Thank you Jerry for a better perspective.

... more growing pains so HP can move me where I need to be...

I like what Jerry shared. My company is going through trimming of employees and my department is restructuring. I think about it every day since i just bought my house. If you have other jobs, you are smart enough to network, expand your horizons, and find replacement income. I know it sucks in the process but I truly do believe that all things work for good for our benefit~

You worked three jobs? I can't fathom having that much organisation and energy!! (I've come to notice that about American folk; very resilient). Something will turn up. Look how amazingly hireable you are. One door closes, another opens. It never felt that way for me when going through it but it always came true. Sending heaps of positive thoughts your way.

Andromeda - thank you for the support. The other jobs will not pay for basics. Still, I need to do something... perhaps I can really make a go and see if I can build on one of them.

a4l - I work 3 part time jobs. I love what I do, so it doesn't feel like "work". I am actually not very hirable at 56 years old. I was very lucky to have had that job for the past few years as it was one-of-a-kind in many ways. I will say that I'm really good at what I do... and so, I must believe that there is something more and HP can guide me... Thank you so much for the positive thoughts!

This feels super scary.

I'm so sorry bud. I do see this as a large opportunity to pursue your passions. Big big hugs. Ps .. while I realize age discrimination is very real .. lots of great companies are hiring older employees .. I encourage you to look in the non profit arena never know what might pop up!!! This is a speed bump. Big hugs s :)

(((((Bud)))))

Everyone else has offered good "next steps." I just wanted to tell you I know and have felt that fear, so I can truly commiserate. I will be asking my HP to send some good juju your way!!

wishing you, &

I like what you said about being very good at what you do.

You may need to change your handle from Bud to Bloom.

Now take advantage of all of your preparation that has made you as qualified as you are. Strut your stuff.

(((Bud))) - so, so sorry and I too am sending you positive energy, positive thoughts and prayers. You are not alone and I do believe what's been shared - when one door closes, another opens. Be true to you and know you've got an army of 'other family' here cheering you forward!

I am so, so sorry to hear that.

And I think if ever anybody was ever emotionally equipped to handle this, it would be you.

Blessings!
Temple

Serenity thank you. I know what you say is true. Ironically, feeling like I have lost an opportunity may even be worse than how I feel at the moment. I appreciate the perspective of a speed bump this helps!

PosesandPuppies Thank you so much for the big hug, validation, reminder that I'm not alone, and your prayers. I'm so grateful!

(((Jill))) Awesome -so many thanks! I do need to bloom and it's a lot of energy... along with an overwhelming fear of failure. When I told a friend it's sink or swim and it feels like I'm drowning, she replied that I'm already swimming... even though it doesn't feel like it. Love how you offered this to me and I'll keep this with me with each step.

Iamhere thank you for your positive thoughts and prayers and the wonderful reinforcement. It brought tears to my eyes to read your words about our MIP family. Having family was all I ever wanted. It makes

Temple thank you so much. Oh my - how did you make this sound so good!?


UPDATE:
It looks like paperwork is being completed for Chapter 11.
One of the co-workers is co-ordinating a comprehensive lawsuit to include all workers affected.(everyone)

What a mess.

There's an important piece of information missing... seems like criminal activity of some kind with finances or are people angry and this is their knee-jerk reaction? ... I do hope more will be revealed...

Okay... so ... regrouping here... gotta stay swimming...

That's a huge mess I'm so sorry that everyone at your company is dealing with this at the moment. What a sad state of affairs.

I hope you have a nice weekend and enjoy yourself.

You are right when one thing hits its as if a bunch hits at once.

Big hugs, S :)

Thanks SerenityRUS. I'm drained and feel like I've been totally slammed by concrete.

It resonates this month... a month of dishonesty or denial and consequential lack of owning one's own responsibility.

The extent is horrifying.

It feels like a huge scam that must have been ongoing for months .. maybe a few years.... The owner disappeared to a different state and left everyone hanging on a limb, bewildered. I don't know how people can go to bed at night knowing they've "destructed" so many lives. This nightmare feels unreal and like a really bad movie.

Stepping forward with my head over my feet...

Reminds me of Enron.. that's so sad bud I'm very sorry. :( it is overwhelming .. it will be ok .. it's unknown I hate that feeling.

(((Bud))) - hang in there and see if you can just be gentle with you, and return to the basics of recovery. In times of extreme chaos and uncertainty, this has truly helped me over and over again. Continued thoughts and prayers ...

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim swim!" Dory

Wise words to live by from a cartoon character! LOL! In tough times, I sometimes ask myself, What would Dory do? LOL!
Hold onto positivity and keep swimming, that's what!!

It sounds like more will be revealed as this plays out. I am like you... I just can't fathom how someone sleeps at night when they know they have wreaked all this havoc in the lives of others. Then the "smart" part of my brain reminds me that they probably don't sleep peacefully. Karma man.

The uncertainty helps fuel my fear - I am not sure if you are the same, but you have all the tools you need (and the support right here!)to manage this bump in the road.

I hope that you can relax this weekend and find Joy in simple things!

&

So many thanks PosesandPuppies!

Helpful and with humor it is easy to picture Dory whispering that in my ear.

Uncertainty does fuel my fear too. Thank you for the much appreciated encouragement.

Curious ... not sure if more will be revealed on this one... all of the employees are now waiting like vultures to claim money owed to them and there isn't likely enough for most. The owners and administration that fled already have more than their cut. I imagine what I feel is similar to what it may be like to emerge and extricate from a destructive cult.

I attended a barbecue today. The sky was blue, the sun was out, not too warm and not too cold... Towards the end, I started to lose it. I made it home for the flood of tears. I had a hard cry. There are too many life transitions and too much loss in a tiny timeframe... even if it all happened for the best or greater good.

I pray to sleep well tonight, get up, work out well at the gym, grocery shop, volunteer at the barn, and end the day with serenity.

((((Bud))))

I have had those moments too... sometimes I made it home to bawl my eyes out, other times I barely made it to my car! I am NOT one of those who thinks tears are weak! Thank God b/c I tend to cry a lot! Mostly from frustration I have found.

You know that you are overwhelmed right now... you are in the midst of the all the feels...allow them to flow. You are doing the next right thing (get up, work out well, grocery shop and volunteering at the barn), so I hope that you ended that day with serenity.

Wishing you peace in your mind and soul!

&

Thanks PosesandPuppies - I don't like myself when I can't contain myself. I do know it's normal and healthy and am grateful for the reminder. With all that is going on, I guess I could be a little easier on myself. I feel blessed for your wishes.

IamHere- Many thanks and I had to hear it because that shame loomed large. I'm grateful for the reminder that there is no shame. I felt judged and shamed and all of this may have just come from inside my head.

" Your share would scare and shock and anger anyone - " Thanks - I'm so overwhelmed that it feels like I'm overreactive... definitely not in control of things

I appreciate the link and it helps!!!

ANOTHER UPDATE:
I have an interview tomorrow.
I don't know if it's a good fit, but there is only one way to find out...

I started purging things from the house - a long overdue process. I can't say I actually made a dent but ODAT.

Good wishes for your interview. Do your best - that's all you need to do.

(((Bud))) - love, love, love the action - great wishes for your interview! Even if it's not a good fit, it's practice!! Since we're all about progress and not perfection, practice fits perfectly for today! Keep us posted!

Ohhh good luck and keep on keeping on :)

Hope you're okay. God bless

Thank you so much for fueling encouragement - it's truly helping!

The interview went well and may have potential. The owner and I will meet and explore if this is a good fit. (I'm not sure if I'd survive well, as the owner stated that I'd be receiving instructions regarding my work from people less qualified. She was quick to say she would like me to take the lead... but IDK.) If we love each other and do a trial, eventually, I would need to move... but ODAT.

The other option is to expand on my own.

HP is at work for sure.... I DIDN'T GET THE MEMO! (Hallelujah!)
As far as my last memo, the old place closed doors today. My emails, voicemails, and phone calls unanswered if I can expect payment for this past month. I called the division manager for information and was told that the business changed their mind??? Apparently, the owner wants to sell and the business is more valuable with workers and revenue... as opposed to closed doors and an empty building. There were several correspondences from the company lawyer to the workers, but I was not on the distribution list. So, now the other workers have the dilemma of quitting or working without pay... not really sure I have the details... not really sure anyone does.... not sure of where I am in any of this, but it feels like I'm nowhere and that can be a good thing!

Thank you HP for keeping me safe. I ended the day with my favorite F2F meeting. At the moment, I feel like a free bird.

Tomorrow I'll need to do some intense planning... but for now, I'll pray for sweet dreams..

(((MIP Family)))

((Bud)) prayers and positive thoughts on the way.

Super glad to hear the interview went well!

It sounds like patience is paying off! Love hearing the "free as a bird" analogy!

(((Bud))) - glad to hear the interview went well.....I truly do believe that more will be revealed and your calm one day at a time approach does sound freeing! Keep doing you - and trust the process and your program. A part of me feels glad that you're removed from the chaos of the former employer...if they come asking for your employment through a transition, how lovely to know you have choices! (((Hugs)))

I went through an issue recently The company I worked for lost the contract. A new company cane in. Now there are missed paychecks and unpaid hours It is all the normal.dysfubction of so many companies. Of course in my naivete I had a fairy tale ouckef out. That naivete is how I.entet most relationships I was taken aback when I did not get a paycheck I no longer live paycheck to paycheck nevertheless I had full blown panic When I am in therapy (which I.am now) I have never had the time and siace to work on work issues Now knowing my naivete is an issue I can look.at it and keep my boundaries in check I dont even have a plan formulated but it looks certain I will have to look.for so mb etching else ling term I am so relieved to be out of panic mode Maresie

Maresie ,

Great point and one I've also been pondering with my therapist. It feels like throughout my life I have this naive aspect to my nature. I realize I feel naive in relationships in general. While there are times I lament this aspect of myself, it also has an upside.

When this happened, it brought out the ways I felt naive and how I felt those took advantage and how I let them do it. I had been trying to have my contract redone to reflect reality because the company was unable to live up to its terms. It would have benefited both, as it stood, it was a liability for everyone. I could have opted to leave, but I stayed. I chased this for over 11/2 years. I had held the opinion that bad bosses are like bad teachers.... It was bumped from person to person, old administration to new and no one would agree to discuss it.

This felt horrifying. I wasn't asking for much. I decided to figure things out for myself and take my exit when it was good for me. (I look at my choices along with my boundaries - no opportunity to enforce a boundary here without considering the option of leaving.) However, the corporate catastrophe beat me to it.

Even at the end, when I said I'd stay if I could have an appropriate contract would they be willing to discuss? The swift reply twisted the intent and the general nuance was they would not.

My homework assignment was to ask myself, what if it is not naive?

What if I could think of it as an openness, willingness, or talent to exploring?

I did know better and I'm not stupid. I had held hope when others may not have. In hindsight, it's easy for me to realize, in many ways, I've attached myself to the underside of a sinking Titanic. But, it didn't have to go this way... it was another life on life's terms event.

This job, despite everything, provided a steady income that had served me well. It was an amazing opportunity, that because of poor and greedy management, could not sustain itself in a healthy manner. I outgrew it. It is time for me to move on, even if I preferred to stay cosy and uncomfortable in my previous role, isolated from basic communication that needed to take place.

Forbes has an interesting blog on naiveness and leadership.

We're not alone and I take comfort in that.

Sending prayers for comfort and a solid income!

For everyone involved in this contract move it has been bad. That is good for me to see. I.am either all or nothing, naive hoping for the best or a full on victim Either way is not good. I am considering my options which are of course not as bad as they were in the past. I have set tremendous boundaries in my life but there are still problems I have other issues to deal with too. That is one of my issues too when th8 is come up it is like a.mushroom cloud they take over I am so glad you see the opportunity for growth in this development I see a real shift in being willing to look.at.my naivete Maresie