The C2C reading for Tuesday, September 10 speaks about how we tend to use denial in order to survive in the world. The reading points out that we lie to ourselves in order to feel safe and when we begin to get honest using the Al-Anon tools we find honesty is the best way to face life the reading points out the Al-Anon says this that I review the situation is only the truth as seen from my point of view I cannot undo best and I'll by blaming the alcoholic I found honesty by examining my motives.
mamalioness said
Sep 9, 2019
Thank you Betty for your service,
growing up, I was in denial big time.."oh he's like that becuz I am special to him" Oh our family isn't any different than anyone else...on and on the lies I needed to tell me in order to survive...and when I finally got into recovery, I discovered how much I HATE lying and any dishonesty....I just loathe it!!!! I guess partly because of the lies I was forced to tell....don't talk..don't trust...don' feel were the "edict" of the day for us...to do any of them was downright dangerous.. so when I felt like dying, "i'm ok, I'm fine" when asked at school, where did I get the bruises, "Oh, dunno..musta fell or tripped over something" oh yea, it was do that or face dire consequences..He was capable of murder, I know..He killed our pets to control us, so we knew!!! LIE through your teeth when the cops come and ask questions...LIE to the school nurse and/or principal..Now , to stay within the guard rails of the REAL truth, I do like you said, about checking motives an doing a quick step 10 and also do I have my facts right...i loved step 4...it helped me, showed me HOW to be HONEST, but it would be a LOT of step 4's and 10's to dig out that old, still in denial, baggage that had to be traced and faced so I could shine the truth on it, feel the anger, feel the grief and then be able to cast that burden on my HP for healing..
Sorry if this isn't exact, but these are the thoughts that came up when I read your share.....its funny..i taught my baby brothers how to be dishonest to stave off the beatings and here I am, thinking about this and I am seeing another reason why I so unjustly hated me all these years...I wasn't honest back then because it was sooo unsafe to do so..but still!!! I feel a twinge of pain, teaching my brothers how to survive.......thank goodness that is in my past and my younger bro and I have had many discussions (my beloved A brother) about it and he THANKED me for teaching him how to keep damage/destruction at a minimum...we talk a lot about our past and its comforting , yet sad, to know that I was his only real "light" in those days...
bud said
Sep 10, 2019
Thank you for your service Betty. Great reading and topic!
Welcome back Rose!
Before Alanon, I was well practiced at the magical thinking of denial. Truths were too painful to bear. Smiling or wishing things to be true had me hold hope in very unhealthy ways. It gave me an illusion of control that I couldn't possibly have had or ever have. Magical thinking kept me from looking at myself too closely; it fostered stuffing down my feelings... so when I became flooded with emotions, I hadn't the skill set to process them.
I have come to look at the truth and myself with naked honesty, even when it makes me sad... I am becoming more able to accept imperfection and know when things are unhealthy that there are choices I can make that are my next healthy right step for me, even if I am afraid. I have the fellowship and my HP available to me daily to help support and encourage me to be the best version of myself for today.
I am grateful for Alanon and my beloved MIP family.
PosiesandPuppies said
Sep 10, 2019
Thank you Betty for your service and the daily.
Insightful share, Rose & bud!!
I too, loathed dishonesty! I think it was b/c my marriage felt like it was built on a bed of lies. I was gas-lighted constantly (which is just lying and deflecting the reason back onto the person doing the questioning). Despite all the hatred regarding lying, I did not want to look at the lies I told myself!
I almost cried reading bud's post... so many feelings posted were/are mine!
I am a work in progress!
&
Lyne said
Sep 10, 2019
Thanks Betty for your service. I had to live in denial and magical thinking to survive my childhood and two marriages. I didnt know any other way, although personally about myself, I always tried to tell the truth. Program has renewed my faith in honesty, and Ive learned I dont have to sugar coat anything. Im careful about the way i speak to others, but I cant live in a magical world that isnt real. Parts of life I really dislike and I can only change what I can and let go of the rest, ODAT. Lyne
DavidG said
Sep 10, 2019
Betty, and y'all... the opposite to deny is to accept. I felt, as a kid that i had to face too much reality. So it was my emotions that closed down. The gap was wide- between how I looked, on the outside, anyhow I felt inside. The accept I adopted was the one in the serenity prayer... to accept the things I cannot change. And, in the end I had to go right back to do this. But also to accept the present moment, and the presence of other possibilities- the higher power stuff...
...slowly, over time I have managed to do this on a daily basis... ...and to gain the rewards I most earnestly sought. My make-up as a kid- the strong sense of survival came to buy rescue here. And the priceless gift- serenity. ...
...thanks.
Iamhere said
Sep 10, 2019
Greetings MIP - my day has been 'one of those' that I hope doesn't repeat anytime soon! Thank you Betty for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. My biggest form of denial was an absolute block of realizing, seeing and accepting that I contributed to the chaos/insanity brought by this disease. I really believed and made decisions under the pretense that if only 'they' would ............................. all would be well.
There are many possibilities how I got 'there' and how my FOO and my past contributed yet the real issue was me denying my part and how the dance by each of us caused pain, chaos and drama at every turn. Magically (or miraculously), as I focused on me, and on changing my unhealthy habits, actions, reactions, thoughts, etc. things changed around here. The disease is still present and it still can come alive, but living in the present, and working through the issues with healthy tools helps me accept life on life's terms.
I am grateful that I get to practice authenticity, acceptance, unconditional love and recovery each day....it is so very, very helpful for me especially when one has one of 'those days' - almost everything I did or tried to do today went sideways! Still, as taught or suggested in recovery, I choose to focus on what was good - I played a better round of golf than I have in several weeks! After that - pfffffffffttttttt.................
Thanks for being here and a part of my recovery family!
mamalioness said
Sep 10, 2019
WOW!!! Awesome shares everyone....I just love the dailies....
The C2C reading for Tuesday, September 10 speaks about how we tend to use denial in order to survive in the world. The reading points out that we lie to ourselves in order to feel safe and when we begin to get honest using the Al-Anon tools we find honesty is the best way to face life the reading points out the Al-Anon says this that I review the situation is only the truth as seen from my point of view I cannot undo best and I'll by blaming the alcoholic I found honesty by examining my motives.
Thank you Betty for your service,
growing up, I was in denial big time.."oh he's like that becuz I am special to him" Oh our family isn't any different than anyone else...on and on the lies I needed to tell me in order to survive...and when I finally got into recovery, I discovered how much I HATE lying and any dishonesty....I just loathe it!!!! I guess partly because of the lies I was forced to tell....don't talk..don't trust...don' feel were the "edict" of the day for us...to do any of them was downright dangerous.. so when I felt like dying, "i'm ok, I'm fine" when asked at school, where did I get the bruises, "Oh, dunno..musta fell or tripped over something" oh yea, it was do that or face dire consequences..He was capable of murder, I know..He killed our pets to control us, so we knew!!! LIE through your teeth when the cops come and ask questions...LIE to the school nurse and/or principal..Now , to stay within the guard rails of the REAL truth, I do like you said, about checking motives an doing a quick step 10 and also do I have my facts right...i loved step 4...it helped me, showed me HOW to be HONEST, but it would be a LOT of step 4's and 10's to dig out that old, still in denial, baggage that had to be traced and faced so I could shine the truth on it, feel the anger, feel the grief and then be able to cast that burden on my HP for healing..
Sorry if this isn't exact, but these are the thoughts that came up when I read your share.....its funny..i taught my baby brothers how to be dishonest to stave off the beatings and here I am, thinking about this and I am seeing another reason why I so unjustly hated me all these years...I wasn't honest back then because it was sooo unsafe to do so..but still!!! I feel a twinge of pain, teaching my brothers how to survive.......thank goodness that is in my past and my younger bro and I have had many discussions (my beloved A brother) about it and he THANKED me for teaching him how to keep damage/destruction at a minimum...we talk a lot about our past and its comforting , yet sad, to know that I was his only real "light" in those days...
Welcome back Rose!
Before Alanon, I was well practiced at the magical thinking of denial. Truths were too painful to bear. Smiling or wishing things to be true had me hold hope in very unhealthy ways. It gave me an illusion of control that I couldn't possibly have had or ever have. Magical thinking kept me from looking at myself too closely; it fostered stuffing down my feelings... so when I became flooded with emotions, I hadn't the skill set to process them.
I have come to look at the truth and myself with naked honesty, even when it makes me sad... I am becoming more able to accept imperfection and know when things are unhealthy that there are choices I can make that are my next healthy right step for me, even if I am afraid. I have the fellowship and my HP available to me daily to help support and encourage me to be the best version of myself for today.
I am grateful for Alanon and my beloved MIP family.
Thank you Betty for your service and the daily.
Insightful share, Rose & bud!!
I too, loathed dishonesty! I think it was b/c my marriage felt like it was built on a bed of lies. I was gas-lighted constantly (which is just lying and deflecting the reason back onto the person doing the questioning). Despite all the hatred regarding lying, I did not want to look at the lies I told myself!
I almost cried reading bud's post... so many feelings posted were/are mine!
I am a work in progress!
...slowly, over time I have managed to do this on a daily basis... ...and to gain the rewards I most earnestly sought. My make-up as a kid- the strong sense of survival came to buy rescue here. And the priceless gift- serenity.
...
...thanks.
There are many possibilities how I got 'there' and how my FOO and my past contributed yet the real issue was me denying my part and how the dance by each of us caused pain, chaos and drama at every turn. Magically (or miraculously), as I focused on me, and on changing my unhealthy habits, actions, reactions, thoughts, etc. things changed around here. The disease is still present and it still can come alive, but living in the present, and working through the issues with healthy tools helps me accept life on life's terms.
I am grateful that I get to practice authenticity, acceptance, unconditional love and recovery each day....it is so very, very helpful for me especially when one has one of 'those days' - almost everything I did or tried to do today went sideways! Still, as taught or suggested in recovery, I choose to focus on what was good - I played a better round of golf than I have in several weeks! After that - pfffffffffttttttt.................
Thanks for being here and a part of my recovery family!