesn't. But people can be in denial, convince themselves it's working, and so on. Is that a case of getting out of it what you put into it? Perhaps.
So, for me, it can be a lot of things -- complacency, laziness, procrastinating, passivity, denial, fear, and who knows how many other things.
One thing I have always said...from day one in alanon...is that alanon can offer you two things you cannot get or give to yourself...objectivity and accountability. You just have to want them, and ask for them.
Shake things up. Do something uncomfortable. Make yourself vulnerable. Challenge yourself. A face to face meeting is the safe place, the right place, to do that. All the best.
I actually was made to feel bad at one meeting (I don't go to that one anymore) about how I was "wallowing in my anger." Of course, I was angry at that and stopped meetings for a bit.
But, as I evolved and changed, working the program etc, I did end up seeing some truth in what that person was saying. I just wasn't ready to hear that at that time, and in such blatant language!
I have come to learn in my short time, that this whole thing of getting healthy from life with an addict is a process. And while there are many, many similarities, everyone processes differently. To recognize that and be able to share that with a newbie in the program is wonderful! Like you said... "A time to identify."
Thank you for sharing your thoughts...they always get me to thinking!
I love this board. I think it is dynamic, not moribund at all.
People come here for all sorts of reasons, in all kinds of shape, needing different kinds of help or feedback or reassurance. Or just a safe place to vent. Not everybody has Gold-Standard f2f meetings available, or even good enough ones.
It is never possible to be inside another's head, nor to have had the exact life experiences. Nor to have the same emotional and intellectual makeup, nor to learn in the exact same way.
I am very grateful for the kindness and non-judgmental responses I have received, most often from the Saints who have been at it a long, long time.
And I work on forgiving myself when I have been impatient with another. I think each of us is trying to do the best we can with what we have at the moment. When we know better, we have the option to do better. In my case, knowing better does not immediately guarantee action. But it does give me something to think about. And when I feel understood and supported by others, it is enabling. Some people respond to a kick in the pants, I suppose. I don't think that is the case with the majority of Al-Anons. And I may be projecting. I could be wrong. This has been a safe place for me to be wrong until I could be more right.
Blessings,
Temple
..there are two meetings within an hour of here. In one the old timer is available- and has left the group to take on a life of it's own. Maybe a good move. The other one is nearer- and struggling with numbers... it is a good group. I mostly go along three or four weeks at a time... it has it's own service workers... who are now younger than me.
I know that there is a disclaimer at the head of this message board. Has to be there.
Me? I stick as close to Alanon policy and principles- as much as i know and am able. I always had no aspirations here; just to be an active member...
...I am glad that I asked the question. I have now been in Alanon more than half of my life. I lot of stuff I have learned- and has happened that has supplanted the first half of my life- given me a new lease on life.
As I share these days I am aware of stuff- inwardly- that needs addressing; that needs correction. The image, as I speak now, is steering through open waters on open sea...
...images I used to have here- is being in a small boat with oars- trying to get out beyond the surf to calmer water.
So this is what my higher power is saying now- which does sound promising...
...
thanks
...
Hi David, read your Sharing, I want to say, I don't get online with this programme a lot,, but when I do, I always look for your sharings. I thoroughly enjoy them, you speak from the Heart,Honesty, straight talk. I need someone in my life like you, cut to the chase. Please don't change, believe in yourself. I believe that this is an Individual Programme, for Individual People. Everyone of us are at a different level, different place in our Journey. You are exactly where you are meant to be. This programme, is to teach us to find out who we are, and who we want to be, and be proud of who we discover.
You are doing great, you are allowed to sit on your Pity Pot, until God says it's getting too hot for you. Only then will you Move.What is the difference between Pity and Grief?
Keep up the Good Work.
Love, WendyP.
sensing that this is a safe place to be me...
...
I went to a meeting this morning and one of the members was very angry about the theft of her mobile phone at work by a co-worker. As the meeting progressed and we all shared our experience with anger in recovery, she became very aware that she was as hurt and fearful as she was angry. It was a great meeting and because of how the event and the particulars unfolded, she really, really needed ESH from others. I am grateful this group is very committed to the sharing of ESH and not advice, shoulds, woulds, etc.
I had an uncomfortable confrontation from a member that I have distanced from. This person has been around recovery for a long while, yet still chooses to look beyond themselves for cause and the perpetual blame/shame (of others) became very uncomfortable for me. I have learned in recovery to stick with the winners and align myself as often as possible with others who seek growth, change, learning. She publicly confronted me, and I opted to use a hug and no words as my response. That's the miracle of recovery as my first instinct was very, very different than my chosen response.
I shy away from crazy-controlling, long-term members who tell others what to do, believe they have all the answers and clearly 'are not woke'. For me, recovery is way more than attending F2F meetings. I get to pick the tools I can use, just or today, to manage my own life/circumstances/recovery and just keep moving forward. I do know that the more work I do in recovery, more is revealed.
How truly awesome is it that the member I mentioned above came to a meeting with a burning desire to discuss a personal matter and her feelings? How truly awesome is it that each who felt compelled to share could give some ESH to help her know she was not alone and that this would pass? Where else can we go/get this/that? I am less concerned about the format of the sharing/caring and much more concerned about the health of the group/shares. I have a profoundly deep appreciation for MIP, John and the members here who show up, share honestly at all hours of the night/day. We have the benefit of a world-wide fellowship/kinship that is magical and miraculous for my recovery/me.
I have always loved the concept that when anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help.............................. I didn't finish because it varies slightly for AA vs. Al-Anon. It was originally written in 1965, and suggests to me that I can be a part of service in any setting, at any time, for any reason when asked.
Love and light MIP family!
I am thinking a lot about Tradition 5... and what I can do to give back. The oldest old timer in our communities took part in a Blossom Festival a few weeks ago and was made the Blossom Queen. Which shows the esteem she is held in, by her whole community. Taking my love and insight back into my own family is a good start... ...and moving outwards from there...
...
Hi DavidG, you talk of being Vulnerable,well, I can certainly relate to how you feel. As I know of how much I have changed, sometimes I feel like the "King that has no Clothes". I 'use' to have such a strong will, just doing, not feeling, now however, it has changed so much, and it is My HP and the Programme that I can owe it to. When I can feel, and see of how much I have changed I feel that I am a woose now, just being blown around in the wind. I have to work hard to keep myself centered. I am much more softer, and not assertive. It still stick up for myself, but do it and live my life so different,than before. It scares me sometimes as to how much I have changed. I feel exposed.
When I get out of my comfort zone, I get really nervous, as I can feel, inside the difference in me. It's if sometimes, that a new Person lives inside of me. I have to Trust My God a lot more, but I can remember someone saying to me ages ago, when I was coming off Prescribed Medication, owning my own emotions for the first time for many years, 'Who do you want to be'? That helped me so much.
Many Thanks for your Sharing, was Good.
Love WendyP.
on medical matters I assume a very low profile- especially where professional advice is concerned- for obvious reasons. My disclaimer really.
I had this deep gut wrenching sense of dread. And I had a death-wish. Suicidal thoughts, in other words. I was overworked and very run down- from trying far too hard. I had symptoms of sleep apnea- was going up and down to the city- to get help- undertake tests etc.
This seemed to go nowhere... so I started deliberate breathing- believing that I might be panic breathing- from years and years of trauma. I would always try and do my step 11 and would always fall asleep... instead of actually relaxing. Once I started on my breathing I began to cough up lots and lots of gunk... and this happened for 6 or 8 weeks. When I was in an enclosed space I would always have a dry cough. Also when there were people in the room- who I did not sit well with.
Being in the Alanon rooms for years gave a great bench-mark. That I could actually trust- and feel relaxed in the company of other people!
With the apnea- I would find myself at work beginning to dream- and i would find myself on the ground- on all fours- woken up. Worse than that I fell asleep at the wheel of the car twice- while driving of course- and that horrified me.
Today I believe the apnea to be "in remission" and I am very cautious. I take frequent stops and stretches when driving- every 60 or 90 minutes.
But my death wish has gone... and now I believe that is was derived from the fact that I was actually beginning to drown- in my own body fluids... and my body was sending me warning alerts.
You will see me here- doing regular sharing... and keeping my spirit up. Doing regular training for the mind...
...this is my journey... and I don't expect it to be identical- for anyone else. I find too, that most of the people in recovery are very intelligent- and often extremely sensitive. So that the things that affect our lives- really do seem like a real full-on effect.
And inside of this- with us untangling our own higher power views- I feel there is always a solution... which has bought us so far.
I have gotten to meet many wonderful people- inside of meetings entirely... which is a really regular and safe way to do so... which gives us a great sense of safety... and companionship- and what the American people call "company".
To die for!
...
Aloha DavidG and thanks for the post and subject which fits me well as recently I have been finding myself inventorying as I look at what I have been thinking and feeling. It appears to me thru inventorying that when I use to and some times still due "pity pot" I am leaving myself open to practicing being a victim which is a poor condition in recovery. I exist in weakness and if I become comfortably use to that I am a goner until I wake up and change it. I become habit to it and that is a relapse toward pre-newbie status. Thank God and the fellowship I remember the early lessons on how to get out of down and change the things I can. Mahalo (((hugs)))
...and Maresie... I set out to practise self-care... and whoopee... ended up doing this a lot better. Having better boundaries around who I am... what I stand for- and my own needs- how to begin to meet them...
.... Some members here look like they are doing about four meetings a week... which is really good.
Summing up- thinking about pain- and anger and fear... which includes grieving- over all sorts of stuff... has to have an impact, sometimes. Time to act; to respond. Starting to experience gratitude- genuine gratitude... thanks...
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Hmmm... there is no meeting in the world [until now...] where a person can go out and walk the dogs- and reflect... my steps 10 and 11... I don't reveal everything that is going around in my head. It might surprise some, but not others. Having been in the rooms for so long nothing would surprise me. Just about all I hear- in the rooms- I regard as a privilege.
Having wondered what normal was- in the drinking years- I was hungry for guidelines and boundaries. But inside of this- learning how other people were- how other people thought. Hopes and dreams. Solutions, sometimes... insights and even breakthroughs...
...a dream come through... come true...
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