In today's ODAT reading, members talk about how they handle blaming and finger-pointing directed at them by someone else.  One member does not internalize the harsh words or argue with them, but tries to have compassion when someone is lashing out because of their need to unload their own guilt.

Another member acknowledges having a hard time doing that.  When her husband tells her off, she feels like the devil is sitting on her back with a fifty-pound weight in each pocket.

The reminder suggests that we only need to take responsibility for our own shortcomings, not accept blame for another person's irrational actions. 

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Harsh words can really hurt. When I feel that I'm being blamed, it helps me to remember something I heard:  If someone calls you a chair, it does not mean you are a chair. 

Some remarks that people make can really sting.  But with a realistic attitude and healthy boundaries, I can shorten the amount of time that pain lasts, and move forward.

 Nice, clear, and simple, Freetime... [sort share]... once I used to say: Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will always hurt me. Certainly a ready source of shame and trauma.

     In Alanon I learned that a lot of this blaming and shaming behaviour was intergenerational... ...that is wasn't intended to hurt or harm. And in some of our family members this manifested in addiction to alcohol, and the related substances.

]Longer share...]... my first Alanon meeting a member stood up and poked her index finger in the air... "when one  finger is pointing, three are pointing back at me!"

True enough. We learn to 'let go and let god' and to keep it simple... and this truly took me many years to achieve. They say that still waters run deep- true enough. But so does trauma.

I met John F. once- the sole founder of the MIP groups. He inspired me- because his journey, and his Miracle In Progress began under a bridge in Dallas Texas. And my kid bother lived in the same town.

John told me that his sponsor ad the skill of a lay therapist. And he had been able to pass this on to John. Not today that either were qualified for anything- but they did have qualities we would want to find I a sponsor. This did not take John into an instant saint. He was a bit of a cowboy really- but he did have empathy and insight.

I pressed on with my recovery, after that meeting, but now I had a much better idea of what I was sailing for. And what a Step 12 might begin to look like.

12 steppers sort of recognise each other. Mostly I think it is an emerging consciousness... and, for me the first sign was that I was beginning to get into step with the world. Not just with other members.

I always say this one: One of the signs of improvement- is the sense that 'this is taking forever'. 'This seems impossible.'

The reason for this palaver- is to say: until we can see ourselves clearly and truly, our judgements of others will always be skewed. This is the way of the world really- and we ARE NOT on our own!

I always say that I went from simple compassion- to a state of empathy. This difference for me is that I learned to love myself. Unconditionally- and from this base I was able to love others- in the same way.

Often do make judgements, and even guesses... but I have my mouth and my ears open. And try to keep an open mind. [Chats, conversations, sharing narratives, emotional sobriety, emotional intimacy step in here.] And i do it as much here, as anywhere else.

This makes life much less stressful... and give me a breathing space to begin to heal from old stuff.

And create new stuff... Yay!!! ...

Thanks so much for this group- and a chance to share.  ...