Just when I think I don't need a program I get reminders of how much I do
KT2015 said
Sep 6, 2019
Things were going pretty smoothly in my marriage for quite a while. My AH still drinks but he was trying to control it and respecting my boundaries and treating me civilly and I really thought all the chaos was over. Once in a while he might get a little too drunk but he wouldn't get obnoxious or in my face and would try to reign it in and I had enough program to detach and still be kind. We might have blow ups here and there a little bit but for the most part things were going quite smoothly. Then there was a crisis in his family. I jumped in to help and helped quite a lot at first but then had to step back a little bit and take care of myself and my job etc. He wasn't super happy about it but said he understood it. I know that the situation with his family really scared him. He almost lost someone close to him. He seemed to be drinking more but I know by now that is how alcoholism works. Between traveling a lot for this crisis and catching up on work and things my daughter needed I missed a few meetings. And then I think we slowly slipped into some of our old patterns. It's amazing how well we have memorized this dance between us. We can fall into step so quickly it's frightening. Things slowly sneakily progressed until a few nights ago I had had the worst day at work a real doozy and he was being so nasty. His old nasty self. And I found myself arguing with him while he was drunk demanding that he be supportive of me and hating myself for it. It shocked me that things got so bad between us so quickly. I decided to start my daily readings and to connect with an al anon friend. Tonight surprise surprise I came home and he was drunk again. He did something I didn't like I told him and he started his nastiness again. This time I just walked away. I told myself "that's got nothing to do with me that's alcoholism". He sought me out and tried to fight with me again and I didn't pick up the rope this time. I can feel that he's spoiling for an argument and I'm not giving it to him. Instead I tidied the bedroom curled up with the computer came on here and plan to attend the meeting on line tonight. Sometimes when things are good I wonder if I will always need Al anon but I am grateful for nights like tonight that bring me back and remind me how important it is. Thanks for reading.
PosiesandPuppies said
Sep 6, 2019
(((((KT))))))
I am right there with ya... realizing how much I still need my Al-Anon tools! Kudos to you for not picking up the rope!
I am off to meet with my sponsor! I hope your Friday night will be better!
&
Bo said
Sep 6, 2019
Great for you that all that happened and you "recovered" so quickly!!! Great for YOU!!! It was a slip, a quick, brief, one time, kind of slip.
Relapse can be part of recovery...for both the alcoholic and their disease...and for us and our disease.
Now, about the slip...those things, those triggers, those incidents, etc. -- they are a SLIPPERY SLOPE.
We have to tread lightly. We have to keep grounded. We have to keep our balance, our footing, our foundation, our center, our focus.
Iamhere said
Sep 7, 2019
(((KT))) - it is through trial/error over a long period of time that I (slow learner, old habits....) have finally realized I have a better chance at consistent joy and serenity if I attribute time to this program each day as part of my self-care. For me, it's as easy as daily readers, prayer/meditation, meeting, talk with another, etc. - any effort is better than no effort at all. Life does distract us all - it happens! For me, the absolute coolest part of recovery is when I have the aha moment of - I am not who I want to be right now, in this moment BUT I have tools/support to regroup!
I am, like you, so very grateful for the nudge from my HP that I've got tools/support when I am ready....keep doing you - you got this!
Lyne said
Sep 7, 2019
{{{KT}}} I call it a "sneak attack." It comes out of the blue with no warning and BAM! I'm triggered and feel out of control. Old habits kick right in. It certainly is a dance but not a good one. I live with a dry drunk. After 6 yrs in program now, I handle things much better and much of the time. But as IAH said, through trial and ERROR, I have learned that I need program, and daily even if briefly, helps to keep me centered. I have had a lifetime of many addicts and therefore I have much damage to heal from. Thanks to program I know it is possible to heal and I will keep coming back, Lyne
El said
Sep 7, 2019
KT.... thank you for your share. We can all relate, I'm sure....that, "Woops, WTH happened?" feeling. You did eventually drop the rope and it isn't to do! The program will be our life-long lifeline....thank goodness! You're an inspiration to us, for sure!
a4l said
Sep 8, 2019
I loved this share for the fact that it was made. That's a gift of this program too to me. Not having to feel deep shame for not being "perfect"and reverting to denial and fix it mode. Fix me mode not impression management! Sending hugs.
KT2015 said
Sep 8, 2019
Thank you al for the replies. I love the support I get from this board and program. Back on track and feeling much better and saner.... thanks
Maresie888 said
Sep 8, 2019
I.spent years with the ex A demanding he be supportive. Then. I picked up the program. I have to say it was an intense discipline
I.would still fall into the chaos again and again. These days I have a lot of boundaries on my life on who.can come in. Lately I.have been dealing with chaos at work
I hope you.will be kind to yourself. Maintaining the discipline of al anon is a real uphill struggle. Self care does not come naturally. Self sacrifice does
Maresie
Things were going pretty smoothly in my marriage for quite a while. My AH still drinks but he was trying to control it and respecting my boundaries and treating me civilly and I really thought all the chaos was over. Once in a while he might get a little too drunk but he wouldn't get obnoxious or in my face and would try to reign it in and I had enough program to detach and still be kind. We might have blow ups here and there a little bit but for the most part things were going quite smoothly. Then there was a crisis in his family. I jumped in to help and helped quite a lot at first but then had to step back a little bit and take care of myself and my job etc. He wasn't super happy about it but said he understood it. I know that the situation with his family really scared him. He almost lost someone close to him. He seemed to be drinking more but I know by now that is how alcoholism works. Between traveling a lot for this crisis and catching up on work and things my daughter needed I missed a few meetings. And then I think we slowly slipped into some of our old patterns. It's amazing how well we have memorized this dance between us. We can fall into step so quickly it's frightening. Things slowly sneakily progressed until a few nights ago I had had the worst day at work a real doozy and he was being so nasty. His old nasty self. And I found myself arguing with him while he was drunk demanding that he be supportive of me and hating myself for it. It shocked me that things got so bad between us so quickly. I decided to start my daily readings and to connect with an al anon friend. Tonight surprise surprise I came home and he was drunk again. He did something I didn't like I told him and he started his nastiness again. This time I just walked away. I told myself "that's got nothing to do with me that's alcoholism". He sought me out and tried to fight with me again and I didn't pick up the rope this time. I can feel that he's spoiling for an argument and I'm not giving it to him. Instead I tidied the bedroom curled up with the computer came on here and plan to attend the meeting on line tonight. Sometimes when things are good I wonder if I will always need Al anon but I am grateful for nights like tonight that bring me back and remind me how important it is. Thanks for reading.
I am right there with ya... realizing how much I still need my Al-Anon tools! Kudos to you for not picking up the rope!
I am off to meet with my sponsor! I hope your Friday night will be better!
Relapse can be part of recovery...for both the alcoholic and their disease...and for us and our disease.
Now, about the slip...those things, those triggers, those incidents, etc. -- they are a SLIPPERY SLOPE.
We have to tread lightly. We have to keep grounded. We have to keep our balance, our footing, our foundation, our center, our focus.
I am, like you, so very grateful for the nudge from my HP that I've got tools/support when I am ready....keep doing you - you got this!