I have found great relief in this fact and it's actually an internal boundary for me at the moment. I do not need to have all the answers. Probably because I don't know as much as I think I do. My knowledge is based upon my experience some areas I have a lot in and some not so much.
This is part of the way I practice self care though. My mom text me yesterday while I was in the car with my boyfriend. Part of my own arrogance is thinking I need to have all the answers is because I control the weather and I invented computers (so totally not true, however my warped thinking is where it's at .. LOL). She wanted to know what SMS is on my text messages through FB I guess .. well I don't know and honestly it was a long day and I wasn't interested in finding out. I know I'm horrible right? So I let her know I don't know however it's sure something you can google. :) Of course my boyfriend starts in about I just started a fight with my mother .. boy he's been doing a lot of mansplaining to me about me recently and I'm so glad to know someone else lives in my thoughts than me .. here I thought I was just hearing voices.
Anyways, she did not get upset and I heard back from her at 2AM .. this is why my phone is on silent now by the way. To let me know what it meant as well as tease me about knowing everything. That's exactly why I am grateful for this program. Boundaries. Sometimes there is HUGE freedom in saying .. I just don't know. I DO find it interesting because some people do not want to hear that and will push and push to get an answer and I have finally started replying I am not sure where I did not communicate clearly, asking me over and over the same question is not going to change what I know. I don't know is my final answer. Or my other favorite is the unsolicited advise about why I need to know or should know and what I need to do about it .. LOL! That's where I think ahhh .. I see myself and that is sheer arrogance and ego.
My other funny story I actually am having a couple health issues nothing serious however def diet related that need to be addressed, thinking my mom isn't going to be the only one going in for gall bladder issues .. lol. I mentioned that last nights dinner caught up with me and my bf explained I have IBS which well that is in my limited understanding stress related as well as diet .. well .. he proceeds to tell me I have no stress so that can't be it. I looked at him and what I wanted to say was .. thank you for mansplaining my problem to me. What I said was .. wow .. I didn't realize I have no stress in my life. (Can we all laugh about the stress I don't have in my life?). Life is not bad, however yes .. it's very stressful for me at the moment. LOL!!! Apparently I live in an alternate universe of I have no stress. Please send me a ticket.
Happy Friday, hugs S :)
-- Edited by SerenityRUS on Friday 4th of October 2019 07:44:02 AM
PosiesandPuppies said
Oct 4, 2019
Love this post! In my experience, wanting to have all the answers (or appearing as if) was a form of control in my life. It was the one thing I COULD control! LOL!
Today I am more like you... I just don't need to have all the answers, all the time!
Hope you get your health straightened out!
Happy Friday to ya S, and I hope that you enjoy the weekend!
&
Lyne said
Oct 4, 2019
Hi SRU-Great sense of humor while explaining serious and stressful concerns. Like step 10 tells us it's ok to make mistakes, I think it's fine and normal not to have all the answers. After all, how could we? So I am the one who comes to terms with I will make mistakes and I won't have all the answers, and with this knowledge I can still love and respect myself. Hugs, Lyne
Iamhere said
Oct 4, 2019
SRU - love your share and the humor is such a gift! I literally laughed out-loud as my AH has been doing way more mansplaining lately and just this morning, I asked a Y/N question about issues with our trash service and got a 10+ minute long mansplain about all the issues with our trash collection, the staff, the management, etc.....(insert eye-roll here). The good news, I was thankfully running errands so was multi-tasking and could tune a bit of it out. We just had the exact same 'experience' past evening - we have a drippy faucet and while preparing to repair, I had to hear about the parts, the function of the parts, the failure point(s), the ....................................................... I just wanted to turn off a sink, and not have ongoing drips - *sigh* - giving me tons of opportunity to practice patience!
I too have resigned permanently from the 'know-it-all power position'. One of my favorite responses to others is, "Google is Your Friend!" (((Hugs))) - keep doing you, clearly something is working well since you're so 'stress-free' - LOLOLOL!!
Temple said
Oct 4, 2019
Serenity--
Can I trade you one who is pretty much non-verbal for your mansplainer for a week?
No? Well can I get a note from your guy asserting that I don't have any stress, either? Because I could certainly use that.
Hugs!
SerenityRUS said
Oct 7, 2019
LOL Temple,
I swear, one more mansplaining and it was ready to be on. I'm working really hard not to loose my temper and bless his heart it's a daily trial at the moment.
There are a multitude of things going on at the moment in my non stress world .. I can't drive at the moment my car has been down for months. So I am back to relying on someone who is reliable however I deal with eye rolls and sighing .. I miss my smoke free environment. He had been doing so good at quitting and started again. I'm not impressed on any level even though I understand. I don't like having someone else's habits of smoking/drinking forced on me and that's where I am at right now. Thankfully he's not a drinker.
I have anxiety when I get to work smelling like an ashtray which sets me off. I have already explained this to him and he "forgot" and is not smoking when he picks me up in the truck at the moment. I understanding needing to smoke .. I don't understand smoking every second of your free time. My eyes burn when I get in the truck and so do my lungs. I feel like a child again trapped with my mom in her car being forced to inhale her habit. I hated it so much I did not become a smoker. It's been months now that my car is down. So I want my freedom back and I'm chaffing for lack of a better term. He tells me I can take his truck and OMG .. in TX I'm not interested on these roads. I'm scared to death to drive it. I drive a 4 door sedan. I'm ok with that. He's not smoking when I'm IN the truck however he smokes the rest of the time.
His response to when is my car going to be fixed I'm done being trapped was .. oh I was doing that for Christmas .. umm .. nooo .. that's a day to day life thing .. that's not Christmas. LOL .. I know where that came from he's just trying to keep me from being mad. The smoking was the same issue .. you didn't tell me you smelled like smoke .. umm yes .. we have had this conversation.
I have no new information on my X and while I can't control that it does effect me financially .. as the whole Free Serenity's Money movement is still going .. in today's world and the county is still using the mail to send support. Which delays the whole process and I do not understand that his work it's auto deposited however the courts send a check. So I get money between Monday and Friday there is no set time, .. now if the distribution unit is doing their job and it's been released then it's the next day I receive it.
The kids are amazing although my youngest has discovered the miracles of a comb. This is after not brushing or combing his hair for a LONG time .. we won't talk about how long and thank GOD it's only been long for a short time because it was a matted mess. 30 min and very expensive conditioner in his hair, I told that child .. oh child .. I do say things for your own good .. I just wish you didn't choose to learn the hard way. This goes with brush your teeth. I'm not telling you to punish you with another nightly chore .. I'm telling you because it's a health and hygiene issue. So we will probably need to get him a wide tooth comb .. LOL. He has curls to boot and doesn't want to weigh them down .. when I find the girl who told him this I plan on a sacrifice to the hair Gods. I haven't seen my oldest in about 2 weeks .. LOL .. he's coming home this weekend so that will be nice.
I haven't mentioned my mother changing her mind for her visit .. I knew she was having a tantrum and I let her. No sense arguing with non sense and she was seriously being nonsensical. So yes .. there it is that too and I don't want to think about my mother getting into his vehicle because I will never in my lifetime hear the end of it. Now if she would get on him I would be ok with it the fact she is so passive/aggressive that I will have to hear it .. ugh. I'm puking now. Other than his truck he's very good about the smoking .. I mean .. he smokes outside .. I finally have broken him from sitting outside the open door with the air going .. LOL. You know a lot can happen and she's having surgery. She's suppose to get back to me and let me know if she's fit to travel or not. We'll see.
Anyways, .. LOL .. yes .. me and my non stress life. Oh yes .. my new work partner is AMAZING LOVE HER .. she's from Turkey and visiting her sister with her US military husband .. with all the stupidity in the world at the moment I am worried for her I'm hoping she's going to be able to come back into the US. She's gone and I miss her because she makes work way to easy .. LOL .. and I'm doing the AP stuff on my own at the moment .. LOL. I'll be happy when she's back in the US. I am concerned at the moment. She could be my daughter.
Considering things are moving forward in a positive note and that's a good thing.
Hugs S :)
Maresie888 said
Oct 8, 2019
I am so glad to be able to #let go# of this.
I have to work on it though .
The only way I can do it is to be relentless about focus on my self
For most of my life my focus was anyone but me
Maresie
I have found great relief in this fact and it's actually an internal boundary for me at the moment. I do not need to have all the answers. Probably because I don't know as much as I think I do. My knowledge is based upon my experience some areas I have a lot in and some not so much.
This is part of the way I practice self care though. My mom text me yesterday while I was in the car with my boyfriend. Part of my own arrogance is thinking I need to have all the answers is because I control the weather and I invented computers (so totally not true, however my warped thinking is where it's at .. LOL). She wanted to know what SMS is on my text messages through FB I guess .. well I don't know and honestly it was a long day and I wasn't interested in finding out. I know I'm horrible right? So I let her know I don't know however it's sure something you can google. :) Of course my boyfriend starts in about I just started a fight with my mother .. boy he's been doing a lot of mansplaining to me about me recently and I'm so glad to know someone else lives in my thoughts than me .. here I thought I was just hearing voices.
Anyways, she did not get upset and I heard back from her at 2AM .. this is why my phone is on silent now by the way. To let me know what it meant as well as tease me about knowing everything. That's exactly why I am grateful for this program. Boundaries. Sometimes there is HUGE freedom in saying .. I just don't know. I DO find it interesting because some people do not want to hear that and will push and push to get an answer and I have finally started replying I am not sure where I did not communicate clearly, asking me over and over the same question is not going to change what I know. I don't know is my final answer. Or my other favorite is the unsolicited advise about why I need to know or should know and what I need to do about it .. LOL! That's where I think ahhh .. I see myself and that is sheer arrogance and ego.
My other funny story I actually am having a couple health issues nothing serious however def diet related that need to be addressed, thinking my mom isn't going to be the only one going in for gall bladder issues .. lol. I mentioned that last nights dinner caught up with me and my bf explained I have IBS which well that is in my limited understanding stress related as well as diet .. well .. he proceeds to tell me I have no stress so that can't be it. I looked at him and what I wanted to say was .. thank you for mansplaining my problem to me. What I said was .. wow .. I didn't realize I have no stress in my life. (Can we all laugh about the stress I don't have in my life?). Life is not bad, however yes .. it's very stressful for me at the moment. LOL!!! Apparently I live in an alternate universe of I have no stress. Please send me a ticket.
Happy Friday, hugs S :)
-- Edited by SerenityRUS on Friday 4th of October 2019 07:44:02 AM
Today I am more like you... I just don't need to have all the answers, all the time!
Hope you get your health straightened out!
Happy Friday to ya S, and I hope that you enjoy the weekend!
I too have resigned permanently from the 'know-it-all power position'. One of my favorite responses to others is, "Google is Your Friend!" (((Hugs))) - keep doing you, clearly something is working well since you're so 'stress-free' - LOLOLOL!!
Can I trade you one who is pretty much non-verbal for your mansplainer for a week?
No? Well can I get a note from your guy asserting that I don't have any stress, either? Because I could certainly use that.
Hugs!
I swear, one more mansplaining and it was ready to be on. I'm working really hard not to loose my temper and bless his heart it's a daily trial at the moment.
There are a multitude of things going on at the moment in my non stress world .. I can't drive at the moment my car has been down for months. So I am back to relying on someone who is reliable however I deal with eye rolls and sighing .. I miss my smoke free environment. He had been doing so good at quitting and started again. I'm not impressed on any level even though I understand. I don't like having someone else's habits of smoking/drinking forced on me and that's where I am at right now. Thankfully he's not a drinker.
I have anxiety when I get to work smelling like an ashtray which sets me off. I have already explained this to him and he "forgot" and is not smoking when he picks me up in the truck at the moment. I understanding needing to smoke .. I don't understand smoking every second of your free time. My eyes burn when I get in the truck and so do my lungs. I feel like a child again trapped with my mom in her car being forced to inhale her habit. I hated it so much I did not become a smoker. It's been months now that my car is down. So I want my freedom back and I'm chaffing for lack of a better term. He tells me I can take his truck and OMG .. in TX I'm not interested on these roads. I'm scared to death to drive it. I drive a 4 door sedan. I'm ok with that. He's not smoking when I'm IN the truck however he smokes the rest of the time.
His response to when is my car going to be fixed I'm done being trapped was .. oh I was doing that for Christmas .. umm .. nooo .. that's a day to day life thing .. that's not Christmas. LOL .. I know where that came from he's just trying to keep me from being mad. The smoking was the same issue .. you didn't tell me you smelled like smoke .. umm yes .. we have had this conversation.
I have no new information on my X and while I can't control that it does effect me financially .. as the whole Free Serenity's Money movement is still going .. in today's world and the county is still using the mail to send support. Which delays the whole process and I do not understand that his work it's auto deposited however the courts send a check. So I get money between Monday and Friday there is no set time, .. now if the distribution unit is doing their job and it's been released then it's the next day I receive it.
The kids are amazing although my youngest has discovered the miracles of a comb. This is after not brushing or combing his hair for a LONG time .. we won't talk about how long and thank GOD it's only been long for a short time because it was a matted mess. 30 min and very expensive conditioner in his hair, I told that child .. oh child .. I do say things for your own good .. I just wish you didn't choose to learn the hard way. This goes with brush your teeth. I'm not telling you to punish you with another nightly chore .. I'm telling you because it's a health and hygiene issue. So we will probably need to get him a wide tooth comb .. LOL. He has curls to boot and doesn't want to weigh them down .. when I find the girl who told him this I plan on a sacrifice to the hair Gods. I haven't seen my oldest in about 2 weeks .. LOL .. he's coming home this weekend so that will be nice.
I haven't mentioned my mother changing her mind for her visit .. I knew she was having a tantrum and I let her. No sense arguing with non sense and she was seriously being nonsensical. So yes .. there it is that too and I don't want to think about my mother getting into his vehicle because I will never in my lifetime hear the end of it. Now if she would get on him I would be ok with it the fact she is so passive/aggressive that I will have to hear it .. ugh. I'm puking now. Other than his truck he's very good about the smoking .. I mean .. he smokes outside .. I finally have broken him from sitting outside the open door with the air going .. LOL. You know a lot can happen and she's having surgery. She's suppose to get back to me and let me know if she's fit to travel or not. We'll see.
Anyways, .. LOL .. yes .. me and my non stress life. Oh yes .. my new work partner is AMAZING LOVE HER .. she's from Turkey and visiting her sister with her US military husband .. with all the stupidity in the world at the moment I am worried for her I'm hoping she's going to be able to come back into the US. She's gone and I miss her because she makes work way to easy .. LOL .. and I'm doing the AP stuff on my own at the moment .. LOL. I'll be happy when she's back in the US. I am concerned at the moment. She could be my daughter.
Considering things are moving forward in a positive note and that's a good thing.
Hugs S :)