Ok--this might be insanely stupid--but I am hypersensitive to certain smells cigarettes, bbq, pot, air vent/manufactuing smells, tar...). Particularly the smell of beer. (I was this way when I was pregnant so I am not sure if its menopause hormones now). When my AH has a beer open I can smell it as soon as I come in room. And then after he drinks it just comes through his pores. I literally can't stand to be around him when he drinks. It we are out and it is an open area its better. I feel repulsed by the smell and its makes me anxious. Grant it usually he has been drinking 4-6 and there is behavior that issuing along with it.. But like the other day he came home from a baseball game with a friend and I knew he would have a drink or two there. We were supposed to go out for dinner in the evening. And when he got home he acted ok, but when he kissed me simple hello I was so put off by the beer smell. I didn''t say anything, but I couldn't be around him, had to be at least 5 feet away. Then he was upset because I was making an" issue out of things and my god I only had 2 beers." I told him it was my issue and I wanted to try to spend time with him, that I knew he hadn't drank that much, I just couldn't stand the smell. What do I do? I don't know how to get rid of this hypersensitivity to smells in general. Any suggestions? Trying to suck on peppermints was one suggestion I read--but that is short lived. Any way to desensitize myself?
Freetime said
Aug 18, 2019
Dancer, I totally understand. This happened to me when living with the stress of alcoholism in my marriage. My only solution in the moment was to keep a physical distance, or just tell myself I'd be able to get away from it soon.
Even after my husband passed away, I still had these sensitivities for a while. But with more and more Al-Anon recovery, my stress levels have come down dramatically. Today, while there are some smells that I don't particularly like, I no longer have the overwhelming need to run away from them.
I don't know if you go to meetings, but some of the meetings near me are scent-free, in consideration of people who are sensitive to smells. Perhaps some boundaries would help, keeping in mind that boundaries are for us, not them. Could you set a boundary that when he's been drinking you will hang out in another space? It's not a punishment for him, it's a protection for you. I made a spare room into a haven for me.
I hope someone else will have more suggestions, but in the meantime I feel your pain!!!
a4l said
Aug 19, 2019
That smell still repels me too. I thought you handled that like a normal person would when the olfactory sense is offended. It's not personal against the person, you just don't like the smell.
PosiesandPuppies said
Aug 19, 2019
OH, your post brought back some memories for me!!! My nose has always been that way, and continue to this day. My Kid jokes about it now.
However, it wasn't really funny when I was still married to my spouse... I would try so hard to not react, to not say anything (so I could stay within my Hoop), but he would see the difference in me and then sulk and pout all day! That went on for months! After one particularly bad row, I finally just told him, "Look, I am trying really hard not to react to your drinking, I just feel physically ill when I smell that smell, and the facts are, it just seeps from your pores. I have to keep my distance... I am doing my best." My best was never good enough, and I never could desensitize myself.
I wish I had help for you, but at least you know you are not alone in this!
&
Aloha said
Aug 19, 2019
First and foremost, talk with your physician if it is indeed a physical thing. I've heard of many people being overly sensitive to certain smells, too. I don't know if there's anything medical that can be done, but it might help to first discover if this is actually physical or if it's more psychological.
A lot of us end up wanting to avoid certain smells, sounds, tastes, etc. if there's some kind of trauma attached to it.
For me, I don't like the smell of beer, either. Just reminds me of my ex. Worst for me is spilled beer, because he did that constantly. He'd pass out on the floor and knock over his beer and it would seep into the carpet and stink. That behavior tied in with all the other alcoholic stress I went through with him, so now whenever I smell beer or spilled beer, I get a flashback to that time with my ex. It's temporarily painful, and of course, because I'm registering "pain", I want to get away from it.
I have the same issue with fresh or candied ginger. This isn't alcohol related, but I really can barely stomach it because many years ago I ate a few pieces of it before going on a boat for a night dive, being told that ginger helps with motion sickness. This was my first time on a small vessel out on the ocean. We ended up moored in 5 to 6-foot swells. Previously I went out snorkeling (for the firs time, too) and drank half the ocean because I didn't know what I was doing. So, couple the rough seas with some unpleasant microbes in my stomach, it left me feeding the fishes (to put it nicely) for the extent of the evening out on the boat. Ever since then I can't stand fresh or candied ginger.
I have the same issue with music. I went through a god-awful series of layoffs at my previous job when they sold to new owners. While that was going on, I was listening to some pretty music that I felt was very relaxing and calming, but now every time I hear one of those songs, it takes me back to that period of time with all the emotional stress that went on.
So, I recognize all of my instances really are more psychological than physical - maybe with the exception of the ginger. Because of that, I can make a choice to "act as if" and stop allowing those things to disturb me, if I so choose. That's not to say it's like flipping a switch. It can take practice. And then it's only IF I desire to make a change. My reactions to those things won't improve if I decide to keep reacting to them the way I always have.
For me, I've actually put in work to associate pleasant things with that music I spoke of at, least. I really do enjoy the music and I don't want the experience of it ruined for me or turned into something sad each time I hear it, so now when I hear it, I think good thoughts and just "feel" good.
I haven't made any efforts to change my reactions to ginger or the smell of beer. Mostly it's because I'm currently not exposed to it very much, so I have no motivation, really, to change my reactions to it.
This probably sounds all very "out there", metaphysical mumbo-jumbo kind of stuff, but that's my experience around it.
So, you get to decide how much you want the smell thing to run your life. You could be completely right in that there's something physical going on and there's just no avoiding it. So that's where boundaries come in, as was mentioned previously. What can you change for you to preserve yourself and take care of yourself in the situation that's not contingent on someone else changing for you?
This is one of those things my sponsor encourages me to give over to God. Pray on it. It's really amazing the solutions that come about when I bring my Higher Power into the situation.
Hope this helped.
canadianguy said
Aug 19, 2019
I definitely experienced this as well with my ex-AW, and I also believe there is an emotional element to it - as you've suggested - that our brains / smell sensors associate these smells with the behaviors....
For me, my boundary that I needed was around sex. I did not make one around kissing, or being in the same room (though it was, at times, quite unappealing), but my ex used to go out drinking with her gf's, and then want us to have sex when she came home. I ended up in a predicament where I had to choose a) sex with a drunk; or b) no sex at all (as she wasn't interested at all, on the rare occasions when she was stone cold sober). The decision for me was simple - no sex. The sex with a drunk made me feel worse than not having it at all, and it wasn't pleasurable whatsoever.
Hugs
Tom
JerryF said
Aug 19, 2019
CG those were my lessons also which came within the subject lessons of "triggers" and yes I still practice reminding myself that Alcoholism is a disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions. If I can smell it I am triggered into remembering what it was like....what happened and what it is like now. What a great post!! (((hugs)))
Bo said
Aug 22, 2019
Go see a doctor -- start with a GP, ask about an ENT, and/or an allergist. Good luck.
tiredtonite said
Aug 23, 2019
Definitely making more meetings and hearing others sharings about being triggered by people places and things can be helpful. The mind is a very powerful and resilient tool. We can can protect ourselves from negative input by meditating and
blocking the negative association to the trigger and affirming to ourselves that our hp is with us and more powerful than this trigger and that it will pass. When new to the program I would say Stop or say God to myself to interrupt the negative reaction to the trigger. Eventually, the impact began to lessen and I was able to respond vs react by simply guiding myself to a more pleasant visual image or memory and maintain my serenity. Today its more like pffft! that doesn't have the power to hurt me. I've been here before in my head and hp along with me and together we've gotten through it. TT
PosiesandPuppies said
Aug 23, 2019
"Today its more like pffft! that doesn't have the power to hurt me. I've been here before in my head and hp along with me and together we've gotten through it. TT
I LOVE this, TT! Thank you for the positive message!
Maresie888 said
Aug 31, 2019
Triggers are a really good topic. My triggers are really changing cigarette smoke is a huge one for me. I can quite rightly say that I.am allowed to dislike smoke because I.have asthma
My whole life has been about being bullied by others telling me I am hypersensitive. These days I work on boundaries and of course self care. I cannot say enough about selfvxare. When I am particularly triggered and stressed it is back to self care
I never ever got anywhere arguing with an alcoholic about how much they drank or what it did to me. I went in circles on it
I am no longer in a p li axe where I crave acceptance and fitting in. I am perfectly okay with not being liked
I live ear sleep dealing with bnb people who.are dysfunctional ae Ll.do really. I have never found a functional work place. Alcoholism is everywhere. It is most certainly there in the complex I live in
I deal with it one day at a time but I am no longer in a place where I seek out relationships with those who have those issues. In fact I made a concerted effort to exclude them. But that is where sinan today that was not where Inwas most of my life
Maresie
DavidG said
Sep 14, 2019
Dancer- this is an old thread... but its Sunday afternoon here- early spring, where I live. And smells are a big deal.
smells are not an issue with me. However Cold and damp is. My home experience was one of neglect- and so this figures.
The smell of wine, spirits, dope is okay with me. I have one or two old friends- and smoke the latter- and I like the smell a lot.
As a kid I love the smell of gasoline- and I still do... as a kid I learned not to sniff gas at a young age. This happened because
of intoxication at a young age- pre-school. A good experience because it innoculated me against most substances getting into
my middle teens.
I disliked beer mostly- because I found most beer drinkers- to be boorish and boring. A few exceptions with those with whom I worked- but not
while they were drinking.
To get down to tin tacks here... I did need special help to deal with my aversion to cold and damp. It really did wreck the way I saw myself.
More so than shame even!
But as you did there- last month... putting our hand up, and saying- hey!
That is step one- and the beginning of the journey... ...
-thanks to you- and for the chance to upload my 2c worth. ...
Chocolatelover said
Oct 20, 2019
Big trigger for me. For obvious reasons the smell of alcohol but also cigarette because his drinking again triggered smoking again after several years non smoking. The smell of the sweat I can totally relate too. It also goes beyond smells. Many things I used to not mind/enjoy I cannot stand because I associate them with the drinking. Some movies, music...
DavidG said
Oct 20, 2019
The smell of beer, especially. As a kid- I thought the adult were drinking poison- because it made them sick. And very cranky...
Chocolatelover said
Oct 20, 2019
Well, youre not wrong. I do know not everyone is an abuser but the smell and sight of alcohol is difficult.
PosiesandPuppies said
Oct 21, 2019
It's odd, the smell of alcohol does not bother me one bit. But I do understand... I could not handle the sweet BO smell - actually got physically ill - and I could not listen to music with words for about a year after the separation.
Ok--this might be insanely stupid--but I am hypersensitive to certain smells cigarettes, bbq, pot, air vent/manufactuing smells, tar...). Particularly the smell of beer. (I was this way when I was pregnant so I am not sure if its menopause hormones now). When my AH has a beer open I can smell it as soon as I come in room. And then after he drinks it just comes through his pores. I literally can't stand to be around him when he drinks. It we are out and it is an open area its better. I feel repulsed by the smell and its makes me anxious. Grant it usually he has been drinking 4-6 and there is behavior that issuing along with it.. But like the other day he came home from a baseball game with a friend and I knew he would have a drink or two there. We were supposed to go out for dinner in the evening. And when he got home he acted ok, but when he kissed me simple hello I was so put off by the beer smell. I didn''t say anything, but I couldn't be around him, had to be at least 5 feet away. Then he was upset because I was making an" issue out of things and my god I only had 2 beers." I told him it was my issue and I wanted to try to spend time with him, that I knew he hadn't drank that much, I just couldn't stand the smell. What do I do? I don't know how to get rid of this hypersensitivity to smells in general. Any suggestions? Trying to suck on peppermints was one suggestion I read--but that is short lived. Any way to desensitize myself?
Even after my husband passed away, I still had these sensitivities for a while. But with more and more Al-Anon recovery, my stress levels have come down dramatically. Today, while there are some smells that I don't particularly like, I no longer have the overwhelming need to run away from them.
I don't know if you go to meetings, but some of the meetings near me are scent-free, in consideration of people who are sensitive to smells. Perhaps some boundaries would help, keeping in mind that boundaries are for us, not them. Could you set a boundary that when he's been drinking you will hang out in another space? It's not a punishment for him, it's a protection for you. I made a spare room into a haven for me.
I hope someone else will have more suggestions, but in the meantime I feel your pain!!!
However, it wasn't really funny when I was still married to my spouse... I would try so hard to not react, to not say anything (so I could stay within my Hoop), but he would see the difference in me and then sulk and pout all day! That went on for months! After one particularly bad row, I finally just told him, "Look, I am trying really hard not to react to your drinking, I just feel physically ill when I smell that smell, and the facts are, it just seeps from your pores. I have to keep my distance... I am doing my best." My best was never good enough, and I never could desensitize myself.
I wish I had help for you, but at least you know you are not alone in this!
A lot of us end up wanting to avoid certain smells, sounds, tastes, etc. if there's some kind of trauma attached to it.
For me, I don't like the smell of beer, either. Just reminds me of my ex. Worst for me is spilled beer, because he did that constantly. He'd pass out on the floor and knock over his beer and it would seep into the carpet and stink. That behavior tied in with all the other alcoholic stress I went through with him, so now whenever I smell beer or spilled beer, I get a flashback to that time with my ex. It's temporarily painful, and of course, because I'm registering "pain", I want to get away from it.
I have the same issue with fresh or candied ginger. This isn't alcohol related, but I really can barely stomach it because many years ago I ate a few pieces of it before going on a boat for a night dive, being told that ginger helps with motion sickness. This was my first time on a small vessel out on the ocean. We ended up moored in 5 to 6-foot swells. Previously I went out snorkeling (for the firs time, too) and drank half the ocean because I didn't know what I was doing. So, couple the rough seas with some unpleasant microbes in my stomach, it left me feeding the fishes (to put it nicely) for the extent of the evening out on the boat. Ever since then I can't stand fresh or candied ginger.
I have the same issue with music. I went through a god-awful series of layoffs at my previous job when they sold to new owners. While that was going on, I was listening to some pretty music that I felt was very relaxing and calming, but now every time I hear one of those songs, it takes me back to that period of time with all the emotional stress that went on.
So, I recognize all of my instances really are more psychological than physical - maybe with the exception of the ginger. Because of that, I can make a choice to "act as if" and stop allowing those things to disturb me, if I so choose. That's not to say it's like flipping a switch. It can take practice. And then it's only IF I desire to make a change. My reactions to those things won't improve if I decide to keep reacting to them the way I always have.
For me, I've actually put in work to associate pleasant things with that music I spoke of at, least. I really do enjoy the music and I don't want the experience of it ruined for me or turned into something sad each time I hear it, so now when I hear it, I think good thoughts and just "feel" good.
I haven't made any efforts to change my reactions to ginger or the smell of beer. Mostly it's because I'm currently not exposed to it very much, so I have no motivation, really, to change my reactions to it.
This probably sounds all very "out there", metaphysical mumbo-jumbo kind of stuff, but that's my experience around it.
So, you get to decide how much you want the smell thing to run your life. You could be completely right in that there's something physical going on and there's just no avoiding it. So that's where boundaries come in, as was mentioned previously. What can you change for you to preserve yourself and take care of yourself in the situation that's not contingent on someone else changing for you?
This is one of those things my sponsor encourages me to give over to God. Pray on it. It's really amazing the solutions that come about when I bring my Higher Power into the situation.
Hope this helped.
I definitely experienced this as well with my ex-AW, and I also believe there is an emotional element to it - as you've suggested - that our brains / smell sensors associate these smells with the behaviors....
For me, my boundary that I needed was around sex. I did not make one around kissing, or being in the same room (though it was, at times, quite unappealing), but my ex used to go out drinking with her gf's, and then want us to have sex when she came home. I ended up in a predicament where I had to choose a) sex with a drunk; or b) no sex at all (as she wasn't interested at all, on the rare occasions when she was stone cold sober). The decision for me was simple - no sex. The sex with a drunk made me feel worse than not having it at all, and it wasn't pleasurable whatsoever.
Hugs
Tom
CG those were my lessons also which came within the subject lessons of "triggers" and yes I still practice reminding myself that Alcoholism is a disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions. If I can smell it I am triggered into remembering what it was like....what happened and what it is like now. What a great post!! (((hugs)))
"Today its more like pffft! that doesn't have the power to hurt me. I've been here before in my head and hp along with me and together we've gotten through it. TT
I LOVE this, TT! Thank you for the positive message!
Dancer- this is an old thread... but its Sunday afternoon here- early spring, where I live. And smells are a big deal.
smells are not an issue with me. However Cold and damp is. My home experience was one of neglect- and so this figures.
The smell of wine, spirits, dope is okay with me. I have one or two old friends- and smoke the latter- and I like the smell a lot.
As a kid I love the smell of gasoline- and I still do... as a kid I learned not to sniff gas at a young age. This happened because
of intoxication at a young age- pre-school. A good experience because it innoculated me against most substances getting into
my middle teens.
I disliked beer mostly- because I found most beer drinkers- to be boorish and boring. A few exceptions with those with whom I worked- but not
while they were drinking.
To get down to tin tacks here... I did need special help to deal with my aversion to cold and damp. It really did wreck the way I saw myself.
More so than shame even!
But as you did there- last month... putting our hand up, and saying- hey!
That is step one- and the beginning of the journey...
...
-thanks to you- and for the chance to upload my 2c worth.
...
The smell of beer, especially. As a kid- I thought the adult were drinking poison- because it made them sick. And very cranky...