...it is still chilly here- even though it is supposed to be spring.
Slept well and deeply last night. I still get tingling in my little fingers- both hands. This was an age old symptom of migraine- tingling in lips and the fingers- and light in my eyes. These days I take a powerful herb- that I buy over the counter at the supermarket. It takes a while to start working. I use it gingerly- and have times of not using it- but it does help cut through my anxiety and trauma- so long as i am pushing hard and gently from the other direction.
Thi morning I take this reading, from : From Survival to Recovery.
There are no easy answers; there is no one perfect program suggestion for each situation, but with willingness and perseverance we have learned that we are all capable of finding solutions that lead to serenity.
I knew a member who had a plan and a solution for every member of the group. I was not like that really. And that is okay.
The miracle for me is that I can read and understand those words. Much of my life this was a blur. Even daily readings at meeting went in one ear, and out the other. or so it seemed.
Having really regular readings here- far, far more than weekly... brings home to me distant memory... of ODAT and C2C... that did have some meaning. o
Or somehow attached to the brain and stuck there- as a glimmer of hope.
And a sense of being with others, in a circle, usually, bought comfort and healing.
My old method of communication- seemed to be- to gatecrash a conversation- and hope for the best! ...
These days the hearing in my left ear is restored- and I can pick up timbre and nuance from the voice. It was like learning a new language for me- and opened up new and exciting opportunities. I suspect this was stuff that most people took for granted!
And I can ear myself speak- and I can alter and modulate my own voice. I know long ago it was not just words- it was the delivery, and the body language... the set of the eyes, even, that count.
And all the while I was practising- building up confidence- by getting along to meetings.
Currently I going beyond boundaries- to explore the idea of -personal space- and being aware of other people's personal space. I beganpractising this going through aisle at the supermarket. Just making chit-chat and small talk- and smiling...
...as i do step 11 I push into the trauma and pain in my head, neck and shoulder area. In the last 4 years I have had to pay a lot too attention to "my water works". For much of my life the had given my an incredible lot of trouble.
And also, and equally my breathing and chest area. There have been remarkable break-throughs here. I was a classic shallow breather. A panic breather, in short. I always had an awful death wish. Suicidal thoughts, in other words. And the fact is that i was actually drowning in my own fluids- and having to strike out and gasp for air. A horrible, terrible way to live. Just something I had learned. and thought was normal!
I do have thoughts and dreams- I dream of treatment programmes with Physiotherapists, and maybe an osteopath or a chiropractor in the team. I picture a person coming in for treatment- and bing given an assessment- of their actual condition. A person who is going to meetings and has an awareness of their whole body... ...and where the needs are greatest.
At the moment I do not have a soulmate. I may not need one any more. I just enjoy the company I am in. And in Alanon, especially there is safety in numbers. Or a sense of security, safety and trust- that was mostly lacking in our previous lives.
But I have had a series of soulmates- [one was a former Catholic "boy"] where there seemed to been no barriers or outside cares... ...and beyond having a sponsor- these seemed to carry me through. Where my personality started to sparkle and shine.
I have learned to drift in and out of virtual reality, and actual reality... which I find to be really healthy. Finding strength in the technology- and purpose... and evener- in the MIP groups- where I could- I did make some personal contact.
Here I can run past "all my stuff" that is going on for me at the moment.
My relationships with family- and with community are okay.
I think I have picked up that "chit-chat" technique from the women in Alanon- which means- that at any given time I just happen to know what is up- around about me. Much preferable than the old "second guessing" that used to be my way- of getting by. ...
Well- like a lot of things- it does make all the difference... !
Thanks for the opportunity to share.
I don't actually get a lot of readers here. And that is not the point, really. It is the chance share and air out the attic! ...
.... -D.
[Later...]...
Saturday afternoon. I doubt if I will share like this very often. A catch-up for me.
But if something I say- helps one person, besides myself... then is worth posting... ...
-- Edited by DavidG on Friday 11th of October 2019 11:05:15 PM
hotrod said
Oct 11, 2019
Hi David we do have a STEP WORK BOARD HeRE where you can share your thoughts on the steps. Here is the link:https://stepwork.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42763
Lyne said
Oct 12, 2019
Hi David-I read your shares when I can. They are thoughtful and introspective. I liked that you can see a miracle for yourself and I am able to see a miracle for me. I was depressed almost my entire life. All my romantic partners including two spouses, all had addiction. My current spouse is a dry drunk. I was upset, codependent, felt unhappy, and tried for years to fix my A. Now I just work on fixing myself and I feel so much better most of the time.
I love step 10. I chaired a meeting on it two weeks ago. To be able to admit mistakes and make amends for them is one of the gifts of this program. I've grown to love the steps. So grateful for program and all the folks who share on this board and in my F2F. Lyne
DavidG said
Oct 12, 2019
Thanks Lyne ...and Betty... ...
I am looking at Step 12 along with Tradition 5. Thinking of different possible ways of passing it on...
...leading by example... is how I looked at it last. And may follow up with Steps 11 and 12, Betty, on the Steps Board... ...
PosiesandPuppies said
Oct 12, 2019
I too love your shares! Your life was and is so different than mine. I really enjoy learning more about you, and how you apply your program.
So thank you for sharing!
&
JerryF said
Oct 12, 2019
Mahalo David for taking the opportunity and time to share your awareness. I just came back from my morning AA at the Bay meeting and at the start of the meeting I was face to face with another local boy on this subject including our hearing deficiencies. Great to come home and read your input.
I am not surprised and I thank HP for presenting your post for me to join in on and feel more assured. Mahalo (((David)))
Maresie888 said
Oct 12, 2019
Social.skills do not come easily when you grow up in a terrible environment
I.am so grateful for your share
Maresie
Temple said
Oct 12, 2019
David, you are one of the most interesting people I know. And I love how you write--I like the ellipses as much as the words. You leave me to fill in a lot of the blanks, and sometimes I can't, but it is fun trying. You write prose like a poet. Which thou art.
I always get such a lot of hope when I read about your struggles and what all you have overcome. I think if you could surmount all That there is hope for anybody.
I don't believe I've ever not read one of your posts--I'd be afraid of missing something.
You do a great service, here, telling your stores and ruminating. And you do a lot of balancing, in your quiet way. Hope you keep it up for as long as you enjoy sharing.
I was thinking about your meeting John I'd have liked to have listened in. John gave me my password--my other one got broken. I think of him every time I sign in. He was another teller of stories.
Hi y'all...
...
...it is still chilly here- even though it is supposed to be spring.
Slept well and deeply last night. I still get tingling in my little fingers- both hands. This was an age old symptom of migraine- tingling in lips and the fingers- and light in my eyes. These days I take a powerful herb- that I buy over the counter at the supermarket. It takes a while to start working. I use it gingerly- and have times of not using it- but it does help cut through my anxiety and trauma- so long as i am pushing hard and gently from the other direction.
Thi morning I take this reading, from : From Survival to Recovery.
There are no easy answers; there is no one perfect program suggestion for each situation, but with willingness and perseverance we have learned that we are all capable of finding solutions that lead to serenity.
I knew a member who had a plan and a solution for every member of the group. I was not like that really. And that is okay.
The miracle for me is that I can read and understand those words. Much of my life this was a blur. Even daily readings at meeting went in one ear, and out the other. or so it seemed.
Having really regular readings here- far, far more than weekly... brings home to me distant memory... of ODAT and C2C... that did have some meaning. o
Or somehow attached to the brain and stuck there- as a glimmer of hope.
And a sense of being with others, in a circle, usually, bought comfort and healing.
My old method of communication- seemed to be- to gatecrash a conversation- and hope for the best!
...
These days the hearing in my left ear is restored- and I can pick up timbre and nuance from the voice. It was like learning a new language for me- and opened up new and exciting opportunities. I suspect this was stuff that most people took for granted!
And I can ear myself speak- and I can alter and modulate my own voice. I know long ago it was not just words- it was the delivery, and the body language... the set of the eyes, even, that count.
And all the while I was practising- building up confidence- by getting along to meetings.
Currently I going beyond boundaries- to explore the idea of -personal space- and being aware of other people's personal space. I beganpractising this going through aisle at the supermarket. Just making chit-chat and small talk- and smiling...
...as i do step 11 I push into the trauma and pain in my head, neck and shoulder area. In the last 4 years I have had to pay a lot too attention to "my water works". For much of my life the had given my an incredible lot of trouble.
And also, and equally my breathing and chest area. There have been remarkable break-throughs here. I was a classic shallow breather. A panic breather, in short. I always had an awful death wish. Suicidal thoughts, in other words. And the fact is that i was actually drowning in my own fluids- and having to strike out and gasp for air. A horrible, terrible way to live. Just something I had learned. and thought was normal!
I do have thoughts and dreams- I dream of treatment programmes with Physiotherapists, and maybe an osteopath or a chiropractor in the team. I picture a person coming in for treatment- and bing given an assessment- of their actual condition. A person who is going to meetings and has an awareness of their whole body... ...and where the needs are greatest.
At the moment I do not have a soulmate. I may not need one any more. I just enjoy the company I am in. And in Alanon, especially there is safety in numbers. Or a sense of security, safety and trust- that was mostly lacking in our previous lives.
But I have had a series of soulmates- [one was a former Catholic "boy"] where there seemed to been no barriers or outside cares... ...and beyond having a sponsor- these seemed to carry me through. Where my personality started to sparkle and shine.
I have learned to drift in and out of virtual reality, and actual reality... which I find to be really healthy. Finding strength in the technology- and purpose... and evener- in the MIP groups- where I could- I did make some personal contact.
Here I can run past "all my stuff" that is going on for me at the moment.
My relationships with family- and with community are okay.
I think I have picked up that "chit-chat" technique from the women in Alanon- which means- that at any given time I just happen to know what is up- around about me. Much preferable than the old "second guessing" that used to be my way- of getting by.
...
Well- like a lot of things- it does make all the difference... !
Thanks for the opportunity to share.
I don't actually get a lot of readers here. And that is not the point, really. It is the chance share and air out the attic!
...
[Later...]...
Saturday afternoon. I doubt if I will share like this very often. A catch-up for me.
But if something I say- helps one person, besides myself... then is worth posting...
...
-- Edited by DavidG on Friday 11th of October 2019 11:05:15 PM
Hi David we do have a STEP WORK BOARD HeRE where you can share your thoughts on the steps. Here is the link:https://stepwork.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42763
I love step 10. I chaired a meeting on it two weeks ago. To be able to admit mistakes and make amends for them is one of the gifts of this program. I've grown to love the steps. So grateful for program and all the folks who share on this board and in my F2F. Lyne
Thanks Lyne
...and Betty... 
...
I am looking at Step 12 along with Tradition 5. Thinking of different possible ways of passing it on...
...leading by example... is how I looked at it last. And may follow up with Steps 11 and 12, Betty, on the Steps Board...
...
So thank you for sharing!
Mahalo David for taking the opportunity and time to share your awareness. I just came back from my morning AA at the Bay meeting and at the start of the meeting I was face to face with another local boy on this subject including our hearing deficiencies. Great to come home and read your input.
I am not surprised and I thank HP for presenting your post for me to join in on and feel more assured. Mahalo (((David)))
David, you are one of the most interesting people I know. And I love how you write--I like the ellipses as much as the words. You leave me to fill in a lot of the blanks, and sometimes I can't, but it is fun trying. You write prose like a poet. Which thou art.
I always get such a lot of hope when I read about your struggles and what all you have overcome. I think if you could surmount all That there is hope for anybody.
I don't believe I've ever not read one of your posts--I'd be afraid of missing something.
You do a great service, here, telling your stores and ruminating. And you do a lot of balancing, in your quiet way. Hope you keep it up for as long as you enjoy sharing.
I was thinking about your meeting John I'd have liked to have listened in. John gave me my password--my other one got broken. I think of him every time I sign in. He was another teller of stories.
Hugs,
Temple