Hello hope everyone having a great day! My ah is back to his drinking its been 4 months now and it seams the lies he told 3 years ago he seams to repeat the same lies for his reasonings example: im late because someone didnt come to work on time I would believe it but every day 2 hours late!! Why cant the alcoholic come up with new lies instead of using old lies ? And now I hear its all in my mind its the stroke talking and you sound drunk the games begin. How can I stay on my own side and watch us lose everything again? I dont want him to drag me into his drunk behavior..
hotrod said
Sep 12, 2019
**WISDOM))) you are not alone glad you checked back with mIp. a Meeting will help
Wisdom67 said
Sep 12, 2019
I dont drive anymore due to my stroke I cant get out unless he takes me out I live the country and he has no time for me to do anything this is my only source of meeting.
Lyne said
Sep 12, 2019
Hi Wisdom. Your story is familiar-same lies, just a different day. Since you can't get out, you can surely get a lot of help here on the board by going to MIP meetings here, writing on the board, and you can even look for a sponsor through MIP. Keep coming back to help yourself. You know you are powerless over others, Lyne
JerryF said
Sep 12, 2019
Wisdom welcome back to the board. We are here to mutual support and love. The lies subject is a career for me as it is circular especially when I try to find the answer to the question what are they truthfully lying about and then my head conjures up its own lies. When I don't know my head attempts to answer by it's own lies. That is where the word accept becomes powerful when I recite the Serenity Prayer which I have learned "to accept the fact of" and not the morality of. What I am getting is what I am getting and that's it...no further judgement.
Can you call your county and see what services they might have that could further support you? ((((hugs))))
The cats expression is great...If I could only remember to let it go at that I'd be better okay. Tks
-- Edited by JerryF on Thursday 12th of September 2019 11:37:34 AM
Iamhere said
Sep 12, 2019
Welcome back to MIP Wisdom. Sorry to hear about your stroke and the active disease. In my area, when members can not drive, rides will be given so they can attend meetings. It's certainly worth the ask - Jerry suggests calling the county - great idea. I would also call the closest Al-Anon office to see what services they might be able to offer you.
There are also meetings here twice daily. Look to the top left and you'll find the times and the link to the meeting/chat room. They are perfect for when we can't get out to local F2F meetings. What I have to remind myself when the disease is active is, "An alcoholic is going to do what they are going to do - what am I going to do?"
Keep coming back - you are not alone and there is hope and help in recovery!
bud said
Sep 12, 2019
((Wisdom)) Welcome back. I keep rereading Jerry's share ... powerful!
Acceptance. Right now I relate and struggle with this each moment of the waking day. (I'm exhausted.)
When I wasn't able to make meetings, one of the members would give me rides. We looked at it as a way to chat about things before and afterwards. Sometimes local AA meetings are at the same time and building location and I befriended some AA members who offered rides as well. In my area, there is also UBER or Lyft. While this can get pricey, I can't put a price on F2F meetings as they are that vital to my serenity and an integral part of my life.
Maresie888 said
Sep 23, 2019
I.was very dependent.on the now ex A
Fir some reason he got something out of isolating me
I received s great vcd deal of help online. I went to meetings and to the chat room. I also got a sponsor online
I put the focus on me. The more I can detach the better
Maresie
Bo said
Sep 24, 2019
Wisdom67 wrote:
Hello hope everyone having a great day! My ah is back to his drinking its been 4 months now and it seams the lies he told 3 years ago he seams to repeat the same lies for his reasonings example: im late because someone didnt come to work on time I would believe it but every day 2 hours late!! Why cant the alcoholic come up with new lies instead of using old lies ? And now I hear its all in my mind its the stroke talking and you sound drunk the games begin. How can I stay on my own side and watch us lose everything again? I dont want him to drag me into his drunk behavior..
Lose everything again? What do you mean by that? As far as the drag thing -- I have always found this to be a very interesting dilemma. However, is it actually a dilemma? Does he literally put a gun to your head and force you into his drunken behavior, arguments, confrontations, and so forth? My sponsor used to say, if you don't ask the alcoholic questions, you won't get answers, lies, nonsensical responses, and accusations that bother you! When the old lies bothered me -- that was about me! It was not a problem that she was lying. It was a problem that I was reacting to it!!! Detach, physically and mentally, and emotionally, and spiritually. Don't engage. Establish and set my boundaries.
You have plenty of options. Speak with your sponsor. Work with him/her and focus on you, your thinking, your behavior, your actions and reactions. That's where the answers are.
Wisdom welcome back to the board. We are here to mutual support and love. The lies subject is a career for me as it is circular especially when I try to find the answer to the question what are they truthfully lying about and then my head conjures up its own lies. When I don't know my head attempts to answer by it's own lies. That is where the word accept becomes powerful when I recite the Serenity Prayer which I have learned "to accept the fact of" and not the morality of. What I am getting is what I am getting and that's it...no further judgement.
Can you call your county and see what services they might have that could further support you? ((((hugs))))
The cats expression is great...If I could only remember to let it go at that I'd be better okay. Tks
-- Edited by JerryF on Thursday 12th of September 2019 11:37:34 AM
There are also meetings here twice daily. Look to the top left and you'll find the times and the link to the meeting/chat room. They are perfect for when we can't get out to local F2F meetings. What I have to remind myself when the disease is active is, "An alcoholic is going to do what they are going to do - what am I going to do?"
Keep coming back - you are not alone and there is hope and help in recovery!
Acceptance. Right now I relate and struggle with this each moment of the waking day. (I'm exhausted.)
When I wasn't able to make meetings, one of the members would give me rides. We looked at it as a way to chat about things before and afterwards. Sometimes local AA meetings are at the same time and building location and I befriended some AA members who offered rides as well. In my area, there is also UBER or Lyft. While this can get pricey, I can't put a price on F2F meetings as they are that vital to my serenity and an integral part of my life.
Lose everything again? What do you mean by that? As far as the drag thing -- I have always found this to be a very interesting dilemma. However, is it actually a dilemma? Does he literally put a gun to your head and force you into his drunken behavior, arguments, confrontations, and so forth? My sponsor used to say, if you don't ask the alcoholic questions, you won't get answers, lies, nonsensical responses, and accusations that bother you! When the old lies bothered me -- that was about me! It was not a problem that she was lying. It was a problem that I was reacting to it!!! Detach, physically and mentally, and emotionally, and spiritually. Don't engage. Establish and set my boundaries.
You have plenty of options. Speak with your sponsor. Work with him/her and focus on you, your thinking, your behavior, your actions and reactions. That's where the answers are.